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the NOCD Community

i just had a memory pop up. i looked up the hashtag #lesbian when i was 11 on instagram. one time. because i thought I was a lesbian. that can’t possibly be normal? i feel like i need to tell my entire story on here so i can get honest opinions.

Have you heard about strangler figs? They are parasitic vines that live in the rainforest. At first the tendrils they send out onto the host tree are small and thin, but over time they grow bigger and cover the whole tree trunk, literally strangling the tree underneath until it dies. Imagine the tree as something that you value (your spirituality, relationship with loved ones, a favorite hobby, etc). When the OCD starts growing on it, we aren't concerned at first because we don't see the end result coming. Even as the OCD starts strangling the thing we care about, we sometimes resist treatment because we have confused the OCD strangler fig for the thing we love underneath. But, if we don't tackle the OCD compulsions wrapped around the thing we care about, eventually the OCD will overpower our interests and kill them. All's that is left will be the rituals of OCD. Luckily, it takes a long time and we can intervene witch ERP and ACT, just like we could cut the vines off the host tree. What has your OCD taken from you?

I just listened to songs i loved before hocd and it just hit so hard like i jusr bald my eyes out because its soo sad to think i cant acces all the feelings and the hapyness those songs gave me. The way i felt when i listened to certain songs is just insane like i felt amazing, happy so passionate so in love like i was high in life. And when i listen it back i feel pain and so deep sadness that it went sooo downhill with me. I cant even feell the tiniest fraction of how i used to feel. And tho think people live their lifes everyday feeling like how i used to feel. Why did it had to stop with me why did it had to interrupt my life. You have no idea how happy id be if i still felt that same way. The songs i loced so much bevause i imagined my crush in my day dreams and it gives so many good vibes but rigjt now i cant even feel vibes im just so numb and sad and I experience everything sooo extremely different these days i hate it. I hate the way i portray myself and how i carry myself nowadays bevause its just not me. Hocd killed me

Why do people with ocd have no self-confidence?Is it everyone or just me?I have felt useless and incompetent all my life.I have two master's degrees and all I can think about is ways people could make fun of me.I am anxious about anything that people could say that could embarrass me.I used to feel worthless when I had no relationship and when I got in a relationship,I thought everything would change,but no I still felt worthless and even more than before.Why??Is lack of self confidence associated with ocd?

This has nothing to do with OCD I’m curious if anyone gets really obsessed with hobbies and interests but it doesn’t last longer than a few months. I fall in love with shows, hobbies, I get obsessed with online shopping for specific things for hobbies and then I get all this stuff and it sits in my closet or I end up getting rid of it or just not caring anymore. I feel like I shop impulsively and I tell myself I need all these things or I fall in love with an actor and have to watch all their movies.

im really at the point where i will literally do ANYTHING to get rid of ocd. i need to do erp so badly. i contacted dr. steven phillipson and im hoping to do teletherapy with him. im really excited to finally get my life back. i won’t let ocd run me anymore

just sharing a success story. I did some scripting and other ERP and feel cured of my obsession and compulsive behavior. I sat through those exposures and resisted my compulsion (checking) and it worked! I am so relieved and have had thoughts but they just seem to pass by now. There is hope!

Ugh so I said I wouldn’t use this app ever again because I was getting unnecessary horrid responses from certain individuals but I need help I’m not sure if Im putting up with too much from my boyfriend or not. He knows I have anxiety/ocd and knows about my relationship and attachment insecurities. I’ve been with him for just over a year and planned to move in officially with him. I’ve basically been living at his house for 6 months so he asked me to move in. I’m worried about moving. He’s implied we aren’t right for each other regularly ever since I’ve known him which makes me spiral internally and shut down from fear of abandonment. I even got obsessed with “what if I have an undetected std and he thinks I cheated and leaves me” He says he’s only ever implied that once or twice, which is not true. and is still too much anyway regardless. One minute he wants me to move in, the next he wants space. He drinks too much too. I know he’s secret drinking but he doesn’t know that I know. He started talking to me badly about a past sexual experience I had before him the other night, and then I found an empty bottle of vodka. He seems to talk shit when he’s had vodka. I’ve also seen him hide empty cans and he’s avoided kissing me when I’ve caught him drinking straight spirit (I wanted to see his reaction) I wonder if he’s depressed. I read it can manifest in anger in men. He’s not sleeping properly, waking up anxious and having nightmares. He felt so low last week he said I didn’t deserve to be around him, and said “I’m sorry I’m not the same person you met. You need to think about what you want”. I asked him to think about seeing a doctor and he dismissed it immediately. He’s going through loads. Ever since I met him he’s had loads to worry about. His father died when I was casually seeing him, his ex was causing him trouble and now with this coronavirus his business is in trouble, and his mother has just been diagnosed with cancer too. He’s being irrationally angry, and irritable.He told me to “fuck off back home then” last week when his regularly problem neighbors were being noisy again and I asked him to not retaliate, and tonight he said I was “annoying him by talking and saying the same thing repeatedly “when he was trying to read something. He doesn’t seem to be affectionate unless I go for hugs or kisses first. When I bring it up he says I’m not being fair. He’s thoughtful in other ways, he buys gifts, or plans nice things etc and has taken me on holiday a few times already, but I feel like I have to *ask* for hugs. He’s more affectionate for a day or two after having sex though. Any time he’s quiet I think he’s planning on leaving me. My last relationship ended that way. And now when he gets in a mood he tells me to go back to my place. So I think it’s reasonable to always be on guard, and feel at fault for every low mood he has. When I said I was worried he would have me move in, then decide he doesn’t want me after all and then I’ve given up my place, his solution was “go back there then” instead of reassuring me it’s a good thing and he really wants me there TLDR: am I overthinking my boyfriends moods and actions, is he depressed? or am I justified in feeling confused and fucking nervous?

