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the NOCD Community

Please tell me what was your experience with SSRI's? Did it help you ? What was the side effects? How long does side effects last? Does it help with day to day stress?

How do you keep the very few good traits you develop from ocd ? So much of my obsession is about being a good person and not hurting other people. The negative part of that is all the shame and compulsions to be perfect. But I’ve also developed a lot of compassion. I feel like my ocd is getting a little better. I get backdoor spikes now. How do I not completely lose my compassion and open mindedness in the process. I know this could be false dichotomy but yeah. Just needed to talk about that.

It seems like ocd jumps around like hyper child . I have experience majority of all OCD types and when one gets calm , one comes back .I have a fear of going to hell and burning forever. God turns me away because my mind can't make itself up . One second I believe and the other I'm telling myself I don't believe to protect myself . Then I go through is religion real? And how do we know this is the right one ? And after that I freeze . I find myself staring out the window looking for a sign of the world ending and eating something to make me feel better. Sometimes all I want to do is throw myself to my knees and pray over and over again. I wish I wasn't born or had a different mindset because this is so painful. My parents used religion as a behavioral tool to keep us in line , Sunday was about church and taking about going to hell and burning in the lake fire 🔥if you disobay and if you was bad you would have to read from the book of revelations . I'm scared . I don't want to have theses thoughts , I just want to live and be happy

Has anyone here experienced emotional burnout but still become upset and cry about the burnout whilst experiencing false feeling and thoughts. Does medication help with this? I can’t do erp until this is addressed as it brings on more false feelings 😢

A note to HOCD sufferers: The presence or “feeling” that the thoughts are real is not evidence of them being real. Ever fall asleep and when you’re nearly drifting off you feel like you’re falling and suddenly jolt awake? For a moment, as far as your brain is concerned, you ARE falling. You experience all the sensations of falling (fear, anxiety, sometimes visual images of falling) and the fear response your brain generates also seems very palpable. Are you falling? No. Does it “feel real”? Yes. “Can HOCD make you feel arousal?” Yes. “Can HOCD make you have mental images of the opposite sex constantly?” Yes. “Can HOCD feel like you’re in denial?” Yes. “Can you sometimes feel like you’re sure that you’re straight, and then suddenly a few days later you’re not sure at all and every time you see someone of the opposite sex you feel a tingle? Or can it make you feel like you want to look at men/women or their genitals? Can it make you feel like you need to come out of the closet and confess to other people that you’re gay?” Yes. Yes. Yes. The questioning, the rumination, the mental checking, the reassurance seeking are all compulsions. THAT is what you’re trying to resist or reduce. Not the thoughts, not the urges, not the arousal, not the sensations...the compulsions. You can not control, alter, change, get rid of, or suppress your thoughts. The science is unequivocal that it’s not only impossible to do so, but has the exact opposite effect of what you desire. The thoughts not only persist, but do so with more intensity. I am writing this post because I’ve noticed that this, at least anecdotally, seems to be the theme that people seek the most reassurance for in the community. What is the solution? It’s ERP possibly in conjunction with medication. That’s the same for every type of OCD, no matter the theme. I often see someone ask for “tips” on how to “cope” with these thoughts. Again, the answer is always ERP. No amount of reassurance, checking, comparing, or researching online will work. You can read a thousand stories about people who came out, discovered they were queer later in life, or figured out they were in denial, and you will never, ever get the answer you’re looking for. If you’re not in treatment, get started. If you’re triggered, instead of seeking reassurance, use the SOS feature on the app or text your therapist. If NOCD is not available to you, use the link below to check the IOCDF directory and see if a specialist is available in your area. If you can’t access or afford a therapist, read the books below for credible information on self-guided treatment. Of course, we all empathize with your suffering and understand just how debilitating OCD is. But we want to move this community forward by creating a space that focuses on recovery rather than reassurance. “But once when I was 14 I saw an image online of someone making out and they were both the same sex and I got kind of aroused and I think I was into it and also I felt like maybe I had a crush on my best friend who is the same sex but it wasn’t like an actual crush but maybe I found them attractive I’m not totally sure and once I wore a pink shirt and my voice sounded feminine or masculine and now I’m thinking maybe that means I was suppressing something and and and” The answer is ERP. Books: https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346 https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259 https://www.amazon.com/Needing-Know-Sure-Overcoming-Reassurance-ebook/dp/B07MMQ7HRK https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786 Finding Help: https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/find-help/

