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So I don't know if others know about the controversy pornhub and other adult sites have got themselves into, but it's giving me a lot of mixed signals. More bad than good, and reading about what's been going on makes my skin crawl and it makes me shake. A YouTube channel had uploaded their own commentary on the matter and I couldn't watch it. I went straight for the comments for what people has to say. A lot of them, like people do in society used to watch porn, not being aware of what was behind the scenes including myself. All the video checking these sites have done, with half of them being connected to r#pe, child exploitation, fetishizing groups, raw footage and illegal counterparts getting passed tags were all seriously concerning. Even verified videos didn't provide the fullest of consent with hired actors and actresses. Things like this are why I hate that I was exposed to porn, even hooked on the matter like a drug. There were videos that I've seen that were over the top, exaggerated, taken to extreme measures whether real or animated. At the time of browsing videos like these, my limited knowledge wasn't focused on whether or not the videos had consent or not because I along with many I assume has the impression that they all consented to the actions. Otherwise, why would they be uploaded to legal sites that "care" about the issue..? Hearing that a minor being assaulted with the video being put on these sites without her consent, kidnappings, molestation, or videos that don't even correspond to pornography ending up on these sites is triggering enough. While I don't necessarily blame pornhub entirely for horrible videos like these being posted all around, I do blame them for enabling the factor of hosting it in the first place. I feel sick. I feel dirty. I feel wrong. I feel like I've took part in something that harmed people. I feel like people who unintentionally just wanted to watch what they were attracted to, were unfortunately connected to something deeper than that. Worse than that in a sense. How could I along with many other people enjoy content like this when we are NEVER sure of the people in the videos doing it for fun or being hurt? How will we ever be sure of their ages in the video? How will we ever be sure if it's raw footage or not? I don't think viewers will ever know. But to see that adult sites are being hit with things like this is a form of a win, in the sense that victims need to be protected. This hurts both victims and sex workers of the adult material. And the viewers. I've wanted to cut pornography out of my life completely because I wanted to be lifted from an addiction and better myself. I wanted to go back to reality and not use the internet for erotic thrill. It was one thing to have used this as unsure experience in my adolescence, but it's not something I want to continue with anymore. I feel so disgusted with myself. I feel like I've done something horrible with watching videos like these just because I thought it was something I had to do to fit in and grow up with.

lately i have been feeling suicidal because my ROCD is so overwhelming and It is ruining my relationship. I cannot take this anymore. why do i suffer

anyone else had this start at 12?

I’m going through a difficult situation. I believe or I’m convinced that my right hand is contaminated, probably with Covid. Before I realized that I touched part of my face. Then when the fear and doubt had invaded me I just stood still. Not wanting to move because I could contaminate parts of the house. Three hours later, I’m sitting in my bed with my right arm extended so it doesn’t touch anything. I don’t know what to do. Should I wash my hand or should I refuse?

My therapist told me she didn't want me to do a certain exposure task I asked her if I should do. However, I forgot to ask her if she wanted to me "test it out" instead. Now, I'm worrying that even though she didn't want me to do it for exposure, what if she wanted me to "test it out".

I’m no longer scared of attraction to women. I’m afraid I’m not attracted to men. I’ve never really enjoyed sex due to intrusive thoughts and fear and pressure. All I want is to enjoy it with my husband and ocd has convinced me otherwise. I just want it so badly and to think it’ll never come upsets me so much.

I make progreas and then take a giant leap back with OCD. I still feel like Im actually gay and not bi and I lying to myself about loving my BF. I feel disconnected with him, I lost attraction for men and only nitce women. It has to be OCD. I went a good chunk of my life in anytbing, thinking I was straight because I didn't find women attractive alot. Now im here

🎄 If anyone has Scrupolosity OCD, Moral OCD or Existential OCD I would love to help you! I can share with you my story and testimony. I hope it offers hope!! And to make you feel less alone. I am here to chat and would love to offer any help I can with this daily suffering. I am posting this every day till Christmas. Even if it helps one person it is so worth it! 🎄

Hi everyone! Kyle here. I wanted to share a little story and see if any one of you have experienced this as well. When my intrusive thoughts began, it started with POCD. That overtook my life for a few months, and finally after doing research I found out it was OCD. Once I found that out, I began doing more research into OCD and came across all the subtypes. Well - as I got familiar with more subtypes, my OCD saw that as an opportunity to grab on to those. So just from reading, I absorbed Harm OCD. My intrusive thoughts switched so fast from POCD to Harm OCD it was shocking. I couldn’t believe I was now having those thoughts. After that, I read about Suicidal OCD and it jumped to that. From there, I read about Existential OCD, and that became my main obsession. Has anyone else had this experience?

