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My mom doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm actually a p and I'm not. I haven't even done anything. Someone help me I'm scared. I feel so misunderstood. She just kept calling me one and screaming at me. I didn't even do anything 😭

My biggest fear is subtly molesting my daughter. Like not outright and blatantly, but like subtly. if that makes sense. Like taking advantage of diaper changes and baths for my own quiet sexual satisfaction. That is my biggest fear/obsession. My biggest compulsion is avoidance of washing her in the bath. My therapist says to wash her deliberately and slowly with no mental reviewing or thought suppression, or avoidance or anything. He even suggests purposely triggering groinals. I haven’t had the courage to do any of this. However the other night, I did. I thought I was going to wash her without any avoidance. But then my brain said “ooo yes take advantage of this situation. You can use this to get any weird urge you may have had in the past out of your system” and I didn’t have any anxiety about this thought, and I continued to wash her regardless. I feel terrible!!!! I’m overcome with so much guilt. I feel like these thoughts were the motivation behind my action. Where do you draw the line? I am so distressed.

I beat my OCD episode and this is how I did it. After this I’m done helping people. This is my last post. I hope you guys look into this. CBD, Prozac, family, less R-rated shows/News, working out, and No porn! Never got the chance to do ERP due to therapists switching me around. CBD and no porn goes a long way. Do this for 3 months. At 3 months the brain starts to form new pathways/emotions/thinking patterns. I got better in a little over 3 months. I had 80% of OCDs consuming me 24/7. It was hell and I thought I was going crazy. Couldn’t even look people in the eyes. It was traumatic. I went into a mental hospital. I’m scared of another episode happening so I’m still going to therapy to get more information. Any questions I will answer(:

Taking both my meds again. Prozac I was taking but I stopped risperidone. Being off it you can tell what a big difference it makes when they work together. I feel better. Medication isn’t for everyone. But if you choose to go down that path it’s not a bad thing. And you need to work towards finding what medication works best for you. This is mine. It took me years but it’s how I survive in a more practical manner.

Hello everyone. This is my first time doing NoFap and I’m nervous, anxious, and scared about my possible HOCD. I’ve had numerous girl crushes over the years and never once considered myself gay or bisexual in the slightest. But approximately 5 months ago, my friends called me “sus” for knowing a gay scene from the movie moonlight, and I have been nonstop questioning my sexuality and my identity obsessively. As the months went by, memories which I had long since forgotten had begun to suddenly re-emerge. I remember getting erections to everything since I was a child, but the two most terrifying instances of memory were when I had erections to the Incredible Hulk game when I was 8-9. Everytime the hulk took heavy damage, he would start heavily breathing, and I got an erection to that. I then found masturbating at the age of 11, to a woman masturbating, and continuously did so during 2 years, leading to masturbating to gay porn three or four times when I was the age of 13-14. It was there when I got an erection to the gay scenes from the take me to church music video. When I first had a crush on a girl at the age of 13-14, I began to get erections to only women, masturbated exclusively to women for the next 6 years (I’m 19 now) and most importantly, never watched gay porn ever again. In fact I was so terrified at the notion of being gay, that I tried my best to get out of situations with men in large groups (such as the locker room and the public restroom). I never questioned my sexuality however, because I only fell in love with many women during elementary, middle, and high school, and had even dated a woman in my junior year. Flash foward to five months ago. Me and my friends were looking at Netflix and stumbled across the movie moonlight, and I knew the movie because it was an academy award winning movie, and the fact it was made by A24, a company that I love very much. Anyways, we stumbled across the scene in question, and I pointed out the movie to my friends and they in turn called me “sus” for knowing what the movie was and what the scene was too. I became terrified and reassured my friends that I wasn’t gay, but the thought became engrained in my mind and I have been obsessively going on every OCD forum I can to make sure what I have is HOCD. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. I would never be involved with a man romantically or sexually, but all the memories and false attractions, groinal responses, and intrusive thoughts make me question everything and anything related to this mess. I do not have any hate towards the LGBTQ+, I only respect and encourage their right for love, equality, and opportunity. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual because it doesn’t fit me as a person. It doesn’t sit right by me and It makes me anxious and nervous. I also experimented with a friend when I was 13-14. It involved intercourse but we never finished. That experience left me with nothing but disgust and shame for myself and I never repeated the action again. I even stopped being friends with him due to how much shame and disgust I felt for even participating in such a event. I truly don’t want to be gay or bisexual and I only have the upmost respect for the LGBTQ community. My HOCD keeps telling me that because I had these events, therefore I’m gay or bisexual when I don’t want to be.

