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the NOCD Community

Hello all, I have written In a while... 1 month ago I was continuing my therapy and I was improving greatly. I was going out more and more, alone, going in malls working hard on my fear of having diarrhea in public. I was still working on my others main OCD which are harm, suicide, health and POCD. I was even thinking than maybe in a few months I could work again. But 4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. After long conversations with my boyfriend (who’s the love of my life) we decided it was too early in my recovery to take such a big responsibility and I feel like I want to focus on my mental health. I don’t want to live a pregnancy and a maternity In the middle of an OCD breakdown. The abortion went through, it was very hard since I have so high health anxiety. The first few days after we’re okay I was mainly focus on my pain but the last three days I went into a darkness I didn’t think I could ever go back. Suddenly all my OCD themes became credible again, even questioning if I wasn’t an horrible person. The absolute certainty I am going to die soon anyway or suicide. I try hard to fall into compulsion but OCD really dragged me into rumination. Today I was full of ambitions, OCD won’t take me today. But my period are there again and the horrible pain they always provoc with it. Ever since my OCD exploded to my face 10 month ago I started to have so much muscles pain and also pain during inter course. One thing led to another one I am convinced I have endometriosis. I googled and googled and start panicking, shouting and asking my boyfriend to come. Started catastrophic scenarios such as pain will become not mangeable I will have pain everyday and not be able to support it. So tonight I am here split into I am still convince I have terrible disease and be in pain all my life and my OCD tricked me. One more time. I am never going to recover, this is the life I have and will have. I was a super active manager and super social life when I met my boyfriend (we worked together) and now I’m house bonded for a 10 months. Unable to make any project or see any future for me. Thank you for reading me. Just feel I could take some advise or just some love.

I’m 23 years old and just got diagnosed this year with OCD. I’m kind of all alone in a mew city, and just scared. Mine takes the form of POCD probably other forms as well but this is the worst. I suffer from very bad intrusive thoughts about babies/children and I try to distract myself from the thoughts but it depresses me that the thoughts were/are there in the first place. Do the thoughts alone make me a bad person?

Another thing about hocd thats weird.... (no one take this in a homophobic sense....it’s not meant to be like that at i dont see the issue or even the big deal with two girls dating ecshother or two giys) even when i see two girls together i always see friends / sisters. Ive always saw girls as that and have always been the type too put myself in other people’s shoes. If i ever hugged a girl it felt like a sisterly/friend way. Well what if towards all these girls i felt that way too (so all my friends) i actually liked them? But i never wanted to kiss them from what i could remember :( I was born the only girl in an all guy family so i always wanted a sister, so any girl i saw was my sister And i always had crushes on guys as a kid, made my barbie dolls guys so they could fall in love, chased around boys, told one boy at five years old that i was gonna marry him Every gay person had signs in their childhood with liking the same sex but i legitimately had all the normal childhood things like i sister zoned girls and chased boys around. I knew what gay was by the time i was six or seven and didnt care. Literally didnt hate on those people or even think twice about it. I didnt care. It just makes me so sad and confused:(

Can I ask this to anyone who’s been with their partner for a very long time? Has anyone throughout their relationship obsessed about loving their partner over and over again? Then something triggers you badly to the point where you believe it’s you? I’ve had ROCD 8 years ago but never got it treated. That’s why I ask. I feel like my hoping is slipping away from me... like I feel like my relationship is gonna end and that it’s truly me... I’ve been so depressed I’ve been over eating and neglecting my hygiene... I don’t wanna go anywhere besides work and end that’s a struggle. I feel like I don’t love anyone right now...

