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the NOCD Community

Has anyone here experienced existential ocd? I’m sure I have that and am seeing a therapist next week.

Hey guys, POCD trigger. Have been diagnosed with pocd. Help needed. Having s massive panic attack. Woke up early and out of no where came an intrusive thought of a naked kid. As much as it caused me disgust and to have a tight chest anxiety etc it seemed like I enjoyed the thought? Like I couldn’t deny I enjoyed the image? Do not want to act on it and went to markets this morning and saw kids and got intrusive thoughts but thought oh that’s just OCD however these thoughts really upset me and now I feel like a non offending pedo in denial. Like I read some pedos can feel disgust too and I’m just freaking out. My therapist said thoughts don’t mean action but I wonder if I have secret desires and I can’t live like this. Has anyone else felt the same? Can an OCD thought seem “enjoyable?” And like you “like” the thought?

Trying to sit with anxiety after going to the dentists office today. Saw a teenage boy there, he was probably like 14-16, and my brain was like "do you find him attractive?? Do you?? Do you?? Oh you think he's cute?? So you ARE attracted!! Are you aroused?? Are you? Are you???" Trying so hard not to over analyze but it's proving to be very difficult ?

Any tips for dealing with guilt and shame about your past? I know I’ll never live my present if I keep letting old memories weigh me down.

Guys. I’m up and down at the moment but I’m still trying to fight this illness in the right way. I may need support from others - NOT REASSURANCE - just support. I was thinking: I may write short exposures here for my themes to really expose myself. It may also encourage others to face their Goliath! And that would make me so happy ? Who’s with me??

Okay. I’m going to probably sound a little crazy. I have had ocd my entire life. Now it’s revolving around my spouse and him possibly doing something bad. Latest obsession and anxiety: I was at my mother in laws house helping her with something on her phone. I noticed that Snapchat was on her device and asked her if she had it. She said it was very weird. She doesn’t use that and didn’t download. My husband and kids were at her house a couple of weeks ago to watch a football game. The thoughts I’m having are that he downloaded it to her phone and used it while he was there. Can anyone help me sort this out? It’s causing me significant distress. Obviously he knows I’m thinking this and thinks it is ridiculous.

Not sure whether I really have OCD? I’m 22 and have only considered the possibility I suffer from OCD in the past few months. I know I have had obsessive inappropriate thoughts and compulsions to confess to them that were so intense I felt sick all the time until I told my parents since I was a really young child, and in all my relationships have been worried I am gay and do not love my boyfriends / I do not love them anymore and have to dump them / intense paranoia they are cheating on me and will not tell me. In recent years I have had flare ups of thoughts that fit POCD and IOCD but when I told a friend I was worried about having OCD after looking into incest nightmares online, she told me she did not think I had it because another of our friends has OCD with counting compulsions (door locking, oven buttons, etc) and I believed I was just really messed up and that maybe it was just my anxiety. My boyfriend (not knowing about my POCD or IOCD thoughts at all) linked me to an article about a woman with OCD and suggested I research it more, and the behaviours and fears seem to fit me very well and make me feel so much less sick and alone. Does this sound like I may have it or might this just be my anxiety clinging onto something? (I have a tendency to cling to diagnoses then be disproved)

Hi guys. I've had the worst news possible. I've had health OCD for more then 15 years and with meds, ERP and a lot of effort I was starting to get by. But yesterday I went to the optalmologist for a regular checking, and all of a sudden she told me I have Glaucoma??. I'm 44. What the fuck!? No job, no family(all dead from cancer) and now the possibility of becoming......I don't even want to think about it. I am going to ask for a 2° opinion but this does not look good. I feel I have not incentives or motivations in life to keep going any more.And I will probably have to quit my meds(ISRS) just in case they have something to do with the Glaucoma. I feel very depress. I apologise for being so negative this time but I do not feel like talking to anyone close to me about it yet. The "what if" is killing me a and this is gonna be a hard one to get over...thank you for reading this and being there.

