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the NOCD Community

.......... There was a tiktok on my for you page specifically in calling out the viewer for being gay and struggling with identifying it and being born in the 90s and being fragile.. and I swear to god it's like it was MADE to trigger me into thinking I'm in denial what the HELL. My skin like went cold.. I made myself finish watching it but I feel a bit sick. I deleted that and marked it as "not interested" Really trying to avoid trying to place meaning on it.

Apparently no one on here has had the experience I am having.

Does anyone else’s OCD attack your relationship with your family? There are things about my family that I find upsetting, but normally I’m just able to accept that these things make me mad, but I know they’re still good people and I love them all. Lately, it’s like my brain is dedicated to ruining the relationship with my family. So, then I go through a cycle of feelings with almost no relief. The biggest feeling is terror, because I am afraid I’m going to let these things ruin my relationship with them and I’m never going to see them again. Then I feel guilt. It’s never ending guilt. First, the guilt is because I’m causing my family a lot of distress and I’m so convinced my fears are real that I feel guilty like “they don’t realize these things are really going to happen and they’re going to lose me”. Then I feel guilty when I get so tired of fighting the obsession that I start thinking “what if I’ll be okay if I never talk to them again? what if I’ll be able to move on?”. Then I feel guilty cause I refuse to allow the obsession to be real and the only way out I see is killing myself, but that would hurt my family too. Then I feel guilty for trying to be happy, because then I’m betraying somebody else (it’s a complicated thing I will explain if someone reads this and wants to know). Then I start blaming my family for these feelings, cause I do genuinely feel that they’re wrong about this one thing. Or not wrong, because they don’t have any bad intentions, but...again it’s complicated. THEN I feel guilty for blaming my family for these feelings, because they’re doing their best and they just don’t see certain things in the same way. And throughout it all I feel an overwhelming sadness. Just so SO sad.

How do your “thoughts” come to you? Mine are so random and just pop out of nowhere. I think the feeling I get is the most disturbing part to me. I get chills, my stomach aches and I feel like I’m going to vomit. I get shaky. The fear is so intense and just instantly out of nowhere. What I struggle with the most is the guilt and fear “feeling” and because I’m feeling this I most be guilty or the thoughts are true because no innocent person would feel this. Does this happen to you guys as well?

So before this POCD spike I read a lot of erotic fanfiction (none about minors or children) and listened to nsfw audios (again, none involving children or minors). It never disrupted my day to day and I also looked up non sexual cute things, but with how much I read/listened to them, does that mean I was developing a sex addiction? And also I remember starting to look up lesbian porn again even though I swore years ago never to do that. I never thought about having another woman do those things to me or wanting her to (as far as I know), and now this makes me nervous for the future, especially in regards to remembering that I looked up the shota hentai.

Is anyone having problems with the exercise portion of the app? I want to utilize it but all the stuff on there is from months ago. I’m not seeing an option to add anything new or delete anything old (they might not allow that)

Help me! Oh no. I'm remembering some thoughts I had that felt real and like i wanted them. I need to analyze! It feels more like I wsnted it than I didn't even though it made me anxious! I want to think about it amd see so I can continue my day what do I do?

Struggling hard today. Really hard. I seem to have identified my “core fear” that’s underlying most of my recent themes: I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of who I am “deep down.” I’m afraid my identity is a fraud. I’m afraid I don’t know myself and never will. And I’m afraid to know who that “real” person is. I’m afraid knowing it would mean losing all attachment to everything I have in my life now. I use quotes because rationally if I were talking to someone else on here I know I’d tell them there is no “deep down,” and there is no secret more “real” person. I’d tell them to sit with the doubt and learn to tolerate it. I’d tell them it will get easier with practice. And yet right now, I am at such a high distress level I can barely think. I’ve been having an anxiety attack for 4.5 hours now. And it won’t stop. All of this was triggered by being home with family for thanksgiving. Being home means being in an environment with people who know me and have known me my whole life. I know they have a specific image of me and think they know me. And sitting next to the people I care about most in the world and not being sure that the image they have is “real” is terrifying. If I’m someone else entirely, I worry I’ll lose them. And even if I don’t lose them, I worry they’ll lose me — lose their daughter that they have known and loved for so long. I would hate to make them mourn the loss of me and have to accept some new/different version that even I barely know. The distress of defining my identity and being comfortable with it has been weaving in and out of my themes the past few years: ROCD, HOCD, TOCD. I’m not sure how it fits into my themes from youth (health ocd and existential ocd.) but it may if I dug a little deeper. I don’t know who I am. And I’m trying to remind myself to do what I tell everyone to do: “maybe there are parts of me deep down I don’t know. Or maybe not. I don’t know. And I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment.” Sit with that. But the anxiety just won’t stop. I wish I knew exactly who I was. Being so unsure makes me feel uncomfortable just being with myself. And I can’t believe that we all have to live with a disorder that can make us feel this way based on absolutely nothing but doubt.

hi everyone, I've suffered with harm ocd since my little girl was born 9 years ago. I also have fears about being a psychopath or narcissist. I've recently had a bad patch and my OCD has returned and it feels worse than ever. an intrusive thought I keep getting at the min is "everyone is the same, living the same life someone has to be bad else wouldbt the world be boring" it's like I fixate on what a psychopath might think and then my OCD makes me feel like it's me who wants that thought. I wasnt sure if it may be a but of existenial mixed with the harm OCD. I wasnt thinking like this a few weeks ago so why now does it feel so real 😔 wondering if anyone can relate?

