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working to conquer OCD
So, I really like this music artist, but she has king of demons tatted on her forehead and is overall disrespectful to religion. But I listen to other artists who aren't exactly Christian either, but I've been told to not listen to her specifically from my mom. I dont get a bad vibe from her music, I just don't support her as a person. Idk what to do because then I'd have to drop basically everything I listen to because in some way, everyone who is famous is demonic on some level. And I'm not a big fan of worship music in all honesty š now, every time I listen to music, I think "what's the difference between this artist and another artist?" Or "am I committed to God if I can't even stop music for Him?". I'm very confused
So⦠I have a very strong and rather unhealthy attachment to someone I know⦠and it scares me how much I like them⦠so I try to avoid them⦠but then Iām thinking all day, every day about how Iāll break the ice when I choose to reach out again⦠and itās terrible because I feel like theyāre trying and I need the constant reassurance of them initiating conversations because it shows me they care and WANT to talk to me⦠but now Iām afraid my avoidance will push them away and itās such backwards thinking but⦠Iām not avoiding them because I donāt like them or want to talk to them⦠itās quite the opposite⦠I want to talk to you so badly because I like you so much that I have to restrain myself⦠and now itās been rather silent on their end and Iām not sure what to make of it because I donāt know how they feel so now Iām scared Iām losing them but I donāt know what to do⦠do I text back? do I wait for them to reach out again to confirm that they still want to speak to me? what if they never do because my silence has pushed them away? I miss them so much but I donāt know what to do.
My OCD is now moral checking people around me and now its on my dad, i keep replying stuff he said or did years ago to see like what if he is weird or sum like im checking real events but about other people and of course i always find something and it hurts so bad that my OCD is now focusing on my Pa, im very close with my dad and it hurts me so much to even think like if he is a bad person or not, i love him so much and i genuinely cant handle it, i dont know what to do i keep replying stuff he said and i dont know like what if he was weird cause he said that even tho like i dont think he had bad intentions he is truly like amazing and i cant handle this i dont know how to beat this theme since its not like my morals or anything its someone else that i cant solve since im not them
iāve been having troubles in my relationship. itās been very one sided on feelings and by that i mean iāve realized iāve been too focused on mine rather than remembering the fact that my partner has feelings too. that he can get mentally exhausted also. i thought that maybe i needed to work on myself more and i do i know that to be true. i apologized to him for just realizing that. weāre learning to really come together on both of us being better for each other. the progress we have made has made us proud, but still i find myself going back to those thoughts and feelings. iāve gotten better communicating those to him. he understands that i can overthink, he just still questions why id even think that way to begin with. back early in our relationship, i used to be so confident on his feelings for me. it doesnāt matter how many times he tells me or shows me, i still fall into questioning what if he doesnāt really want to be with me. what if heās getting ready to leave and find someone better. when i ask him a question about what iām thinking in that moment, i can just see in his face the shock because we would be having such a normal moment. iāll question his ego and wonder if he feels like weāre equals as if he thinks heās better than me. he can look at me a certain way and iāll question what he really thinks of me. iāll apologize to him for things that i canāt help when heās not even affected by whatever it is Iām apologizing for. iāll imagine him at his worst when heās given me no reason to believe heās that person i can see in my head. sometimes i get worried that iām doing something just to upset him. i want to be better for him, he doesnāt deserve to have to constantly reassure me if weāre okay.
Friday something happened to me. I worked very hard, way too hard & i was exhausted but pushed myself to make the work done. When i was finished i started to get very dizzy & i was exhausted & a little bit ugh. When i got back home, my thoughts suddenly went: hey, have you done something evil outside, did you do something bad? I was confused but exhausted. And later i went back in my memory rethinking & reliving the situation. But the images i saw are disturbing & the more i try to remember, the more images which makes you question about the reality, while i know that it's not true. But my mind tries to make me believe i did something very bad. It's like a chapter you dont really remember. And the images are like, a horror movie. Im so scared. How do i need to handle this? How to stop the images? And how to not believe it? Because it feels so real, it scares the Fuck out of me. I dont remember the exaxt situation, so im reliving the situation with my image thinking, but it feels like it's getting twisted. Help me please. What do i need to do. Any advice. Help. Comfort words. Anything
a couple hours ago, my mum was drinking juice from a glass cup and a small piece of it broke of mid drinking and got stuck in her tongue and she pulled it out but she was bleeding a lot and then i went with her to our local pharmacy in which they told us that it will heal and to just use some numbing medication that they recommended for us (i told her not to take it immediately just incase it stung or caused a bigger issue), the bleeding has consistently stopped and started since then and we got in touch with our doctor who told us to go the a&e but my mum hates going there because of the waiting time so she then called 111 who told her that they'll call back in the next six hours (it's been around two hours since), i've been constantly googling her symptoms and everything says she needs to go to a&e but she says she feels better and that it isn't serious but i think over researching has made me on edge and earlier i was feeling so sickly anxious and i did not know what to do and the pharmacy guy from earlier didn't help ease my anxiety as much as my friend's sister did who is also a pharmacist but maybe that's because i know her and have familial trust ??? (if that's the word) but i'm really worried because the internet and 111 operator were talking about seizures and now im worried she'll have one and nobody will catch it because we'll all be sleeping and i'm not sure that i'll even be able to sleep tonight. also my room has never been so messy at least not in awhile as i have nothing to do but i will get to it either tomorrow or wednesday !! i just really need some anxiety relief because it feels like my brain is working overtime and i hate it so much.