Does anxeity bring on attraction?

my two friends keep hounding me about my sex life so today i lied to them about it and now i feel guilty mostly at how good at it i think i was and that they believed me ... part of me goes no way they believe me they think it was all a lie but i also hate them for pushing it so much they had done this a few years back and i just dont get the constant questioning...ironically they both lost their virginity later in life than a lot of my other friends so youd think they wouldnt need to press me about it so much but they do ... the thing is like my ocd centers around sexuality and i dont have much of a love life history to comment on but i dont like other people making me have to analyze it because i do that without their help and like they also ask how many men have i been with, how many men have i kissed, when was my first kiss, and when i give them names they are like last name? like no answer is enough for them its like every time i see them they never give up on these questions and i think its because they view me as this weird creature like they both are the types of girls where their sex life is the thing to talk about: blow jobs, swallowing or spitting, hand jobs, squirting all the things... they go all into that shit thats the stuff that makes them excited to talk and im like thats not me but i am someone who curses a lot and makes dirty jokes and over shares other parts of my life so in a way i see why they are probably confused and want to know but if i wanted to talk about it i would i just dont want to and i said that last night they were like so tell us about your freaky moments and i was like noooooo and its after they go into a lot of detail on their sex lives but they choose to they like it talking about sex gives them a sense of identity and power it makes them feel cool and im like i know you think or are suspicious that im a virgin and a prude but if you think that why do you want to out me? why cant we just be friends and you dont get all that info? im very good at talking about all other topics and it does make me spiral into my hocd, am i asexual obsessing, pocd all the shit because its like god i have to lie to make them think im "normal" but i hate lying ... what i tell myself to comfort myself while i lie is telling myself they have probably lied about their sex lives too in small ways like people like to play up things and make their love life seem way better than it is, and the reason im lying is because i dont trust them to not make fun of me they have made mutliple comments about what they think about adult virgins and they can just be catty and rude so its like no im sorry i wont tell you that stuff and you wont take no for an answer so here we are ... but now im sure this means i have a personality disorder or makes me evil or something like i dont enjoy having to do that i have other friends who like can be my friend without interrogating me about my love life if i make it clear that im okay and dont really have much to share we move on but these friends even with other stuff i feel they are rude and bad friends they have visited me and insulted my hometown, belittled a waittress in front of me over a dollar difference in the bill, constantly interrogate me about my love life and its always like they forget my experience level when they next see me and ask questions theyve already asked before about my love life and sex life in a way to figure out what i am and its in an obvious way where i can tell its because they talk about me when im not around probably debating what my sexual deal is, and when i talk about how i am on dates they say things like i cant imagine you on a date or having sex, anytime ive tripped and fell theyve laughed at me and fell on the floor laughing, one actually seriously not jokingly asked me if i was autistic because i was using my socks to spin on their kitchen floor (and it wasnt meant in a im worried or i think you might be which is cool it was like definitely said in a tone of something is wrong with you this is bad but that she definitely thought i was autistic), also my sister is on the spectrum so i dont view autism as something bad i just dont like how she said that to me, theyve made fun of my monotone voice and just have real issues with boundaries... ugh i need to vent... they have like good qualities too but everytime a moment like the ones i just listed happen i go are these people good friends but when they make me food or buy me dinner or rarely compliment me or send me jobs in case i need help finding a new one or give me supportive advice i go okay yeah youre too critical they are good friends but im like am i turning this into rocd or like what is happening... im also stuck with them for the next few days and i do have moments of fun while im with them for sure but then these moments of like get me the fuck out of here ... like one of them made out with her boyfriend on her car and was hurt i didnt wait for them to finish and ride in the car with them, and instead i went in her sisters car to give them alone time to makeout ... then later she turned it into a thing where like she thought i was weird for not being more comfortable with that situation and now whenever her boyfriend is around shes like are you okay with that and its like listen im not a prude making and pda is fine but i find it rude when you have a guest over to like makeout with your boyfriend on your car and expect them to wait for you to finish before driving to the established location... but i got over it and found a solution but somehow youre mad at me and think im the rude one for finding a solution that gave her privacy and me a chance to not look like a creepy third wheel... its just god yeah their thought process is annoying and im starting to think we are not compatible friends she also has this competitiveness to her when we were jogging together earlier today she had to go faster than me and then shame her sister for not trying more and its like i thought we were all jogging together ... ugh i hope no one reads this because i feel pathetic writing it