My recovery for harm OCD is going extraordinary well. I hope the same for you guys. Im feeling the person i was again, but a better version, because OCD is a real torture but when you start leaving it behind it leaves real strenght and you learn how to leave a better life to enjoy it. Ill write down some tips that help me the most: - Do ERP ALWAYS! If your therapist tell you everyday, do it everyday or the days they tell you so. But this CANNOT become an obsession, if 1 day you dont do it, (or more days) thats ok if you continue with the therapy. - Try to not compulse everyday everyhour as hard as you can. I think this is what has make me reach this point. From the beggining I tried so hard to not compulse, everyday, and some time later it is just became automatic, it is so rare for me to compulse, and when I do it im like okay you are compulsing stop. -For pure OCD, is not about ignoring the thought or blocking it, when the thought comes, you think it, the thought has arrived, you feel scared, guilty sad... but you DONT answer the thought. You dont talk with it and you dont compulse in so many other ways. At least if you do it for some seconds, then it becomes minutes... then you wont compulse most of the times. Because compulsing is a conscius act. - Stay away from OCD videos, blogs... this just increase your obsessions. If you are feeling bad you can come here and leave a post, but dont use internet as a compulsion. -Recovery is not lineal, you will go up and down but there will be a moment when you fall that it wont hit you as hard as it used to do, because you feel stronger. -Be aware of that any new obsession can arrive at any moment but you will be stronger and you will know how to manage it if you continue with the therapy. -avoid things because you dont want to, not as a compulsion. For example in harm OCD, maybe you dont feel in the mood of cooking, thats ok, but in a way if you feel like thats avoiding it to not think about knifes, or something like that, go and cook. -The future is uncertain and unknown, we have to live life as happy as we can, take what we learnt from ocd and make our lifes a better one. I really hope this helps!! You can ask me anything you can :) ( i have never taken medicines because in Europe is less common, so I dont know anything about it).

Hello, I apologise in advance if this post is convoluted. I feel like I’m going nowhere. A little background: I’ve always been an “obsessive” person, needing things to be a certain way and at times getting very distressed over seemingly nothing. In my early 20s (I’m now 28), I read about OCD and couldn’t believe how much it resonated with me. I told myself it wasn’t that big of a deal and that I was exaggerating the impact of it in my life. I ignored my mental challenges and tried to live life without any help. Cue to 25 and due to certain life experiences, I was struggling to get through each day. I would wake up angry and disappointed that I wasn’t graced with dying in my sleep. Living was painful. I started seeking help for my mental health. I had a few different psychologists over the years who all acknowledged that yes, it sounds like I have OCD but that was always the end of the conversation. I didn’t find any of them helpful as I felt we were constantly addressing small, day-to-day experiences and not tackling my major core issues. Due to full time work I never saw any one psychologist for long. I haven’t seen a psychologist for years until recently. I was having long periods of deep depression due to whatever thing I was obsessing over. I also struggle with disordered eating so I initially was seeking someone who specialised in that area. I’ve only had 3 sessions so far and we speak about OCD but... I get the the feeling that her advice is possibly not something that would be helpful to me in the grand scheme of things? Last session I asked her what her advice would be when I catch myself ruminating. She said I should either: a) Speak kindly to myself, as if the thoughts were being expressed to me by a friend/someone I care about b) Distract myself with something productive/that I enjoy c) Challenge the idea that I am bad/everyone hates me and reach out to a loved one for a lighthearted conversation I can’t help but feel like these “solutions” don’t seem that productive long term? I am just getting so worried that I am wasting my money (I am unemployed and these sessions are costing me $110 each) but I can’t seem to find anyone remotely near me who specialises in OCD. Am I able to access therapy via this app when I live in Australia? I’m so confused and lost, sometimes I am so sure I have OCD and other times I talk myself into believing I’m exaggerating and it’s just regular anxiety or something. Due to my compulsions being mental (I analyse whatever distressing memory/thought occurs and seek assurance online sometimes to the point where I am getting no sleep). Again I apologise for this potentially confusing and longwinded post... I am just not really sure if the help I am getting is actually truely helpful for my (possible) condition and where to go from here.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME i just had a compulsion to go look at pictures of girls kissing and so i did. i got anxious and now i’m crying and whenever i was looking at those pictures i felt this warmth down there and i think my clit was throbbing and now i’m scared to tell my boyfriend and cry to him and tell him what i did oh my god why did i do that. has that response happened to any other person on here!?! like this warmth down there????

Anyone have any tips on mental compulsions? Sometimes it’s hard to catch myself because I can be unsure which is which. Pure-o life is rough sometimes

Obsessing about whether it’s okay to ignore your thoughts and feelings . Hurts the worst Bc this is the way I know that helps beat my OCD

How do I know? That's my main question all the time. -How do I know that I didnt cause the onslaught of terrible blasphemous thoughts? I'm so worked up abt one thought and it comes again, sometimes multiple times. I feel like I caused the others by still thinking about the first. - How do I know God will allow me to simply say: forgive me for those thoughts and forgive me if I caused any? Instead of perfectly saying the prayer with every possible detail of what could of happened. (Praying for one thing can last a long time) -How do I know that if I need forgivness at all for these things? I've spent a good majority of my day today crying and praying and being incredibly stressed out about saying my prayers perfectly about some bad things that happened earlier( blasphemous thoughts and being afraid I caused some) and another just now. It builds up and I knock down a few bad thoughts and finish my prayer but then another comes. It never stops. I'm afraid God will not forgive me if I dont do the prayers perfectly. I know I'm not supposed to do the prayers and I'm supposed to trust God, but what if I'm wrong? What if I DID cause any? I'm sorry guys. I realize all my post have been negative. I'm going through it right now. I just started counciling last week and have my 2nd session tomorrow. I've been crippled by fear.

