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I have BPD on top of OCD and had a falling out with a best friend of 10 years. I have friends who say she’ll come back she just needs time and after a while I started giving her her space. Either way she recently blocked me on everything except Facebook and another website, instead she kept me as a friend on some things and just made it where I can’t see her stuff. (I wasn’t trying to really look just check to see if she removed me on those as well) and ever since then I kinda went back to square one where I was mentally a couple months ago. My OCD keeps making me think of every terrible thing I’ve ever done in my life- especially in my teen years. I’m on social media quite a bit especially because I’m an artist and need to post on social media to get my stuff out there, and I constantly think what if people find out bad things about me? What if I get some terrible call out post? What if I’m a horrible person deep down? If it’s not one thing it’s another thing. Like one day I’ll be obsessing about my best friend and I’s relationship or our roleplay we had for a decade and the times we’ve rpd sexual things and my brain is like what if she was uncomfortable with it and never told me??? Next day I’ll be obsessing about my real life friends and how they say really bad bad things politically. And then the next day after that I’ll obsess about a relationship I had online when I had just turned 17, and I didn’t know how old the person was and they go on to tell me like a month or two later “I’ll be 14 in 2 months” and asked if I was mad and over the years therapists had given me reassurance that I didn’t do anything wrong even tho I told them this person and I even role played once I don’t know. I don’t wanna do wrong and I know people make mistakes in their lives I just wish I could redo life a lot of the time. I’m 23 now and I feel guilt and cringe at every stupid thing I’ve ever done. I end up feeling sorry for myself a lot of the time and end up self loathing and wondering the purpose of continuing to go on in life. I’m a perfectionist. I’m depressed. I can’t even find a job that’ll work with me. I also possibly have ptsd and autism and I can’t even get to a therapist. My old therapy place won’t take me back either and I don’t have a car to get to the other therapy place. I just want a normal life. I want a normal life. This is such a ramble. I just feel so scared and depressed all the time even when I take my medication. I feel like I’m not allowed to enjoy anything, I feel like I’m not allowed to live my life because I hurt someone I love. I keep switching emotions from guilt to anger at her. My friends are getting tired of my shenanigans again because I was ok for a while but then when I was blocked just randomly my mood just dropped again.

Hi everyone, i was just wondering if there are any germaphobes on here?

Last time I STUPIDLY relaxed, I was kicked out unexpectedly by someone I was with for 10 years. He made me leave with no warning signs the relationship would end, cheated on me and took my rent money for a holiday to avoid me and my rage. I do not accept uncertainty anymore. Absolutely never. I want to KNOW I won’t be dumped. If I am I’ll kill myself end of. I can’t get over my std fears unless I get tested again. I’m convinced I have infected myself my partner will think I cheated when I DIDNT and he won’t believe me and he will OBVIOUSLY LEAVE ME

Anyone with OCD and tinnitus experience? Or the fear of having tinnitus?

Who here suffers with derealization? How would you describe your experience with it? When/how often do you have these symptoms?

Ugh I just feel like a lesbian at this point I hate it with a passion :(

So, I have a question: Is telling people who have HOCD that even if they ARE gay it's okay and there's nothing wrong with it bad, or is it helpful? I want to reassure folks struggling with their sexual identities but I don't want to go about it in the wrong way. As a gay man who is very confident about his own sexuality, I really do not understand HOCD. It seems to rely on the notion that there is something bad or wrong about being gay, or attracted to the same gender in general, and in a lot of ways it seems like a very severe case of internalized homophobia.

I’m grossed out I seen a picture of someone dressed up as a anime guy and i found out it was a girl as now I’m freaked out I’m attracted to her and lesbians please help

Guys.....idk how and why?? I came home today to take a nap and ever since I woke up my mind has convinced me that I'm gay/bi!!idk what to do...!! My heart wants to be heterosexual/heteroflexible so badly!! I was looking at my insta today and all I see are pretty girls and I keep getting falsely attracted to them!!! I can't look at videos without checking myself...:( Can somebody provide a bit of advice or assurance? Ik I shouldn't be asking but I'm so distressed...:(

I truly just wish I didn’t have to live anymore. Escape to heaven so I don’t feel so awful and depressed anymore. I feel I’m losing my boyfriend cuz I’m so fucking nuts and ruin everything good in my life so now I’m scared to even talk about my ocd to him anymore. I am hurting so bad. My whole body hurts. My heart hurts. My head hurts. I fucking HURT AND ITS NEVER ENDING

I think the overuse of categories are bad. Ocd is ocd, it just clings to whatever themes are important to the sufferer at the time. Also, when there no “category” (for example, I’m obsessed with STDs and it leading to me being abandoned) it makes me even wonder if it IS ocd because there’s no one else experiencing this, and there’s no category lol

And if I show you my dark side Will you still hold me tonight? And if I open my heart to you And show you my weak side What would you do? Would you take the children away And leave me alone? And smile in reassurance As you whisper down the phone? Would you send me packing? Or would you take me home?

I just got a memory back saying when I was 11 I would always jump on this other girls back cause she reacted funny and I always argued with her hair that it was purple when it was red. I liked a guy at the time though, or so I think I did? Idk I’m scared this means I’m a lesbian or that I was flirting with her. I don’t remember ever thinking I had a crush on her tho:( is this normal?? Does this make me a lesbian??