Hey guys, Iām new to dating, and I keep worrying that I wonāt feel attracted enough to the person Iām dating (Iām not dating anyone right now btw š). Like, what if I donāt get wet enough or just donāt get turned on? Whenever I see someone cute on a dating app, I start imagining having sex with them to ātestā if Iād be attracted to them, and itās so frustrating because I just donāt know. š Does anyone have advice? I just wanna enjoy dating without overthinking all of this.
I think this one really depends on who you have surrounding you, of course I can understand that it canāt be easy to live around someone with ocd, but I do believe that sometimes people can be overly harsh? I donāt want to invalidate the feelings of the people who live around me, but I also hate the fact that I have to feel completely responsible for a disorder that I never asked to have in the first place. Iāll have my parents talk to me about how much my disorder āstresses them outā, and while yes of course I can understand that, I just wish that they could see that a) I try when I can, and b) itās also extremely difficult FOR ME TOO. Sometimes they talk to me and describe my ocd as if itās something that I want to live with, itās absolutely NOT. I canāt expect someone who doesnāt live with it to understand every small thing about what itās like, but I just wish that they could see that itās harder than it looks, not engaging in compulsions is so difficult, itās like if I was to ask one of them to blindly walk into a room, the room will either be completely safe, or the room will have no floor, and theyāll fall into a deep pool of man-eating piranhas, they probably wouldnāt want to take that risk. Yet thatās how it can feel every time someone with ocd says no to engaging in a compulsion or ritual. Uncertainty, fear, discomfort. I just wish that they could see that too
I am not sure if this is caused by my ocd. But I am not sure what sexuality I am and well at first everyone would call me a stud saying Iām gay but in reality itās only because I donāt have a feminine face or a feminine body & Iām flat both front and back. And well at first i identify with being nonbinary then I went as transgender but now i identify with my gender as a biological girl. But I also never dated and you can say I am unattractive Iām ugly which is why I can never see myself in a relationship both romantic and sexual because of my body my face my everything. And I have only been asked out like twice, and from what I know only 3 people have had a crush on me before. And well the first time was my online friend but I rejected and still wanted to be friends, while I was in 5th grade my classmate kept bugging me that my friend liked me I was so disgusting I was so rude to him to the point he stopped liking me, and after three years we began into good friends. Another time was when my trans friend told a girl she liked me and that friend told me I was so confused and well me and that friend was also kinda going distance so I was weirded out but not really. While recently a guy confessed and I rejected I gagged and didnāt sleep the whole night because I was so disgusted. I rejected him pretty harshly and blocked him after. And lowkey full offense those guys were kinda chopped but so am I. And I have only ever loved one guy in my life I can say love or like because I just knew it. While for girls I mean I never had a crush like that before but every time I see a pretty girl I think to myself wow sheās so skinny or wow sheās so pretty and I sometimes feel like I am no better than a man. But I also think about guys like that like wow heās so fine n stuff. But I can never imagine myself being with someone let alone someone way more attractive than me. I can also never flirt like that itās so cheesy. But I do read yaoi but no yuri huh. And Iāll just be honest here I also do touch myself to m girls and sometimes both girls that are on the hub so thatās why Iām confused on what I like. Iād also be super scared to give my virginity to a dude like what if they cheat on me which so why if I ever do it will be someone I will marry so that if he does cheat atleast we promised each other idk. I did take a test and I thought I was going to be lesbian but it turns out I was ace sexual but idk I feel like I can be with a pretty girl but not a pretty boy, the guy I liked was pretty skinny and like a twink but wasnāt gay. Not sure I hope someone can help me with these questions.