I’m not sure what to do anymore, sometimes I feel like I want to live in a bubble and never leave.I keep getting death thoughts and intrusive thoughts. Like I wish I was adopted so then I wouldn’t care about my family members dying and if I had no one I would feel less stressed. I don’t even want to have kids (I’m only 17) because I’m scared they will die. I wanted a cat in the past but not anymore because I will have to deal with it dying and I don’t want to have to deal with that. Yesterday I was going through it, thinking a lot about things related to death and then I saw a YouTube titled - he died . I clicked on it even though everything told me not to and it just triggered me even more. I literally couldn’t turn away and watched the girl crying and explaining what happened and the anxiety just increased inside of me. I honestly feel like I’m slowly going insane waiting for everyone to die around me and me to die as well. Sometimes I’m excited to be 18 but then I just think your getting older which means your closer to death. When I got these exact thoughts when i was younger I could calm my self down because I was pretty young but now I’m getting older and older it’s harder. I honestly feel like crying. Also the thoughts are mainly what is going to kill my family and me etc and my family is kinda sick atm a lot of different conditions

Do you guys experience intrusive thoughts coupled with intrusive feelings, that intrude in the middle of a trigger? I feel like my ocd comes in out of nowhere and the thought/feeling comes in when I’m in the middle of a certain action so when I continue to carry out the action despite the intrusive thought, I am overcome with immense guilt and distress for not stopping. It almost feels like I acted on an urge or I like anticipated something to happen, and when it does, I am upset that I didn’t do a compulsion to stop said thing from happening. Does this resonate with anyone?

Course some douchebag on the OCD discord group chat triggers me. I kept telling this dude that I don’t want to be gay or bisexual because it doesn’t fit me and it isn’t right by me. But he continues to fucking ask “why don’t you want to be gay or bisexual” now I’m triggered and pissed.

Fuck man. I’ve been pretty down for almost a few months now and I’ve been so angry that I’ve cussed out a few therapist’s already. I wish I can have a resemblance of a good life. I wish I could wake up in the morning eat some breakfast drink some coffee get ready for work and go to the gym afterwards or hangout with people who care about me afterwards having fun. My therapist’s seem to think I have a psychotic disorder and I’m starting to believe it. I almost want to go out a second day in a row and get drunk again. I feel if I do I’m just going to become someone I never thought in a million years I would become but that’s sort of where I’m at in life right now. I think I’m just on the brink of becoming a drunk and don’t see a way out. Sometimes my life is just to hard to want to cope with anything. I’m not even sure getting drunk a second day in a row or a 3rd is a bad thing anymore. I don’t have no one to talk to to give me hope. I thought I wanted to become a NFL scout and have a wife and kids but I just feel so awful about who I am I’m just out right disgusted with myself. I wish I could have therapy 24/7 cuz I’m just not good at all trying to figure stuff out on my own anymore and need basically someone to show me how to live or show me a good way to live to emulate cuz I can’t just be like I’m going to be like my 21 yr old self again where I was working, had friends, and a fit life and started dating. The started dating stuff is kind of where all my trouble started and now I’m failing at life all because I wanted to have a good life too soon and didn’t know how to have it the way I thought my life could be. If I make it out of this shit idk what I’ll think.

I’m so scared I’ve been dealing with hocd since I was 12 I’m 18 now why haven’t I figured out my sexuality:( I don’t want to kiss a girl, I don’t want to be with a girl. The thought makes me so sad cause with all I am I don’t wanna be a lesbian. I want to want guys. I want to have feelings for guys and fall in love with them. I’ve done that for one guy. I want that so badly. God, please. Just make this stop. (I have nothing against gay people, there is nothing wrong with it. I Just don’t want it)

So. I might have ADHD and OCD. I might only have OCD. I might have OCD and something else. Kaiser will see me Early December to assess. Time to try and keep my job for approx. 60 days. If anyone has tips from a ADHD + OCD perspective I'd appreciate.

I remember the exact moment someone said something that triggered an obsession for me. It was like a switch went off and I couldn't stop thinking of it since, years later. Has this happened to anyone else? Why can't my brain let go of this intrusive thought?

