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Does anyone else have these problem and you just lay in bed thinking about all the bad things?

Thoughts? Do y’all ever worry about that or self isolate?

Yesterday i had that heart dropping feelings again and then my heartbeat just felt off. I didnt go to the ER and even though i haven’t shown any weird symptoms today, I feel like i want to go now. My boyfriend stayed home from work yesterday in case anything happened, and I took like a 5 hour nap. I also have been sleeping really deeply lately. Im worried my heart is off beat or irregular or something, but the only way I have been checking is by feeling my pulse on my neck which i am trying to stop because it only leads to no answer really. I feel anxious about it but i am trying to move on with my day. I have a gyno appointment on the 4th, maybe i can ask for an ekg then?

Like awful thoughts and scared you’re gonna act on them. Like what’s stopping me? Besides the fast that the last thing I want to do is something awful!

Not really associated with the ocd like I have always been sensitive as a kid but sensitivity like if you call my shirt ugly or said something offensive I would cry and I never had autism or like anything no offense to anyone I’m saying I was just sensitive because I was and it could be from growing up my house wasn’t to big as now but was a big house and then now anything to do with my ocd I get triggered as well but like yeah but can anyone relate everyone is like I’m an empath so my emotions are drained and I have always been a good person but the thing is I don’t even think I was such or anything as kid I was builled when I was a kid I went through normal stuff and big stuff and I’m still sensitive can anyone relate to being sensitive not only the empath like if you get what I mean

I’ve had depression since I was a teen and it really affected my attraction towards men even if I used to be a hopeless romantic. I just felt really numb and I went on with life not dating or even doing anything with anyone but kinda had it mind I was either straight or asexual at that point . My friends would always wonder if I was attracted to men by which oh well I wasn’t but I knew why. It was so easy for hocd to get me😂 So here’s how hocd got me. I was on a phone call with my friends and we started talking about a particular fashion brand. I was scrolling through their instagram and thought a model was genuinely cool (I wanted to be as cool as her because I wanted to be a model too) so I told my friends I thought she was cool. They laughed and said they knew I was gay. I was confused and tried to tell them it wasn’t anything like that and they kinda brushed it off. The call ended and I started to think about what they said and suddenly I panicked real hard! “WHAT IF I’M GAY??” Now I’m not homophobic but this was a huge identity threat. From then on it was something. I checked and checked. I felt those feelings. I had groinal responses. I thought about an old close friend from highschool and my memory convinced me I liked her and didn’t realize. Everytime I saw a woman I was convinced I was attracted to her. At a point I got scared I was attracted to my mum HOW SILLY IS THAT. My TikTok search was filled with gay couples because I kept checking and feeling and checking. The feelings felt way too real and I spiralled and even got more depressed. I searched on google and somehow It led me to knowing what hocd was. I did everything I could to accept the thoughts and not engage. I tried to reach out to a therapist from my country and he said “if you don’t want to be gay then don’t be?” Huh??. Atp I had to find my way to do erp myself but how real the feelings felt still made me scared. I really tried but I was too weak for ocd. It was too much and It was starting to really convince me so I surrendered. I accepted everything that came with it. Infact I was totally convinced I had a crush on a friend. I got so tired of fighting and went about my day and accepted my reality for a while. If I was gay so damn what? Who’s gonna check me? Until someday I randomly realized I wasn’t actually attracted to women. I didn’t go for any woman or care about them more than friends. I actually thought I was gay until it started to feel like I was lying to myself. I suddenly realized I wasn’t and shrugged it off like it was nothing. I really didn’t care. It didn’t matter anymore if I did or didn’t. My actions weren’t really replicating those thoughts and feelings. I thought “I guess I’m not” I wouldn’t say you should go about it the way I did because I realized ocd healing is very different for everyone. And me actually deciding to believe it can cause someone else to spiral badly. What works for everyone might not work for you. For me not engaging those thoughts made it hard to even do things in my day to day life. I couldn’t do anything else. I was rock bottom. Maybe me accepting was some form of long term erp. But I found my way to healing unknowingly. It’s been years and ocd recently focused on some other theme that was really serious because it involved my partner( A man btw) and I’m backing here trying to heal and I understand my feelings better now about the relationship and it wasn’t what I thought it was. I’m sure this also something I’ll overcome. I guess I let fear and panic get the best of me in the most random moment. Also hoping to work on emotional regulation so I don’t panic in ways ocd loves in future. Stay blessed. I hope everyone here finds their way to healing.