I have not had OCD my entire life. I understand the before and after, and the after is 100x worse. Did we lose the brain lottery or something? There are pieces of sh*t who walk this earth with better peace of mind than people with OCD. This has made life and myself nothing but negative things. I'm a worse person today because of OCD. I'm more difficult to be around, I have no peace of mind, etc. This shouldn't even exist as a neurological possibility. I'm sure people with bipolarisim, or autism, or whatever probably feel the same way. I'm struggling how to view OCD itself other than a big fat curse on this ONE life we have. There is no "life lesson" here, there is no "silver lining" here, there is just the cold and dreaded reality of probably having to struggle with this bs for the rest of your life. There are different ways to look at this. Cold hard cause and effect and logic, philosophically, spiritually, etc. On a spiritual view, where is the supposed "life lesson?" "Everything happens for a reason!" blah blah blah. Would I rather have a missing leg or OCD? That's a real question. At least with a physical injury you eventually get over it and it's not on your mind messing with your happiness and outlook on life 24/7. Sorry if I'm pessimistic and bitter bit that's OCD has done to me after several years.
ik ps can look like and act like anyone but i am scared Ik the stereotype of a p is someone who is like shut in, no friends, unattractive, corn addiction Before all this i already had bad social anxiety and critical about my looks, but at least then i knew the problem was just i had to work on lke people skills and self esteem Like i was just an average loser college girl and thats it But now any compassion or assurance i have in myself is completely gone. I feel fear when i look in the mirror and feel ugly, because it feels im already that stereotype and already a p. I fear that because of my looks i was always just going to end up a horrible person because my self esteem made me look for attention in bad places and be exposed to horrific things, i wasnt able to experience normal relationships like other girls But it was all my choice to do those things!! At the time i just felt miserable and insecure and honestly just didnt put enough effort into normal human interaction I just dont feel like a normal person!! Like i know theres nothing special about me but i feel like an alien Ive always considered alt clothing to be cool but i feel like in some way if id start wearing alt clothing Ill fullfill some sort of stereotype like its just manifesting like itll happen So i just want to resort to free and ācleanā looking ways of dress idk?? Also i watched a video talking about how someones name like āmanifestsā their future like Usain BOLT - fastest man alive And im just like was i always DESTINED to become/be a horrible sick person ??? As for the addiction i cold turkeyed stopped interacting with it after my thoughts starting coming in because i was so horrified that maybe it started to rewire my brain and i was becoming or already became a monster But now im thinking because ik a p can be literally anyone doesnt matter what they look like that makes it worse because its like its coming for me theres no hope it doesnt matter if i try to prevent it I feel sick
Hi all, Before I discovered OCD, I truly thought there was something deeply wrong with me. I struggled significantly to get my feet back under me. I cried endlessly, did not sleep, lost an unhealthy amount of weight, isolated myself, and seriously contemplated giving up on all my dreams. Initially, I was working with a therapist who knew nothing of OCD, did not believe in a diagnosis, and was trying to teach me that CBT was the solution. Now, by no means is this a knock on this therapist or CBTāthis is a method that can absolutely help people. For me, I was doing CBT as a wicked compulsion. Constantly battling or āreframingā my thoughts to neutralize or counter them. It was a vicious cycle that lasted over a year. The lack of progress really impacted my confidence too. Finally, it got so bad that I just broke down and went to the doctors. My primary care physician was helpful and listened to my situation. She prescribed me Lexapro and redirected me to a psychiatrist. It was there I fully learned what OCD was. It was tough to accept that I suffer from a real disorder. I never thought that was going to be in my cards, but the sooner you accept, the better. It is what it is⦠onward. OCD is exhausting. It really tries to ruin everything that matters to you. For me, that was my family, my friends, my faith, my job, my sense of normality. It will break your heart. Now, for the good newsā¦. It doesnāt have to do this. You can absolutely overcome OCD. I have come such a long way⦠Iām still learning⦠still getting better⦠I ABSOLUTELY have moments every day. But they do not cripple as they once did. The turning point was A: Medication. As someone who was once against medication, this was a huge pill for me to swallow ( no pun intended ), but the amount of room this has given me to do my ERP is astounding. Nothing to be ashamed of with medication; however, it is not a cure! The real work is with ERP and when my therapist ( who is awesome ) taught me these responses, it all started to click. * Intrusive Thought Shows Up * My response: āYep, thatās totally going to happenā canāt wait, actually.ā Or Response: āI guess weāll find out one way or anotherā Iāll keep doing me.ā Iāve learned that OCD is a disorder about the need for control/certainty. Control what you can control, trust yourself, and lose the need for certainty. Embrace the anxiety when it comes. Be one with the anxiety. Let it be there while you do what you need to do. Lastly, I found some great OCD accounts on social media that were great. Just be careful not to use them as compulsions. Just little tricks and tips along the way that I found helpful. Like I said, I still have momentsā¦. Quite a few, haha! Iāll always have OCD, but my response to it has improved, and I will continue to work at it every day. You got this.
