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working to conquer OCD
idk how to work this app too much but I’ve looked at symptoms and mine don’t seem like the typical symptoms but I’m just scared I’m telling myself I have a disorder when I don’t
So I've been seeing a lot of people talk about how therapy has been amazing for them which I would love to, but it's out of my price range and there's not many OCD specialists in my area, also therapy is very taboo here. So I am always seeing aout EPR and exposure and for the people that have actually went to therapy, how can I practice EPR bymyself and what should I do since I don't have a therapist to guide me? I've been better than before but I'd really like to move on from this phase in my life and actually manage myself. Any help would be appritiated thank you.
My ocd is very severe. I have tried meeting with therapists for a long time (ocd speciality therapists), and now I am seeing my therapist twice a week and have been since November. I have tried ERP and can’t do it. My therapist at home (not college) believes I can’t engage in ERP because my symptoms are too severe to engage in it, and it interferes with it. She used the analogy of if a depressed person is unable to go to therapy because of depression or they couldn’t get out of bed, you wouldn’t say they aren’t trying, you would say the depression symptoms are preventing them from getting treatment. I have tried 200mg of Zoloft, and am currently on 80mg of Prozac, 10 mg of abilify, and upped to 60 mg of buspirone last week, and I haven’t had any side effects positive or negative from any medication. My therapist at college has a supervisor (cause he’s a student in training) who believes that because I haven’t had any side effects to 10 mg of abilify, there could be something else going on. Therapy has not helped a ton, and medication have not helped at all (as far as I can see). It’s clear that I am not getting the right amount of care. The next steps for a situation like this are usually clomipramine or TMS. I have a psychiatrist appointment in 3 weeks which seems like a long way away, where I might be able to be prescribed clompiramine or another medication that isn’t common, but I can’t get new medication before that, because that is the soonest I can see the psychiatrist. I’ve looked into treatment resistant ocd options. I’ve seen TMS, DBS, and anterior capsulotomy. Both the therapist at college and at home think that residential care at Rogers would be good when I can do ERP. The issue is that when I talk to my parents about these options, they say it costs a lot of money, and are not huge fans of it. My dad had a conversation with me yesterday and said the most important thing I can do is get my bachelor’s degree (I’m a junior in college). He more wants me to wait until this summer, but I don’t want to wait that long. I’m having trouble ending this cause of ocd, and knowing what to say, but I feel like my parents are too focused on the financial aspect of it. My dad said the people talking to me don’t understand the financial aspect of it. I’m willing to pay my own money for some stuff (for some things like DBS I might not be able to afford it, but TMS I can), but with TMS, they want me doing it at home and not 5 hours away at college. I might be blaming my parents too much which is not my intent, but it is frustrating, because I feel like they don’t understand how bad my ocd is. I know these treatments are expensive, but I’m not doing well. It’s a frustrating situation
Adults only Adults only As much as I don't want to admit it, I have a compulsive porn use problem. I've been escalating to videos I don't want to see but I watch them anyway because that's what I feel gives me a rush. It will be taboo acts that can be deemed disgusting, humiliating, or taboo, content with celebrities, ai focused fetish content, animations of famous people, sexual drawings of celebrities, and people doing sexual acts in public. I hate that I can't control myself from watching this and what I hate even more is that I feel strong attraction to any of this. Something that was one disgusting to me is something I can't stop myself to watch now. I hate the AI content so much. I see ads plastered everywhere on sites showing real people's faces being used for this awful stuff as I scroll by. I feel disgust and shame when I see it. I see a lot of gross things while looking for the content I want and I just want it to stop. I don't know the solution to this though.
I was wondering as ive done research into this and i feel awful I need to know if im not the only one to have this i feel awful about it. So basically ive been with my girlfriend for a year now I love her so much she's the love of my life but when I was 13 some girl said she liked me and I was friend with her and I didnt know what to do so I went out with her for 3 week and that was it I was fine and thats the end of it. I love my current girlfriend and want to marry eventually anyways im now friend with that girl from when I was thirteen with my girlfriend and im also best mates with her boyfriend now but basically I wanted ask I had a feeling of jealousy run through my body at one point like a month ago and I keep questioning why I felt that because 1 I dont want that and it really scared me I love my girlfriend now I dont want anyone else she my world I really really love her and thats all I want she's the best things thats happend to me and when I calm down from my spilling of ocd it chucks that jealousy card at me and sets me off again its really scary and I only want my girlfriend now nobody else i wish I never went out with anyone else i only wish I went out with my girlfriend now she's the best thing in the world
I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts for almost 9 months. People say it gets better, but unfortunately, for some people it doesn’t, my brain will do whatever it takes to make me feel discomfort, creating things in my head, including people I care about like friends or family just to make me feel disgust and shame, I just need advice right now during these hard times please help me.