OCD sufferers, do any of you feel jealous that others around you aren't going through what you are going through?

Just here to share some hope. I started intensive ERP on November 30th, immediately after discovering my likely diagnosis of ROCD, and after just 2.5 weeks of 1 to 2 hours a day (every day) and extremely strict internal protocols for responding to obsessions, my overall anxiety has plummeted. It used to be that I couldn't look at a photo of my person without my whole body exploding with anxiety and terror. Now, she can text me or pop up randomly on my feed and I feel only a little twitch, I'm no longer jumping when my phone buzzes, and for the first time in maybe 6 or 7 months today, I finished ERP and felt excited to see her - out of the blue. I've felt almost exclusively anxiety at the thought, or at least partially. But today right after crying about an upsetting imaginal exposure, all I thought was, I can't wait to see her again. And the thing is, who knows if it'll last. Who knows if it's fleeting. That's the whole point. All I know is that I felt it, and it came from a completely internal place, and I didn't ask for it or look for it. This stuff really works. I'm just here to encourage everyone to continue doing the thing EVERY DAY, even when you're feeling good/okay, or when you're feeling burned out. Do it. I'm rooting for you.

My mind keeps telling me to tell my gf im bi 😞. Anyone gone through a similar thing ?

Hocd is flairing up again.. It's a real nightmare... Why does it feel like I don't give a shit anymore and that I'll like it once I do it. I don't want this

Hi everyone! I wanted to talk about how OCD doesn’t take a holiday break, even during “the most wonderful time of the year”! This is your reminder that it is okay to be struggling right now. The holiday season puts a lot of pressure on us, and that can make things even harder for those of us who are living with OCD. Your NOCD clinician is there to help you, and us member advocates are here for you, too!

i don’t have the thoughts as bad today, i know i’m straight and i like boys only, but why do i feel so hopeless and depressed about it? like i’m so sad and can’t picture a future and some of my thoughts are like well it’s because your really bisexual but i know that’s not what i want but idk why i just feel so hopeless and depressed like i want to love a boy and have a family but i can’t even picture anything:(

Hi everyone. I'm in the midst of a relapse right now, and I wanted to say that OCD really fights dirty. Keep your heads up, stay strong, and good luck to all of you.

Hello Warriors! I just wanted to stop by to say that I have been diagnosed with OCD for over 15 years, but I have struggled with it my entire life. ( I am 28 years old.) I only learned about ERP therapy this year... Yes y’all, THIS YEAR! I searched all over my area to find an ERP specialist that was either in network, or affordable. I could not find one. I happened to be on the IOCDF’s website and came across NOCD. I hit the book a free call button and never looked back! If you have any questions about being connected to care through NOCD, or my ERP Journey, feel free to ask in the comments below!

Really feeling down in the dumps today, lacking motivation.

I have been living in a prison i have built in my mind for a few years now. There are people I cannot see places I can't go and things I couldn't imagine doing now. I'm terrified of coming in contact with drugs and losing control of myself or putting me into a permanent schizophrenic episode. Its mainly activated Marijuana oils and LSD that trigger me into over analyzing, researching and inevitably cutting people, places and things from my life. I'm excited and terrified to start this process but it definitely time.

