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the NOCD Community

last post got flagged lol not even sure what i did wrong but now i feel worse. not doing too good at the moment but i have finals to finish so i’ll just power through it🙃

I'm 20, but I feel so behind my peers. My mental health has caused many roadblocks, and sometimes, I'm afraid of never getting to a point where I actually feel content with where I am. For the past couple of years, life has been stagnant. I don't have a job (due to high anxiety and possibly procrastination), I haven't pursued higher education, even though I do want to, and I don't have a single friend I'm in active communication with. My best friend and I grew apart in high school (I switched to online), and although we keep in touch, we're not as close as we once were. She's across the country in another state attending college, so I only see her in-person once in a blue moon when she returns during breaks. Besides that, we respond to each other's stories, send happy birthdays and such, etc... Realistically, I know I haven't "failed" in life. I try to remind myself that there isn't just one path in life to take and that things are going to be okay, but... I don't think I fully believe it. I want to, but I often feel hopeless. OCD is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm constantly stuck in the past while trying to live in the present. I feel like I'll never be able to TRULY move on from anything. It will always find some way to reel me back into obsessing. I miss the peace and quiet when my brain wasn't constantly harassing me with horrible intrusive thoughts. I miss it so much. There's so much I want to do in life, but I feel like I'm nerfed or something lmao 💔 I genuinely experience a lot of embarrassment due to everything I talked about above... Any advice or just support would be very much appreciated. I'm just having a rough day.

i am just so frustrated. i keep doing research on the difference between pocd and an actual P, and it just seems the exact same. and everyone keeps telling me “no there’s actually a big difference” but in research there’s literally not. i’ve tried so hard to find more but the only difference i can find is the actual attraction part, but when u dont know what real attraction is because you generally have no experience in it and have natural low attraction it’s like how can you even figure it out for yourself and see if you’re attracted or not??? im just so stuck. its making me angry because i want to figure it out so badly but i just can’t because all the research to me just seems like “yeah real P’s can actually experience and feel the exact same as someone with pocd” and the only difference seems to be real attraction, but when POCD makes you believe you are attracted and have thoughts that people who are attracted can also experience, and even with pocd you feel all negative emotions about the thoughts that also real P’s can feel its like OH MY GOSH HOW DO I FIGURE THIS OUT!!!!!!!! then people are like “if you were a real P you would just know” BUT WHAT IF I DONT???? its possible for a real P to be confused and not really know for sure so like!!?!?!?. i just wish i had a machine where you could type in a question about yourself and it would give you a real definite answer cause then i would know the real cause to all these things im going through.

I had a thought while at work abt my brother and I got really strong groinal respones and I kept replaying it until it stopped. It felt like real arousal. I feel like idk how to fantasize anymore or what the difference is between fantasies and intrusive thoughts. Everyone says intrusive thoughts are thoughts u dont agree with and I feel like ive lost touch and dont even know whats me anymore. Which is disgusting

In January this year i found myself quite attracted to a colleague would go as far to say it was a crush, i never flirted or was inappropriate with them but i did have thoughts about whether being in a relationship with them would maybe be better or if we felt strongly towards each-other i would potentially leave my boyfriend (at the time) But i soon got over this crush and my relationship with my partner got stronger and stronger Now were engaged i feel as though i betrayed him by having that thought and i don’t deserve love and happiness Im not sure if those were the exact thoughts but i definitely did have a bit of a crush What do i do, am i a cheater? Or basically as bad as one😭

I’m making some gains battling my ocd and I really feel supported by my therapist Shawn Welty.