I sometimes worry my intentions are not always good when trying to do something nice for others I feel like a horrible person my relationship with my husband was starting to struggle due to my ocd ptsd and it was putting strain on our marriage and his patience was starting to run thin with financial stress plus work all with our home life understandably I was upset and also frustrated because we had to postpone our honeymoon and frustrated over the arguments we we where having he wanted to get eye surgery done but was reluctant because over not knowing if we could afford it or not but I felt bad and wanted to make it up to him after a difficult night with me obsessing again I was very depressed and thought if I could set up the consolation around the time one of my back payments from social sec would come in I could surprise him and maybe even pay for it so I called and set it up i don’t know though if it was around that time or a little after though I started feeling upset with him again either remembering the disagreement the night before or sometime later that day during or after the call I realized it was also something I could hold over his head which is awful I really wanted to so something nice for him though but I guess still felt upset over everything going on during that time he was excited for the consolation and went came home said it was pretty expensive and wasn’t sure if it was the right move which I kinda felt the same but didn’t wanna tell him no either and also did believe GOD would work it all out which I said and told him to go for it once again same thing you could hold it over his head and was hoping he might change his mind because how expensive it was mixed emotions wanting him to be happy but feeling upset still too he said he would think about it and I asked him if he decided yet I think a day or 2 after he didn’t know yet I guess I kinda thought he decided not to well one dumb ocd filled night I looked through his phone something I also feel guilty about and saw that he had a appointment scheduled and I felt upset because I thought he would have let me known he was going to do it after all and gotten into it with him again he said he could cancel I told him not to once again that horrible idea of I could hold it over his head I was just so angry and depressed at the time and after he got it done he was complaining about bills and everything else I was upset and and mentioned his eyes surgery I feel like a awful person everything was just very hard and we both where getting on each others nerves I feel like a horrible Because now he is starting to say he failed us randomly today and I feel awful because it’s my fault I feel like I put that in his head for complaining about the eye surgery I told him to get I feel like I’m the one who put us in a financial bind and now making him doubt himself I really wanted to him to be happy and get it but that part of me that was angry and wanted to hold it over his head feels like a part that I can’t get over my intentions may have started out good but now I feel like a bad person for the mixed emotions like is this awful am I a horrible person 😭

I had a date with a girl some years ago. We went out, drank a lot with her friends, and ended up at her place. We kissed a bit, but didn't have sex as she said not on the first date and that was no issue with me. There was some cuddling and I recall rubbing her leg and breast a bit briefly during it. There was indication that I crossed a line from her, no push back, no “no” or “stop”. I barely slept. I want to say that firstly, I would never engage in something non-consenual sexually. I understand how important consent is. The added blurred lines of drunken, and borderline hungover at this point, hook up and cuddling are confusing to me. I keep thinking me touching her was unwelcome, that she may have been falling asleep or that was she wasn’t awake during the moment. She was draped over me with her leg for some of the night and I was obviously into her, but I cannot shake that I did something non-consensual, something I wouldn't do if I didn’t think it was warranted or OK. The day after all this, we exchanged a couple messages but she was busy with her friends so I left her be and mentioned my interest in a second date and if she was up for it. I didn't hear from her until about two days later, she never acknowledged the question. She dry texted and infrequently communicated, which is fine. I didn’t want to push for a second date again or try to continue a one sided chat. That said, I felt that broaching the subject of our drunk semi-hookup/cuddling was a difficult task at the time. Because I could tell there was no interest in further talking, I didn’t bring it up. I'm thinking back on this now, really struggling, and realizing my relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy as I’m a weekend warrior at heart but have convinced myself it’s fine to get belligerent most weekends once a night. I’m not sure where to turn. I’ve talked to a therapist about it, but I’m struggling to move on. I’m looking for any advice on how to do so.