I have been having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality for years but I have always dated men and know for a fact I could never be with a woman romantically. I have had intimate encounters with women before that were not too serious just kissing or hand holding (I am a girl) but recently I have taken it to another level. The other weekend I went home with a girl and it ultimately ended in a sexual encounter. I have been desperate to experience this with a woman in full to be able to push down the thoughts and come to a conclusion but it only worked temporarily. Even during it she asked if I was attracted to her and I said no. Now my brain is starting to force the narrative again telling me that I must be into it because I did it, or that I did not collect enough evidence in my encounter. I am also in a relationship with a man and I told him about it and now our relationship is on the line. Seeing how much this hurt him I know I would never act on this again, but I hate the flow of thoughts I have been having. I am aware that what I did was wrong and I hate that I took it to this extent. If you struggle with this sector of OCD, how do you cope?
i have 10 hours of school tomorrow and the feeling of dread won’t leave me alone. i’m so scared for tomorrow—i don’t wanna go out and i don’t wanna see the people who became part of the triggers. i’m just not ready to go out and interact with anyone. i just want to stay inside my house. i don’t want to feel unsafe.
Adults only Adults only I don't think it ever really gets better. Same with OCD thoughts and anxiety in some ways. I just find ways to avoid it. But in this case it's porn. I know what I'm watching is disturbing to to me and against my morals. But I watch it anyway. I know why this happens because it's part of compulsive behavior. But when this happens, I get so much shame that I'm trying not to let build up. I feel like this is getting worse than my OCD by itself. OCD is still there but my biggest triggers are almost always related to sexuality, sex, and porn. I watched plenty of things that I find so much shame and guilt for including videos of celebrities, famous people, ai videos and pictures, and risky acts being done like sexual acts in public. I don't know if this is ever going to be solved. All I can ever do about this is a avoid it and hope urges don't come back. Or if I get caught off guard.
How do you handle intrusive thoughts during a commute (e.g., train rides, car drive, walking around)? Especially when those thoughts are about getting lost from taking a wrong turn, the wrong train, getting lost, ending up lost / somewhere you don’t know? I frequently find myself with elevated anxiety while I’m navigating to somewhere outside my immediate neighborhood. Think double checking my commute routes on my phone’s map leading up to and during my commute. Constantly checking the address that was texted to me. Stressing out that I’m on the wrong train. Staring at my navigation while driving. Getting off a train and feeling like I don’t know which direction is which. I also feel so dumb/mad at myself and guilty if I’m with others when I actually make a mistake. One clear example: today I was with my partner and we were headed home from dinner in a neighborhood we’ve visited often and used the train to get to before. I told her that we should take the subway going west when really we should’ve went east. I was so confident when I said it and then she told me we were going the wrong way. I felt like a complete idiot, was so embarrassed, and was scared we’d get stuck given the inclement weather affecting the transit system. My brain just went overboard with the self-criticism and guilt trip, so much so that I didn’t want to speak other than to tell her I’m sorry. All this for what amounted to maybe only a 15-20 minute delay…which made me feel like I was weak minded and ‘soft’. If anyone has tips to address intrusive thoughts of this kind, I’d appreciate it if you shared. Including tips on dealing with the outcome of these travel mistakes would help too. Any exposure ideas are very welcome. I still have some work to do with addressing my own issues with unhelpful, traditional masculine concepts around leading a trip and having to be/ look right all the time when traveling. Thanks and sorry for the wordy post.