This is my first ever post on here, because honestly my anxiety over my health has gotten really bad. Ive had really irregular bowl movements as of thanksgiving and that’s about it no pain , no weight loss, no change in appetite, no blood , etc. My Brain is still trying to convince me that I have some horrible disease that’s going to kill me. I have an appointment with my doctor today at 9 but I’m do scared and anxious. I can’t fall asleep because I’m actually stressing out and my brain is telling me if I fall asleep I won’t wake back up. Honestly I’m struggling really bad and if anyone relates I’d love to hear how you calm yourself down or what makes you feel a little bit better because I haven’t been able to leave my house or panic attack free in about 4 days. Anything helps 💕

I don’t know if anyone will see this, but I just wanted to encourage you as things can absolutely get better. I was a total wreck before I started ERP. i had no idea how much it would help me or re-wire my brain. I used to be so depressed, so anxious, my life was completely different. OCD ran my everyday, dominated my thoughts and actions. I now see pretty much everything a whole lot clearer. If you are just starting ERP or are having doubts along the way, please stick with it. it will get better

First of all I apologize for my grammar english isnt my first language Im 19 and I am from germany, ive been suffering with severe ROCD since ive been 14 :(.. I have a big fear of cheating on my boyfriend thats why I keep analysing ALL my intrusive thoughts and actions ive done, for example if another guy from my class texts me and asks me for homework I keep thinking: Oh this is cheating.. or I asks myself: have I ever done this? Example: I handshake a guy from class my false memory ocd tells me: oh but youve also kissed or hugged him, you just dont remember Then i am not sure anymore if thats false memory ocd or reality I must admit my boyfriend has been toxic for a long time and it started at a young age, he often thought I was cheating or didnt believe me when we were around 14/15, I was very insecure and full of axinety at that age thats why I can tell myself this was strongly traumatic for me. it gets worse, I once convinced myself im cheating on him because im lesbian or p... (POCD) and also sexual orientation ocd. I keep asking others: Have I done something wrong? Do you remember when you were there when I was doing ... did something bad happen? Did I cheat? What If I cant remember or what if thats considered cheating? I once deleted my textmessages from my male classmates because I had a fear my boyfriend would think: why is she so nice to them or why is she laughing that much? I also chat with chatgpt all day to make sure none of my actions are cheating or none of my thoughts. I always get triggered when people talk about relationship rules because I compare myself with it, for example a girl tells me its considered chating if her boyfriend talks to his girl classmates. I tell myself: oh I have done that too I am a terrible person, girlfriend, daughter etc.. If he treats me good, it gets worse because I feel like I dont deserve it. Sometimes I wish I was single and alone so I wouldnt have ROCD but id probaly have other forms of ocd. Im tired from this, I cant focus on school because of these thoughts, I skipped so many days because it became worse, currently Im in 12th grade and its my last school year so the most important one. Im trying to fight myself against this but I cant, there were also times where I didnt have ROCD 24/7 and if I remember these times I feel like ive lost control over these times.. I analyse every joke ive made, every step, every thought, every breath, every intention, every conversation, everything. Im tired. :/ I go to sleep with ocd and wake up with it continiuing. My class friends dont understand me, "You wont pass this year" or "Just dont think about it" they dont understand how it feels thinking about this sh.. everyday all the time Im just tired of everything. Im dizzy and tired all the time, Im zoning out in classes and always talking to my amazing parents who are helping me 24/7. Theyve always been perfect, helpful and kind and Ive made a huge mistake not telling them earlier, Ive been suffering alone with these thoughts. I love my parents I just hope somebody can relate to all of this, I feel like Im alone deeply I know that I love my boyfriend more than anything but I cant handle it anymore Im tired.

