Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi, I’m new to this app and I’m not sure if it’ll help me, but I’ll try anything to get better. For anyone who wants to read, here’s my story: I think I began having OCD when I was young, after my parents divorced and I went through being abused by the parent I was living with, while also going through bullying at school. I went through a trauma, and that’s when it set in. I’m now 21, and within the past 2 years I’ve got my first car, first real job, moved out on my own, and had a baby. So a lot of major life changes. This has thrown the OCD into a state that’s just unmanageable. I can’t fold laundry because it’s impossible to get it perfect, so it stays in the dryer. I can’t clean up anything without having absolute silence and taking hours. It’s hard to shower, having to OCD anything I touch. It’s hard to make dinner, it’s hard to wash dishes. Everything is hard anymore. I tried medication, but it just gave me severe headaches and dizziness, which only agitated my OCD more. I just want hope that this is something that can indeed be treated. It only keeps getting worse with age and it’s extremely hard to live a normal life like this. If anyone has similar stories feel free to share, I will definitely read them.

Hi, This is not OCD related but I still would like to share it with you guys. I apologise beforehand as it's a silly, silly rant. Also, I would like to let you know that there is great chance that you will get bored if you decide to read all this non-sense. But even if you do, I will still be thankful for giving it a go. Lately, I've been feeling like a failure. I don't think I'm a good friend, sister, daughter and/or girlfriend. I think I've done a lot of things which I deeply regret. I wonder if I'm a mean, evil person. And because of that I wonder if I deserve to be treated with so much love, kindness and respect by so many people, especially by my family and friends. I wonder if I deserve to have such a nice boyfriend. He is so sweet and caring (sorry for the cheese) but I don't think I've offered him enough. It seems like sometimes I complain too much, or pay too little attention to him. It seems that I shouldn't be with such an amazing human. It seems like he can do better. I wonder if I deserve to have such a loving brother. He counts on me and sees me as his awesome sister, but I can't even tell you how many times I ignored him or was rude to him because I was busy with my own world. I wonder if I deserve to have such awesome friends. I mean, I clearly don't: I just messaged a person whom I decided to ignore and cut out from my life a few years ago. It was a terrible mistake, and I'm so, so sorry for doing it that. I feel miserable for my behaviour. She clearly didn't deserve it. I don't think she'll reply back but that's fine, it's understandable. I wonder if I deserve anything good at all. Most likely the answer would be a great 'no!'. I think that what I deserve is to be unhappy. For the past couple of days, I've seen myself as a terrifying human being. I hate my body. I hate my mind. I hate how I feel. I hate who I am. I hate everything about me. And this brings a lot of sadness. I've failed and dissapointed so many important people in my life that it hurts to only try and think about it. Well, I guess this is it. Unfortunately, it's pretty poorly explained, I really need to expand my vocabulary. Thanks for reading this.

What do I do? Tw:pocd, false memories, sexual assault I'm still stressing over this.... My false memory is that 3 years I touched (caressed?) a child down there while giving her lap (which is also a false memory on its own) on the pool with 2 witnesses (my friends) there.... If this had happened would she still liked me (because I know she did)? And she was 8-9 at the time so I think she'd be aware if I had done something this bad? Plus there were 2 witnesses there... But I have the stupid feeling that I somehow tried to what I did when they weren't looking. I even asked one of the witnesses if she remembers anything wrong that happened during the pool and she doesn't remember anything and said that I was always nice to everyone. I don't remember her reaction... And I don't remember this happening. But I do have images about it (that hopefully are false). I've been trying to not ruminate but I'm still so afraid I did something wrong...

Right now I feel convinved and defeated. If I see a child and feel nothing like I normally would, my brain takes this as a challenge and makes me picture them naked and then in sexual situations. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared that this is just some secret desire I managed to go all my life without noticing. Or that because I have all these images all the time that I'm going to DEVELOP an attraction.

*Trigger warning* *CPTSD related* Hello, I was wondering if I could have any advice, im a little confused on what to do for exposures without it turning bad, as the majority of my obsessions result in things I can not control even if I can do anything about it like compulsions. Sometime my compulsions work, sometimes they don't. And i fixate on my compulsions to ensure I am not going to end up in danger, even if I'm not. But my brain thinks I am. most of my obssessions are a result from CPTSD and for example one of my triggers is having interactions or being in a room alone with someone, I can not stop analysing their body language, their facail expressions and tone of voice, i over think about how i should respond, how i am saying it, to ensure I don't antagonise or cause conflict for whatever reason. Now the reason I'm struggling with trying to find an exposure to challenge is because as a result of my cptsd triggers, I could dissociate, wet myself, or throw up, or just go into a pure panic as this can happen even when I do my compulsions sometimes, as sometimes I have no control. and i am not to sure what is a safe way to approach using an exposure and as i can not live like this forever and I feel if I don't try to use exposures in fear of the reactions my body goes into, i feel like i will never get better. Is there anyone who has any advice of safe exposures?