Has anyone ever had a weird moment we’re you feel calm and you get a urge like what if you just went and became bad anyway or acted on it anyways and it feels very urgent like you would do it and it almost feels like you want it and that your bad, i felt no anxiety and it comes randomly when I’m calm and sometimes I bring it on myself and I don’t know how to deal with it but it feels extremely real and like it’s my own desire

My boyfriend used to be friends with this girl before he met me. He told me they were friends for about two months, and they sat next to each other in a class they shared. They had each other’s numbers, but she never had social media. I’d see them walking around together sometimes but never cared because I didn’t even know who he was or anything. I did know who she was, though, because she was friends with my best friend and she was briefly in my Spanish class. I was very jealous of her because she was so naturally pretty. Anyway, my boyfriend had liked me for a while until he finally approached me and we started talking. He stopped being friends with her because she “played with his feelings” and confused him. I guess she made it seem like she liked him or something, but then he heard from one of his friends that she was a lesbian, idk. He said he never saw her in that way to begin with and that he just wanted friends because he was new. He told me they never hung out outside of school. He said they planned to go eat somewhere by our school one time but never did. He also said she would ghost him. Anyway, I never questioned her or anything like that for the first year of our relationship. I never felt insecure either, and I fully believed I was the only girl in the world to my boyfriend. He told me he had been cheated on in the past, and someone very close to him had been cheated on as well, so I never believed he could do that to me. I also know his mom would be very upset—he was raised around mostly women in a Hispanic household. Some months ago, he sent me a screenshot of something on Instagram, and her account was in his suggestions, even though they had no mutuals. She had just created a social media account, which, as I said, she never had before. That’s the day I started overthinking. I stalked her a lot, and I was so incredibly jealous—still am. I want to be her so badly. I began questioning my boyfriend about her. I’d ask him about their relationship and whether he liked her or found her attractive, and I’d do it all the time. He always said he’d never liked her and that he found her very ugly. Some things he said were that she always had eye boogers, was performative, anorexic, and ugly. I already told him the anorexic comment was weird, and that was a while ago. I think he thought that if he overly insulted her, it would make me stop being stubborn and believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Anyway, a mutual friend my boyfriend and I used to have said he would give her snacks sometimes and would black out all the nutritional information since she had an ED. She also said he made a pros and cons list about her and that he liked the idea of her. This mutual friend lies a lot, though, apparently, but my boyfriend said the snack thing was true. He also had another girl friend who I know posts Gracie sometimes, which makes me insecure because he sees her on that friend’s stories. Her name is Gracie, so I’ll call her that to avoid confusion. He went to a friend’s birthday party about three months ago. This is the same friend who posts Gracie sometimes, so I knew Gracie would be there. I didn’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend going and being around her because I was so insecure. I told him to ask the girl friend if Gracie was going to be there. At first, he made it sound like he texted her to ask and that she hadn’t responded yet. Then the next day, he said he had called her in the morning to ask, but she hung up and said she was busy. He then called in the afternoon but didn’t get an answer. The morning call wasn’t even in his call log, though. I feel like he knew Gracie would be there and didn’t want to ask, or maybe he did ask but didn’t tell me because he wanted to go to the party and knew I wouldn’t let him if she were there. He