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I don’t understand why my mind keeps accusing me of this. I acted on a compulsion and saw videos of gay people knowing they were gay. They always knew but for me the only time I’ve ever been attracted has been to women. Even now my mind is saying that I’ve forced myself to like women. I wish I could just end this all already and be happy with my sexuality. I still only feel attracted to women but my can’t let it go. I feel horrible for my girlfriend because I don’t want to lose her. I wish I was single so I could suffer alone. I was told by a bisexual man that I would fuck a man if I was drunk. I’m so scared to even consider drinking at this point. Ever since I was kid I loved women but now my mind is bringing up things and saying a kid I noticed that was a guy means I liked him and wanted him even though I actually only liked his sister. I slightly wanna cry but my girlfriend lives with me so I just walk around with this sadness. I wish I could just stop so badly. It’s convincing I’m denial and I can’t even notice another guy right now with out getting a wave of anxiety. I wish my therapy session wasn’t so far from now. I want to start so badly. I want to learn how to combat these thoughts so badly.

omg i caved and did a compulsion. i googled a comphet subreddit. not feeling great rn. one person said that there’s a type of attraction where you are attracted to someone because they are attracted to you, and i kinda related to that. like when i think about being w a guy, it turns me on when i think of him being turned on by me if yk what i mean? so now i’m wondering if i’m comphet :(. and they kept on mentioning a “masterdoc” so now i’m really tempted to read it to test if i relate to that, but i’m going to try not to because i think that’s a compulsion/seeking reassurance.

Question to those who have taken ssri or any other medication for ocd. Did they help you with the obsessive thoughts becoming less frequent? My therapist who I was seeing said they can lessen the frequency. I started with prozac back in May but it scared me cause it raised my anxiety and the suicidal thoughts so I've been against them ever since. I was seeing a therapist but she wasn't erp trained and I wanted to give erp a fair shot before considering medications. I start erp soon just waiting to hear from the NOCD therapist. Sorry long post.

This morning I was wiping my daughter and I felt like I saw some additional poop so I went to wipe her again but wasn’t sure if I wiped her private area and was almost scared that the poop was in the private area. Now after that I’ve been ruminating that I just did it on purpose to like touch her private area. This sounds like just a fear response or my brain doing what I hate but is this common? Trying to plan an exposure for this and cut the ruminating out.

Someone on here just told me that I might be a gay person with internalized homophobia and I literally had a panic attack to the point where I started crying. I’ve never wanted to be with a woman but I have forced myself to imagine them sexually and romantically so that I can gain certainty (this causes distress and disgust). They said this after I told them that I had an intrusive thought about a woman being hot when they did something (this thought came out of the blue and I felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable). Please note that I’ve never EVER had a thought like this about a woman before. My problems started because I accidentally looked at someone on a TV screen after looking up from my phone. I’ve never once had a thought like this so I wasn’t sure whether my mind was playing tricks on me or not. Either way, someone told me that I must be suffering from internalized homophobia and I became VERY agitated; I couldn’t move, I kept googling for reassurance, I started to panic and I began to cry. Now they’ve convinced me that I no longer have HOCD and I am so frightened. I don’t care what others think because my friends and family aren’t bothered either way. Personally, I just don’t want to be. Has anyone else had a thought saying someone’s hot (someone they don’t actually want to be romantically or sexually involved with)? Is this my mind playing tricks on me? Is this person correct? I need some guidance because it’s not about reassurance anymore. It’s about understanding whether I need therapy or whether I’m lying to myself. I’m honestly so distressed.

I'd like to ask for your advice about how to react to people with SOOCD when they're saying really extreme things? Don't get me wrong, I know that SOOCD and internalized homophibia are very different things, I'm only talking about the few cases where the two seem to coexist together? I'm always open to changing my perspective, I'm just trying to find the right thing to do, because I want to help people and don't want to make them more stressed when they already are, but how can I hold my tongue when they're saying they'd rather be dead than gay? Or talking about it with such disgust as if it's some perversion. I'm bi and lucky to live in a kind environment but other people aren't so lucky, some people actually commit suicide because they aren't accepted, so how am I supposed to react to this kind of thing? I'm keeping an open mind and not trying to attack anyone, just wondering where we draw the line?

Last month I was sexually assaulted by a friend. I have been dating my bf for 4 years. I told my bf immediately when I found out, but when I found out the truth about what happened to me while I was passed out drunk that night, my OCD flared out of control. I was definitely having symptoms of PTSD before my friend had told me what happened. I had a flashback to him on top of me, and that's all I remembered. I had thrown the clothes I wore in the wash already so I can not use them as evidence. I didnt get a rape kit done, but I had a physical last week and I am clean of any STDs or STIs thankfully. And he apparently used a condom. Now I am constantly having intrusive thoughts about that night and how my boyfriend views me now. He said he loves me and wants to do whatever he can to help me heal, but my OCD monster keeps trying to tell me that he is only here because he feels bad for me. My bf was not there the night I was assaulted, and he feels guilty that he should have been there to protect me. I feel unlovable and like I have zero confidence now. My skin picking and hair plucking OCD is worse than ever, I cant calm myself without using some sort of meditation/hypnosis. I am working through therapy every week. I just want this feeling to be over. I keep reliving that night having intense intrusive thoughts about if I "wanted it", how I could have prevented this, how could I let this happen to me, and that I deserved this somehow. As if this is karma for bad things my OCD has driven me to do in the past while I had obsessive episodes.