I need your help I really need your help right now. I was masturbating because I wanted to make sure that I get turned on from my boyfriends image but there was always thoughts about children coming up, not even specific images but just the thought of the word. I immediately stopped and thought “No I don’t want to think of this” and after it was gone I kept imagining my boyfriend. Then another thought came up. I did the same as before. This happened a couple of times during masturbation but I always tried to focus on the thought of my boyfriend. Right now I am anxious and afraid because I didn’t stop masturbating completely. I feel like those thoughts could have influenced me during the masturbation

Medsssss I am not writing this to ask people if you think I should come of my meds. I know this is a personal choice. I am only writing this as I want to know if others have...also had the simlar experiences: 1. With all discussion on this around this topic i.e. on online forums... Dr opitions... family/friend options it's know wounder we seek validation for every thought before we try something out. Before I started taking medication I was against taking medication them (shock horror a person like myself with who was arrogant with lack of knowledge seems cast judgement until they find themselves being required to take medication themselves.. ironic don't you think 2. At present I am taking quarter of a 50mg tablet of Zooloft a.k.a Sertraline. I find this is helping me....the pro's of taking this medication are as follows: - I am much happier person to be around. - I have more creative ideas and my written ability has improved dramatically. - I can last longer in bed (lads I gusse everything has a sliver linings). - I am less sensative to sounds. - I less joint pain. - I started looking more after my physical appearance. Cons - I am can end up stay up very late without feeling tierd (althought I can fall asleep right away when do go to sleep). - The meds are affecting my addicition recovery program. -When I am at meetings I tend to have the following thoughts and a arrogant attitude at begging of a meeting. Thus begging of the meeting I have following attitude about the program is dame... I am not like these people (then as the medication start wearing off during the meetings usually between 7.30 - 9 in the evening, this happens),my mind goes from I cannot relate to these people... to I can relate to these people, I have got to continue to take this process seriously or else I will end relapsing and if happens if their is a risk of me possible ending up killing myself (this change in attitude only appear.. when the small dosage of the meds wear off). - When I go back home visit my family I can behave in a hyper manic way and I am always cracking jocks... to the point I am making myself the class clown (I do this even when I want to stop behaving like this I cannot). When on medication I behave hyper manic. This can be annoying for other to be around. - When esay of the pain in my legs and back increases. - when I do not take medication I cannot stand loud noises, apart from listening to music or when I am at a concert. - I feel my Mr down below has slightly shrivelled as result it taking meds. I can still preform. When the meds wear off in the evening I tend go back to my normal size (this can feel slightly emasculating). - Going longer does not = mean more satisfaction expecially when you ready to finish, after 45 minutes. - I am get so creative to the extent... I forget there is only so much to do in one day. - With out the meds I do not think, I would be able to function at work or at home. - I have slight short term memory loss. - The inability to focus for long period of time. Can anyone relate with above?

Having a hard time here. 2018 has been a immensely tough year. I met the love of my life, but he bruised me in every possible ways. I have been under a lot of stress with school. I got pneumonia in September,2018. I was hospitalized. 2 days after I got released from the hospital, I got into a car wreck, probably because I was was way too medicated to drive, I was on high dosage of Prozac and Mirtazapine. My car was destroyed, luckily I was ok. I tried to date again. I cried during sex, I just seemed too depressed and like a wreck. Finally I met the sweetest guy in January, 2019. But bad things kept happening to me. Condom broke. I totally freaked out. I tried asking him all the details about his sexual history. He was kind but not that kind. Then he wouldn’t see me again because he can’t handle the ‘drama’. I would’ve gone to the emergency room to get Post-exposure prophylaxis if it were not for the bled off of money from previous pneumonia and car wreck emergency visits (I paid over $5000 for these unfortunate events). And now I’m seriously panicking about contracting hiv from the broken condom. It sucks. I’m barely hanging.