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER When I was younger (like 17/18) I met a girl who went to the same school as me and lived in the same town. She was younger than me. (like 14). I was so stupid to talk to her and become friends with her. I thought she was cute and all. She also liked me (which was very wrong) and right now (a couple years later) I'm ruminating on it. I have the fear of becoming a pedophile and I'm so scared this means that I become one. I used to chat with her, and one time when I drank too much, I told her that she was pretty and stuff. I've so much guilt around it and I feel so freaking bad. Is it normal if I liked a girl around her age that time? I'm so scared because of this, I'll have to go to jail??! I NEVER intended on more than that, she was just cute and nothing more.

My HOCD anxieties nearly gone. That should be good right? But now my HOCD is making me think and feel like I’m enjoying these thoughts. Fucking kill me. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual at all

So does giving your child a bath and/or changing his/her diaper trigger anyone else? It’s such a common thing I feel like every parent has to do. How is one not triggered? I don’t get it. You’re literally touching their genitals...how does it not bother you?

I'm really confused about what ERP actually is. I've read that it's all about facing your intrusive thoughts & not doing the compulsions, but then I also hear it's about more than that, like eating off a toilet seat, or even licking a toilet seat. So I guess my question is if ERP is really about letting my intrusive thoughts be there and not reacting to them, whats the point of doing far-out-there exposures that would bother be OCD or no OCD. I could lick toilets, eat from them, roll around in dumpsters, make things opposite from the way I want them all day, but I'm still not going to like doing those things. It's weird because the description of ERP seems to contradict things when it's actually put into practice.

I’m losing hope again. I am lost. I can never seem to do erp, and if I do somehow become unafraid of something I just find something else to be afraid of. I wish I can just find the root problem to all this. I know it some deep internal emotional wound that keeps causing this but I’ve been digging for 3 years and still can’t find out what it is.

So Im trying to figure something out cuz I've been having dreams and starting to feel uncomfortable around my dad again I'm 22 and I have two kids and we had to move back in to get me back on my feet while going through a divorce. And when I was younger I was molested by my brother and ugh don't even get me started on the whole them favoring him and not me the entire time me turning into the black sheep whore etc. Anyways okay so my half sister on my dad's side has documentation that she was molested and when it was held against my dad in court by her mom she told him he had to resign custody of her and he claims that it was one of his ex wife's friends who did it and not him but my aunt also claims that my dad had messed with her because she's younger than him. My other aunt says she's crazy and that Kayleena is crazy but also told my cousin that what happened to me didn't actually happen too so I'm wondering if this entire time she's just been sticking up for him but I still don't understand why she would....but right now I'm starting to become concerned about my two girls being around him because growing up I've always been uncomfortable around him and my mom's always been uncomfortable with me being alone with him especially cuz I was clingy and wanted her more anyways. But since moving back I started having dreams and some memories have been unlocked for me and I'm wondering if he touched me and my brother and that's why my brother molested me or what....idk...it's hard to say..I'm just trying to heal from this and ofcourse trying to get back on my feet asap. Doing everything in my power for my mom to be the only one alone with them I 100% trust my mom except that she is severely emotionally abused by him because he is so ridiculously controlling. Also about my sister, she has kids now and he absolutely refuses to have anything to do with her...and it just doesn't make sense why any father wouldn't fight for their right to be with their child even if they could go to jail but the thing is..I know that as a mother myself I would fight so hard to be able to have rights to my kids. It all just doesn't make sense why would he jump ship ya know and why is it that I was also molested but by my brother all these things are just adding up too much ontop of the fact that my mom literally just feels stuck with him because she doesn't believe in divorce (christian) so she's been with him for 30 years but she sleeps in her own room because she can't stand him. She tolerates him because she has to. Idk. But when I was younger my mom also was super adamant that I had to lock the doors whenever I was changing or in the shower because my mom said that my dad and brother absolutely should not come in there....ugh don't even get me started on the whole situation with my brother. I wasn't allowed to go to therapy because get this, if they knew my situation they'd put him my mom and dad in jail and remove me from the home. And my mom said I absolutely would not be able to do that and that my brother is pure now that he's been saved at the altar. And apparently I brought a sexual demon in the house but it's gone now because they cleansed with anointing oil.. anyways just trying to figure out if this is in my head or not regardless I'm still being way over protective of my kids about this because well, it happened to me just not 100% sure if it stemmed from him first

