Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Lately I’ve been having some thoughts like “i don’t feel real” and I feel disconnected and not been feeling like myself, I don’t know if this is just ocd because I do get thoughts about life and they don’t really cause much panic.. or could this be something else

I am slowly learning to allow myself to be in distress. By allowing this, I can move forward and actually deal with real life in a more objective and positive manner. It may seem easy to some but I have lived a reactionary OCD led life for many years. Never knowing how I would react. NOCD therapy has really opened my eyes to challenging those lies, living in the present, and learning to see truth. I will be a lifelong overcomer as I continue to move forward.

I don't think I can afford an ocd specialized therapist, so my current therapist is not specialized. The issue with this is that it feels triggering to talk to her. I'm afraid she will not understand or call the police or something like that. Should I share my event and false memory with this therapist or should I wait until I save up for an ocd specialist? I'm just afraid she will not understand and not know how to treat me.

Ok so TRIGGER WARNING if you are not in therapy for SOOCD or are early in therapy for SOOCD please don't read this. Hi, I'm Maddie. I'm 19 and bisexual and diagnosed with OCD (mainly harm OCD and contamination OCD). I am religious and am a nonacting bisexual that happens to be married to a man. Despite this I am still attracted to women. I have also dealt with SOOCD or internalized homophobia, I'm not sure which, where I have second guessed my sexuality over and over and had intrusive thoughts about kissing random people, mostly girls. It took me from 6th grade to 9th grade to finally accept that I am attracted to women as well as men. I would compulsively take sexuality quizzes, avoid thinking about women I found attractive and a lot of things that were definitely compulsive, but I am not sure this was SOOCD or not because I actually am bisexual. At the time however I was thinking I was straight and absolutely terrified of being gay. Now I have accepted myself (conveniently after finding a boyfriend during my questioning) and the compulsions have passed, though some avoidance still occurs. This said, I am wondering if what I experienced was SOOCD or just internalized homophobia from being a Christian? ( Now I believe that being gay is not a sin but acting on it may be, though I don't know for sure. Please don't hate me for that, it's something I only apply to myself not to others. I have no desire to force others not to act on their feelings or beliefs)

