Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I just need to speak up about something. I am scared. I am scared that one day there’s a chance that I may leave my boyfriend/ husband because I realize I am gay or bisexual. The thought of this makes my throat tighten. That would change my whole plans and it is so heart breaking to me. And for some reason my brain goes “but maybe then you will be also happy with someone else” like wtf no I don’t want that I do not want that at all and I don’t know why my brain is trying to rationalize something that I don’t want because when there’s something that I do want my brain just turns it into a bad thing. I am scared that this is a possibility,, my brain is filled with “what if’s” and these what if’s just make me even more anxious and it makes me so entirely sad I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be bi. I want to be me and I feel like I will lose my identity because that is not who I am. But my brain keeps trying to tell me “well you aren’t these things because you’ve never given it a chance“ maybe because I am attracted to men??? Like why isn’t this enough? And I feel like every type of OCD theme I have had is something that in the end hurts my boyfriend and maybe it has targeted him because he is so important to me and I care for him so much. It’s just crazy and I don’t like it at all. And I feel like I keep torturing myself with these thoughts instead of living a happy life like I used to

My cousin said to me in a conversation "you're the person that is the most moral" "you are the one that will definately go to heaven" "you have never sinned" I have moral OCD... And I instantly felt like I'm living a lie , like in my teen years I watched porn and I also had the most horrific intrusive thoughts so I feel like I've sinned with my thoughts alone and all the worried I've had. I feel like I've sinned and I'm tainted and that I'm living a lie :(

Does anyone with HOCD have a SO/boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, does it affect your relationship and how do you deal with it?

I'm really struggling to understand if I need an OCD therapist or Sex therapist. I have an OCD therapist currently but my problem is avoidance of sex, feeling inadequate, anxiety about performance, and it seems ERP aimed at my psychological ED is making things worse. if there is an OCD advocate that reads this could u advise me.

Could someone give some words of support please? I just saw a tiktok where a lesbian said she liked boys from 9-11 grades and became a lesbian in 12 grade. It is a bit concerning to me but im just accepting the thoughts and telling myself I'll be ok since I know deep down I'm not. But the thoughts are just so overwhelming suddenly that I can't even eat my dinner right now peacefully, every bite is like a spike and every thought that comes is making me cry.

My biggest fear is losing my emotions and thinking “what if I was a serial killer” and honestly that’s the worst thing you could think right? But then I compare and have other thoughts like NO ONE THINKS THIS WAY BUT ME. Then I sometimes laugh at how silly it sounds. But when it takes over it feels real. Let the anxiety pass. Don’t think other themes make people feel different. We all experience the same pain. It’s debilitating. And I thought I should share one of my dark thoughts with you guys.

Okay I am lost about compulsions/ reassurance. I don’t know when I am making a compulsion (they are usually mental) sometimes I notice the compulsion and I label it as a compulsion so that I stop doing it which does happen but sometimes it’s so automatic. What should I do? I just feel like everything can be a compulsion right now and I don’t know what to do. Like literally telling yourself that it is ocd or it is just a thought is a compulsion. I am scared that when I get an intrusive thought and ignore it that is also avoiding the thought. So I don’t really know what to do

I have a serious question. So when it comes to OCD, do you say ANYTHING POSITIVE to yourself to recover? Literally ANYTHING that you think makes you feel better? Examples include praying, positive affirmations like I can do this, I won’t focus on those thoughts etc, distractions like exercise, feeling your senses, escaping by watching videos or games, even meditation? Are ALL of these a form of reassurance? Because that’s what my therapist just told me. If so I’ve been lied to my whole life.

How to deal with ocd (intrusive thoughts) and sexual relation... I can’t even touch my boyfriend belly anymore ?

How can I cure from eye blinking OCD ?

Hi everyone I am currently suffering from HOCD and ROCD (those being the strongest) I have been trying so so hard to overcome this but I sometimes feel like I am in square 1 all over again. My intrusive thoughts have gotten the best of me but I think it is time to overcome this obstacle because I know I am strong and I know I will not give up. As for HOCD I got triggered and started questioning myself... I know I am straight and I want to be straight but the fear of being bisexual/ gay I’d always there (there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay/bisexual) but this is just not me nor who I want to be. My ROCD has been with me for a bit longer but I have managed to calm it down... I am so so scared to leave my boyfriend and I want to be always certain that I will choose him no matter what. (There is an OCD pattern... always wanting 100% certainty) I wish to get some wisdom as to how to overcome these things so that I can live a better life. I do have some questions so if anyone has some wisdom for me I would love that!! I sometimes feel as if my unwanted intrusive thoughts are a type of compulsion... like for example every time I see a girl now I have to say “oh I like her” (even though I know I don’t I feel like I have to say it) would it be healthy to stop the cycle and rewire my brain to stop myself from doing this? When I am not feeling anxious should I bring up a negative thought that causes me distress so that I can have better progress or should I leave a certain time of day to tackle my thoughts so that it doesn’t consume my whole day? Thank you so much for reading this!!

i just had a memory pop up. i looked up the hashtag #lesbian when i was 11 on instagram. one time. because i thought I was a lesbian. that can’t possibly be normal? i feel like i need to tell my entire story on here so i can get honest opinions.

