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Hi all, I'm really struggling with HOCD, I am a married straight man, it started off when I was at work and someone mentioned about a tv presenter coming out as Gay after having 2 children and a wife etc. For some reason this has really triggered me and I instantly started thinking oh my god what if that was me? What if I'm gay etc. And now I have been off of work for a week. I did have sexual activity from my wife which got rid of the thoughts for almost a day, but then they have come back!!!??? Also it may help you all to understand. I do not find men attractive, I do see and understand a good looking person but I am not physically attracted to men. But feel like my brain is trying to convince me otherwise. I have been prescribed sertraline (Zoloft) and I am waiting for that to kick in, does anybody know what I can do?

I just joined this site today. I am a senior citizen on medicare with OCD and never knew what it was until the last 5 years. I suffered greatly. The therapists that I have seen were not OCD therapist so their treatment was trying show how incorrect my thoughts were and think of a positive thoughts to replace the irrational OCD thoughts. Even though I got diagnosed,I didnt have money to pursue treatment. OCD therapists seem to charge cost prohibitive prices unless you are rich. Currently, I found an OCD therapist, but it only lasted a few sessions due to money. I took benzodiazepines for my OCD because doctors thought it was just anxiety when I told them I couldnt sleep and that was the wrong drug to take. I am having to come off of this drug because I became horribly dependent on it. It has been hard and it is still an ongoing process. My OCD is of the garden variety. It is constantly morphing to many many themes. The main themes it settles on are sexual, harm, magical thinking, contamination, counting, perfectionism and hyperawareness of body. Currently it is about sleeping. I have thoughts such as, am I sleeping, will I be able to sleep, if I dont sleep, will I die, and any variations about sleep. This has caused me to be extremely sleep deprived and a continued reliance on benzodiazepines which frankly makes OCD worse and does not make me sleep. I am working to get off but it has been difficult. I have a doctor who gives me the drugs, but she doesnt understand OCD, and she is stymied when I cant get off of them in a timely manner or stay on a regular dosage. I told her when the OCD flares, you would do anything to stop it. I am glad to be here to get help for my chronic disease that is getting worse because I had it for over 50 years and and not getting treatment for it. I am now currently trying to do something to help myself get out of this OCD rabbit hole. Appreciate comments from the OCD community.

What are some examples of ERP activities for POCD? And what I should try to be doing when the anxiety and doubt come?

I’m 20 years old, and I have ODC. I was dating my ex girlfriend for five months, we lived together, everything seemed great she was really kind and patient. One day I came home and she was on Xanax so I ended the relationship, (side note; I moved out on my own for the first time and it was scary so I got a kitten to help with my mental state, I had my kitten for 7 months before she went missing) turns out she killed my kitten a few weeks before I ended things and she was doing satanic rituals and she used me for my money. I’m having extreme anxiety over the fact I loved someone who hurt me so bad, my thoughts are on a compulsive loop that everyone is secretly evil. As a Libra I’m really going downhill because I’m isolating. Help me cope please I’m so tired of being alone. I’d like to make friends but that’s really scary

Hi ! Can someone explain to me what is exactly false memories ? I think my OCD evolves. Thanks ! And happy valentines day !

I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

Brain: ......What if ..... Me: “No I don’t feel like going there” Brain: “OH MY GOD BUT WHAT IF” Me: **Suddenly panics** “HOLY CRAP YOURE RIGHT !!!!!

Depression TW I’m feeling so low, I don’t get along with my mom and I’m stuck renting a town house with her. I don’t make enough to live on my own in a decent place. I feel so trapped and sad. I hate my my life. My job is miserable, my home life is miserable and I lost all of my friends because I’m unlovable. I don’t want to die but I just want to suffering to end. Is anyone else this miserable?! Am I the only one. Everyone I see seems like they’re doing fine.

can anyone clearly tell me what reassurance is? I feel like it is a bit foggy for many of us

Being perfectionistic is annoying. In my head I want to change the world and make it better and do anything and sacrifice everything to accomplish it (studying political science and environmental studies in college, getting an internship in DC next semester) But deep down... deep deep deep down... I just want to get married and have a family and do beautiful things with my kids and husband. I feel like I’m not a good feminist for saying that... and it feels a little selfish... but god, I just want to be happy. Is that wrong?