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

Hey there, I have had fears of having BPD (especially fears around identity) for six months now. I’ve been told by four therapists I don’t have it. I am diagnosed with OCD, OCPD, BDD, and ADHD.  I have been engaging in compulsions pretty much every hour of every day for the past six months.  I heavily monitor myself in all ways. Even a mood shift will send me into a spiral. I am currently in a really really bad loop about BPD identity disturbance all because my interest focus shifted to things I haven’t paid attention to in awhile when the other day I was heavily into cathedrals, castles, 90’s whimsical etc. (note i have always enjoyed that stuff and still do) but today my focus isn’t on those things at the moment. I’ve liked the same music and a lot of the same things since I was 9 (but more refined) but the genres I like cycle like in seasons. If i am around someone who has similar interests as me even if I haven’t paid attention to them in a little - it will re-spark excitement. But of course my OCD flags that as identity issues and then questions everything. I also recently broke up with my partner of 4 years. The Texting Conflict • I was at breakfast with my grandmother after helping her drop off her car to get her windshield fixed (so I had been driving the whole time. • I didn’t reply right away to one of his casual texts after I read it and got side tracked, but I did later clarify: “I’m out eating with my grandmother babe” when he texted again. He then left me on read. I followed up with a call afterward on my way home to chat. • It only took one hour for him to escalate with multiple needy texts after I left him on read, then stonewalled me the rest of the day and the following morning. The following morning I sent a kind “Good morning” text - he gave me a cold response, then eventually gave me an ultimatum: “change or we’re done.” • I chose self-respect instead of bending unfairly. 1. Respond quicker every single time • He wanted me to never miss a reply or delay in texting. • Why it’s unfair: I’m present and responsive the majority of the time (about 98%). I’ve told him before that sometimes I get busy or forget — ADHD plays a role in that, and it’s not intentional or personal. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. 2. Stop putting my phone on sleep mode • He didn’t like that I had notifications silenced. • Why it’s unfair: Sleep mode is a healthy boundary for me — it reduces overwhelm and allows me to decide when to check messages (which is crucial with ADHD). It has nothing to do with rejecting him, and everything to do with managing my mental health. 3. Stop talking about OCD “problems” • He threw my OCD struggles back in my face, saying “all we talk about are your problems.” • Why it’s unfair: I don’t choose OCD — it’s part of my reality. Early on, he told me he was with me through it, but later used it as ammunition. Not long ago, he even walked out on me during an OCD flare-up that wasn’t about him. I even gave him resources on loving someone with OCD, yet he ignored that and repeated the same behavior. 4. Expecting disproportionate attention • He got upset when I didn’t give him enough attention for a mild cold while he was overseas — meanwhile, I was battling OCD fears that had nothing to do with him. • Why it’s unfair: The situations weren’t comparable. He expected more empathy for a temporary cold than he was willing to extend to me for a chronic, distressing condition. 5. Ultimatum: “Change or we’re done” • His final move was to demand that I fundamentally change how I operate or lose the relationship. • Why it’s unfair: This wasn’t a request for compromise — it was an ultimatum that required me to abandon who I am and how I manage my life. That’s not love, that’s control. ⸻ My Conduct • I remained mature and respectful throughout. • I communicated my reality clearly (ADHD, OCD, sleep mode, my need for balance). • I didn’t lash out or act impulsively — I stood firm on fairness and authenticity. ⸻ Emotional Support Pattern • When I shared vulnerable things (like my dream about my grandparents’ house), his replies were often short and dismissive (“Oh no bbbb”), delayed, or surface-level. • But when he shared trivial things (like a poop text), he expected me to respond right away — and got upset if I didn’t. ⸻ His Shifting Stance • At first, he told me “I support you and understand.” • Later, he flipped to “All we talk about are your problems.” • That shift showed me his support was conditional — he wanted credit for being supportive, but when it required real patience, he grew resentful and used it against me. ⸻ My Response • I was consistent: I expressed my needs, explained my side, and even showed growth • I refused to compromise my authenticity when faced with an ultimatum. • I saw that his lack of reciprocity — short replies, withdrawal, double standards — was the real issue, not me. ⸻ My Core Takeaway • This relationship wasn’t balanced. I gave consistent communication, honesty, and growth. • He gave mixed signals: sometimes affectionate, but also dismissive, resentful, and controlling. • His lack of response to my vulnerability, his double standards around communication, and his flip from “I support you” to “you’re too much” revealed that he couldn’t meet me with true reciprocity. • When he demanded unfair change, I upheld my boundary. I didn’t overreact — I acted from self-respect and fairness. But then of course even through empowerment after the breakup (I cried over it for one day and now I’m fine) - I worried if I acted BPD in any way. 😑 I’m tired.

Does anyone else find that cannabis makes their OCD 10X worse?? I had to quit it a couple months ago because of how bad it made me feel, and how real the fears felt with it, I use to use it to help me sleep, but now I can’t because it makes me go from anxious to terrified and wanting to scream

I hate when my daughter tries to hug me. I try to avoid it if I can but yesterday I couldn't. She was coming in for a hug and I tried to stay still. I had a thought come up that if I turned a certain way she'd brush my bottom with her hand when she hugged me. I felt like I wanted to do it and turned my body. When she hugged me, her hand did brush my bottom and I panicked after she hugged me. I feel so much guilt for this. Why did I feel like I wanted to do this and let it happen? I have POCD, but this is just too scary to understand (edited)

Do anyone do behavioural supressions like avoiding fantasies,daydreams,scenario that creaate spiral? Chatgpt todl me its a supression I dotn do it cause of anxiety whaat if i like it (Wait now i feel like i like it) help how do i calm down)

