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I took off my sheets and found a dried up brown bug skeleton and I want to just die. My brain 🧠 is telling me what it is and my heart is telling me I could be wrong. I’m so tired of suffering. I have no friends, no support system. I’m just a broken scared human

I am having some fears regarding sexual assault from a cruise I took back in 2011. During the cruise I was with some friends, and we went to a dance floor later at night. I am pretty sure this dance floor was 18+ as there was a ton of security checking ID's and checked my friends backpack and saw he had alcohol (he was 18) and took him and I to head of security. I did not give him the alcohol but he kept trying to claim it on me, I refused to sign anything so he finally admitted to it and signed the document and they confiscated the alcohol and we returned to the dance floor. I was visually upset and drank a significant amount of alcohol. I do remember we were all dancing on the dance floor and the first lady who was clearly taller than me danced asking where I was from. Later that night things got more crazy, people break dancing and others drunk. There was one girl I recall was dancing with many men including one of my friends and they were placing a song where the lyrics say "go low low low low" so I iust put my hand in her hip and did the same movements. She didn't force me away or anything, but during the song someone took a picture of us and freaked me out. She stood up turned around and held my wrists looked at me in eyes like "oh your not who i want to dance with" and walked away. Later that night I remember just putting my hand on someone elses hip and dancing they didnt do anything so i just solo danced. This was 9 almost 10 years ago. I have now thought what if I sexually assaulted someone or somehow one of these girls was a minor? I do remember a heavy security presence there, lota of cameras, clearly a lot of people there. Some girls wouldn't dance with me because my face looked young so they thought i was in highschool (i was 24 or 25). I think being drunk doesn't excuse it but my memory seems faster than what it was being sober some of the images in my head are a flash. I feel like a terrible person but then I am also thinking if I did do something, I assume Security would have done something, there would have been a complaint or I probably would have been arrested on American shores if this was the case What triggered this I guess was seeing the Ron Jeremy arrest story.

Hey me again. I was wondering again. So I’ve always been attached to babies and children. Kind of like an uncle. But I’m a teen. Like I’ve always found babies adorable. But I fear that makes me a p3do.

guys i'm very very scared :( so basically everytime i get an intrusive thought my brain goes like " its okay because.." it's as if it's trying to justify p*dophilia and its disgusting. or like " its okay because it's funny " IM SO TIRED. this is disgusting!

Idk whether this is OCD or if I should actually feel bad. During the George Floyd protests I can’t remember if I might have re posted a video where a protestors face was visible on my Instagram story. What if I did ? I cannot remember. So if a racist person hunted them down and killed them , or if a cop killed them it would be my fault .

Do most people here have friends they can talk to about OCD or friends with OCD? I wish I had friends I could talk to about it.

guys could you tell me how it goes with the therapist?? like what do you talk about and what does she ask you or smthg ?? i never went to one so i was curious

I had an epiphany Maybe even a breakthrough So lately i’ve been stressed out about this time years ago before i even knew about OCD, i had a gross intrusive thought, i thought about it for a few seconds, decided it wasn’t true, and went about my day...ya know the way emotionally healthy people deal with that Anyway lately my brain has been trying to convincing me that BECAUSE i had that thought and just let it go, and DIDN’T ruminate, freakout and avoid that situation for the rest of the day that somehow i was complacent or i secretly liked it So the epiphany i had was that my brain is ruminating on these things because it feels like If i don’t PUNISH myself for these intrusive thoughts (that aren’t my fault) Then i am guilty of some kind of moral failure. So i guess that getting better scares me Not sure how to deal with that though

How are you doing today? And what motivates you to move forward:) ?I hope you are all doing well. What motivates me to go on is knowing that improvement is possible and there are things in this world that make me happy. Like watching movies, drinking hot cider or cocoa, halloween, Christmas music, and fall:) also knowing I always have the ability to do good in every area of my life, and I can try to make the world a better place, even when it doesn’t feel like a good place.