Okay well I’m a 15 year old boy from Connecticut and I’m not really sure if I have ocd. I think I have pure o and harm ocd but I’ve had other themes before hand, back in January I had sexual orientation intrusive thoughts and I would always think to myself no I know I’m not gay and stuff but now it’s moved onto a different theme. It’s not about harming others, it started off of me getting a disturbing image of me doing something horrible to my mother, ever since then all Ive had on my mind is how I don’t wanna do those horrible things and how I’m not a bad person and how I’m a good person and how I’ve never been a violent person and I’ve always been a nice kid. The thoughts bring great distress and I literally have headaches because of this. It’s always on my mind and I literally feel like I’m dangerous and I feel like one day I’m gonna loose control and do these horrible things. Or I’ll blow a feeling of anxiety completely out of proportion, I’ll start thinking does this feeling mean I want to do something bad? Of course I haven’t done anything horrible and I plan on not doing it because I genuinely have no desire to act on these thoughts what so ever but I need an idea of what is going on cuz I am scared that I will do something bad. And I’m scared that I am a murderer and I’m scared that I will hurt someone even though I really don’t want too. I’m nervous around sharp objects and nervous around family members. Please help me out because I am seriously scared.

Saw a psychiatrist today and was prescribed meds for my ocd. I’m super nervous and still contemplating picking them up from the pharmacy. I want to get better but I’ve always been afraid to take meds. I’d rather go a natural route. Anyone deciding no meds and actually improving just with therapy and ERP?

There was a time in my life when the thought of not constantly distracting myself was terrifying. Being alone with my thoughts, without anything else to preoccupy me, seemed like an impossible task. It’s something I truly hadn’t done for most of my adult life. Today, I went to a local nature reserve in the woods and meditated alone. Not only was it not difficult to be with my thoughts, it was nice practicing being in the present moment as fully as I could. Although my mind did drift often, I didn’t interpret that as some failure to “do it right”. It just simply was my experience, and rather than dive headlong into a narrative about how that made me a failure, or weird, or not “normal”, I just noted it and brought myself back to the present over and over again. After all, even distraction and the monkey mind is an experience to observe mindfully. Now, I’m no special case nor is there anything remarkable about me. Like everyone else, I can be prone to some negative emotions and experiences (ruminating, judging, isolating, annoyance). And it isn’t like I’ve achieved some transcendent state of zen beyond the travails of life’s mundane and more serious concerns. I’ve just received the right treatment, with the right people, and had the good luck and fortune to be able to work through it with their help. I say this to hopefully convey how fundamentally your life can shift in a span of time you wouldn’t have conceived possible. Imagine a future where the thoughts don’t bother you. In fact, it doesn’t matter if they’re there or not because you’ve cultivated an entirely different relationship to your thoughts. You’ve been through the worst this disorder can throw at you, and not only did you survive, you had the audacity to demand more from your life. Not only can this possibility come true, it might even be likely to happen. Why can’t it be you? Truly? Will a spike come sometime later in my life? Maybe. Will I have bad days? I’m sure. But I know now that nothing, even our deepest suffering, is never forever. And with the right help, and the right focus, you can always begin again. If you’ve not started treatment and you’re hesitant or afraid, just know we’ve all been there. If you’re in treatment or have started and not seeing the progress you’d like, keep going. If you recovered but became complacent in your equanimity, then refocus on living a life of wellness. Most of all, wherever you are on the journey, know that every present moment is a fresh start. Maybe your moment won’t be alone in the woods with your thoughts. It might be something else. But that moment is waiting on you.

at this point i actually feel sexually attracted to girls it feels like i actually want to date them and have sex with them and i don’t want to but i’m scared what if i’m in denial i really don’t want to be gay i miss how my life was before all of this ugh i just want to cry my eyes out

How can i be constanly thinking of men. I just dont get this. I feel like if i go ok im gay its not going to change anything because its not what i want and i dont want the thoughts to be there ?😞

i can’t think of a reason to live anymore

I am so afraid that because people often treat me a little different because I choose not to cuss or say dirty jokes or anything that I will decide to go completely against my beliefs and do something wrong to prove I'm not a "goody two shoes" it makes me so sad and makes me anxious when I do homework or crafts and things I usually enjoy because those are things responsible or childish people do. I can't handle this. I want to do my hw and embroidery anr play board games with my family but then I think that those things aren't what college students do. Those things are lame or childish. I just want to live how I want without getting anxious. How do I get this to stop? Is this OCD? Anxiety? Am I changing my beleifs? 😞