ended up going to a different girl’s house than the one whose birthday it was (the girl he had called to ask if Gracie was going). The girl whose house he went to is named Nicole, who’s best friends with Gracie, and he knew that. Nicole was hosting the birthday party for the girl friend. He told me he had no clue it was going to be at Nicole’s house. He said he saw Gracie briefly, but that she was in Nicole’s room all night. I saw some pictures where she was out in the living room. There was even one picture of her lying down with the girl whose birthday it was (my boyfriend’s friend), and my boyfriend’s jacket was hanging on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. He never took pictures showing all of his surroundings, but maybe he didn’t want people to see he was taking pictures, idk. I’m scared he actually was around her, though, but he swore he wasn’t. Anyway, I kept stalking her Instagram after that. Last week, she posted pictures of herself to “Beetles” by Aphex Twin. I saw that same song on my boyfriend’s Airbuds seven hours later. He had never listened to that song before, so it was weird that the same day she posted herself to it, he happened to listen to it. He said he saw it in an edit on TikTok. He went through his watch history but couldn’t find the video, so then he said it might’ve been on YouTube or Instagram, but he couldn’t remember. That song isn’t popular at all, though, and only has around 100 videos on TikTok and Instagram. I couldn’t even find a video with that song on YouTube. He told me it was an original sound, so it wouldn’t be under the sound on Instagram or TikTok. Idk, it’s just so weird to me. He also switched between calling her Grace and Gracie. He told me “Grace” was just a typo until he said “Grace” on a call and I questioned him. Then he said Grace is her real name and that he doesn’t call her that on purpose. I also asked him one time if she has lip filler because she has amazing lips and I was jealous. He said, “No, she just pouts a lot.” I asked how he knew that, and he said that’s what he remembered from two years ago (the last time they were friends). I also found her Spotify and stalked it, which I know I shouldn’t have, but they both listen to some not-so-popular artists. She had a lot of Steely Dan songs on her playlists, and she also had the Twin Peaks theme song and a whole Twin Peaks playlist. My boyfriend had a Steely Dan song on one of his playlists along with the Twin Peaks theme song. I’ve felt so sick for the past few days because of their similarities in music. A lot of this stuff is just what-ifs or theories. I think the only thing that is actually fishy is the whole “Beetles” thing. My boyfriend has offered to give me all of his socials, and he’s sent me some of his messages, but he could obviously just delete things. I always decline the socials because that feels toxic to me. He always tells me he would never cheat on me because he knows how horrible it is and that he could never do that to me. He also always says he doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and is always at home, so how would he cheat—which is weird to me, idk. We’re long distance, by the way. We were in person for about six months and then long distance. I’m 19 and he is 20, and he’s planning on moving here next month. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so sick. He also won’t give me reassurance anymore. He said he’s been doing research on ROCD and that reassurance is bad. He never cared before, so I thought it was weird that he cares now, but he said it’s because every time he gives reassurance, it’s not enough for me. He also started following and listening to a new artist maybe a week ago, and he added one of her songs to his playlist. Gracie just made a playlist yesterday and added the same song. The singer isn’t very popular—her name is Cece Natalie—and the song has 1,020,106 listens and around 800 uses on TikTok, so it’s not popular. He cried to me a few weeks ago saying he’s so tired of me bringing her up and being insecure over her because she’s so irrelevant and he doesn’t understand why I am like this. He sounded just really exhausted and sincere so I think this is all in my head but it’s so hard to tell sometimes.