A few days ago my sisters boyfriend is coming over and I was jealous because I feel like my boyfriend is supposed to be only guy that can come over I know it sounds toxic but whatever ( my sister moved in with us to get her life together and she got a new boyfriend) . She asked me to ask my boyfriend if he wants to come with us to the mall and I was happy and I imagined us on like a double date but sadly he worked. The day we were gonna meet my sisters boyfriend and I was getting ready because we were going to the mall and I did my hair and I felt pretty . And then Iām like am I being pretty for him? When my sisterās boyfriend actually came over, I saw him through the window and noticed his arms, which reminded me of Erick. I felt shocked, happy, and sad at the same time. Then I saw my mom talking to him and laughed because the way he nodded reminded me of my boyfriend . My mom asked me how my boyfriend was, and for a second my brain almost connected my boyfriend with my sisterās boyfriend, then I caught myself and remembered that my boyfriend was at work. I also felt like I didnāt care for my boyfriend was at work, but then I pouted and wondered if I was just acting. Then we went to the mall and my mom wanted me to get her water and I didnāt really want to go because it was awkward and I was shy . Then I saw the guy and I asked for water and he looked at me and itās like ā oh he looked at me so he must think Iām prettyā and I stoped it and Iām like TF And I felt weird like why did I feel that? I remember being awkward around my sisterās boyfriend, but I donāt remember actually having a mini crush on him. However, when I replay the situation now, my brain makes it seem like I was being shy, cute, smiley, and excited to see him, almost like I was single. It feels really real when I replay it, even though I donāt remember feeling that way in the actual moment My brain has also started bringing up old memories from when I was younger where I might have wanted a guyās attention. I donāt understand why those memories are suddenly appearing now, and then my brain uses them to make the current situation seem like a pattern. Today, while doing dishes, I randomly thought, āDo I really want to experience new love?ā My brain immediately started creating images/scenarios around that thought, and they felt very real. Then I remembered my boyfriend and got a heavy feeling in my chest and felt really sad. I started wondering if I was scared or if the sadness meant something else. Overall, I feel like my brain is taking random interactions, old memories, daydreams, thoughts, and feelings and turning them into evidence that I have feelings for other guys or that something has changed with my feelings for my boyfriend . I keep comparing feelings and replaying memories to figure out what is āreal.ā
Recently I was seeing a woman whom I was initially quite curious about and attracted to. She suggested we go on some walks, and over time I started noticing physical things about her that I felt quite repulsed by ā for example, her hair was thin in certain places, she had a noticeable stomach pouch, and I found myself questioning whether I liked her body shape (yes I know this sounds terrible, Iām trying desperately to understand it!) At first I thought this simply meant I had lost attraction to her. But what confused me was how dramatically my feelings seemed to fluctuate. At the beginning of one day I could feel very attracted to her and quite fond of her, and then later that same day I could suddenly feel intensely repulsed by her. I also noticed a pattern around closeness. When she sought closeness or affection from me, I would sometimes feel repulsed and want distance. But when she seemed distant or less interested, I would become very anxious and start yearning for her again. Iām trying to understand whether this kind of push-pull experience can occur with ROCD. Has anyone else experienced strong fluctuations between attraction/affection and repulsion, particularly when a partner becomes closer or more emotionally available?
Recently my psychiatrist has constantly tried to recommend fluoxetine to me for my ocd, yet every time I refuse. Hereās the thing, about a year and a half ago I was on fluoxetine for depressive symptoms, right after going on it I experienced a number of things such as inflated sense of self worth, delusions about those around me, impulsive behaviour that caused harm to both myself and others, unstable but frequent relationships, etc. When I eventually stopped taking it, most of these symptoms disappeared. This was while on the fluoxetine dose for depressive symptoms, the fluoxetine dose for ocd is sometimes higher than the dose for depression/depressive symptoms, as it has a different job to complete in your brain. But I really am hesitant about agreeing to go on it, as I fear it may trigger an episode similar to the one I experienced last time, it affected my relationship with my family, and my overall life, in ways I will never be able to fix entirely, and I donāt want to make that mistake again. I still havenāt been able to figure out why fluoxetine did that to me, but either way I wouldnāt want to risk it again, and especially not when on an even higher dose.
