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the NOCD Community

Is anyone available to talk who got pocd because of their past like childhood experimentation

Hocd sufferers out there ?

I hate this, I hate to feel like I’m turning evil. Like when I’m with my family I feel like I could go and hurt them, I don’t want to but I feel like I did. Or like it’s gonna take over me. I feel like I could go and do it, or sometimes I question myself: are u gonna do it or not? I feel like I’m really turning into a serial killer. I feel like this monster inside my mind is trying to make me act on my thoughts. I hate this I can’t handle it. I feel like in any second this will completely change me and make me m*rder someone and will take over me. It seems like it doesn’t matter if I don’t want to, I feel like it could still happen any second, I feel like I have a monster inside me, that’s convincing me to act on my thoughts and that’s taking over me. I feel so overwhelmed, because I feel like I don’t want it to happen but it’s gonna happen anyway. This monster inside me wants it to happen and could make it happen no matter if I don’t want to. Can’t even tell if this is harm OCD anymore, doesn’t feel like it.

Anyone on here pregnant and do ERP?

I'm sorry for eveything I did. I swear to never hurt anyone and that I didn't hurt anyone in the past. I swear to try to do the good thing. I don't want to be a monster, but I almost sure everything is me, and I hate it. I just want god to forgive me, and take care of my parents. I hate myself so much. The guilt is overwhelming, but is a price I going to pay. I know for sure I'm going to hell and I deserve it. I'm not afraid of hell or going to jail. I just don't want my parents to ever know what I imagine. I'm going to continue living for them, but I don't want to. I'm going to do everything in my willpower to stop having this images, and scenes. I'm sorry for eveything I did. I just want to pretend that this month never happen, but I can't. I'm sorry to my family for making myself this after everything they do for me. And I'm sorry to the people here for looking to an excuse for imagine the things that I imagine. I still hoping that this is just ocd, but honestly I don't believe it anymore. I will look for therapy when I had the money and make this sensations go away, and I hope that the images/scenes can also go away. I swear to never have children, and never look to them on purpose. I never wanted this to happen. Sorry again for eveything. I hope the people here can be cure and be happy. You all deserve it because you don't do anything wrong. Everything you think you do was in your head. You are not your thoughts. I think I'm just writing this to make me feel better, and that is selfish because I don't deserve it. I'm sorry for that too. I'm going to make myself accountable for eveything I did and imagine. I still feel bad because my family believe in me. And I made myself this. I hope that one day I can be normal. I'm so sorry again, I really do. I just want to take this out of my chest. If it were up to me I would kill myself, but I can do that to my family, and I don't know if I would have the guts to kill me. I never meant to this to happen. I don't deserve the things that I have and I know. And sorry for making myself look like the victim, when the reality is that I'm not. Everything that happend was my fault, and I make the decisions myself when I knew that was bad. I'm still hoping that this is just ocd, but I know tha it is not. I'm not a victim, I'm a bad person and I'm going to live with the guilt. Thats my punishment for the things that I did. For the people with ocd, you are not like me. You don't want that images and scenes. You are afraid of this, you don't feel pleasure for that, you are good. You would never hurt anyone, that is not your true self. You don't deserve what is happening to you. You don't deserve to make yourself accountable. You don't deserve to die. I'm just trying to make myself better for saying this to you and don't feel like a total monster. But it's true, you are a good person. I'm not. You don't deserve to suffer. I do. You are a victim of your own thoughts. I don't. I still want to believe that the thoughts I imagine were not mine, but in my heart I know that is not true. Every time I imagine a image like that i would try to not to think about it. I'm sorry for eveything. I really do. I regret this, and I hate myself. But you don't have to. You are good, and you don't deserve this.

Does anyone have any good experiences with SSRIs for OCD?

i just feel like being bi at this point is inevitable. it feels like i have to come out to feel complete? idk if that makes sense. also a lot of my friends are bi so it just feels like something that i will just eventually be. it’s so freaky. i feel so happy being only attracted to boys, but for some reason it feels wrong to say in straight, even though that’s what being only attracted to boys literally means. ahh

I wish my ROCD and doubts would just go away ): I hate it so much. I just want to be happy with my partner because I do love him so much. Does anyone have any advice? I could really use the help on this one. This theme has been especially hard for me to handle.