TRIGGER WARNING I have NOT been diagnosed with ocd BUT I am pretty sure that i have ocd and my mum called the doctors they said it sounds like ocd I'm 12 if this helps anything I struggle to even write things and i normally can't do work because i stress out i cross out the work over and over again i sometimes can't even put my hand on the paper or over the paper or something or whatever because then im "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" or whatever and it stresses me out sometimes i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work or barely any work most of the time the teachers dont notice but then they dont notice me crying over it either I think ive always or for ages that ive mainly thought about things before I say them or do them like just so i know what to say or do but now its like I plan it incase i do something that could trigger me or would trigger me (i dont know if its because of this or because of different reasons but im guessing this because i have no other explaination and i dont know if this is ocd but i think it is) and i have to do "fuck off lilly no your not no you dont shut up lilly no your not no you dont" or "shut up lilly fuck off lilly" or like "fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly" or "shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up lilly shut up fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly fuck off lilly" however many times it feels nesicary and what ever order feels nesicary I also struggle to get changed or unchanged alot because i start repeating it loads of times and if i dont i stress out. I think its because if i dont I'm "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and it stresses me out also when i walk like in or out of my bathroom i have to keep repeating it and walking in or out of my bedroom i have to keep repeating it or like up or down my stairs or in and out my sisters room and things like that and if i dont i stress out I also tell my mum mostly everything and i can tell she doesn't care its mainly my mum but i sometimes tell other people too and i can tell they dont care either and if anyone interrupts me i have to start again or whatever and if whoever im telling don't answer me i have to start again or whatever and i sometimes ask them if they listened or something or whatever and if they don't answer me i make them listen and then i say or do it again or something or whatever Sometimes I breathe weird or wrong then i keep doing it until it feels or sounds right or just nesicary and i sometimes do it with blinking too and i do many repetitive things because of it too because i didnt blink right or breathe right whilst i did it or i did breathe right or did blink right whilst i did it and it stresses me out I sometimes have thoughts and the other day or once or one time or something or whatever or whatever or something it told me that my house would set on fire or something or whatever I sometimes have thoughts about harming myself or suicide that i DO NOT want to do AT ALL and it stresses me out I think it has been really bad this week or something or whatever or whatever or something to the point where I got my friend to do my work for me (we were only supposed to copy the board) This is also it Ive had ocd for years they keep changing i used to do numbers even numbers then odd numbers then washing my hands now its harm ocd (and unplugging plugs but i didnt know that was a sign of ocd but when i do unplugg and plug in things i have to do it loads of times) i think about harming people and myself that i DO NOT want to do and i hate it it tortures me i have to think "f*** off (my name) no your not no you dont shut up (my name) no your not no you dont" i have to walk over or past things alot of times becsuse it "slits my wrists" or "slits my neck" and i dont want that to happen so i do the things and i even dont do school work because if i write things wrong i have to cross and cross things out and write them loads of times just to cross them out again and put loads of dots and underline things loads of times and sometimes i cant even put my hand on the paper because its "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and i dont want to put my self under that much stress so sometimes i just dont do it so i dont get stressed but sometimes i get stressed and carry on and then takes ages to stop and when i stop i dont want to start again incase it starts again and i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work most of the time the teachers dont notice that ive done none or not much but then they dont notice me crying over it anyway the worse part is mental health day or when they talk about mental health because all they talk about is depression i know depression is bad but why cant you talk about other things like ocd like eating disorders why cant you just talk about the problems im facing and what other people are facing instead of depression all the time ive told teachers about this my old head of year i told her more than ive told any other teacher more than ive told any one i think actually but theyre no help ive never been to a therapist or whatever you have for things like this i really want to go to one because i think i need one but i feel really awkward talking about things like normal things like underwear and puberty and mental health I feel like ill never be normal i feel like i cant have a normal life like bring up a kid and that breaks my heart all the time and that if i ever have a kid i cant bring it up properly or it'll look at me weird or that ill pass it onto them I hate what happens to me in my mind everyday it tortures me everyday I hate that i look at myself abit differently learning its a disability Now that i think of it and i really dont want to say this but a few times i have thought about people sexually any ages normally not even my own i DONT want to think like this I sometimes think about suicide but i dont know if thats an instrusive thought because i DO NOT want to commit suicide AT ALL I hate how my life has come to me not being able to tell my parents or anyone my problems i hate hate HATE IT i dont know what to do...