Sensorimotor and checking OCD ~ First post on NOCD. Does anyone else have an abnormal amount of focus on bodily sensations? How do you deal with it? Also the doubt that comes with harm coming to your loved ones if you don’t check something in a “special” way. What helped you the most?

I want to date but I'm afraid to (like major avoidance). I don't know what to do. Because then my hocd says that being afraid of dating or talking to guys must mean im gay. Any advice on the dating part and hocd part. Thanks ??‍♀️

Hi! So.. My OCD brain is of the Pure O variety and I’ve been dealing with it since childhood, I’m 43 now. Never diagnosed because of a few reasons.. 1. I felt very anxious, with a side of shame and embarrassment about confiding to anyone about it because the topics my intrusive thoughts were very disturbing to me and the last thing I wanted was for others to misunderstand and misjudge me as some deviant freak that should be locked up someplace before I did something horrible. Not many people understand that OCD is a bioneurological condition of the Amygdala malfunctioning and misfiring signals of fight / flight and the rest of the brain responds by pairing these misfirings with some really disturbing repetitive cognitions. The combination of these misfirings and cognitions really fucked me up. At a very young age (pre-puberty) I already started to build a narrative about myself that was dark, scary and wholly untrue but no matter how I “fought back”, prayed and rationalized the thoughts and horrible feelings away the stronger the signals would come and the cognitions even more vivid. I’m time I learned how to cope as best I could and for the most part with lots of distractions and friends to run around with I was able to “get by”. I had. I idea what what was going on with me but I was very acutely aware that I was battling for my sanity and soul against a ritual screwing inside and that ink I and I alone can fight it. I had my good days and bad days.. But as life went in and I grew older the symptoms still persisted and eventually I developed a real deal anxiety and depression disorder. This on top of all the external stuff going on in my life that I had little to no control over which was just like gas in a fire. I escaped with drugs, alcohol and creating a persona to get by with socially so no one would ever have to know what was going on inside. Fast forward many years later to current day and I’ve had it all and lost it all.. Good women, loving relationships, jobs, career, education, friendships, you name it.. I fell so deep into isolation, avoidance of everyday life because I felt so debilitated and worn out. The past few years have been a long hard road to recovery but I wasn’t going to give up. The choice was literally life or death.. I had contemplated suicide many times but thankfully never went through with it. I have too much to live for.. my son, my family and the dreams and desires for ring my best authentic self shined through the darkness and lit a fire within me to do as much investigation and research as I possible could about anxiety disorders, depression and OCD. I also began to tap into my spiritual aspect through meditation and eastern philosophy. I’m now very educated on meditation, mindfulness, CBT and presently learning about ERP. The YouTube channel The OCD Stories with Dr. Steven Phillipson and the works of Dr. David Burns and Dr. Aaron Beck the founders of CBT have been extraordinarily inspirational and relieving. I finally know that I am not alone and what I’ve been going through is NOT uniquely something isolated to myself. That there are many who have felt the same ways and been through similar experiences. All I ever wanted and all I want is to be my best authentic self. Live a healthy, successful, happy and fulfilling life. The only thing holding me back from any of this I now have a name for: Pure O. And now I have all the information and tools to survive and thrive like I always knew I could if I just had the information I needed. Anyways.. CBT thought journaling is something I do everyday and it has been a real help in increasing my objective thinking resulting in real positive changes and rising energy levels and focus. I’ve been learning about ERP through Dr. Steven Phillipson and this is a real life changer as well! The present and future are now bright my friends. Now I just want to have a OCD trained therapist to work with and I’ll be fully armed with everything I need to stay healthy and happy. So.. yeah. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. All the best to all of you for achieving your goals and taking the power back! Much love.

I’m heartbroken now after finding out video game game character I like just got a girlfriend out of nowhere and now I cannot handle having anything to do with game anymore. I grew attached to him since playing this game for years and I have an obsession with him but I’m writing here because instead of trying to figure out how to move on but my hocd is making me feel worse by telling me I don’t like him or guys in general and making me feel worse. I can’t even deal with my real problem now and hocd is taken over. How do I deal with this

Body dysmorphia is so weird??? I am so anxious right now. I lost 4 pounds in 4 days from a terrible stomach flu, and now I am back at my smallest weight, 100 lbs. I went to go take a shower and when I looked at my body in the mirror, I was horrified by what I saw. I saw a disgusting skeleton. I could see my ribs from front to back. Since when had my ribs been that visible? My stomach was almost flat, but then my perception shifted and suddenly my stomach looked like it had a bit more chub to it. And I was astounded, aghast, as I watched my body alternate between "grotesque skeleton" to "could lose a few more pounds" and I am so sad because either way I am not happy with my body. I don't want to lose any more weight, but if I gain back those 4 pounds I lost then I will probably want to lose them again. Not to make a joke about this, but it was just like The Dress. If I chose to see golf and white, gold and white would appear. If I chose to see black and blue, black and blue would appear. I ended up obsessing about it the whole shower because I am so sad that I became this thin and I don't even know how it happened. It doesn't make any sense and my mind is racing trying to find answers. Do any of you suffer from BDD and can relate? I'm going to go eat a delicious bowl of muddy buddies to try to get myself to forget what I just saw in the mirror.

Just resisted a compulsion. I’m proud of myself that I did and I feel less anxious but I hate the unnerving feeling you get after, it’s like an itch you can’t scratch.

tf is heteroflexibilty?