I feel like I’m the only person who gets terrible anxiety when I can’t find something in fear I threw it in the trash or it’s gone forever. The anxiety is so bad I barely have a appetite or can sleep for long or I can’t pay attention in my classes. Do any of you guys have coping mechanism that might help

Is it normal to have gay dreams and false crushes/attractions with HOCD? There are certain people of the same sex that will trigger my fears out of being afraid that I might be sexually attracted to them.

Bizarre request: I need your best/worst vomit stories. I have emetophobia, a fear of throwing up, and I need them for an exposure. If you have more than one, go for it! The more the better lmao.

I've noticed a HUGE improvement in myself and so has everyone around me! What helped? Lots of things, but mostly: I started associating with people again and got an IV with vitamins that have been helping my brain. After a year and a half of struggling, this feels like a miracle ✨

Is it normal for HOCD to feel just like denial of my true sexuality? I have been struggling for a couple of months but it all feels so real that I doubt I even have HOCD, even though I’ve struggled with OCD symptoms and anxiety since I was young. I have obsessed that I’ve had STD’s, obsessed that I’ve had cancer or other ailments, obsessed over my nose being slightly crooked, when I was in grade school there was a period where I couldn’t speak without gagging which was all caused by anxiety. Now I’m seemingly dealing with HOCD but it feels so real. I get attraction feelings in my body when seeing another male or an attractive male, groinal responses, butterflies. All of this despite only ever having crushes on girls and women, and being extremely attracted to women my whole life. My earliest crush that I can remember was on another girl in kindergarten so I must’ve been 4 or 5. I have been borderline obsessed with women and would have described myself as totally straight before the onset of this. I’m worried that if I’m not gay, that the HOCD will make me develop an attraction to men by thinking and over analyzing so much Someone please share their thoughts

Feeling pretty bad right now, had a thought what if I drive purposefully in to oncoming traffic. And then it was like I was almost telling myself to do it! I hate this so much I hate me! I can’t see me getting past this. I’m sorry this post is scary, it terrifies me. I keep trying to tell myself you don’t want to hurt someone or yourself! But when I say that to myself I can’t even trust myself I feel like I doubt myself. I question do these thoughts scare me? Are they unwanted? I’m suffering so much please help. I’m trying to keep it together, I really am. Holding back tears on the daily.

TW: I’m so desperate lately. I can’t sleep, eat or do anything else than feeling anxious and unworthy, full of guilt. A couple of days ago I had sex with my boyfriend and wasn’t turned on and suddenly I thought about something that would turn me on in that moment, thought of different things and suddenly I thought „Just think about children, just this one time“ and I feel like I didn’t do anything against it, I even think I enjoyed it and since then I’m full of fear because I always thought OCD means you do not have these thoughts because you want them but because you can’t control them and you do not act on them. But now I feel like I have and I can’t stop thinking I really am a pedophile now. I feel so anxious depressed and guilty and I do not know what to do, I went to my therapist today and she said it’s my POCD, but I feel like a liar, I’m feeling like maybe I don’t have POCD, I am just denying what I truly am it is horrible I don’t know what to do or think. I’m lost

anyone w hocd just feel like their desire to the opposite sex is gonna go away and be replaced by same sex attraction one day and to make sure it doesn’t happen is to reassure yourself that u like the opposite sex and always have . idk . today’s been a rough day :/

I did an exposure today. Made me nauseous. My heart started to beat fast so I tried to tell myself, my body is just excited to try something new. Here’s my problem, I know there are many ways to do the ERP but my question is, when I do certain exposures, I do them standing up which makes me lighthearted and nauseous. I could do much better if I were sitting down. Is that okay or should I be standing to get the full experience? I think if I was standing up doing the exposures, I could do for a couple of minutes as opposed to sitting down maybe three times longer. Has anyone had a residential level care? Curious to find out what the differences were from weekly erp sessions.