I don’t know when or how I developed OCD but I remember it coming out of nowhere. I think I was 14 years old and I kept obsessing over silly things. I would do things because I thought that if I didn’t do those things, then bad things would happen. for example, if I was making something in my microwave and I didn’t stop it once second exactly my family was going to die that sounds very silly and I know probably some of you relate to this I’m sorry if you do, I noticed other things like I have to count something couple times or make sure that the oven turned off even though I didn’t use it but somehow maybe there’s a chance that I did and if I didn’t turn off then I would probably die. I would constantly constantly wash my hands and if I had a cut I had to wash it and keep an eye, even though if it was a very, very small cut, I would think I would eventually get an infection and die!! Sometimes if I don’t have things in a right way, I feel like unsettled and there’s like this weird bad feeling and if I don’t fix that thing, then I just feel uneasy until I fix it. I’ve gotten better with my OCD but they are definitely sometimes I struggle more. Recently I have been having lots of health OCD or whatever you call it thinking I’m going to get sick, I feel like I feel like this every single time there’s an important event coming up. This Friday is my birthday and I’m terrified of getting sick and ruining plans so I’ve been very cautious about getting sick washing my hands constantly, taking all the precautions etc. I think I just have this feeling that like if I have an important event coming up then I will get sick and then it will just ruin the plans I have because it has happened to me. I know that there’s an OCD where you have intrusive thoughts or compulsive thoughts and it is where you have weird thoughts that make you think something I really don’t want to say it out loud I’m using text speech, but I’ve had that too. For example, this is a less serious one, but when I was dating someone I had to thought that I would accidentally cheat on them, even though I would never do that and that’s not possible because I control my actions I’m not gonna cheat on someone. It was so weird. i’m in a new relationship that’s healthier. I’ve never had that thought so I’m glad I got over that. OCD is just so… I’m trying to think of the right word. It’s so restricting I feel like I can’t live a normal life like everyone else. I think I’m weird for the thought to have for the compulsion or whatever, my brain is different from normal person. I think the worst part about OCD is when you’re trying to explain it to “normal “person. I’m explaining these feelings and thoughts and they’re like what the heck I’m like yeah lol that’s so weird who would even say that, I think the worst flair up of my OCD was when I had fiberglass in my bed and the fiberglass was getting everywhere. I had to clean my whole room put a thing on my bed to stop it from spreading more fiberglass. In my head, I thought every single thing in my room was contaminated and I wanted to throw everything away but I couldn’t. Do not have money to go buy a whole new wardrobe or new bed or new shoes was probably the worst ever experience I’ve ever had. To this day I still feel uncomfortable in my room. Sometimes I feel like all my clothes still have fiberglass on them and I’m cautious, I feel like I won’t feel normal in my room until I move out and get a different room but I wont for a long time. It’s something I’ve accepted. I guess I just want to share my experience with OCD. If anybody has experienced these let me know show your story I know this is a lot to read, but I’m using text to speech ha ha thank you for reading if you came this far, take care.

Hello, i don't even know if this is ocd related but i feel like i need help either way Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years now and i love him so much like i truly believe i want to be with him the rest of my life, the only thing is he doesn't have a job, not that he doesn't want to, he's an artist and yeah its a really hard area to get into, but i really believe in him and his talent, and he even applies for like regular jobs at stores and restaurants but it just hasn't happened yet, and it's something that really frustrates me A while back i was crying really hard on the phone about it because i felt like he wasn't making as much of an effort as he could to get a job and to create content on his own to get his art out there, and he recognized it and apologized and has gotten a lot of work done actually Getting to me being mean to him, he has an opportunity with someone in the industry, like to pitch his idea, and like 4 days before they were supposed to meet my boyfriend tells me he still needed to get things ready And i flipped, like i started saying all the same things, that he isnt taking it seriously and i spoke in a way that i am not proud of After he explained better to me i understood that he obviously already had like everything done and planned, he just needed to like fix the storyboard or something, and honestly, even if he had procrastinated, it was not okay for me to speak the way that i did, and i fear its something i do a lot, i get angry and lash out and say mean things/am rude and im really scared its going to drive him away eventually, how do i work on myself? Does anyone have any tips?

Ever since 2 days ago I have been so anxious thinking that I’m losing feelings for my boyfriend, I know it can’t be true cause I still feel attracted to him, but it’s just the little things like for example, whenever I say “I love you” it feels like I can’t feel any emotions, or when I look at pictures of him, it feels like I don’t have any emotions, like before we hung out 2 days ago, I would just admire and think about how handsome he looks in the photos and now I just feel nothing, but sometimes I’ll feel emotions. Idk. My mind is so confusing. And it’s been putting so much anxiety on me cause like he is the most sweetest, most caring man I’ve ever been with. I can’t let him go. Can anyone give advice on how I can get rid of this feeling?