Hello! I’m feeling very anxious and sad. I don’t know why i’m scared that my parents could die or turn sick or having a cancer..my parents are the love of my self and this anxiety cause me intrusive thoughts about it..i love them soo much! Anyone can relate?

Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.

Please answer! What happen after we finally finished all ERP session then we can say we can "managed" it. Manage OCD. What recovery really means? On my case, i educated myself through self-help about ERP then practicing ERP by myself over and over. Then ocd become less and less and i got better. Currently i live in a place, when i diagnosed ocd, work with psychiatrist for medication and psychologist for CBT. But not specifically with ERP. Let say you in theraphyst or NOCD and complete all the sessions. What happen after you complete all of that that? For me, i can do what i value in my life or my purpose. But after doing erp by my own i still experiencing some anxiety and guilt, many intrunsive thought and little compulsions. Then become less and less over time. Is this mean manage and we succed at it? I'm curious what recovery really means and life after we finisihed all our session with theraphyst. I think there no perfect or all compulsion go away. But reduce it then we can continue our live instead wasting hours for compulsive behavior. So we develop attitute or streng to deal with intrunsive thought, although still experiencing some obsession, anxiety, guilt, even little compulsion. So recovery take more time, even after you without therapyst. Give me best answer on that. Thank you. Love you so much <3 <3 <3 I really don't know where to get answer on that now. Instead get understanding from you guys. Please correct me! :')

Can I talk to someone on here about a situation? I'm willing to give advice or listen but my brain is on loop

I don’t think this has much to do with obsessions but I would like some help :( I’m 17 years old, very good in school I have a 3.9 GPA. I took the SAT earlier this month and got a score of 980 :/ I also got a 13/24 on the essay and writing is my passion. I’ve been feeling very dumb and useless and I do not want to continue leaving. Any advice?

It’s so hard to feel like this theme is really ocd and not just denial. I’m so scared :( and I feel like me not being in a. Relationship / having little experience romantically and sexually is proof

I’m constantly enjoying my intrusive thoughts, the anxiety isn’t even there anymore idk what to do. I can’t take it anymore

I was sitting and got the random intrusive thought "Go smear soap all over your TV and yourself." It was a thought. It's my understanding that we aren't supposed to do anything with intrusive thoughts. My therapist, who works with OCD, said "In the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't matter whether you smeared soap all over your TV or yourself." I don't understand what they meant by that. I thought the whole point was to allow the random, weird, intrusive thought to be there without doing compulsions. I'm not sure what the purpose of digging into the content is. With OCD out of the picture, it'd still bother me to to smear soap everywhere. Basically why did my therapist say "In the grand scheme of things."? It's causing me a lot of distress and throwing me off in what I'm supposed to be doing therapy wise. I thought we accepted the thought itself, not the content inside of the thought.

If you’ve experienced several ocd themes, has one theme felt different than the rest? Have some themes really felt like ocd to you and even though the thoughts were distressing, you understood it was ocd as opposed to maybe one theme that really didn’t feel like ocd? If that makes sense? While most themes I’ve experienced were highly distressing, I feel like they don’t get under my skin quite as much because I truly feel they are ocd thoughts.

even when i’m not actively obsessing, I do things so that people don’t think i’m gay. THAT IS DENIAL. THAT IS SOMETHING ONLY A GAY PERSON IN DENIAL WOULD DO. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.

someone please help! I've been showing pure o symptoms for about a month now. terrible intrusive thoughts, rumination, shame, guilt, doubt.. i feel like shit. i decided to open up about this to my mom (I'm 15) so that i could seek help and she doesn't understand. She thinks that I'm just being dramatic, that this is just a phase, that i just need some fresh air and a distraction like doing chores blah blah.. i told her that i could have ocd but she started saying that ocd is obsessing over organizing, cleanliness and other stereotypical shit... i even showed her articles explaining my situation and she seemed to get uncomfy and tried to change the subject. whenever i bring it up she either makes jokes about it to make me "laugh it off" or mutter something like "yeah yeah" and it's so annoying. today she even told me that she's "depressed" and that if she can pull through then so can I (she's isn't clinically depressed she's never seen a therapist in her life). she doesn't understand the severity of my situation. im afraid my intrusive thoughts will start getting worse if im left untreated. she really made me think that maybe im just making this up and that im just a dramatic little b*tch. ive always loved my mom and she's always been supportive but i feel so betrayed rn. i feel helpless