So I had a discussion about pdphilia today I asked if pedophiles were born or made. People said made. Which really just flipped on an anxiety switch for me. Back when I was a young teenager I was sucked down the rabbit hole of loli content and underage content on ao3. I know better now, I don’t do that anymore, and I understand that I was young and did not really know a lot better and was attracted to the taboo of it. But the guilt and the fear lingers and looms, it makes me feel sick. What if I am? What if I almost became one? What if this truly isn’t OCD but in fact me experiencing pedophilic attraction and am in denial about it? I feel awful. And scared. And alone.

I'm afraid that I'm starting to like the scenes in my head. I don't want to be a p3d0, but everything I did in the past and before this started is making me think I'm a sexual deviant. Yesterday I imagine a scene on purpose, and I don't know why I did it, why I let it happened? And the fact that I didn't have anxiety after that confirms my theory. The grional reactions are constant and sometimes really strong. And my body feels hot after that. I'm a afraid that if I ever watch cp I'm going to like it. Sometimes I'm not looking for grional reactions, but it happens. I read that for to be considered a p3d0 you have to be 16 and have 6 monts with those thoughts, and I'm afraid because I'm 15, and I have more than a month with this thoughts. I pray to god to get rid of this thoughts but I know that nothing is going to happened. Sometimes I imagine myself doing something bad in the future, and I tell myself that I wouldn't do that, but p3d0s don't need to do something like that, so that don't make me feel better. I don't want to live like this. And I don't know if it's because I don't want the guilt or because their are children. I want to be more anxious, and I don't want to feel like I already act on my thoughts. I can't say to myself that is my just my ocd because it doesn't feel right. I don't know what to do. If I start treating this like ocd and do normal things that I like, and ignore the images, scenes, grionial reactions and things i did, but it doesn't work and it results to be p3d0 disorder I don't know what I would do. It feels like I'm in negation, and every time someone responds to my post telling me It's not me, I don't believe it. It's like in deep down I know I'm in denial, and I just holding up to something that makes me think otherwise. I'm afraid that if I go to a therapist and I tell them everything I did, they would tell me that I developed the P3d0 disorder. I regret everything that I did, and hate myself for reading things that I knew were bad. This is the first day in a month that I could sleep well because my mother brought me a special blanket to sleep well. But I feel like I don't deserve to sleep well. My family deserves a better child, and I hate myself for that. I hate that I'm having grional reactions by writing this, and reading the experiences of other people in the app. Sometimes I convince myself that I'm a p3d0, and I delete this app because I feel that continuing in this app is a lack of respect for the people that believe their monsters, but they really aren't, and that I don't need the reassurance this brings me. But time later I always installed the app, and I make posts to make people tell me that I'm not a monster. And every time they tell me that I'm not and reassured me, I don't believe it because it's like I know that the explications that they give aren't true, and I just trying to think I'm not a monster when the reality is that I am that. I think that I have ocd because of things of my past, but I also thing that for things I did in my past I developed the p3d0 disorder. I don't know how to continue life because I feel that I don't deserve to live. I want to do things that I like and be with my family, and pretend I'm a good person, but I can't. The images are always there, the thoughts, and the flashbacks. And my family knows that I'm like this and they want me to be better, but it doesn't feel fair to me to feel better when I did the things that I did, and I always have this images, and scenes, and reactions. This day I feel like normal, but I don't like that I'm feeling that, I should be more anxious, and sad. Sometimes I don't feel anxious at all, or sad, or cry. And the times I cry are because I don't want to feel like crap, not because of the content of the scenes or the images. My family don't know what I'm thinking, and sometimes I want to tell them but I don't. I don't have the money to talk to an ocd therapist, and I'm afraid they would tell me what I think. I don't want to think that I'm that. But I always think that for things that I did. It's like I'm trying to think that I'm the victim, but I don't feel like one. I need to hold myself responsible for the thing that I did. But I don't want to think I'm a p3d0. This just feels like denial, and it's like I'm can't bring myself to convince me that I'm not that. When I'm convince myself that I'm that it feels like I have peace and I'm being sincere with me. I'm feeling like I want to portray me like the victim writing this for people to take pety of my and and reassured me that I'm not a monster, when the realty is that I'm one. I never wanted to be in this situation, if life would give a second chance or a time machine I would take it. I regret everything I did. Even when writing this doesn't feel sincere. I just wanted to take this out of my chest. I'm sorry for writing this.

how old were you when you started noticing signs of ocd. and what were the signs?

Omg help. I felt like for a brief second I liked my thoughts. And now I feel like they’re convincing me, I’m so scared I don’t know what’s going on.