18+ please I saw art of Marvel Rivals skins and one of them was Peni Parker, nothing weird official art of a skin they'll be releasing, I didn't realise who it was at first so zoomed in, my OCD convinced me it was with sinister intentions (Even if it was, they've confirmed she's 18 but I still don't like the idea of her being sexualised because she's not in every other continuity). I then kept getting intrusive images of the other version of her from Spider-Verse that were incredibly disgusting and disturbing and I'm struggling with the what if I saw something terrible involving her and didn't do anything or worse, even though it makes no sense as when I saw something like that, I freaked out for an entire day and the other time was just under some random tweet that again, freaked me out for a while. Those were both this year though and I have this nagging in the back of my head of "What if it was earlier than that and you forgot?". I know I have to just sit with the uncertainty and stop ruminating but it's really really hard. Does anyone have any techniques they use to do it that help?

(Sorry this is long wondering if anyone may relate to this!) 🙃 I have this weird really annoying thing where when I try to focus or relax (basically 24/7) my head feels noisy where it will “play” random song lines or sentences that i can’t get out of my head and in a sense I talk to me brain silently with my mouth or whisper the conversation back or for it to shut up. I also read words wrong as what I’m saying mentally and I feel like my thoughts aren’t mine almost. It’s hard to brush my hair, teeth, change, shower, etc because everything around me starts playing through my head and any slight noise wether the house cracking or someone laughing in another room makes me freeze up and my head starts convincing me that it messes up the way I was doing whatever I was doing and I feel extreme anxiety around it where I avoid doing these basic tasks. I also feel the need to repeat words with my mouth after reading or hearing them even saying things I repeat the words silently after or in syllables ex; “the theh thuh” or repeating the word “like” and “yuh” until it feels right in my throat. I also feel the strong need and sometimes uncontrollable eyebrow movements, teeth “clicking” to songs in my brain, and weird jaw movements. I constantly think about my hair, the way it is touching my shirt “knotting” it and how I move to itch my face or head and doing it “wrong” which I obsess over movements for hours if I do. I also get very uncomfortable when I move wrong or touch anything wrong, and can’t shake thoughts about super minor things like someone bumping me or breathing near me and it consumes me and my mood can go from 100 to 0 like a light switch. I hate this and always think “why can’t I just stop” and doubt myself if I’m making this all up, but then again it wouldn’t drain me this much.

I don't want to talk about what feels like nearly a novels worth of needless mess,severely unhealthy behaviours,lack of respect of boundaries and guilttripping over not making yourseld available 24/7 as the vent friend or ounching bag but how does anyone cope with not ruminating so heavily on what ifs and waiting for a big catastrophic moment to happen after trying to distance/being in a fallout with a messy online friend group,its also been leaking into other things like worrying I've hurt people despite being calm and polite through it. It's been making me feel so anxious and down,this isn't the first I've dealt with toxic individuals and drain alot of myself for their happiness and trigger a bunch of stuff. Its now making me worry over what ifs about a friend who knows these people and while doesn't support their actions,who has been distancing to an extent and been stressed and unhappy with the stuff too they've done too?Any advice would help,this has been making the last few months difficult.

(30M) Can anyone else who is struggling with scrupulosity help me? I have not been practicing ERP. I have a hard time believing it really does good. My OCD is largely focused around religion and scrupulosity, and I feel like ERP is just trying to make me ignore my sins so I feel better, while blinding me to my need to repent. I don’t just want to /feel/ better; I want the feeling of being in right relationship with God. I want the good feelings to come from that relationship, so I know they’re authentic. I don’t want to plaster over my sins with good feelings and pretend that they don’t affect me. What is your experience with ERP, and do you ever feel like I feel about it? How do you experience closeness with God? Does ERP help, or get in the way?