A few days ago I was on a group call with my bf and his friends. He was telling a story of how he went to McDonald’s that day and the day before (so 2 days in a row) and he could tell the cashier liked him because she kept making eyes at him and gave him free food. He mentioned it his brother saying something like “she totally likes me” and his brother was like “dude?” But then my bf responded “free food.” Idk it was all vague? I tried not to think much of it but later in the call I teased him and said something like “go ask your McDonald’s gf” and he responded with a weird comment that was something like “well I wouldn’t tell you if she was, so the fact I’m telling you means she isn’t” and idk I thought it was weird but since we were with his friends I didn’t say anything. I’ve been thinking about that comment since and I’ve been trying not to obsess about it. He gets defensive easily and I’m scared of bringing it up. We’re long distance so I can’t do it in person and I feel like there’s no right way to talk about it over the phone or text and I wouldn’t even know how to go about it if there was. It’s led to spirals and I’ve been overthinking more lately. I know talking about it would end the obsessions and overthinking but he would get defensive and think I’m accusing him, no matter how I word it. Idk I’m just ughhrrrr Please help :( I know his younger brother was with him and I was thinking about asking him but it would be messed up to ask him and not my bf I’m just overthinking it so so bad
So for context, almost two weeks ago I had my first ever, full-blown panic attack over lab results (blood work was taken the day before, and that was already a very stressful event on top of a heavy depressive period I've been dealing with since the new year) I barely understand other than that I had high cholesterol, LDC, A1C, and a high percentage risk for a cardiovascular event. I literally woke up, NOT well rested mind you, at 7:00am in the frickin morning an u wanna kno the first thing I did? Look on my phone for the time, and there it was, the dreaded lab results. Fast-forward through a then stressful morning of almost being late to my dentist appointment, I was basically ruminating like crazy thought out everything, I even felt myself getting overwhelmed mid-cleanup but still somehow persevered. Now, the warning signs. For some reason, my feet was itching. And I was like..that's weird, why is it itching? And then after I got in the car, I wasn't able to talk to my mom and pay attention to her (my ma took me to my appointment that day) and then on the way to dominos to get something to eat, that's when I processed the weird feeling I was getting and told my mom exactly this, "Ma, I don't feel so good" And then all hell broke lose. On one hand I knew right off the bat it was a panic attack, but on the other hand, I kinda felt like I was having a heart attack (cuz of the lab results thing). Didn't help that my ma was driving throughout all of it, but nonetheless I managed to calm myself down enough to make it to domino's before doing the very thing u shouldn't due after coming down from an OCD-induced panic attack: looking up how to come down from it. Imma spare the details of the rest of that day cuz honestly it was basically the worst day if my life so yea. Now im here weeks later expecting myself to be over it, but nope, no matter how calm I am, if my collarbones creek, heart attack. If I feel distracted, heart attack. Eyes blink too quickly, heart attack. MOVING at a NORMAL PACE, heart attack; or a stroke or cardic arrest or whatever. I've been on edge ever since that happened, but then I feel okay and say "hell yea, I got this!" Then one weird body thing and now all of a sudden the bravado leaves me. I'm literally only 20 years old, my lab results weren't even THAT bad since they're similar to my past one, and the only reason why im having these issues is because of my mental health. But no matter how many people reassure me (with and without me seeking it) no matter how much I try to use the tips I've learned, I still feel like im waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't even relax for a whole DAY without me suddenly hyperfocusing on how my body feels, checking my heart to see if it's beating too fast or slow, walking slowly, scared to eat. I keep telling myself I could do this but honestly? Right now? I don't feel like I can. I just feel so frustrated that I want to cry but I'm scared to do even that. Like, I need to go to college away from home soon, I need to drive soon, I need to find an apartment to live on my own soon; all this year. How the heck am I supposed to feel capable of all these things when I'm scared about not being real? When the thought of being outside scares me? Life frickin sucks bad right now, man..
does anyone struggle with ocd flares after drinking/when hungover? i know it’s common—especially with hangxiety being such a normalized experience and alcohol being a depressant—but mine is quite severe, even if I only had one or two drinks, worse if more. I worry a lot about doing/saying things that were hurtful or rude, or just being annoying, even if i don’t have any evidence to support that worry. if i did do something when i was tipsy that i deem embarrassing, or remember a moment that i was gossiping/didn’t “click” with a person I chatted with, it’s even worse. i don’t drink often but when i do, this usually happens :( i know the main thing i can do is not drink, but sometimes i want to be able to out with friends. if anyone has any other recommendations for dealing with this/gently guiding myself out of these thought, that would be welcome! ty
Has anyone been able to look back at their false memory and say oh yeah that was a false memory after recovery? Seems so difficult to me. Or you just move on and accept and never know?
I feel like the whole acceptance thing it means to endure the pain. I keep falling back into huge anxiety circles and i start to get tired of it. Everytime i learned a way to not fall into ocd and emotions, it turned into fighting. I feel tired that everyone thinks that I just want to feel happy all the time and dont have negative emotions, or that I want to control them perfectly... Im afraid the answer is that we need to endure the pain and try to do what you choose to do while you feel horrible, and you will feel horrible and at the end of the day you might feel numb or crying but hey accept it, cause we are humans... I went to many therapists, now I try to learn from chatgpt which gave me really good answers and helped alot before, now idk what happened to it but it gives me this answer to everything that seems like i need to endure pain, if i want to focus on something else to not focus on pain thats not possible, its like telling to me you need to be like a robot, do things jist for the sake of doing it, but you will feel horrible and you cant do anything about it and if you want to do something about it then you are controlling and thats why ocd gets stronger...I feel like i wont recover or become better at handling emotions ever cause I cant do this. It seems like the only thing you can do is deciding what you do but still the focus will be on the pain, still you will feel horrible, still you are suffering, and when the emotions decides that it will go away cause it didnt got fuel, then you might be yourself again... this is enduring the pain and a really sad thing in my opinion... I might have control problems then...