Hey everyone, I’d like to get your perspective on whether this sounds like OCD or if it’s something I should bring up again in my relationship. last week there was a situation with my boyfriend: I assumed he would pick me up from work because he usually does. This time he didn’t. I knew from his location that he was at the bar. When I asked him if it was more important to him to stay at the bar and watch his friend play the slot machine, he just gave this kind of caught/embarrassed smile and laughed. Then he said that the real main reason was his knee pain. He did actually injure his knee a few days before, but the day before this he had still picked me up despite the pain, and by now the pain wasn’t as bad anymore. So for me it was clear: the main reason wasn’t his knee, but that he preferred to stay at the bar. In the end, after I kept pressing him, he finally said: “A little bit.” → meaning that he admitted he wasn’t completely honest with me. But that didn’t come out on its own, it was because I pushed it out of him. After that he justified it again, saying that he was still basically honest, because the knee pain was true as well. And at the very end he said that in his view he had actually been honest anyway, since he did say from the beginning that he was at the bar and found it interesting. I want to say that my boyfriend is generally a very honest and good person. That’s why it’s even more confusing for me that I can’t let go of this situation. I keep feeling like I want to bring it up again. So I’m asking myself: Am I reacting too intensely here because my mind goes straight into “all or nothing” thinking? Does this sound like OCD-driven distrust/need for reassurance? Or would you, in my place, bring it up again even though we’ve already talked about it? This situation really triggered me, and I keep ruminating about it. another situation from yesterday : yesterday there was a small situation with my boyfriend that I can’t stop thinking about. We used an online spin wheel to decide who should get ice cream. His name came up, but he didn’t want to get the ice cream at first and tried to talk his way out of it a little. At the beginning, he only said we would do one spin, then later he suddenly said he thought it would be three spins – and shortly after emphasized seriously that he meant it that way. For me, this felt completely contradictory, because I could tell he really didn’t want to do it. It’s not about the situation itself, but that he says he was honest, yet it doesn’t sound honest to me at all. My mind keeps spinning on it, while other people would probably just laugh it off. Does anyone else experience this? How do you handle moments where words and actions seem to contradict each other, even when your partner genuinely means what they say? Does that also sound like ROCD to you? need advice feel like shit..

It’s a little long so bare with me I have always had a fear of elevators, which I found is more common than I thought. I had been alright and got it out of phobia territory until a very poor therapist got me in a situation that worsened it entirely when I was a kid. (Exposure therapy gone wrong) Since then I have worked my way back to a neutral status towards the machines. However, I have also found I experience a sort of ‘elevator vertigo’ I basically get dizzy if the elevator moves too fast, again, not super uncommon but apparently not everyone experiences this. But this uncomfortable feeling, despite it completely going away once the elevator stops, causes anxiety. Especially if I know I am going to have to travel via the elevator that gives me the ‘elevator vertigo’. This then causes more anxiety which causes the spiral of not being able to stop being anxious about it because I’m mentally counting down the minutes before I experience it again. And this, go figure, worsens the dizziness. I am usually pretty good about giving myself options when something like this causes this much distress. I’ve explained to myself there are stairs that I can take if it’s too much to take an elevator. However, it’s the fifth floor and without too much detail, I am not entirely physically equipped to be 5 flights of stairs on top of my usual commute. (Should mention I’m a college student right about now) So then I worry about overdoing it physically and hurting or distressing myself by not wanting to take an elevator. Which in turn causes a self hatred/diminishing my anxieties and feelings spiral. I’d usually pocket this up as much as possible but it’s woken me up at 4am when I went to sleep around midnight/1am and have to wake up for the class that causes me to use this elevator at 7. So question at hand: how the hell do I calm this cycle down? I know it’s near impossible to shut it off completely but I’m almost annoyed at myself for letting this little thing disrupt my sleep! I was literally dreaming about potential situations depending on my choice of elevator or stairs.

To me this has probably been my own biggest question I've asked myself in the last couple of years. But I recently went to a social event in my college town for a college football game and had fun while also interacting with a girl and my friend. All of that doesn't matter for this topic. But basically part of me wants to consider drinking because I've been fearful of it for years and always viewed it as a negative. The thing is with my therapist of almost 2 years I've gotten to a way better and confident point in my life and I really want to pursue a relationship with a girl. And I mean something that can go long term so rather serious I understand if the first girl I date wouldn't end up being the one but I want to atleast experience now with my boosted confidence. Back to the question though. I feel like going down the dark side 😂. Which sounds kinda goofy but I'm really considering drinking to ease my nerves. The girl I talked to had a few drinks and she got pretty flirty which in my eyes would help me get to that point with someone I want to pursue. She ended up ghosting me which is perfectly fine but obviously I'd like to try to form a relationship or get another number like I did. I have had addictive stuff with myself and family and I'm genuinely fearful of what might happen if I drink along with what my ocd might make me do or not. Which I understand is my ocd talking but I need honest opinions here. I feel like I'm turning against my old self that I knew up untill 21 years before this day.