I’m undiagnosed, just to clarify that, but something’s been bothering me to the point that it’s starting to feel like it’s venturing into OCD territory. I do have other issues that are the main ones making me suspect OCD, but this has been making me wonder if it’s possible for one form of OCD to expand and encompass others as well. Long story short, my sexuality is... complicated. I’m pansexual, long-distance dating a trans-woman (pre-transitional), with leanings toward, as a friend calls it, “ethical non-monogamy” (polyamory) in theory (haven’t really tested the waters, so to speak). All of that, ironically, isn’t the main issue (although I do repeatedly end up in a cycle of debate as to whether I’m in a lesbian relationship or straight, since she identifies female but is physically male). The issue is another aspect of it: I classify myself as grey-asexual, in that one day I have an average libido, and the next I may feel physically sick at the thought of anything sexual, and another, I might even not be able to tolerate the idea of being in close proximity to someone. All of this is despite the fact that I’m a very affectionate person. The thing is, no matter how often my gf tells me it’s not my fault, almost every day I find myself obsessing over whether I’m good enough or if I’m defective because I can “never have a normal relationship”, as my brain words it, and whether I’m letting her down because when she asks if I’m in the mood for something, I nearly always have to turn her down. I spend ages looking for ways to increase my interest’, or for her to help herself, to the point that I almost started to worry if it was turning into an addiction (though not sure how you can be addicted to something you actively avoid unless essential), but my main issue is this: Is it considered OCD if it’s outside the realm of your ‘usual’ leanings in the condition (ie sexual when your OCD is usually regarding order)? If so, can things like that be helped side by side, or do they have to be taken one at a time?

Any twenty somethings with ocd want to talk?It could be enlightening seeing what others my age are up to

Has anyone with harm OCD ever gotten stuck on a particular date? As if something will happen on this date relating to self-harm? Please advise.

Question: in February and March, my body became completely fearful of a "certain ethnic group." The intrusive thought I was having was "You are going to say something racist. You are a racist. You are a bad person." I would then feel this incredibly intense fear and could not think of anything else. They were rampant. However, in between switching meds, I noticed racial slurs popping up, as well as that same thought, you are going to say something racist. My question is are: since my mind is slower, is that the reason am I noticing the racial slurs? I am so ashamed and sad about this.

I’ve talked about this twice on here now but nothing that anyone has said has helped me I’m just so so lost and scared and I feel like the only way out is to just end my life. I don’t know if anyone would even want to hear me out. I might look stupid for posting the same thing again and again but I just can’t seem to get over it

Really isolated. No family. Living alone. No friends. Feeling suicidal. And honestly just feeling like I’ve gone so far backwards. I kinda want to take shrooms or something idk.

So I do a lot of rumination, actively bringing up stuff from my past/real events,thoughts, and other stuff to “figure out my sexual orientation.” I know this is keeping me from getting better and there are days where I can just stop when it’s not so loud but then other days/most days I still find myself actively searching and arguing in my head. My fears have gotten less about late bloomers but more of right now and searching for how I am lesbian due to what I’ve done in my past. It keeps bringing up or feeling like I’m putting on an act for my boyfriend and others of being straight which gets me stuck on ruminating! Any advice on how to stop? I’ve listened to Michael Greenberg’s episodes where he has talked about it and read articles he has written on it but it’s not as easy as it sounds. I also noticed I distract myself from “thinking” like I thought I was trying to stop myself from ruminating but more so any thoughts that may pop up like being on social media, playing games on my phone, always needing a distraction. So I feel like I need to use my phone less too! Any help with what has helped with stopping rumination though is greatly appreciated!

I don't know what to do. I know that I have Ocd because of previous experiences in the past. This last days of February I started to get grional reactions about children and having images of children in my head. I can't barely sleep, and I always have thoughs about children, But for some reasons I feel like I'm a pedo in denial. I did something bad days ago and I didn't felt guilt or disgust. Until days later I start to feel guilty. Now every time I want to feel fine I remember this image because I don't deserve happiness. This image always come with grional reactions. Now I'm feeling like I bringing this images to myself to feel turn on, and the fact that my body feels hot don't help me think otherwise. Today in the morning I had a thoughts on an actor that was a pedo, and I was trying to justify him. I stopped when I tell to myself that that was bad. Today I feel numb, there are periods of times when I convince myself that I'm a pedo. I don't want to live, but I have a family that worries for me, and I can't left them. I want a second chance, but I don't deserve it.