I’ve never thought anything like this before and just recently started getting the thoughts that what if when I used to drink years ago when I was drunk maybe someone wasn’t kissing me back or maybe someone has a video of me doing that . I would never do something like that purposely but then I start to think what if I didn’t know what I was doing when I was drunk or someone has videos of me doing that I’m so scared this would be considered sexually assault. No one has ever said I did anything like that but It just feels so real. I haven’t really seen anyone with this particular thought so I just automatically assume it’s real . Does Anyone relate or have the same thought

I have harm ocd and false memory ocd and last Saturday night I was in a pub and I had to go to the bathroom, on the walk there, I saw a woman standing close to the bathroom on her own and I got an intrusive thought to attack her, when I got back to my table, my knee was really sore and I had a small bruise on it, didn’t think much of it at the time, I was just confused as to why it hurt cause I couldn’t remember any impact. Later that night when I got into bed, I realised my knee started hurting just as I got back to my table and then I remembered the girl standing at the bathroom and my heart sank, I’m now worried that I had sex with her and can’t remember all the details or worse committed a crime and that’s why my knees are bruised and sore, I don’t drink because of my ocd so surely I’d remember every detail right?, the last few days have been horrible, I cant eat and all I want to do is find answers. Any tips cause it’s taking over my whole life?

My boyfriend used to be friends with this girl before he met me. He told me they were friends for about two months, and they sat next to each other in a class they shared. They had each other’s numbers, but she never had social media. I’d see them walking around together sometimes but never cared because I didn’t even know who he was or anything. I did know who she was, though, because she was friends with my best friend and she was briefly in my Spanish class. I was very jealous of her because she was so naturally pretty. Anyway, my boyfriend had liked me for a while until he finally approached me and we started talking. He stopped being friends with her because she “played with his feelings” and confused him. I guess she made it seem like she liked him or something, but then he heard from one of his friends that she was a lesbian, idk. He said he never saw her in that way to begin with and that he just wanted friends because he was new. He told me they never hung out outside of school. He said they planned to go eat somewhere by our school one time but never did. He also said she would ghost him. Anyway, I never questioned her or anything like that for the first year of our relationship. I never felt insecure either, and I fully believed I was the only girl in the world to my boyfriend. He told me he had been cheated on in the past, and someone very close to him had been cheated on as well, so I never believed he could do that to me. I also know his mom would be very upset—he was raised around mostly women in a Hispanic household. Some months ago, he sent me a screenshot of something on Instagram, and her account was in his suggestions, even though they had no mutuals. She had just created a social media account, which, as I said, she never had before. That’s the day I started overthinking. I stalked her a lot, and I was so incredibly jealous—still am. I want to be her so badly. I began questioning my boyfriend about her. I’d ask him about their relationship and whether he liked her or found her attractive, and I’d do it all the time. He always said he’d never liked her and that he found her very ugly. Some things he said were that she always had eye boogers, was performative, anorexic, and ugly. I already told him the anorexic comment was weird, and that was a while ago. I think he thought that if he overly insulted her, it would make me stop being stubborn and believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Anyway, a mutual friend my boyfriend and I used to have said he would give her snacks sometimes and would black out all the nutritional information since she had an ED. She also said he made a pros and cons list about her and that he liked the idea of her. This mutual friend lies a lot, though, apparently, but my boyfriend said the snack thing was true. He also had another girl friend who I know posts Gracie sometimes, which makes me insecure because he sees her on that friend’s stories. Her name is Gracie, so I’ll call her that to avoid confusion. He went to a friend’s birthday party about three months ago. This is the same friend who posts Gracie sometimes, so I knew Gracie would be there. I didn’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend going and being around her because I was so insecure. I told him to ask the girl friend if Gracie was going to be there. At first, he made it sound like he texted her to ask and that she hadn’t responded yet. Then the next day, he said he had called her in the morning to ask, but she hung up and said she was busy. He then called in the afternoon but didn’t get an answer. The morning call wasn’t even in his call log, though. I feel like he knew Gracie would be there and didn’t want to ask, or maybe he did ask but didn’t tell me because he wanted to go to the party and knew I wouldn’t let him if she were there. He ended up going to a different girl’s house than the one whose birthday it was (the girl he had called to ask if Gracie was going). The girl whose house he went to is named Nicole, who’s best friends with Gracie, and he knew that. Nicole was hosting the birthday party for the girl friend. He told me he had no clue it was going to be at Nicole’s house. He said he saw Gracie briefly, but that she was in Nicole’s room all night. I saw some pictures where she was out in the living room. There was even one picture of her lying down with the girl whose birthday it was (my boyfriend’s friend), and my boyfriend’s jacket was hanging on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. He never took pictures showing all of his surroundings, but maybe he didn’t want people to see he was taking pictures, idk. I’m scared he actually was around her, though, but he swore he wasn’t. Anyway, I kept stalking her Instagram after that. Last week, she posted pictures of herself to “Beetles” by Aphex Twin. I saw that same song on my boyfriend’s Airbuds seven hours later. He had never listened to that song before, so it was weird that the same day she posted herself to it, he happened to listen to it. He said he saw it in an edit on TikTok. He went through his watch history but couldn’t find the video, so then he said it might’ve been on YouTube or Instagram, but he couldn’t remember. That song isn’t popular at all, though, and only has around 100 videos on TikTok and Instagram. I couldn’t even find a video with that song on YouTube. He told me it was an original sound, so it wouldn’t be under the sound on Instagram or TikTok. Idk, it’s just so weird to me. He also switched between calling her Grace and Gracie. He told me “Grace” was just a typo until he said “Grace” on a call and I questioned him. Then he said Grace is her real name and that he doesn’t call her that on purpose. I also asked him one time if she has lip filler because she has amazing lips and I was jealous. He said, “No, she just pouts a lot.” I asked how he knew that, and he said that’s what he remembered from two years ago (the last time they were friends). I also found her Spotify and stalked it, which I know I shouldn’t have, but they both listen to some not-so-popular artists. She had a lot of Steely Dan songs on her playlists, and she also had the Twin Peaks theme song and a whole Twin Peaks playlist. My boyfriend had a Steely Dan song on one of his playlists along with the Twin Peaks theme song. I’ve felt so sick for the past few days because of their similarities in music. A lot of this stuff is just what-ifs or theories. I think the only thing that is actually fishy is the whole “Beetles” thing. My boyfriend has offered to give me all of his socials, and he’s sent me some of his messages, but he could obviously just delete things. I always decline the socials because that feels toxic to me. He always tells me he would never cheat on me because he knows how horrible it is and that he could never do that to me. He also always says he doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and is always at home, so how would he cheat—which is weird to me, idk. We’re long distance, by the way. We were in person for about six months and then long distance. I’m 19 and he is 20, and he’s planning on moving here next month. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so sick. He also won’t give me reassurance anymore. He said he’s been doing research on ROCD and that reassurance is bad. He never cared before, so I thought it was weird that he cares now, but he said it’s because every time he gives reassurance, it’s not enough for me. He also started following and listening to a new artist maybe a week ago, and he added one of her songs to his playlist. Gracie just made a playlist yesterday and added the same song. The singer isn’t very popular—her name is Cece Natalie—and the song has 1,020,106 listens and around 800 uses on TikTok, so it’s not popular. He cried to me a few weeks ago saying he’s so tired of me bringing her up and being insecure over her because she’s so irrelevant and he doesn’t understand why I am like this. He sounded just really exhausted and sincere so I think this is all in my head but it’s so hard to tell sometimes.