What are peoples experience with meditation and OCD? has it worked? And if so, after how much time did you see results? I've been trying for a month but each time I can't do more than 8 minutes because the thoughts start distressing me and I start FREAKING out.

I want to ask about exposure exercises in OCD treatment, specifically when some exposures feel unsafe or inappropriate. For example, sometimes I’m asked to say things aloud that are socially unacceptable in front of my family, or actions that could create real problems. My mind says this is impossible or crazy, and it definitely raises my anxiety. I asked ChatGPT, and it suggested doing exposures gradually, but I’m still unsure how to handle exposures that are truly unsafe. My imagination no longer worries me, but I really want advice specifically about handling unsafe exposures safely. Thank you!

How can one balance exposure therapy with work or study, especially when these activities require focus? For example, how can it be managed when real-life situations trigger more anxiety than anything else? I would like advice or personal experiences—I would really appreciate reading them. Thank you.

Just a short post cause I got homework to do lol but I’ve searched all over the internet for stories or just people that deal with this form of ocd and I haven’t gotten anything I’ve just decided to put myself on front street and speak on my experience with it and how it effected my life and hopefully someone can learn or feel better knowing they aren’t alone with this honestly fucked condition it’s terrible and something I honestly wouldn’t wish on anyone on top of my troubling childhood but honestly what frustrates me is the fact that theirs no videos on it honestly besides the professional stuff

My name is Maryam i was born in 1995 There is something weird about me that I don't know what it is when I was a child I was full of hope like I was on all the happy content drugs but I did not take anything I was just like that. But then when I went to school I started to get bullied alot sometimes in class I would zoom out like I left my body and come back to it again that happened to me alot when I was I child. But as I got older my happiness natural drugs started to fade away and I started to see the darkness bit by bit to tell you the truth I was bullied my whole school years until I I finished. But before that when I was thirteen my OCD kicked in pretty hard I was scared to do anything I didn't know what was happening to me at the time I started to do the rituals I had to otherwise my brain would punish me pretty hard but then when I was 16 or 15 I don't remember exactly I said to my self I had enough whatever my brain tells me let it happen my rituals decreased alot to non existence but in my brain I still had OCD so it never really went away. I realized recently that the OCD I have is not just a psychological problem but I have brain chemistry problem because if you have a brain chemistry issue it stays with you it can decrease but never go away I've been taking medication these last years so I can function like a normal person and I did alot of therapy recently not before But there is something about antidepressants they work in the beginning when you take them but after few months they stop being effective as they were before. So you have to rely on yourself pretty much. And also I mentioned before about the darkness that kept creeping on me as I grow up and now I feel it all the time that iam numb at this point I laugh I smile I pretend to be okay but iam hallow inside there is nothing there and the darkness inside me is loving that so that is my story If you read till the end that's cool if you couldn't I understand But that what iam at so far. If anyone can relate to anything I said please tell me so I don't feel like iam completely alone in this Thanks for reading

