- Date posted
- 5y
My biggest triggers for myself are my past and how I looked/didn’t try at all and was always a “tomboy.” Like I look at myself in pictures and think I knew then and looked gay. Then at the same time I get thoughts “you didn’t know in your past because you didn’t have a boyfriend until you were 19” like I only think I’m gay now because I get rocd like thoughts in relationships as well. Also, sexual stuff. I have always been super aroused and wanted to get off to lesbians kissing, porn, erotica, fantasy, etc. that was my go to. I get more aroused thinking of that than straight sex and makes me feel like I would rather want it with a girl because of the stronger response. Like I would enjoy it more with a girl than a guy and only don’t want to because of suppression type things. I have no desire at all to try or do anything with a woman at all, but these are my biggest hurdles. I’m making scripts about it, looptapes, and even started to watch certain tv shows I know have these scenes in the show but I still can’t bring that fear down and it’s always there. I don’t know what else I can do? Patience? It feels like I can’t get over it because I am certain/convinced I’m gay now.