Hi my name is Michelle. I am in high school. At school I was in this class coop and they put this powdery substance on our hands and had us rub it into our hands. Then they had us put our hands under a uv light. The uv light showed us how many germs we have on our hands. Then they had us wash our hands and then put our hands under the uv light. It showed that washing your hands gets ride of bacteria rather than not washing your hands at all. Now my ocd had latched onto my hand washing ocd even more. My hands are getting so cracked it’s getting really bad. What can I do to make ocd easier with hand washing? Has anybody had this ocd before at school?

This is my first time posting on here about my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I get really bad intrusive urges, and it feels like I will act on them, even though I know I would NEVER do that. My anxiety gets so bad that I’ll start to shake and get cold for some reason. Intrusive thoughts are bad enough and then dealing with intrusive urges, man…it’s terrible and VERY hard to deal with. I just want to know if anyone else deals with the same thing and would like to read your responses to this. I think it would help out and help me to understand that I’m not the only person to deal with it. This goes out for any type of ocd, but more specifically for harm OCD. (I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but at this point, I might have it. Idk)

Does anyone else’s false memory ocd try to tell them that the intrusive thought / false memory you are having is in fact not false memory ocd and is reality and you actually did do the thing it is trying to convince you that you did?

I have my fears. I have written down what keeps me up on several nights. I haven't gone into detail but I have written it down. I've been up since 3am. This isn't the first time it has happened and I feel like my mind can't get a break. I don't even feel tired. I feel way too anxious and I just can't calm my thoughts. My intrusive thoughts turned into nightmares and it woke me up. I know that ERP works because people report that it does but I've tried to do it on my own very few times and it doesn't feel like it worked. I really really want it to work though. My eyes burn a little and I just don't feel calm. Anything but calm and free from my thoughts.

I have my fears. I have written down what keeps me up on several nights. I haven't gone into detail but I have written it down. I've been up since 3am. This isn't the first time it has happened and I feel like my mind can't get a break. I don't even feel tired. I feel way too anxious and I just can't calm my thoughts. My intrusive thoughts turned into nightmares and it woke me up. I know that ERP works because people report that it does but I've tried to do it on my own very few times and it doesn't feel like it worked. I really really want it to work though. My eyes burn a little and I just don't feel calm. Anything but calm and free from my thoughts.

Hello everyone. I’m still very new to understanding my ocd and I haven’t started my erp therapy yet but I will soon. In the meantime, I was wondering if anyone had any tips on managing stress and anxiety, and what to do when intrusive thoughts take over. I’ve started to get really bad stress headaches and my physical health is declining fast because of my stress due to my ocd. Have a great day <3

My OCD, anxiety and all of my other mental stuff that I have no idea what is makes me feel so alone and like an alien- this morning I felt pretty decent and as if I could go through the day with passing colors and now I'm curled up in my messy bedroom crying and feeling non-human . Quite dissociated . Subtypes are stressing me out more. Health OCD are making me believe I'm going to lose all my hair and especially since my scalp and face is pretty scared up at the current moment due to picking and that I'll go blind and lose all my limbs with cancer, + be deaf (?? That's a lot OCD...) Real Event OCD is making me feel super sick, Existential OCD is making me believe that nothing matters especially since my grades are sort of behind and I feel stupid, and that I'm so exhausted by everything I feel like the future is too much work + worrying about the time and all . ROCD is making me second guess my friendship and making me believe everyone hates me due to many reasons and I'm wondering if it's even OCD or I do feel this way genuinely, and other subtypes are just at me . (POCD, Catastrophic OCD, other odd ones you name it.) --- Social anxiety sucked today and will suck more tomorrow and forward since I just can't talk normally, not even with my main/only friend group- legitimately only my family really I can be comfortable with them and be 100% myself personality wise and all.. (Or with other exceptions,) Otherwise my voice tone is off, I stutter, and I suck at doing conversations/try too hard . & I'm just so awkward and clumsy and everything..! I have to mask many times and overall anxiety is just eating me alive . --- I feel like I'm cosplaying a human . Not being one. my only comfort at this point is just escaping in my mind (possible malidaptive daydreaming, since I daydream 24/7 and it messes with my perspective of the real life at times- it's gotten pretty severe) and being alone with my comfort stuff . I feel safe that way and it does help me, I just hate the real world sometimes. :,,,( I go from feeling super optimistic and almost unstoppable not even a few hours ago and the next the exact opposite . My mind hurts from my weird mood switches it makes me confused on what I'm really feeling. ~💜POSITIVE NOTE💚~ To end this vent, I do want to add some good to it . : ) Despite all of this, I did diminish some of my procrastination and finished some slides for a presentation, planned a list on what assignments to complete tomorrow, and I have given myself some slack . I have been trying to be more productive. I'm trying my hardest to be patient on myself, it isn't my fault, I know that- it's my mind that's causing all of the stress . I'll still continue to try and I'm going to continue to try and stay with the uncertainty. Uncertainty is key, I know that as well, but I still wanted to vent since I just feel so hopeless and stressed to the core . I hope everyone has a wonderful night . 🌜✨️ If you are struggling as well, I'm so sorry . I hope the next day is more relaxing and easy on you, you are not alone . <3 I care for you fellow strangers on this app, you guys are amazing and worth it.