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so i’m 17, and i have a friend who’s 14. we’ve become really close throughout the past few months, and we both like girls so when we first met, we had a bit of a crush on each other. i was 16 then, but when i found out she was 14 i didn’t feel interested anymore because i thought that she was too young to date. for a bit of back story, i went through severe childhood sexual abuse when i was younger which causes me to not let anyone to touch me even today. i haven’t held my own mother in a long time, i’ve never kissed anyone or cuddled, done anything sexual, etc. we’ve been trying to help each other through our own traumas, and she suggested that i let her start trying to touch me more, which i was apprehensive about but i thought maybe it would be good. she started holding my hand when we walked down the hall, hugging me, and we cuddled with each other both of the two times we hung out. i felt fine about it, but the second time we cuddled just felt off, and i think she was thinking of it as a romantic thing and it made me uncomfortable. in the middle i told her i didn’t want to do it anymore and she got mad at me which prompted me to just deal with it and let her cuddle me again. i feel upset about this, because i was uncomfortable, but also because i feel like i’ve made her feel romantically toward me by allowing her to do this and i’m the older one so i should’ve told her no ? it’s been bothering me obsessively, i’m scared that i led her on and the age difference in general makes me uncomfortable ^^^ this was a post i made yesterday, today i told her how i was feeling and how i was scared that she felt romantically toward me and it turns out that she did. she said she needed to end our friendship because of it, which i understand, but i’m so devastated. i feel like this is going to turn into an obsession of mine, feeling like i didn’t handle the situation well and however she acts out because of this is going to be my fault. i feel at an all time low. i just wish she wouldn’t have feelings for me, or i wish we could stay friends and just stop trying to help each other through our trauma. i don’t know how to come back from this.

Does anybody have constant intrusive thoughts but no bodily reactions to them? Like your mind is constantly repeating words and phrases but your body is numb to it because you've done it so much?

It’s just incredibly annoying trying to enjoy sexual things and intrusive thoughts pop up and then if you don’t give them a reaction and it makes false attraction. I don’t even know how to live a normal life anymore without questioning myself.

I'm still obsessing over the fact that I'm an immoral person for ever viewing porn on pornsites. This is a constant obsession that comes back constantly. I stopped watching porn 2 years ago after learning about how unethical it is. I keep fearing I came across unethical porn unknowingly. I keep having porn scenes play in my head. It makes me want to punish myself severly for being so naive when I was younger and consuming porn regularly. I hate myself for ever watching it and I hate it for ever existing :(

Anybody every have their anxiety go away (or tune down) but the bad thoughts still keep going? Then I'm calm and not in a panicked state anymore but the thoughts are still there, which in turn makes me scared that this last bad run of OCD the past 2 years has changed me actually into all the bad things I dont want and have been worrying about... Which is not the case! Then in turn the anxiety comes back. These thoughts dont support who I am as a person or align with my beliefs, so I cant be "okay with the thoughts" even if I know the thoughts arent me... Thats just how my brain is and how Ive always been. Even if I know I cant stop thoughts. My head is in an endless loop full of oxymorons and terrible thoughts to the point EVERYTHING is a trigger (I hate that word) and this loop is so strong that any good content I put in my head gets pushed aside and forgotten, and/or twisted and tainted into something very negative. Life is hell. I know who I am but always freak out as if I'm questioning who I am.... But I'm not actually questioning who I am at the same time!! I know who I am, Its just words in my head that literally say the literal opposite of everything I want or believe in and provoke bad reactions. Then the words come back without anxiety sometimes and its awful because I dont want to think these thoughts without anxiety accompanying them... Because they're so bad I'd be even more worried if I didnt get scared, anxious, grossed out, etc at them! I know beating up on myself isnt helpful as it makes the thoughts stick worse, but I CANNOT be okay with them. Its wrong, sick, and even if it wasnt wrong or sick, it still just isnt me!! People say there is peace in accepting the uncertainty of the thoughts, but I am very certain they are bad and NOT me, and I REFUSE to even entertain the idea of otherwise. All this is one of the many reasons why mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, and exposure therapy makes stuff worse for me. I want a therapist, but more somebody to just let me talk, and be like "Damn, thats heavy man, but you're right, you ARENT those things and you got this" but instead, everybody tries all this "accept your thoughts" bullshit which just warps my head and makes shit worse. Anybody else experience similar experiences?

Anyone else notice that when they go through OCD/Anxiety flare ups all their thoughts just feel so distorted? Like it’s like anything I look at I instantly have a sense of anxiety with any thought it pulls up. Almost like you just simple become anxious from something as simple as thinking. I have a horrendous fear of Psychosis but my psych assured me this is part of anxiety. Any tips on how to get past??

Anyone else with moral scrupulousity/real event OCD? I'd love to talk to someone who understands.

Hi! I come on here now and again to be a support to others suffering :) I am recovered from my horrible ocd through intensive erp! By recovered what I mean Is I accept that I have ocd and that intrusive thoughts will and do happen to me... however, through the techniques I have learned I am able to live a normal and even wonderful life with ocd hanging out in my brain... on the days I do have ocd I easily disarm it within seconds and it does not bother me or create anxiety, most days I might have ocd but because I trained my brain to ignore junk msgs I don’t even realize I had an intrusive thought and some days it feels like the ocd that was destroying my life never even existed... i sometimes now do exposures to just keep up and am honest that I might relapse one day but that’s ok... recovery is learning just how strong you really are, recovery is being okay with ocd taking up some brain space.. so if you have any questions for me about erp or the process please feel free to ask! I want to help others xo

Does anyone have similar thoughts or experiences. My ocd has been really bad for around 3 years but recently around 3 months ago I realised that I started doubting everyone in my life no matter how good they are to me even my parents. Iv been feeling as if everyone is a robot hard to explain but I feel as if no one really exists and that I’m in a simulation and is the only person who realises it and that everyone I know is just waiting to get the opportunity to fk me over. When I see my self in the mirror I look behind me thinking someone is next to me only to realise that it was my reflection. I don’t know whether this is ocd or not anymore especially the fact that my mum is schizophrenic and bipolar anyone know what these symptoms could be?