I am afraid to get married and have children that might have the same OCD I am having righ now.

Lately i've been having low sex drive and i dont know why. I thought maybe i dont feel attracted to my bf anymore, we have been together for 3 years now and I do love him but this year I felt less "sexually". Quarantine hit me hard the first months with ocd but now i feel better. I started to think that maybe I'm asexual and it makes me sad cause my bf has very high sex drive so I would have to break up with him and I don't want to :( I do masturbate sometimes but I don't feel that sexual attraction towards my boyfriend (or anyone) like the first year. So idk if it is rocd or I'm asexual or just stressed and depressed. It's exhausting

anyone with real event ocd...how did u guys forgive urself/move on if u ever did?

Hi all, I feel like I need another opinion on something. So earlier today, I had a fight with my brother over a piece of cake. It sounds like nothing, but to someone with OCD it is a huge deal. So my mom left us a piece of cake and told us to split it up amongst ourselves. I had no problem doing so, but then the following conversation happened: Brother: I’ll do it. Me: ok... (I get two plates ready.) Brother: No, I have the plate here. (Takes out only one plate.) Brother: I’ll slice it, I’ll leave half in the original container. Me: sure... I then went to grab the piece in the original container. Me: Can I have this one? Brother: What if I said no? What’s the difference? Me: nothing Brother: Exactly. It’s mine! Me: (Trying to justify my anxiety.) well, it’s in a convenient plastic holder... Brother: So what? We then got angry at each other and I ended up leaving and going into my room. I haven’t talked to him since. Honestly, I felt offended right at the moment he said he will slice it. I felt like he didn’t trust me to slice a cake and that I was going to eat it all. I also saw that as a “microaggression” as in “hey, you’re too fat, let me eat it”. Looking back at it, I feel that it was just my OCD making a big deal out of nothing. I sent him a text apologizing, but I don’t think he’ll accept my apology. I honestly think he’s getting tired of me and my OCD. I regularly see a therapist, and they suggest that I be assertive to them about my feelings and let them know what upsets me. I tried doing that here but it obviously backfired. I also try talking to others, but it seems to add fuel to the fire. What should I do in these types of situations? I mean when being diplomatic about my feelings and trying to talk about it fails? Also does anyone else feel that their OCD makes them an unlikable person? Has anyone lost connections with friends or family because of OCD? I feel that because of OCD, I am incapable of any healthy social relationships.

I’m scared of my meds. I don’t wanna have the bad side effects and I’m so scared rn ugh

I recently developed transgender ocd. I’m going to cut down in physical compulsions as much as possible! I need to learn to accept uncertainty!!!

GUYSSSS!!! I am so HAPPPY!! Recovery is SOOOO POSSIBLE I THANK GOD EVERYDAY!! YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS 100% I KNOW IT, I KNOWWWW ITTTTTYY

The loss of attraction to women is crippiling and depressing.

Hey everyone, coming back on with the same issue of rumination about the relationship mistakes I made I at the beginning of my current relationship. I keep reminding myself that I was not myself during those months, that I was only 17, and ultimately am now completely different and would NEVER do those things again. And my boyfriend keeps telling me that I have changed and that I need to forgive myself, but does anyone else struggle with like flashbacks from their mistakes, like I keep having flashbacks of the horrible things I was doing and how I was hurting someone I loved without even acknowledging it. I am the type of person to dwell on each and every thing, but during those few months I have completely morphed into someone that genuinely is not me, maybe it was the result of the medication I was on or something else. I am struggling so bad I feel as though I’m no worthy of anyone’s love, because I keep getting flashbacks to those days where I was carrying out really horrible things to do in a relationship, but now I’m changed and my boyfriend and I want to get married but I cannot get those flashbacks out of my head and I keep thinking how badly I must’ve hurt my boyfriend if he knew about every single thing I did, I know that old me is NOT me so why can’t I forgive myself and stop having the flashbacks

Any Christians on here? Can we have a conversation about God and how he has helped you throughout your journey ?