So last night I wrote this on Facebook to my friends and family: Please don’t describe yourself as “so OCD” if you don’t actually have it and make it seem like less of a struggle than it genuinely is for people who do. OCD for me means my mind is always loud and running at a fast speed. OCD means insomnia and nights with 3-4 hours sleep. OCD means if I don’t want to be late in the morning I need to give myself 3 hours to get ready. OCD means everything around me has to be perfect or I can’t concentrate. OCD means carrying out the simplest task can cause a massive amount of stress. OCD means relief when I arrive at work because I have finally gotten myself out of the house, no matter how long it took! I get to work and my stress levels surprisingly reduce because one of the toughest parts of my day is over! And it’s a heap of other things I deal with! OCD is something most people don’t see. I laugh about it when I can but it sucks 🙄 people understanding it better helps ❤️ I’m just sick of people using it as a phrase and making it sound like no big deal!

Who else on here has contamination OCD it would be awesome to talk to others in the same boat

In moments of awkward silence or under pressure, I feel the urge to “confess”. Makes me hella anxious

Why did OCD start all a sudden :(((( Out of no where and I’m and adult.

I’m running out of SSRIs to try. I have been through all of them except two. All either stopped working after awhile or gave me really bad side effects or had ended up causing me to attempt suicide. The ones I haven’t tried are the SNRIs. Has anyone on here tried an SNRI medication? If so did it help?

So having a bad night tonight. Its such an emotional day, my partners sister got the all clear from cancer today so we were in a good mood,. Or so I thought.. I opened a bottle of champagne and I cooked a really nice steak dinner but before we ate my partner was outside and she went to the bin then I noticed she didn't wash her hands and she went straight to the shed and started touching a load of stuff so I came out behind her and wiped everything down, she got angry at me and threw the tools doen and said can you please not do that. I guess she was angry because I didn't trust her to wipe everything down after she washed her hands. The thing is I know she wouldn't have and it would of done my head in. So I woukd of had to go out after her and do it anyway which would have annoyed her ultimately. So, the mood on the house is very heavy. She is trying to talk as normal but I am in my own head and quite upset, I can't bring myself to be jovial now as 1. I'm embarressed about my ocd and 2. I don't think I was wrong in expecting her to wash her hands after being out at the trash where lots of poeple touch everyday before she touched other things. I'm just pissed off to be honest pissed off at my ocd and pissed off because I don't really think asking her to wash her hands after being at the bin is a big ask. I know coming out after her and antibacing everying maybe was a ocd but I think it was justified. I feel like. The best option would of been ride it out until she had finished and then hid the fact that I was wiping everything down. I just can't trust her to be as clean Concious as me.

Dont know if writing this will be of any use in my current situation but I wanted to share this with someone... I've been living with OCD since I was like 4. It started with religious OCD. I used to ask to god to forgive me repeatedly. Then the pure OCD, as a kid I used to say to my mom that Im nervous about something, but that me didnt knew what and why was it there.... Then when I was like, my father and mother separated due to the constant fights between them. I started to live with my mother. When I was like 14-15, contamination OCD hit me. I used to spent hours in the bathroom. My mother didnt understood my and used to scold me... I wasnt able to handle that pressure already. Then came the sexual OCD, I was even able to go out because the images of the body parts of people I see wont leave my mind... The thing where I used to be avoiding specific colours, pictures, thoughts, people came... That was really hard. The things you cant go about in your day, those were the most stressting for me..... Health OCD came. Problems due to sound, light, sensations, etc... That left me doing some of the important things you have to do to progress in your life.... Relationship OCD... The relations which I made broke ultimately leaving me unable to share my pain with anyone, not about talking just pain, but someone staying on your side giving you courage.... Harm OCD. I have to do certain things in order to make myself keep away that Im going to harm someone. I know its not true, I know its a false belief but like my body wants to move automatically. This has lasted for many months... As you've noticed, the growing pain each times with different OCDs bring is immeasurable. Since I was a kid and now 18 years, that pressure on the body and mind has been constant. Dont know how long I will last with this life. My family doesnt understand my situation at all even if I try my best to explain. I cant seek help on my own. Im so tired with this pain.... Living each moment is a burden on me, each breath is so difficult for me. My life doesnt has any meaning as of now.... Thank You for reading. I dont where Ill head to but I just wanted to share this....