Tried to practice ERP today. I was able to handle some things. It just seems so scary. I hope I can continue to improve but worried something may trigger me. Yesterday i had a bad episode to the point of being in tears. I dont like when it gets to that point. Hoping to stay strong. Any tips from anyone on here that helped them stay motivated?

so i’m 17, and i have a friend who’s 14. we’ve become really close throughout the past few months, and we both like girls so when we first met, we had a bit of a crush on each other. i was 16 then, but when i found out she was 14 i didn’t feel interested anymore because i thought that she was too young to date. for a bit of back story, i went through severe childhood sexual abuse when i was younger which causes me to not let anyone to touch me even today. i haven’t held my own mother in a long time, i’ve never kissed anyone or cuddled, done anything sexual, etc. we’ve been trying to help each other through our own traumas, and she suggested that i let her start trying to touch me more, which i was apprehensive about but i thought maybe it would be good. she started holding my hand when we walked down the hall, hugging me, and we cuddled with each other both of the two times we hung out. i felt fine about it, but the second time we cuddled just felt off, and i think she was thinking of it as a romantic thing and it made me uncomfortable. in the middle i told her i didn’t want to do it anymore and she got mad at me which prompted me to just deal with it and let her cuddle me again. i feel upset about this, because i was uncomfortable, but also because i feel like i’ve made her feel romantically toward me by allowing her to do this and i’m the older one so i should’ve told her no ? it’s been bothering me obsessively, i’m scared that i led her on and the age difference in general makes me uncomfortable

Does the stop sign technique work to brush off the intrussive thoughts? I have intrussive thoughts when using markers or pens an inmediate rush of fear hits me and it feels like i wrote something very inapproriate, the fear that i wrote and posted something bad on paper or on the internet in comments,, it feels real like it actually happened, the psychiatrist diagnosed me obsessive compulsive disorder , and i started zoloft today

I would like to talk to someone who gets porn addiction and wont judge me.

Please again!!! As a HOCD sufferer I just suddenly thought a lesbian music vid was a bit cute and I did not get appropriately disgusted or anxious and I'm worried that means I'm lesbian or something!!! :(

Past porn addiction and moral scrupulosity. I REALLY need someone to advise me with this. When I was young I was exposed to porn on the internet, I wish I had never found porn websites but all through my teen years I viewed porn on the internet and developed an addiction to it but I was young and naive back then about porn. When I started learning about porn, reading online articles etc (on fightthenewdrug website/nofap etc) and I learnt about how immoral and unethical porn is I stopped viewing porn completely. I have a huge distaste for it and I'm disgusted by it. I've not watched porn in 2 years, I never will again. I'm glad the addiction to it has completely vanished but in place of it is shame. So much shame and guilt, and combined with my obsessive personality I have severe moral scrupulosity over it. I constantly feel immoral for ever watching it, I randomly remember porn videos from years ago that I came across and I have constant "what ifs?". "What if I should go back to that site, find the video and report it to the site to makesure everything was ethical and safe, consensual?". The thing my brain isnt understanding is that yes that side of porn does exist (the unethical side) but it's not that clear where and if and so you cant be sure or save anybody or anything. But I feel hyper responsible for some reason. This is a constant thing. I only viewed porn on the usual popular safe websites and as far as I know they comply with the law and regulate their sites but how can they be sure everyone and everything was and is safe? I just cant and idk how to accept this. I just dont know how to get rid of the memory of that part of my life. Most people feel so proud and happy they've kicked a porn addiction out of their life, I feel constant regret, shame and immoralness for ever even going onto pornwebsites in the first place and forming an addiction. It feels worse that I'm a girl as most people think only boys can get addicted to porn.

I just can’t get past what I’ve done which makes me scared I’m bi or lesbian

I am going through the most bizarre theme right now and I don’t even want to post it because it’s so random and embarrassing

Hello! I have a phobia of a particular number which I associate with Satan and it gives me severe stress and anxiety. It causes me to have to do hours of rituals to feel “okay” again, and I try to avoid it at all costs. Today, as I was driving (which is also an ocd trigger for me) I saw a license plate with that number. I freaked out and have been in crisis mode for the past couple hours. I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to move forward after being at a high anxiety state for so long. Numbers are unavoidable and I was wondering if people had tips or tricks for coping? Thank you

You think that they're might be a link between being raised catholic and some people having ocd entirely based on the doubt of if they did something or not and the guilt that causes?

Having a fear of statutory rape. In 2009 I met a woman on the internet who was Native American but her age was older than me. I was 23 years old and she was 26. It was the first time I lost my virginity. I never saw her ID but a couple of things I do know, people search indicates she is of the age she said she was, her appearance appears age appropriate, she has a boyfriend now who is near her age, her best friend she went to highschool with is older than me, she purchased cigarettes and alcohol indicating she presented an ID, she had a kid who was around 7 years old, drove a car and worked at a sport mart as a cashier. Part of the fear is she was a known liar who claimed to speak many languages, be an artist, she claimed she had been raped by others (not me) and would have me verbally attack them. She was married as well. I never was allowed to meet her family. Part of my fears are what if the person I met wasnt really who she said she was or lied about her age or someone who looked like her? I know this is irrational thinking and that likely this is nearly impossible but it creates fear and has been having a negative impact on me as well as my wife. I think the fear is the sex offender registry or consequences.