in 2022 I met a guy who quickly became a dear friend. After a short time getting to know each other, I started feeling confused about what I felt for him, I couldn't tell if I liked him romantically or not. I talked about it with my girlfriend and she said that if I wanted we could break up, but I told her no, I wanted to stay together. It was something that troubled me a lot and I genuinely couldn't figure out if I liked him or not. Sometimes I'd tell myself with more certainty that I didn't, but then the doubt would come back. Our friendship was something I cared about deeply, we were also very affectionate with each other, though sometimes specifying that the affection was platonic and nothing more. We also often made very sexual jokes at each other's expense, often very silly ones, but not always. His attention made me feel good, he'd often compliment me and I felt appreciated. I liked the idea of him seeing me as an attractive and interesting person, and I actively wanted that. Over time the doubt faded and I stopped wondering if I liked him, it was very clear he was just my friend. Years later, in mid-2024, I started wondering if during that period I had cheated on my girlfriend, if I had said something with wrong intentions or stuff like that. Nothing physical ever happened, and when we would hang out I have no memory of wanting to kiss him or anything like that. Initially I told myself it probably wasn't like that, nothing came to mind and those sexual jokes didn't seem like anything strange because I couldn't remember any wrong intentions. Over time the doubt grew, until at the end of 2025 I became convinced I had acted with wrong intentions. There are many conversations between me and my friend that I now consider ambiguous or proof of cheating The problem is that I told my girlfriend everything, and she doesn't believe me, she thinks it's just OCD. This has caused a real rift in our relationship because we're on completely different wavelengths. It's hard to be together. I've become more absent at a time when she's not doing well and needs me, which makes her upset But I'm convinced I did something wrong and I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like our relationship is built on a lie that she's ignoring. I want to cut off contact with this friend( who also thinks it's just OCD) even though my girlfriend told me I shouldn't. I feel totally convinced now, and it makes me deeply depressed because she's the person I care about most in the world and I can't bear the thought of having done something so terrible
Hello all! I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I have had OCD for the entirety of my life, but just because I have OCD doesn’t mean I have to suffer from it! First off, I wanted to say, that it does get better. The extent of how much I’ve done was, I was originally misdiagnosed with simply generalized anxiety disorder. I’m not to say that I don’t have it, but I always knew that it felt like it was something more than that. I started taking medicine, even though I was unsure of it. This did help tremendously, but it led to weight gain and sort of a numb feeling towards the end of it. I went off and on it for several years, I usually would get back on when I had symptoms of sadness and anxiety. Although I never was diagnosed with depression, I often times would feel sad in the winter seasons, and sometimes just anxious and couldn’t calm myself down. Following a really bad breakup where I dealt with a lot of gaslighting and being cheated on, I later developed real event and false memory OCD with POCD in the mix. My obsessions were usually over any content that I had seen online and I would obsessively check images and memory review. I remember the scariest feeling with constant memory review and going to a therapist to use CBT to address this. We would talk through all the thoughts and images and memories, and I would feel a lot better after telling him this. But I realize there was always a “sticky” feeling about some of these thoughts that I wasn’t able to shake. I would compulsively go to therapy just because it was such a relief to talk to these things with my therapist about. Eventually, after several years, it went away naturally on its own, he was equipped with knowledge of OCD, but the CBT portion of it didn’t seem to help as we constantly would problem solve and try to figure things out. Later on after a really rough season and being completely medication free, I indulged in mental review, rumination, and constantly putting myself on the stand and a mental trial. I was always worried about things in my past, and I would think about them over and over and over again, for some reason all the thoughts would be with childhood or teenage memories of research and exploration online. I was always terrified that maybe this said something about me and because of how traumatic my breakup was, I blamed myself for the downfall and also my ex-girlfriend’s drinking problem. This led me to question myself as a person and develop a bit of a different theme of POCD. I never really had images and urges, but I had constant worry that anime I was watching, harmless things I had seen online, and fuzzy memories kept me in a constant state of wondering about my character. I would constantly read stories about criminals and how people would act. I isolated myself for a long time (despite still working a full-time job and having a social life) and constantly tried to reassure myself that I wasn’t a dangerous person. I would take several precautions to make sure that I was never seen as a creep to women and would always make sure to look out for other others. It was such a horrible thing to