Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I thought I was doing better this week and I have a little bit but ever since I had this one specific thought pop up again it’s been bothering me so much. I’ve posted about it before basically giving the rundown talking about how last year in October about seven months after my fiancé and I started dating, an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat and awhile later I was in the shower and went on snap for some reason and saw the chat and then I responded, I don’t remember what he said and I don’t remember what I said, but I remember that I removed him right after because I didn’t talk to him anymore and I just wanted to be respectful of my relationship, that part I know. My OCD has been trying to convince me that I flirted, or that I cheated on my fiancé, which I know that I would never do. What bothers me is that my OCD didn’t attach to that memory until months after it happened. The memory happened in October 2024 and then I told my fiancé at the beginning of this year because I remembered it, and I was anxious about it for awhile until my OCD attached to something else. Then it came back to this thought and I’ve been struggling with it for almost 3 weeks. Mostly because my OCD is like “If you didn’t tell him right after, that means it happened and you were hiding it,” or “If you’re feeling anxious and guilty and so worried about it, that’s means you did it.” Etc. And my OCD is convincing me I’ve done it when I know I’d never ever do that to my fiancé, I truthfully don’t know how to deal with this thought because I know some people say you have to say “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” but I can’t even say that because I can’t even fathom or imagine myself doing these things to my fiancé it hurts my heart too much and makes me sick to my stomach.

Hey everyone, I have Suicidal OCD and have done a good job of conquering and managing the experience of this since starting ERP a year ago. Ive found exposure has been really successful when it’s about avoiding avoidance (eg. Walking across a high bridge, standing at a train station). However I find it much harder when it’s about avoiding reassurance. During winter, like most people, my mood takes a dip and I get some mild depression. The problem is, when that happens, my suicidal OCD kicks in. “maybe this time you’re actually suicidal”, “maybe this time you will actually do it”, “maybe this time will be the final time you can cope with it and you’ll just give up”. These are really clearly the what ifs of OCD and I’d like to be able to sit with feeling a bit down and sad without catastrophising those normal downs into worry about suicide or self harm. I want to avoid reassurance and avoidance which are the key compulsions I have. I meditate every day so I’m used to observing my dark feelings, but it’s the bits in my ordinary day that trip me up (I suddenly feel tearful, can’t explain it, worry that means severe suicidal depression is kicking in). QUESTION: What exposure or experiment can I set up to help me?

Hi guys! I have a question because this is something I’ve been struggling with recently. Does anyone else have a fear of feeling regret in the future? Whether that be over mistakes or things you never ended up doing in life? I’m only 19 and I feel like this fear shouldn’t really be showing up in my life right now.

what should i do to get over my fear of medication? i know i need to pair meds with my therapy. my OCD is very severe and i have agoraphobia as well. right now im not really seeing any changes with therapy alone and idk if i will see much change with therapy alone. i had a bad reaction to and SSRI once on the LOWEST dose (literally children are prescribed it) during trial and error and now im so terrified of all meds. i cant try a new med without being so anxious that i become symptomatic not necessarily bc of the med itself but just from the stress im under taking it. i also did genesight. my results were extremely upsetting. almost every ssri for me is most likely too strong and will cause me issues. the only ssri my psychiatrist is willing to try is one that i’ve ALWAYS hear d people say if they miss a dose of it, they’re like in shambles bc of withdrawal. i’ve heard the withdrawal from only one missed dose on this med is like unreal. i don’t wanna be STUCK on a med forever bc of withdrawal issues and i don’t want to forget to take it one day and have a bunch of problems bc of it. i also am just scared of having a bad reaction again too. the only other option she’d given me was lamotrigine which has a black box warning for steven johnson’s syndrome and DRESS syndrome. i don’t want to spend so long on it stressing ab if any little mark on my skin is the beginning stages of a deadly rash. i literally would be constantly stressed. i truly don’t know what to do about this and it makes me really emotional bc i do rly think i need a medication that works for me but the trial and error makes my ocd the worst it can get. just constant over thinking, panic attacks and fear. pls someone give advice idk what to do.