Guys please help!!! Im literally at the stage where im doubting for my own existence right now.These thoughts...they feel so real...unlogical...still though real.Everything im living...smth feels off.Im ready to cry,in the middle of the street,ready to have a panic attack.I just want to die.My mind is playing some serious tricks,i cant keep feeling like this anynore.

TW rant: suicidal OCD So this has been my major theme for the past year since my onset started. For clarification: I just have suicidal OCD, I’m not actually suicidal Incase there’s confusion about that. Anyways, I am so SICK of hearing about the topic of suicide which seems to be everywhere. You hear a story on the news that some celebrity did it, or other stories that people they knew did it or they themselves attempted it. You hear that people with mental illnesses or those who went through trauma or just being a middle aged white man have higher risks of suicide. On my explore page on Instagram, thanks to the OCD support pages I follow, I get suggested posts about other mental health related things and there’s usually posts about “signs of suicidal people” or whatnot. I’m soooo sick of it. Having suicidal OCD has been extremely hard and scary to have. It seems like anything is a trigger and the unwanted thoughts of it keep popping up (as OCD normally does). A lot of the time it’s aimed toward myself, but a big chunk of it is aimed toward my loved ones, like what if they decided to commit suicide? If I haven’t seen a family member in a little while (they’re chilling in their room or whatever) I get scared they might have killed themselves so I feel the compulsion to check on them, ask if they’re okay and happy etc. But it’s mostly at myself and I hate it so much. I think overall, whether this attack is aimed toward myself or others, it just absolutely terrifies me that anyone could just decided to do it and then just do it? It’s not like fearing a murderer coming to your house or an outside threat, but you’re the threat! And you can’t seem to protect your loved ones from it! I get these fears that I’ll become depressed (I’m not depressed) and eventually desire it or that I’ll spiral from fear and pain and eventually desire it, or that it’ll be like the movie Bird Box where the people in it (after seeing the monster) seemed to go on autopilot and killed themselves. I can’t even see words like “committed” or “attempted” without having my stomach jump. I struggle to get things out of my closet since having an open closet is even a trigger for fear. I just wish suicide never existed, I wish it wasn’t a thing, I wish I’d never think about it, I wish i could move on from this intense fear. (Disclaimer: I’m doing ERP for this and compared to before have been progress, but on my spike days it’s just so frustrating) Thanks for listening 😩

Question in sharing the bed and contamination OCD I started sleeping apart from my husband in March and April when he had presumptive covid. I've had such huge fears since then that I did not move back into the master bedroom until LAST WEEK (end of July) Thing is, as much as a separate bed was giving into my contamination OCD, I actually love it for other reasons. Firstly, my husband has really scary night terrors multiple times a week (down from multiple times a night before seeing a sleep specialist). While sleeping he gets up in a big huff and starts yelling and swearing and fighting something from his nightmare off. Twice he has involved me and one of those times he actually tried to strangle me and I couldnt get away (luckily I was sleeping face down). He has physically hurt me in these episodes but has no recollection because it happens while hes sleeping. Secondly, the spare bedroom is all of my furniture from my parents home. It's my bed, my dresser, my guitars, my memories. It's so comforting and I LOVE sleeping in a bed all to myself. Last night he had THREE night terrors, one of which he even pulled his c-pap machine off the night stand and it came crashing down on his head. They are so startling and scary and I'm honestly fucking exhausted today which is worse for my anxiety. I'm a ball of nerves today and just want MY bed. Thing is sleeping in a separate room also feeds my OCD. I start to refrain from touching or being near my husband, because I want to keep my room totally contamination free, and I do it subconsciously too. I felt like moving back in to the master was a big step in my healing. But holy hell I could really use a good nights sleep. Sleep is one place I can get away from my anxiety, but surprise surprise, my husband acts out his oddly frequent nightmares and now sleep isnt an escape either. I'm exhausted and scared and anxious and good lord. Someone help. Is it really all that bad if I go back into my spare bedroom?

I was reading some articles about the dark web and I’m shocked and disgusted by some of the things on there. Also I’m scared I might go on it because of how easy it is to access, I’m getting worried that my details are on there and people may be plotting things against me. I’m getting this weird urge to go on it and my mind is saying “you do want to go on and see this and that” but I know I don’t want to😭