Hi my names Abby and i’m 16 years old. (I am undiagnosed) Everything that’s lead me and my therapist to potentially believe I have ocd has been the worst experience of my life so far. For my childhood and my teenage years up until I was 15, we’re really difficult. I was bullied a lot growing up and I had a lot of family dynamics that were really hard. (I have 2 siblings that were my half siblings, whom I have no relationship with anymore due to them being much older than me and them disliking my parents for many reasons) but I always felt super alone growing up. I was always told growing up to “stop” or to “shut up” from them and sometimes “stop” from my parents because I was very energetic and excited all the time. So I learned to stay quiet a lot. I was exposed to a lot of gore/pornographic material around age 7-8, which I realize now lead me to have sexual experiences at a young age with females the same gender as me when I was very young. I started masturbating when I was super young. I find that I have forgotten most of my childhood, but sometimes random memories come up in my mind and I remember, or I dream about them. I have very weird dreams that disturb me heavily. I am an INFP personality, and have always loved to help others and care. I love music/ art and guitar so heavily, and love writing poetry. My dream is to become a psychologist and help others whom struggle the same as me. I am very sensitive. I love reading. But recently the past 2 months I haven’t been writing or reading a lot, and when I do it feels inauthentic. The same with playing guitar. I don’t know what triggered this major change in my life, but it all started a few days after my boyfriend left on a trip with his family from the U.S (where we are) to travel across Europe for 3 weeks. He’s been back for about 2 months now but the whatever triggered is still the same. I’ve been dissociating heavily and my memory is terrible. Time passes by so quickly, and I don’t know why but I am now struggling every second of the day with these horrible harmful thoughts (mostly triggered by seeing weapons or example: say my eye is hurting really bad I imagine my eye popping out of my head) these horrible images, whether this be hurting my family or other people. When I first started having these thoughts I panicked and cried and had major panic attacks for weeks, but i’ve been dealing with them for so long now I become really numb and try to avoid going to places that have items of harm. I feel like i’ve lost my identity completely, and I don’t know who I am anymore, I just want to go back to who I was. I really need help. I’ve been worrying i’m a psychopath and that what if I actually desire to do those bad things? Even though I know i’d never ever do them. Please help me.

I’ve been having a hard time literally for the last month. I’m getting married in a few months and I keep hyperfixating over my fiancés old friends. Specially this one friend who used to be my fiancés inseparable childhood friend since age 5. We are originally from Minnesota and we moved to Chicago 3 years exactly at the same time my fiancés childhood friend moved to Chicago as well although they lost touch. My fiancé has never been an initiator and they are not close anymore. My fiancé says he doesn’t care but I’m not so sure I believe that. We invited him to our wedding because I think its important to be inclusive. I’ve always felt intimated by his friend because his career is way more far advanced than mine and he is very social. For the last month I’ve been maladaptive daydreaming different scenarios that my fiancé and I have a relationship with him and his gf. I feel like I have to prove myself to him and I’m feeling so much anxiety about him coming to the wedding if he comes or doesn’t come that I will have rejection sensitive dysphoria. A big component is jealousy because the friend has 3 brothers and my brother died 7 years ago. So part of my rumination’s is daydreaming that he and his brothers are my brothers since I feel so lonely. His youngest brother is/was the same age as my brother and friends with these kids who really trigger me because I wanted my brother to be normal and friends with them. We saw him today and now I can’t stop thinking and ruminating and feeling a multitude of feelings and I can’t ground myself. Would love to know if anyone is experiencing something similar. I feel so embarrassed.

PLEASE an OCD conqueror or someone who knows how to deal with this shit, I need actual fucking useful tools PLEASE. I’m going to contact a therapist tomorrow but I want to try and deal with this now. If you go back and read my posts (there’s a good amount), you’ll know I have a new bf and I was doing pretty good, minus the rumination. But I guess this relationship was a huge fucking trigger/exposure and my untreated soocd and roocd woke up and decided to try and make me go crazy again. I was getting a hold on the rumination (i think im doing rlly good with that) but when my anxiety triggered my groinal response, my brain immediately started checking. Checking for attraction to woman (soocd…this one fucking sucks it’s so fucking annoying), men (my ocd made me so numb i havent found anyone attractive other than my man), my arousal (libido is basically non existent), my feelings for my bf, if im feeling the “right” feelings, if im anxious, etc. I think I do a good job managing it sometimes (definitely not the best 😀) but FUCK the checking for attraction is so fucking annoying and it’s really ruining my progress. When I’m on social media and I see a pretty girl, someone w a nice body, or someone dressed provocatively I IMMEDIATELY get anxious and automatically start to check for any attraction (and ofc majority of the time it will trigger the groinal). Same thing with any handsome man. I’m so worried I’ll become numb to my boyfriend so I’ll start to check if I find the man on social attractive and automatically panic when I just feel numb (mixture of rocd and soocd fears). I’m willing to put in the work to get through this. I have tasted what it feels like to have a breakthrough/living life without ocd controlling me and I REFUSEEEEEEEEE to let this fucking flare up take this shit from me. I feel like shit rn but if I have the tools ik I will get better. So pleasaaseeeeee someone respond with something useful 😭😭😭!!!