. . . hi guys help me with some advice. I can't stop moving my lower jaw under the bill for a week. how can I help myself? this summer and autumn, OCD became very acute. the psychiatrist prescribed venlafaxine. It doesn't help. there are also many compulsions and rituals. Obsessions with 8 years ... damn, anyone. Reply.

i had my first therapy session today and for some reason i actually feel a little worse because i’ve come up with even more intrusive thoughts. can anyone in therapy tell me if it’s supposed to get worse at first?

I have a biopsy in a weeks time and have contamination ocd. I have what I consider a valid concern around getting sick right now. I've been having pain in my neck and chest since April. Through a series of delayed tests because of the pandemic, we discovered a large mass growing on my thyroid. Obviously cancer crosses my mind a lot. My biopsy is next week but I have been waiting quite a while for it due to backlogs from the pandemic. My fear is that if I even so much as catch a cold, I wont be let in for my biopsy because those symptoms are likened to covid. And I would have to wait months more for a new biopsy scheduling once again due to the pandemic. My parents came for a visit today and I asked them to please wear masks. This is the first time I have asked them to do that but because I feel the utmost need to stay healthy I requested it. They got really angry with me and told me they had brought coffee they wanted to drink because so they could t wear masks. I compromised and said well, like at a restaurant, dont wear it while you are drinking coffee, but wear it otherwise. When we got in the yard, they sat their with their coffees, not drinking, and not wearing the mask either. Unmasked, my father started to yell at me that my ocd was too much, the mask makes him feel like hes in a cage, and that he just wanted to drink his coffee. I was very very hurt, started crying and demanded they leave. I really cannot handle unmasked shouting since shouting sends droplets further. My mum had already gone before I even asked because she could tell the visit was heading south, but my dad yelled at me unmasked for quite a while until I gave up and went in the house. They then left. I think my ocd about the germs will kick in tonight or tomorrow but the hardest thing right now is the absolute disregard for my biopsy appointment. If things had been the other way, and my dad had been sick for months with an appointment coming up, and we went over there unmasked and yelling they would have been livid. He gets offended that I treat everyone including them as if they might have covid. I dont understand the offense. It's not like a stigma....no onecatches covid by doing something disgusting. It just happens if we are out in public and unlucky enough to be by someone who is contagious. I feel so deeply hurt that his coffee trumped my biopsy that I have been waiting months and months for and if I even get the sniffles, I could face waiting months and months longer for. It truly truly hurts me. I'm not seeking reassurance about.illness, but I didnt think I was being that unreasonable. Just last week we had an unmasked visit. I never ask.them for masks. Just this once since this is such an important appointment for me and in a pandemic, a hospital wont let me in if I have new symptoms of even a cold. Why is a coffee so much more important than that? I'm their only daughter and a mask and coffee really made them fly off the handle. Was I so wrong to ask for that? It really seems reasonable to me given the circumstances.

I don't think my current therapist can help me so much anymore the way I think these OCD therapists would. I asked about ERP, but she said my theme is more "thoughts" than objects where I should be exposed, and plus the lockdown. Meds, on the other hand, can be so risky, and I do not know where to get them if ever. I mean, I don't know how to drive since my brother is the one doing that. Also, spending money from my father makes me guilty. And I don't my brother to know I am spending cash for meds. Well, I do know I can handle without them. I've been this far --- I'm 21 now, and I never took meds.

Anyone who has therapy before on here, I have a question for you. Has your nocd therapist ever told you that OCD is there forever and you must manage it for the rest of your life?Just like the Babadook... if you’ve ever watched that movie. Sounds a bit fishy if you ask me. Anyways back to the point. I never understood why you have to pay yourself to get the help you need when you got into the problem for FREE. I don’t think anyone should have to pay to get help. Some thing just doesn’t add up with this app. The ocd most DEFINITELY can be overcome and it is NOT permanent. I seriously think it is a way they can keep getting more money out of your pockets. The ocd is NOT you remember, even though I know it feels like it. You must conquer this thing and MUST by YOURSELF and cannot rely on anyone else to fix you. Needed to get this off my chest.