Hey everyone, I woke up this morning with my heart pounding again — my anxiety immediately latched onto the same thing that’s been triggering me lately: ….. quite literally trash…. In the past, my OCD would fixate on things like moving, leaving items or people behind, or traveling. It’s something to do with leaving or forgetting an item or person and never being able to get it back that triggers me. Those fears would eventually pass when the situation changed, I’d move, or come home, or reconnect/got closure. But now it feels like my brain is trying to find something new to obsess over just to keep the cycle going. It’s like my mind won’t let me have peace. The thought of constantly finding a new thing to fear — and never being free from this — feels unbearable. I’m scared that I’ll be stuck in this heightened panic forever. I want to believe that it gets better, but right now it just feels endless. Has anyone else ever felt like their brain keeps jumping from one obsession or trigger to another, even when you try so hard to move on? How do you remind yourself that the feeling will eventually pass?

Lately some of my compulsions have been a bit strange. Today I thought in my head “if I see a Subaru in the next 30 seconds, I’m a lesbian” and “if that girl walks in within the next 10 seconds I’m a lesbian” pretty weird ikr? Another one of my most common compulsions is imagining myself in sexual and romantic scenarios with a woman to make sure I dont like it, and sometimes it feels as if I do. I do the same with men, to make sure I still like it and still always get a positive reaction out of it. Another one of my compulsions (I do this for hours everyday) is posting on this app and reading HOCD and latebloomer lesbian subreddits and googling and using chat got. Anyone else struggle with this? Is this OCD? Btw, I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but do you think I would be diagnosed?

So if something would hurt my partners feelings if they knew, does that mean it’s wrong of me? Whether it may be something that actually occurred, a feeling, thought…. Ugh. And then I’m like what if they’d break up with me for it. Holy smokes scary. Makes me want to confess which I know I’m not going to give in to. Ex. having crush on someone else

Hello, I want to know if I love or not, if it's habit or it's attachment or it's that I felt saved by her, who is the only person I talk to about my OCD, the thing is that Today we saw each other and I was indifferent to being with her and with a heaviness in my chest as if she forced me, but she told me at the end of the date, "everything will be fine, you don't want to be unfaithful, you want to break up to escape sometimes, you feel that you treat me badly, you blame yourself a lot" Then I became happy and calm, I felt that the relationship could move forward with that happiness, but it faded and now, well, he wanted to give me my POCD, he was activated by seeing a live where they hunt pedophiles, also when looking for ROCD, POCD video came out and a guy who in a comment said "I want my cousin but I don't do anything to her, he is about 9 years old" More or less the comment was like he was repressing himself and I worried about thinking that that could be me, the thing is that in the afternoon when I returned to my house, my POCD was activated because I was researching Stephen King's "IT", due to tiktok and a murky part of the book came out where children do adult things and at that moment I felt horrible, The thing is that when I felt bad about Pedophilia, I felt like I wanted to be with my girlfriend, but then I kind of felt that with my girlfriend I don't love her and I only use her to feel good or not fall into OCD, since she is the only person I talk to, I slept a little and I felt lonely, I woke up and I felt alone, I feel like I don't love her anymore or I feel a heaviness or a melancholy feeling in my chest, it's ROCD or I'm only with her because she makes me feel safe and in the end I don't love her???, Please write as many as you can, if something is not understood it is that I use a translator

How, if at all, does OCD affect your parenting?

i’ve been diagnosed with ocd, specifically i deal with relationship and morality themes. yesterday, my boyfriend and i were carving pumpkins and he wanted to watch a movie he suggested. throughout the whole movie i was getting increasingly more and more agitated as the insensitive jokes piled up and i watched him laugh. it all came to a head after we finished and were alone in bed where i started to spiral. i told him it worries me that he thinks jokes that rely on sexism, racist undertones, and mocking lgbt+ individuals are funny. his response is that he thinks all jokes that are told as jokes are funny. he is a good person who would never say anything derogatory to someone for any reason and he is telling the truth that he finds jokes about anyone funny. i try to explain to him why those jokes are insensitive and he shouldnt laugh at them all the time and last night i just lost it completely spiraling to “if you don’t care about other people, what’s going to make you care about me or our future family? if you have no empathy to understand why these jokes aren’t funny, you’re not going to have empathy for your family, you’re going to turn into a man who hates or hurts his family. that’s what all these type of men turn into.” he has shown no evidence of being violent but the lack of empathy and care not to hurt other people’s feelings makes me intensely worried for our future together. for how he’ll raise our future children. i spiral thinking if this means we aren’t supposed to be together or he’s not “the one.” i understand i can’t place my rigid beliefs on him, but i have absolutely no idea how to differentiate between what is actually something to worry about and what is something my ocd is telling me to worry about. i’ve struggled with this with every man ive dated and have stayed with horrible men as a result of it. i understand he is not those people; i am worried he will turn into them in the future. when i think of reality and what he has shown me through his actions, he treats me like absolute gold. he speaks kindly to me, he doesn’t ever raise his voice, he would never even think about hurting me physically or emotionally, he respects me as an individual, he views our relationship as a priority, he is respectful of my family and culture, he involves me in his life, he puts in enormous amounts of effort, we are semi-long distance and he drives the hour to me multiple times a week, we’ve gone on trips together, done countless beautiful dates he’s put thought and effort into, he involves me in his career as a musician and boasts to everyone that i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him even though he is literally living his dream of being a touring musician, he treats me better than any man ever has or could, i believe. like i said, there is no evidence of the kind of behavior i am worried about toward me, his family, his friends, or anyone he comes across. he is a product of his upbringing and i understand that is why he finds these jokes funny. however, i am worried i am putting myself in the same position i always have and am going to be met with the same result. i love him and i do not want to break up with him, that is not on the table. i need help understanding how to differentiate between actually real issues and what my OCD is telling me are issues so i am not constantly in a state of agitation and not harping on things like him laughing at a joke in a movie and spending an hour on the conversation when we have limited time together before we need to travel the hour home each night to go to work the next day. it eats up so much of my time and energy and i just want it to stop.