At the end of July I was introduced to a guy who was really into me and we started talking. I am someone who doesnāt participate in hookup culture or anything (nothing wrong with it I personally just know I get attached) but I eventually lost my virginity to him. Right after, he told me he wasnāt in the correct headspace for a relationship and didnāt want to get my hopes up because he has a lot of stuff going on in his life and is feeling depressed and he didnāt want to hurt me. I honestly believed him because he got emotional and he was super sweet at first. Like if he noticed I look sad or anything he would always check on me and stuff like that and tell me how amazing and pretty I am. He was super nice and showed he cared about me after for a while and we did it a couple more times but then he kind of started to get distant after a bit. I honestly feel like he was playing mind games with me to try to keep me around but by doing the bare minimum. We would talk a few times a week but I knew this wasnāt enough for me and almost removed him off everything because I was starting to get sad. I knew I deserved better but I guess I was still holding onto all the good and sweet moments we had together. Then two weeks ago today, he was texting me all night and eventually asked me to come over and I did. Then the whole week after we didnāt talk and he eventually stopped responding to me. I thought that was weird because he hasnāt really done that to me before. Fast forward a few more days and I see a post of him and another girl. I found out he got a girlfriend right after I last slept with him. I feel so betrayed and lied to and having OCD has made me feel worse about this whole thing. All of my friends didnāt like him anyways and they have all been great and have really been there for me and supported me, but I canāt shake this feeling I have. I cried a lot after the initial shock of all of this, and I have been sleeping a lot and canāt really get myself to eat. I constantly feel like Iām going to throw up because of this whole situation and my brain keeps randomly putting the image in my brain of him and the other girl together. This is tough for me because I always knew I deserve better than what he offered me but it still hurts because I feel like he was just telling me what he knew I would want to hear to get me to sleep with him, especially because I told him I donāt do meaningless hookups and he told me multiple times he didnāt see me like that and that Iām not just a hookup to him. Has anyone else been in a situation like this that knows how to stop these thought loops and how to cope? I also feel like Iām going to have a hard time trusting again.
Well, here we go again. For most of my late teenage years, I struggled with intrusive POCD thoughts. At one point, an extremely disturbing image came into my mind of me watching and getting off to child sexual abuse material. I eventually managed to move past it and understood that trying to work out whether it was a real memory or an OCD-created image was only making things worse. Recently, though, it has come back very strongly, and it feels incredibly real again. I avoid porn websites now because Iām terrified of accidentally coming across something disturbing. Social media can be difficult too, because Iāve previously been exposed to extremely graphic and disturbing videos without choosing to see them, including when I was younger, and those experiences have stayed with me. My OCD can even make me question whether I enjoyed seeing things that I know I found deeply upsetting. This current intrusive image has been causing me an enormous amount of distress. I feel ashamed and disgusted by it, even though the thought itself is completely unwanted. Iāve found myself thinking that I donāt deserve anything good because of it, and at my worst Iāve become suicidal because I couldnāt cope with the guilt and fear. I donāt want to go down that route again. Iām trying to remind myself that I donāt need to solve whether an intrusive image was a memory, an imagination, or something else. What matters is that Iām experiencing OCD and that Iām going to work on it rather than investigating it. Has anyone else experienced OCD turning an intrusive image into uncertainty about whether it was a memory? Iād really appreciate hearing about peopleās experiences with dealing with the uncertainty and moving forward, rather than trying to establish whether a particular memory was real.
I need help on this since I plan to get them to sign it on Monday and to turn it in on Tuesday,, but basically due to a mental survery result my counselor brought me down and offered assistance. I may finally get help (in school) and counseling, but here's the catch: One of my parents need to sign some papers that ask for insurance, info, and stuff like that.. it seems serious but they need to do that in order for me to get the help. And with parents who don't really understand my mental struggles. :,) I don't know how to ask how to get them to sign the things, how can I ask them? Because if I say "it's for in school therapy" they're going to say "and why do you need that?" And there's a chance I might get lectured a little.. I just don't know how to go about it.
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