Sometimes I am proud because of my grades and I am afraid this make me a narcissist

hey guys so i have HOCD and there’s day it’s worse than others. i really like these 2 guys but i’m very insecure about myself and the way i look and im just super sad about everything because i really like them but i also have these thoughts where it’s like they won’t like you because of how you look all this shit right. and i also have these spikes where i’m like what if you won’t tell them you like them because you don’t actually like guys and that’s annoying cuz i really like them and i know i don’t like girls because it’s just not me. like at all. i get uncomfortable and weirded out if i have a thiught ab me w a girl like it just makes me cringe kind of and i don’t mean that to sound mean but that’s just what happens with me. i just wish this never happened because it started so randomly i don’t even know but i’m not very girly. i want to be girly im just so insecure with my body that i think i’m fat so i hide it with clothing that isn’t tight but i have all these things i wanna wear but it just scared to

Just for fun.... Do you have a favorite quote? It can be OCD related or not Mine is "and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" by anais nin

Hi again for the third day in a row, can somebody keep me company and just listen to some rant? Please :(

anyone else with hocd on here please comment so we can talk :(

As the saying goes with rocd sufferers love is a choice or is love really a choice well If I break it down like this then yea I believe it is I’m choosing to stare in the face of ocd and scream u will not beat me I will rise from whatever he’ll u take me to to be with my partner no matter what damaging thoughts I think u are sending ur only making the future me stronger I yes I as a human being want to be with my partner and that is my choice as me not ocd so throw at me why ever u will I will grow stronger with every breathe I inhale u might put me to my knees but I will always rise up .... so is love a choice yes I believe so I choose to give my love to my partner whatever pain ocd decides to distress me with I was once happy so I can regain that ground and be happy again ... Keep fighting people

*Q + A* Hi Everyone! My name is Kerry and I have suffered from severe OCD since 2008. It came on after a bad car accident and I had shown no signs prior to that. I was 17 and now I’m 28. I saw many therapists untrained in OCD, and it wasn’t until I met an OCD Specialist and went through weeks of intensive therapy using ERP that I started to really question the connection between my obsessions and the effect I had on my reality by performing my compulsions which were totally random (anything you can think of!) I mainly suffer from magical thinking OCD which is basically like “superstition on steroids” - it follows along and targets with my everyday anxieties and my obsessions try and tell me if I perform certain, ever changing compulsions, that I can make or prevent things from happening. This has morphed into multiple themes of OCD, but also follows along with my real life which is hard. BUT I can honestly say I am in a state of ongoing recovery from OCD because I truly understand it’s sick game now and I am able to stop it in it’s tracks before performing compulsions. I’m not perfect and will always have OCD, but I wanted to open up a Q + A session today for you all to ask any questions you may have for me. To give you all some hope, I just published my OCD memoir “The Obsessive Outsider” and I’m so thankful to have added a resource to our world from a sufferer’s perspective. My goal is to eventually help you all get to a point where you can share your stories like I have because it’s so empowering. Hit me with your questions, friends!

Fear of psychosis. I don’t want to trigger anyone, but I’m having a particularly hard time with this “theme”. I’ve been on a high state of anxiety for days now about developing psychosis or already having it. I went to my psychologist and she claims it’s ocd. Basically what is going on is that I’m having obsessions over hearing voices. I’m compulsively researching etc and I fear I’m making it worse. I have intrusive thoughts about “hearing” a voice say something if that makes sense. Like I don’t actually hear a voice but I have a thought about a voice. It’s pretty scary and idk how to do erp with it. Also, late at night I have severely racing thoughts lately. Does this sound like OCD or something else?

I opened up last night to my boyfriend about my extreme fear of abandonment (which I have told him about before) When he confronted me about not being as forward with him sexually which is all linked to my fears of getting too attached to him and then him leaving me suddenly (because it happened to me once with no warning after spending ten years of my life with someone) His answer was hmmm I don’t buy it. It’s too convenient. I believed it before but not now that was months ago. Maybe you shouldn’t move in maybe we should dial it back a bit and stop seeing each other so much. So fucked up. Scared of abandonment so he abandons me

I was listening to a podcast that recommended the techniques used in the book Brainlock. Techniques like relabelling and refocusing were discussed. I heard somewhere that these techniques such as saying...its not me its my ocd....were actually counter productive. Any feedback from our facilitators. The gentleman speaking didnt mention erp once.