What is your worst fear with HOCD/SOCD? For me, it is that if I’m a lesbian that it means I can’t be with my husband or that I’m not being true to myself. Those are both things I really value so it makes sense. I don’t pretend I’m 100% heterosexual and I’m on the spectrum, as I think most people are. It is the idea that I am 100% lesbian that causes me endless distress.

I feel like this has ruined my life

So ive told my gf about what im going through. I think she thinks im just gay. She said how do i know your not going to do a philip scohfield on me. And i got this sense of dread

When I was young (13) I sexually experimented with my friend. We never finished because I left ashamed and scared of what I had done. I fell in love with women throughout the rest of my middle school and high school days, with numerous crushes on many women. Never men. I was always paranoid about being seen as gay, and assumed as gay. I avoided gay people or anything gay related, including movies, books, and other subject matter. After graduating and the quarantine started, that’s when I got HOCD. I would never want to be with a man ever. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. I’m getting memories of my childhood experimentation plus erections that honestly scare me and had no recollection of me remembering until now. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. I never wanted to be with a man and never will. I’m terrified out of my mind as I’m typing this because the last thing I want is to be something I’m not. And it honestly scares me. I’m getting a memory of an erection to a written erotic scene from call me by your name. I’m so scared and petrified. I’m hitting the SOS button after this but I’m so scared at this moment in time. I actively avoid all gay movies or movies with gay subject matter. I constantly get these memories and I don’t want to be gay or bisexual in the slightest. Oh god have mercy on me

I'm lowkey afraid that I might kill myself. Yesterday, I had really bad thoughts about different ways to kill myself to the point it was hard to concentrate on my studies. I have days where I don't want to kill myself and days that I deserve to die. I just feel very hopeless about the future.

I feel kind of done with life. My mindset is too screwed up to really do anything and truly enjoy it. I watch tv shows or movies, I always feel bothered to an extent. I used to love writing stories and drawing characters, my mind tells me it was an unhealthy form of escapism and because my thinking is too messed up I can’t write the stories I want to anymore. I can’t be an artist/animator anymore because I can’t handle the internet anymore and that I’m not a nice person. I get thoughts everyday that I’m capable of killing and that I’ll probably do it one day and the only thing I’ll care about is being caught and that I won’t care about what I did. I don’t know how I feel about living this way, nothing really feels real, I get thoughts that are we all are evolved monkeys and nothing we made up is real. That everything I’ve ever learned is brainwashing and nothing really exists or matters. It feels really weird to think in this way, I feel so off from other people because of my perception like I’m going to go through life pretending to be sane when on my own I’m really just a psychotic person. I always have this weird feeling in my head everyday and I worry that I have a mental illness that’s degrading my brain and causing these thoughts , but I honestly just ignore it. I feel so much anger sometimes and I worry that it’s going to cause me to lose my sanity and hurt someone, I actually had an intrusive urge and thought to hit my mother today and then the thoughts that came after that was that it was fine, that other people did it, she deserved it and that morality doesn’t really matter. I didn’t act on it, but it makes me sad because the old me would have never thought in this way. I keep getting thoughts that I want to do something drastic and that I understand the mindset of people who have done terrible things. I get a ton of thoughts during the day that frustrate me at work. There’s a bunch of stuff going on with me but honestly this just feels like it’s going to be my permanent normal. For whatever reason I don’t really want to fix this, it seems as if there’s nothing to fix, it’s too complex for any doctor to figure out so I’ll just keep it a secret for the rest of my life and pretend that I’m still the same person. I’m too tired to write more, I’m just hoping that this is a phase and it will go away like the last time I had a weird experience with my mental health, or maybe I’ll just lose my mind and this will all be over. Every time I get the thought that I miss the old me, my mind just tells me that I’m actually happier this way, this was how I was meant to turn out, and that my old way of thinking was naive.

I downloaded the app as my son (age 35) is suffering from ocd - not working and not willing to take medication or therapy. After two years of begging him to do something for himself we are at the point of banning him from our house, but then he is on the street (which we would like to avoid). Illinois has poor mental health care solutions and the Health Dept folks say “have the police remove him”. Not exactly helpful. Certainly we are not the only ones in this situation. My son is highly intelligent but can not overcome this disability. Any suggestions are welcome

Im not worrying about imagining a same sex plus now I have groinal response with no anxiety 😨 and its feelings so true that Im what Im thinking I am , and Im feeling like Im starting to believe that I dont have hocd and all this was just me who wasnt accepting it 😓