Have you heard about strangler figs? They are parasitic vines that live in the rainforest. At first the tendrils they send out onto the host tree are small and thin, but over time they grow bigger and cover the whole tree trunk, literally strangling the tree underneath until it dies. Imagine the tree as something that you value (your spirituality, relationship with loved ones, a favorite hobby, etc). When the OCD starts growing on it, we aren't concerned at first because we don't see the end result coming. Even as the OCD starts strangling the thing we care about, we sometimes resist treatment because we have confused the OCD strangler fig for the thing we love underneath. But, if we don't tackle the OCD compulsions wrapped around the thing we care about, eventually the OCD will overpower our interests and kill them. All's that is left will be the rituals of OCD. Luckily, it takes a long time and we can intervene witch ERP and ACT, just like we could cut the vines off the host tree. What has your OCD taken from you?

I just listened to songs i loved before hocd and it just hit so hard like i jusr bald my eyes out because its soo sad to think i cant acces all the feelings and the hapyness those songs gave me. The way i felt when i listened to certain songs is just insane like i felt amazing, happy so passionate so in love like i was high in life. And when i listen it back i feel pain and so deep sadness that it went sooo downhill with me. I cant even feell the tiniest fraction of how i used to feel. And tho think people live their lifes everyday feeling like how i used to feel. Why did it had to stop with me why did it had to interrupt my life. You have no idea how happy id be if i still felt that same way. The songs i loced so much bevause i imagined my crush in my day dreams and it gives so many good vibes but rigjt now i cant even feel vibes im just so numb and sad and I experience everything sooo extremely different these days i hate it. I hate the way i portray myself and how i carry myself nowadays bevause its just not me. Hocd killed me

Why do people with ocd have no self-confidence?Is it everyone or just me?I have felt useless and incompetent all my life.I have two master's degrees and all I can think about is ways people could make fun of me.I am anxious about anything that people could say that could embarrass me.I used to feel worthless when I had no relationship and when I got in a relationship,I thought everything would change,but no I still felt worthless and even more than before.Why??Is lack of self confidence associated with ocd?

This has nothing to do with OCD I’m curious if anyone gets really obsessed with hobbies and interests but it doesn’t last longer than a few months. I fall in love with shows, hobbies, I get obsessed with online shopping for specific things for hobbies and then I get all this stuff and it sits in my closet or I end up getting rid of it or just not caring anymore. I feel like I shop impulsively and I tell myself I need all these things or I fall in love with an actor and have to watch all their movies.

im really at the point where i will literally do ANYTHING to get rid of ocd. i need to do erp so badly. i contacted dr. steven phillipson and im hoping to do teletherapy with him. im really excited to finally get my life back. i won’t let ocd run me anymore

just sharing a success story. I did some scripting and other ERP and feel cured of my obsession and compulsive behavior. I sat through those exposures and resisted my compulsion (checking) and it worked! I am so relieved and have had thoughts but they just seem to pass by now. There is hope!

Ugh so I said I wouldn’t use this app ever again because I was getting unnecessary horrid responses from certain individuals but I need help I’m not sure if Im putting up with too much from my boyfriend or not. He knows I have anxiety/ocd and knows about my relationship and attachment insecurities. I’ve been with him for just over a year and planned to move in officially with him. I’ve basically been living at his house for 6 months so he asked me to move in. I’m worried about moving. He’s implied we aren’t right for each other regularly ever since I’ve known him which makes me spiral internally and shut down from fear of abandonment. I even got obsessed with “what if I have an undetected std and he thinks I cheated and leaves me” He says he’s only ever implied that once or twice, which is not true. and is still too much anyway regardless. One minute he wants me to move in, the next he wants space. He drinks too much too. I know he’s secret drinking but he doesn’t know that I know. He started talking to me badly about a past sexual experience I had before him the other night, and then I found an empty bottle of vodka. He seems to talk shit when he’s had vodka. I’ve also seen him hide empty cans and he’s avoided kissing me when I’ve caught him drinking straight spirit (I wanted to see his reaction) I wonder if he’s depressed. I read it can manifest in anger in men. He’s not sleeping properly, waking up anxious and having nightmares. He felt so low last week he said I didn’t deserve to be around him, and said “I’m sorry I’m not the same person you met. You need to think about what you want”. I asked him to think about seeing a doctor and he dismissed it immediately. He’s going through loads. Ever since I met him he’s had loads to worry about. His father died when I was casually seeing him, his ex was causing him trouble and now with this coronavirus his business is in trouble, and his mother has just been diagnosed with cancer too. He’s being irrationally angry, and irritable.He told me to “fuck off back home then” last week when his regularly problem neighbors were being noisy again and I asked him to not retaliate, and tonight he said I was “annoying him by talking and saying the same thing repeatedly “when he was trying to read something. He doesn’t seem to be affectionate unless I go for hugs or kisses first. When I bring it up he says I’m not being fair. He’s thoughtful in other ways, he buys gifts, or plans nice things etc and has taken me on holiday a few times already, but I feel like I have to *ask* for hugs. He’s more affectionate for a day or two after having sex though. Any time he’s quiet I think he’s planning on leaving me. My last relationship ended that way. And now when he gets in a mood he tells me to go back to my place. So I think it’s reasonable to always be on guard, and feel at fault for every low mood he has. When I said I was worried he would have me move in, then decide he doesn’t want me after all and then I’ve given up my place, his solution was “go back there then” instead of reassuring me it’s a good thing and he really wants me there TLDR: am I overthinking my boyfriends moods and actions, is he depressed? or am I justified in feeling confused and fucking nervous?

TERRIFIED of trying meds. But I also wonder if I’m missing out on a chance at a better life.