i am a trauma technician, a job i love very much. i’m in nursing school and i wouldn’t change my career for the world. anxiety? she would love to change everything i want to do. sometimes i experience the expiration of patients and that is triggering for my brain. i will obsessive over other patients who are no longer with us and it will be a constant cycle of *image* “i am safe” *image* “it’s okay its over with now” *image* and that’s the mentally exhausting cycle i go through. menstruation is making is increased at the moment, i am trying so hard to give myself grace and try to find peace in the moments. i just had a really hard 12 hour shift yesterday and i am overall scared of expiration anyway so it’s definitely a hiccup i have to manage sometimes. my coworkers are super aware about it and my therapist is too. i just haven’t been on here much? but now i know i need to seek support because the ocd is isolating and i haven’t found a support system or group that truly understand the intrusive thoughts and images. does anyone else think of a traumatic situation and almost put it into steps? for example first, this happened, then this happened, then i made it home so that HAS to mean i am safe that HAS to mean it’s over with now.

I (22M) don't know if I actually have OCD or not, but I suspect I do based on what I had researched and heard from other people on here. I also did an initial intake form explaining my situation for one therapist, and she said she works with people that have issues similar to mine. At the same time, I never had an official diagnosis, and I can't find any therapists to talk to. The one I did the intake form for didn't have any availability and beyond her, there weren't any other therapists in my area that had availability and took my insurance. To that end, I was mostly on my own until I could possibly manage to move back to my hometown where there were more therapists that took my insurance. So, I was wondering if any of you managed to get to a point of it being manageable on your own and if you'd be willing to share any insights, by any chance.

Feel free to share a recent win you have had with OCD. It does not matter how large or small it was. If you don’t feel like sharing the specific win, share how it made you feel! How did this specific accomplishment make you feel? It’s important to reflect upon our progress as we climb our way up the mountain of OCD. I hope this post serves as a place where you can reflect and experience some happiness today :)

🏋🏼I'd been practicing ERP For a week and I am already feeling more in control by relinquishing control IRONIC. But I practice ERP the whole day not just an hour or two

I have a girlfriend, we have been together for 3 years, the thing is that several times I wanted to end her on the impulse of nothing, well not so many, about 2 times, also sometimes I felt that if another girl seemed attractive to me, it is that I wanted to be unfaithful and since several seemed attractive to me I was afraid of deceiving myself and forcing myself to love Until one day we argued and we didn't talk to each other all day and I saw a classmate from my university as attractive and the thought of being unfaithful came to me, but I didn't do anything, I even felt an emptiness in myself, this or even thinking about breaking up when we argued, brings me to today's question A week ago I felt a disconnection, that I was forcing myself to love her or I was deceiving myself to love her because everything I did felt forced, that she did not show real affection and was forcing me and with the above mentioned I felt worse, I felt that I played with her and I did not love her and before she asked me these same questions, but they disappeared, but now I ask artificial intelligence, I look for videos on TikTok, it says it's OCD, but I wonder if it's Today I reached my limit, because we saw each other, we had some time alone and when I was with her I seemed ugly or irritable and that had me thinking all day, I even told her to end the relationship because I lie to myself and I must stay out of habit or loneliness, I cried, I hit myself, I felt nauseous being at that point, and I even feel my chest heavy, I would like your opinion on whether it looks OCD or just I don't love it anymore, I appreciate the answer, sorry if you don't understand parts, I use a translator

when I have an intrusive thought, for some reason when I get a groin, I feel like an urge to touch myself down..it doesn't seem like a test but like something I can imagine and as if it were real. Like when you itch something, I don't know how to say it..and I can't understand it at all..and why do I imagine it, as if the taboo thought alone is not enough..I really don't even understand how to explain anymore..but I do to be afraid of it..and myself