endure, as I’m very passionate about protecting people and making sure that people aren’t in abusive situations. It took a long time for me to accept that I was abused emotionally in my relationship. I love my ex-girlfriend so much and I still do. I wish her only but the best and sometimes I think about what life would’ve been like if I had stayed with her. I have achieved the OCD conquerer status over the years, but after a run with Zepbound, a lot of my anxiety came back as I went through a bad bout of depression. I want to ask people here to share their stories and their thoughts and their journeys. My biggest struggles right now is I feel like I’m hiding a dark secret or I’m constantly on a mental trial. Although I have things that I think sometimes may provide evidence for this, I’m always back at square one once I’m able to “disprove it” and go back to compulsions that provide the temporarily relief. I do want to say that it does get better, you can live a beautiful life with OCD but you don’t have to suffer from OCD. What have you done to stay in remission? What keeps you stuck? What do you value most in life? If you were reading this and struggling, I want you to know that it is never too late to get help. You deserve compassion and you deserve a beautiful life just like I do even though sometimes I don’t think I do. I have a wonderful therapist from NOCD and the support groups have been really life-changing. I just want you all to know that I genuinely love you all and I am rooting for each and every one of you! We’ve got this and I am so thankful for the no CD community and for the bravery all of you have displayed in your journeys! As we learn and grow together, I truly believe it will get better and I’m so happy that there are so many resources to help address this.
Hi, I’m wondering if anyone relates to this because my OCD doesn’t focus on one clear event or thought. It started with me obsessing over remembering things perfectly (like trying to recall exactly what I did, in what order). When I couldn’t remember, I would mentally go back and try to reconstruct it until it felt “right.” At some point that original obsession faded, but instead of relief, my brain got stuck on how it faded and whether I missed something in between. Now the obsession isn’t about a specific memory. It’s more like a constant feeling that there’s “something in the past” I can’t figure out. There’s no clear image or event — just a sense of uncertainty that my brain keeps trying to solve. Whenever I feel anxious or triggered, my mind automatically links the feeling back to that idea, like the anxiety is proof that I need to figure something out. I end up ruminating, trying to understand how my mind got here or what I’m missing, but I never get clarity — it just makes it worse. Even when I feel calm, the thought can still sit in the background like an unsolved problem. I’ve started seeking help and looking into CBT/ERP, but I wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with this kind of vague, “figure it out” OCD rather than a specific fear or memory.
in 2022 I met a guy who quickly became a dear friend. After a short time getting to know each other, I started feeling confused about what I felt for him, I couldn't tell if I liked him romantically or not. I talked about it with my girlfriend and she said that if I wanted we could break up, but I told her no, I wanted to stay together. It was something that troubled me a lot and I genuinely couldn't figure out if I liked him or not. Sometimes I'd tell myself with more certainty that I didn't, but then the doubt would come back. Our friendship was something I cared about deeply, we were also very affectionate with each other, though sometimes specifying that the affection was platonic and nothing more. We also often made very sexual jokes at each other's expense, often very silly ones, but not always. His attention made me feel good, he'd often compliment me and I felt appreciated. I liked the idea of him seeing me as an attractive and interesting person, and I actively wanted that. Over time the doubt faded and I stopped wondering if I liked him, it was very clear he was just my friend. Years later, in mid-2024, I started wondering if during that period I had cheated on my girlfriend, if I had said something with wrong intentions or stuff like that. Nothing physical ever happened, and when we would hang out I have no memory of wanting to kiss him or anything like that. Initially I told myself it probably wasn't like that, nothing came to mind and those sexual jokes didn't seem like anything strange because I couldn't remember any wrong intentions. Over time the doubt grew, until at the end of 2025 I became convinced I had acted with wrong intentions. There are many conversations between me and my friend that I now consider ambiguous or proof of cheating The problem is that I told my girlfriend everything, and she doesn't believe me, she thinks it's just OCD. This has caused a real rift in our relationship because we're on completely different wavelengths. It's hard to be together. I've become more absent at a time when she's not doing well and needs me, which makes her upset But I'm convinced I did something wrong and I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like our relationship is built on a lie that she's ignoring. I want to cut off contact with this friend( who also thinks it's just OCD) even though my girlfriend told me I shouldn't. I feel totally convinced now, and it makes me deeply depressed because she's the person I care about most in the world and I can't bear the thought of having done something so terrible
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