Feeling hurt and triggered by something my brother said Hi everyone, I just need to get this out and explain what’s going on. I’m struggling right now because my OCD is triggering really badly. Recently, my younger brother, who has autism, said something that really hurt me. He claimed that when we were kids, I kissed him on the cheek and that it felt “inappropriate” to him. I know that sounds shocking and painful — and honestly, it is. It breaks my heart that my own brother would say something like that about me. I want to make it clear that I would never do anything inappropriate. I remember being a loving older sibling, and I’ve always had strong morals and values. I only ever showed affection in innocent ways, like hugs or kisses on the cheek as a child — something completely normal. I also know that if anything harmful had actually happened, I would remember it. I’ve told other people about this, and they’ve reassured me that I should just ignore him, that he’s probably just trying to get under my skin or doesn’t fully understand what he’s saying. And logically, I know that’s true — especially since he even admitted he might have misread my intentions. But emotionally, it’s really hard. My OCD is making me question myself and spiral, and it’s painful to hear that my own brother would accuse me of something bad when I know I did nothing wrong. I just wanted to share this here because I need support and reassurance that what I’m feeling is valid, and that I’m not a bad person. It’s tough, but I’m trying to remember that his words do not define me, and that my memories and intentions were innocent.

I have improved a lot on my OCD, but sometimes it still flares up a lot. But I still have trouble deciphering what is OCD and what is an actual truth or feeling. since day one of being with my boyfriend, I’ve questioned my attraction to him (set aside OCD). He definitely wasn’t my type physically. And he wasn’t that adventurous, which is something I really want in a partner, but I remember our personalities clicked like no other and he treats me really well and he’s kind and he’s hilarious and loving and wise and very personable and all the things. one week I’m asking him when he’s going to propose, but the next week I’m telling him I’d like to date another year. I’m feeling incredibly anxious because I know he’s going to propose the in next few months. I have this feeling that I would be a better version of myself if I wasn’t with him and that I would be free and that I should be with someone who is pushing me into adventures and challenging me and that if we get married, I’ll just be falling into this comfortability that I’ve, always wanted to avoid since I was younger. I just feel like I don’t want to marry him, but I know he’s already planning on proposing to me soon. Idk what to do. I really really do love him. We’ve been dating about 13 months now and we’re best friends.

I’ve been struggling lately with my ocd because I haven’t been taking my pills right, mostly because I have an extreme fear of choking and it makes taking my pills really hard. I’m going to try to do better at taking my pills but this isn’t the point of this post. My newest ocd obsession is about demons, but I’ve had religious ocd my whole life. My ocd is mostly centered around the idea that if I don’t do something the right way, a demon or God or some other powerful entity will punish me. It’s always been that way, but it’s gotten worse lately. Now I’m afraid a demon’s going to possess me or manipulate my mind, and if I don’t remember doing something exactly, my mind is like “a demon did it for you so now it’s going to take something from you” (this last thing has been part of my ocd for a long time too). My mind has also latched onto a demonic character from a show, and it’s become the face of the demon my ocd is centered around. They have a symbol and I keep thinking I see it behind my eyes or on shows or in real life, and when I see something like it my mind is like “this is proof the demon is watching you.” I know the character isn’t real and it’s all in my head, but I’m afraid I’m going crazy. Like what if I believe I’m possessed and hurt someone? I don’t want to hurt anyone and I KNOW this character isn’t real, but I do believe in demons. I think God would protect me from demons, but the doubt keeps messing with me. This is really annoying and I need some advice, or at least reassurance I’m not alone in demonic/religious themed ocd.

Hey guys! Hope everyone is well. I have been doing ERP for about a year and a half now. So far my ocd symptoms have gone down a lot but sometimes I have flares that really take me down :( I’m not on medication but lately part of me has been curious about it. When I was in high school years ago I was on a small dose of Zoloft, but I didn’t like how it made me feel like a shell of myself- I felt kind of numb to my emotions. Is anyone here on a medication that works well for them? What was your experience like? Thank you in advance❤️