Do I have any pals on here navigating autism and OCD? I sometimes feel like the care instructions for the two divergences are kind of opposite—it’s hard to know what to tackle with exposure therapy and what to seek accommodation for. I try to err on the side of gentleness as much as possible, but obvs OCD doesn’t always approve. 💕🌈💐🦄🫧

last friday night I had a work dinner/bowling party with colleagues. I went together with a girlfriend (we both work there). there was a male colleague who I talked and laughed with together with some other colleagues. my friend said she thinks he has a little crush on me, but that she didn't want to trigger my rocd. I said that that it's fine.. the whole night we were on an off smoking outside with colleagues and I was really bubbly and happy (more so because I was drinking alcohol) now I think he flirted with me, because I remembered he touched my arm once? and I think he had said something flirty. but I remember I thought it was weird and I never reciprocated any flirting. I haven't said anything weird and I was the exact same way that I would have been with my usual friends (guys or girls), but I can't shake the feeling I should have more explicitly said that I have a boyfriend!! it was mentioned in a conversation and he knows it, but then why would he act flirty? I feel so bad! Saturday I remembered? that I also had a thought about him being attractive? or me kissing him? and I think that I liked the thought. I don't even remember and I don't WANT to kiss anyone else besides my boyfriend. why did I keep talking to him if I had a thought like that? I feel so shitty and like I need to tell my boyfriend. but I wouldn't even know what to say? "I had a thought about someone else"? "Someone might have been a little flirty towards me and I didn't stop them, but I also didn't respond to it"? I can't decipher if I blame that I cheated on Ocd? or if my Ocd ia actually making this a bigger deal then it is? in the past I have confessed stupid things to my boyfriend and he said it's nothing to worry about, but I feel this is different and he would not like it at all (ps. I keep trying to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself my bf has done some things in the past of our relationship aswell, that he didn't confess to me (I found out), such as asking others online for sex while in active drug addiction. I understand that was just because of addiction. and I still feel like what I did feels worse and like I need to confess about it. my mind is going crazy would confessing be a bad thing to do? it usually makes me feel better

Recently, i've been really hyper fixated on death. I saw a video of a really bad car crash and i get intense anxiety everytime i drive. all i can think of all day are the possible ways i can die. i'll get very vivid images of myself dying in the worst ways possible, and it's making me miserable. everytime i leave the house i make sure to give my family a good farewell cause it feels like that'll be the last time ill ever see them every time i leave the house. i do compulsions related to these thoughts as well. for example, ill do the typical "do that action a certain amount of times or you'll die" compulsions. the butterfly effect also really gets me, because i always overthink everything i do, thinking it'll somehow affect the future and lead to my death. like this morning i made myself stop and count to ten before i got into the car so i could avoid an accident i supposedly would've gotten into if i left ten seconds earlier. i get into mental crises every time someone mentions death or an event involving it. i can't watch the news or horror movies anymore. just now, i was in public and getting into my head imagining an intruder holding me at gunpoint and shooting me, and a stranger asked if i was okay (i guess i was making a worried face lol). but it's affecting everything i do and i cried all last night convincing myself i was going to get into a fatal car accident on the way to work today. i think a lot of this got triggered when i watched the final destination movie. i'm never watching anything from that franchise again cause that movie messed me up and ive been having these intrusive thoughts ever since and that was like 5-6 months ago😭 but i need help on how to combat these thoughts because i can't even hear the words "death" or "manifestation" without going into a crisis.

I have struggled for years with this theme and not being intimate with a guy has made it feel more real I just want to know if there is real hope for me to get married and have a normal life if I start therapy and meds and etc I don’t want false hope either but I don’t know sometimes therapy scares me because what if my fears are true which at that point whatever cuz maybe I’d have less anxiety. Can anyone give advice I’m currently in a bad spiral