- Date posted
- 5y
Maybe this’ll put things in perspective for those of you suffering from obsessive sexual thoughts. Two summers ago I had a really attractive female personal trainer who was coaching me. Again, my sexual fantasies revolve around domination, so I like to ask women to compete with me (e.g. wrestle, race, or arm wrestle). I did make such advances on this woman verbally and it got so obsessive that she felt uncomfortable training me and we had to cease all communication. I made several more attempts to reach out to her and apologize and last summer she made it clear to me that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Now, a logical person would leave her the hell alone. But I’m a sex addict. So tonight, she popped into mind for whatever reason but I currently have all social media sites blocked so I can’t go on there and find material to masturbate to. Nonetheless, I have found other sites that display peoples’ Instagram profiles so I have found a way around the blocks. So, after this woman popped into my mind, I tried like hell to locate her Instagram profile to see if I could find a video of her wrestling somebody. Couldn’t find anything. So then, I actually wrote out an email to her asking her to be my personal trainer again! And I almost hit the send button too! But I didn’t. I stopped myself and deleted the email without sending it thank god. What’s my point? If you are a sex addict, you ACT on sexual thoughts that pop into your head. You do everything in your power to achieve the high you are craving to feel, even if it means hurting other people or yourself in the process. That is the crux of what addictions of all types are about. So again, if you are feeling distressed about intrusive sexual thoughts, but you don’t actually act on them, your situation is not as dire as mine for instance. Do not be so hard on yourselves. You are not bad people for having obsessive intrusive sexual thoughts that you can’t control. I like to think I’m not a bad person either, but my problem is, in my opinion, more diar than those who simply have sexual thoughts but don’t act on them or hurt others in the process of doing so. Think of the lengths I was willing to go to in order to get what I wanted from this woman! It’s very predatory behavior. And I need serious help before I end up in jail. I hope relating this helps some of you to not be so hard on yourselves. Goodnight, ppl.
- Trigger warning