Y’all this is dumb but I’ve been looking into the past about early signs of ocd and I wanted to see if these things were ocd related or you experienced them. I feel like it may be obvious but here goes lmao TW for counting and possible scrupulosity? talking about demons and shit The thing that stands out to me the most are counting my steps when outside or in my house between sidewalk blocks and thresholds in my home. I would see other people not step in a block an even amount of times and be agitated or I would nearly trip and die trying to make sure I stepped in the sidewalk block just the right amount of times. I remember counting one day on my way to the bus stop for school and knowing that I didn’t do it right but I pushed forward anyway. I ended up going back because it distressed me knowing I didn’t do it right so I went and did it until it evened out. This went on well into high school and probably now without me noticing. In my dorm I would have to turn off the bathroom light and shut the door a certain way or a demon or ghost would be upset. The shower curtain had to be closed when I got out a certain way or it would be “a sign”. Even sometimes now (i think I lessened it some when I realized it might be a compulsion) that I would have to step between cabinets or around the kitchen a certain amount of times before the microwave got to a certain number or I would have to sell my soul to the devil. Anyway I’m not sure entirely if this was ocd or if I was obsessed with paranormal stuff and it just formulated that way? Or maybe both? Idk but lmk how u feel lol

Was with my boyfriend last night and suddenly thought about squeezing boobs, like squeezing his chest like they were breasts. I am equally afraid and feel like I’m turned on by it. Going to try to channel this into ERP

OCD attacks what you value most, which means you end up neglecting/avoiding what you value most. The way to recover is to return back to your values. What does your OCD attack the most—what do you value most?

Ive been doing really well! With each day the anxiety lessens, and the thoughts have less significance in my life. I hope this carry’s on because I love the feeling of when I haven’t thought about it in a while and then I’m like wow! There’s still some doubt that I’m just lying to myself and everyone else, but it’s way less than before. Stay strong everyone!!

Someone here has Maladaptive Daydreaming?

How does a gronial feel for you all? I got a gronial when I thought I was in denial :(

I'm think I have OCD, I'm convinced. I'm 16 years old. Quite often I end up late to school because of my rituals for Checking OCD. I'm also bisexual and closeted to parents so that makes it harder

Just had the best ERP session wow it works so well

Okay so basically, now that my HOCD is gone...I’ve actually discovered on the side that I’m bisexual!

I would love to hear more experiences from people about telling family about their OCD and associated symptoms. I don’t tell them because they would only worry, and I know I am the best one in a position to help myself. What have your experiences been telling family about your OCD?

How does anxiety show up for you all? Recently realized mine comes in the form of increased body temperature and nausea

A few months ago, I randomly started developing obsessive complusions. It came on so suddenly that it made me question if I was just making it up. I do not remember anything in my childhood of me acting this way, all I knew was that I was a perfectionist, who liked to keep everything clean, however I do not at all remember this being linked to a complusion I had to do because of anxiety. I have also had fears but never acted on them until recently. My first complusion like I said started a few months ago and it was regarding social media. I guess you can say I am a cautious person who gets paranoid easily, I remember being afraid that somebody would hack my account or that I would accidentally post something without knowing. This caused me a great deal of anxiety and I found myself constantly reloading my page more than several times to make sure nothing was posted before I went out of my account. I would do this 6 times because that is how many family members I have and I would sometimes get random intrusive thoughts that were unrelated to my fear telling me that if I wouldn't do it that many times something would happen to them, so I did and after doing it 6 times, my mind would tell me to do it another 6 times, just to make sure. That lead me to do it another 6 times and so on. I would do this until it felt 'right' or until my mind left me alone. This made me feel drained as I was spending my time doing this when I didn't want to. I would also log out of my account or turn the internet or the power of my phone off just because I was still paranoid. It got to a day that I had a breakdown because it felt overwhelming. I have overly strict parents who rarely let me go out so I would communicate with my friends through social platforms and since I didn't have anything 'fun' to do, I would just browse through posts etc. I decided with the help of my sister that it was defiently time to delete my account for the best of my wellbeing. Once doing that I improved alot and my complusion disappeared. I thought it would of been the end of it but I was wrong because I found myself developing more. I remember when I used to read or watch tv shows with subtitles, I would miss a sentence because I was too slow to read, so I would go back check. Once I realised what it had said, I found myself going back to read the same sentence multiple times because my mind would say the same thing about my family being in danger if I hadn't, so I kept doing it over and over. I don't watch shows that often or read much anymore so it disappeared. I then would check doors each night as I was frightened of an intruder breaking in, I would stare at the lock for a while even though my mother checks it each night before me. I still have this but the symptoms are very minimum. I also checked switches to see if they were off each night before going to bed. My very recent complusion has been bothering me the most because it is one I started having a few weeks ago and it is relating to germs. Everytime I go to the toilet, I have to wipe the toilet seat a couple of times and if my finger touched it, I would start again. I was afraid that i might give a disease to my family members or get one myself. I would do it until it felt alright to stop. I would only to these complusions for at least 1-4 minutes so it was mild but it would cause me alot of distress and I was unable to control them successfully because I would go back to performing them. I think I'm starting to avoid going to the toilet because I do not want to perform this complsuion. I now have to hand sanitise things I touch that belong to my family members because of the anxiety that fills my head. I develop small ones now when im doing day to day tasks. I am thinking of going to therapy soon but I am trying not to procrastinate on it because I also have to talk about other things that have been making me feel sad lately. Does this sound like ocd?

Who else tends to take things others say personally and are very sensitive to criticism?

What did you enjoy and not enjoy about Exposure and Response Prevention therapy?

Maybe TW! It’s really hard because I actually do genuinely get turned on my women’s bodies. Not just ‘average’ women... mainly just the really sexualised ones. And it’s hard because even though I don’t wanna have sex with a woman, these thoughts make me feel like I do. Because I ask myself if I was offered to have sex with a (sorry maybe tmi) big boobed woman, would I? And I don’t even feel like this answer is no. So what, I’d have sex with a woman?? It’s so scary. Not really sure what to do