TERRIFIED of trying meds. But I also wonder if I’m missing out on a chance at a better life.

So I'm kind of confused about something. Am I supposed to let my brain go off on its horrifying tangents and loops or am I supposed to find something to do and go on about my day? I stopped a few days ago and sat and thought and thought and thought until I had a panic attack that led me into an episode where I lost touch with reality and I'm not exaggerating. This was the worst I've experienced yet and didnt know it could get that bad. I feel like it's dangerous to let that happen again. This episode drained me so much that I wasn't able to function at work the next day and got sent home early against my own wishes. It almost happened again today, but I changed what I was doing and I was able to prevent it from turning into an avalanche.

Very annoying and distressing when I’m enjoying dinner with my family and I get an intrusive thought that says my mom looked at me in a weird sexual way, which then snowballs into thoughts saying how I must be a huge pervert thinking that and I should be so shamed and commit suicide over it. Nice try suicidal OCD! You’re stupid!!

How were you diagnosed with OCD? In my country it's being very hard to find a specialist in OCD. I talked with a GP and a psychologist about my situation and they both assumed I am a bissexual in denial. I told about having OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS ALL THE TIME for over 3 years and the psychologist said that he was totally used to people being in the stage of changing their sexuality and being in doubts and obsessed over it. He also said he would not diagnose me with any pathology, but rather try to understand what I am feeling and thinking and find the links with past and current events, etc. Any tips?

I dont want reassurance. Please don't reassure me but I want to know if others experience this. Especially people with Harm ocd/pocd or any other darker OCD themes that worry you. How do you get on with daily life with all this going on in your head? How do you strive and achieve for your goals? I'm 22, I've been out of employment and education for a few years. I'm currently studying from home trying to get my qualifications so that I can study apply to study a law degree. I mainly have moral/responsibility and I had Pocd. Everytime I try to study, I have intrusive thoughts about how if someone knew about my OCD thoughts or read them it may ruin my future career and life, I feel like a bad person for even having distressing intrusive thoughts . Even though obviously they're just thoughts, horrible ones but just thoughts. But OCD convinces me that I will never achieve anything because even if I try, intrusive thoughts will come true and ruin my future anyway so I should not even try. Anyone else?

Unrelated to OCD, I just want to go off for a couple of sentences: I have no friends or any memories to look back on. Never been on a date or had someone who cared about me. I’m tired of being alone, it’s one of the reasons that I have so many mental health issues. I have always had no friends. Never been out or anything. I’m tired of this loneliness and I’m almost 20, I can’t make anymore friends because it’s not the same when you’re an adult. That’s all.

It is common that OCD causes people to have thoughts that lead to extreme guilt and anxiety and, no matter how hard the person tries, those thoughts and feelings won’t go away. This guilt may have been initially caused by a traumatic experience, but your OCD will latch on and make the feeling worse. This is known as “Responsibility OCD.” The gold-standard treatment for all subtypes of OCD, including Responsibility OCD, is exposure and response (ERP) therapy. During ERP therapy, the person struggling with OCD is exposed to the stimuli that causes them to feel anxious and guilty, and they are prevented from engaging in their compulsions and rituals. For example, part of ERP can be to purposely think the exact thoughts you would prefer not to have, and then actively resisting any urges to “push out” or “get rid of” those thoughts. Over time, with repeated exposures, your brain learns that experiencing those thoughts doesn’t have to mean anything about you as a person, and there is less of an emotional reaction to them. ERP therapy should be done together with an OCD therapist. With trauma-related OCD or OCD that is co-occurring with PTSD, you may also need a different type of therapy. It’s best to speak with a NOCD therapist or another mental health professional to determine the best treatment plan. There is hope and happiness at the end of this journey.

does anyone else have cheating ocd? this is literally the worst theme i’ve had ever. it feels so true and real even though the evidence to disprove it heavily outweighs the evidence to prove it actually happened. does it feel extremely true for anyone else?

can anybody support a bit? I'm honestly a really sad though I have half recovered from hocd, it is good but bad at the same time. Its good cause now I can think of guys again romantically without it feeling forced and now I don't get anxious looking ALL females. But the bad thing is I am still worried about not having my sexual arousal back for guys and that I still have fear that I'm in denial about liking sex with a female. Though I have accepted the thoughts they feel so real I want to cry my eyes out because I don't want that to be my future reality.

Does anyone else ever feel strong urges that they are sick of their partner or bored in their relationship? I have an amazing boyfriend but these urges have been really sting for the past two days and I was wondering what anyone has done to overcome things like this?

can someone help me and tell me how to fully devote myself to ignoring my intrusive thoughts like they mean something i’m always say to myself ‘tomorrow i will fully 100% devote myself to ERP and ignoring the thoughts’ but the time in my day is always eaten away by me doing mental compulsions and it’s frustrating because i want to get over H-OCD as quickly as possible :(

i need some help, when i do exposures i always have subconscious thoughts like “you see you’re not attracted to any of these girls, you’re obviously straight” and i cant stop doing it, how do i stop that thought from popping up all the time cus it almost acts as a subconscious compulsion…