TW for people with pocd Okay so since I've been on this app I've been getting ocd about people with pocd? I feel extremely bad about this, because I know how awful it is to have sexual intrusive thoughts (not about kids though), and I want to be supportive, but my mind keeps saying "what if you just encouraged someone who actually will harm children?" Maybe I shouldn't post this, I'll delete if necessary because I don't want to make anyone feel worse just because of my own anxiety... but even irl people around me keep making pedo jokes and it makes me feel so horrible, I guess I'm just really sensitive about the matter, I want to protect any child of any potential harm

hi everyone, i was doing a bit better regarding my pocd and then today i had a horrible spike. My aunt was visiting and i was playing around with my 3 year old cousin and we played this game where i’m on my back and i lift her up by holding her hands with mine and her legs with my feet, sort of like she’s flying. First time went well and she laughed a lot second time when she fell my leg touched her bum accidentally which was a bit triggering but i decided to disregard it and keep playing even tho i knew the risks that it might happen again, the third time when she fell she fell in a way where she was like sitting on my leg and her nappy area was touching my leg and i said out loud “no no get off” and immediately removed my leg and i felt like i was gonna have a panic attack. I feel horrible, i knew the risk that it might happen and i still played the game, does that mean i did this on purpose?? did i molest my cousin?? i shouldn’t have kept playing it i’ve played with my sister before and i knew sometimes she’d fall and my leg would touch her bum but it was always on accident now i feel like i did this on purpose. am i horrible person?? i know reassurance is bad but i really need someone to tell me if i fucked up.

I feel doomed. Like I could never have a normal life anymore. I feel out of my mind and terrified. I don’t think there’s anything anyone could do to help me. I feel crazy. Every second my brain comes up with something new and I can’t imagine myself coping with this for the rest of my life. I feel like I don’t love anyone anymore like I used to, not even animals and I used to adore animals. It feels like I’m just going to eventually lose the entirety of myself to theses thoughts and over analysis. This is not the way I imagined my life ending at all. My brain isn’t working at all like it used to. I feel as if I’ve lost my empathy and I’m only doing things just to cope. It sucks when support from my family doesn’t even work because I feel like I don’t even love them anymore. I still feel like I’m making this all up to an extent, because I know these thoughts aren’t real but they feel so real in my head. Everyday is so hard. I just want to sleep but I can’t just spend my life sleeping forever.

alayna joy on youtube triggers me so much because she was bisexual, came out to her fiance as gay... and when she was going over the lesbian masterdoc she said she feels uncomfortable calling herself a lesbian because she was wrong about being bi so she said she could be wrong again.. but today what triggered me is her video about tiktoks that made her gay, and people’s comments under the video saying tiktok made them realize theyre gay too. it brought me so much anxiety even to see the title and read the comments without watching the video, especially because i get some lesbian content on my for you page on tiktok.. this one tiktok really made me anxious about this woman who came out to her husband as a lesbian after 6 years of being married to him :( people say their tiktok represents them so well like theyre fbi agent knows exactly who they are and ive gotten straight, bi, and lesbian tiktok i think it’s on my page because i like the cottagecore aesthetic but it made me scared because i didnt know that could mean someones gay?? it triggers me to find women pretty too because i used to find women aesthetically pretty and not think that much of it but now my HOCD makes me think i have to break up with my boyfriend because i feel gay 😭 i digned up for NOCD therapy but my diagnostic meeting is on the 30th.... idk what to do

Will this ever go away? I feel so hopeless

Distraction post: what makes you happy when you feel down?

"pOCD and zOCD false memories" I'm so sorry for venting... I need help... Or just someone to lend me an ear. I'm suffering from really serious, really bad false memories that are not only illegal but also make me feel like a monster. Basically, my false memories are extended to these two topics only and are always of a sexual nature. 1. That I used my pets as tools to obtain sexual gratification. (and or touched them) 2. That I touched a child (during an actual real event) inappropriately. I don't have images for these false memories... It's more fears than anything else! I feel like I forgot about them or I'm just in denial. The 1st one comes from a situation where I masturb- near my cat. (she was in my bed but I can't recall where she was standing). There's also another situation that I have also masturb- near my dog but in this case, she wasn't near me. Just in the same room as me, in separate beds. The 2nd is from a real event where I played with this child in the pool. I can only remember one physical interaction that was giving her a piggyback ride. In conclusion, I'm so afraid these are real and if they are real, then I should be punished! I don't want to go to jail because I'm terrified of that place so the only option is to kill myself. I don't deserve to be happy or even alive...

My mind is so blank that I don’t know if I should write anything or do anything for my fuck up. I wish I knew how to get over my fuck up because sitting with these feelings of knowing I fucked up less than 2 yrs ago just leaves me empty and blank. I don’t know if I should write or email my therapist’s or just sit here and do nothing and feel nothing anymore. Drinking enough alcohol to get me drunk just makes me numb and when I took an edible about 2 yrs ago it made me feel like shit. I have absolutely nothing to keep me happy or make me happy everything I know all makes me feel nothing I’be tried to do things that me happy but idk anymore.