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the NOCD Community

I'm new here... Honestly, I didn't know much about my OCD even though I've been living with it most of my life. I didn't know how complex it could be... I thought what I was experiencing was unique to me and no one else. Most people describe OCD different to mine but when I saw this ad.... I was like.... This is me. I struggle to accept this disorder and I just wish I could be normal... I'm afraid to touch everything and wash my hand constantly. I never tell anyone what goes on it my head because it's embarrassing and they won't understand. I don't know if this app will work but I at least have some relief knowing that I'm not the only one.

I feel completely terrible , I cannot sleep I cannot eat I cannot function. I’m thinking on going in patient for the first time and stay there . I cannot lice with my thoughts . I just recently had a baby. I have always have bad thoughts and rituals but this time is different . I was scrolling down the news and I saw this news of a mother killing her 3 kids and ever since then I am scared of harming my own kids . I can’t even think all day because all o have is panic attacks. I am so scared of acting on my thoughts . I don’t want too have these thoughts . Now I feel like I do not deserve to live anymore because I am a threat to my kids and they deserve a better life and a better mother . I am so lost in my mind and so scared of being crazy. I’m sooo scared of having something worst than ocd . I question all day long why I’m having this thoughts and I do ritual after ritual to get rid of it . And the frustration of the thought not going away is making me suicidal . I don’t know what to do and I feel lost please someone help me

Having bad relationship/ jealous based ocd My husband recently lost his son that he raised with his ex since he was 3, the son committed suicide last month. The ex is also engaged. However they have been reunited and have a friendship now and communication on and off these passed month and a half and I’m starting to feel really insecure to the point where he doesn’t tell me certain things because he feels like I will get upset because I freak out on him. He said he considers her family and that I need to accept that but I’m ruminating on this and feel like he doesn’t love me. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and he just bought us a house but my thoughts are spiraling out of control , what do I do?

Had a really bad panic attack a week ago. During the panic attack I was afraid I would never come out of it. Eventually with Klonopin I did, but I’m hyper aware of every sensation, constantly scanning for anxiety. I now feel like I will never come out of this high anxiety state, I’ve developed harm ocd from derealization and thinking “this won’t stop until I go crazy and kill myself” I’ve never been this bad before. I need advice desperately. How can I stop automatic checking my body sensations/mental state? I can’t even watch tv without intrusive thought of “you’re anxious. This will never go away.”

Ok so I’ve found myself continuously looking at pictures of kids to check to see if I’m attracted to them bc lately my head has been trying to convince me that I’m not attracted to guys older than me like I always have been and sometimes it causes anxiety bc when I look at the pictures of the young kids my mind can’t give a yes or a no bc I’m so focused on trying to find the answer and it’s hard to just sit with the uncertainty like I feel the need to know right now and every time I decide to sit with it, something new comes up and I get even more confused. I’ve gotten further and further into this specific theme and I’m finding it to be so much more difficult than any other theme that I’ve had and I’ve heard therapists saying that ocd likes to attack the things you care about but I’ve never really cared for kids, like I don’t even want kids. The idea of it just never made me excited, but I also have never had an attraction to them once in my life so I don’t know why ocd is making this a theme for me. I wake up and the ocd thoughts are usually the first thing on my mind and I can’t just have one moment of peace with myself. I’m constantly trying to do other things to distract myself but somehow the thoughts creep in. And I don’t find myself trying to look away from children because I want nothing more than to prove the thoughts wrong so I try to check by looking at them but then I get confused bc other days I don’t even get anxiety from the thoughts so I don’t know what is happening. I feel like my words are all over the place but idk what else to do. Is anyone else going through this..

So like literally nothing is wrong. I've had a super chill day... mere seconds of anxiety or thoughts up until now. Now I just have the feeling that I won't be able to get through this evening, I'm going to lose control, have uncomfortable anxiety or ocd that I can't stop. Is this what they mean by an OCD spiral or OCD attack? Do any of you have them? Do you just let it pass or do you do ERP in the moment? What works for you?

i hate this guilt!!! why do i have to have guilt!!! i hate p*dos! i think they’re evil and disgusting! my pocd is trying to convince me i am one of them and i should be dead or in jail😭i hate this so much, i have no desire to ever ever hurt a child, i think it’s the most evil thing you can do. so why is my brain trying to convince me i am that? why do i have to suffer every single day with intrusive thoughts and guilt when i know who i am inside, it’s just the random intrusive images and thoughts that are the problem :( the last few weeks have been extra difficult, i’ve been feeling just depressed and like i should end it all because of this guilt. i hate feeling like this.

Anime is a confusing one for me because I know like 90% of the characters are being drawn to be abnormally attractive and even sexual but it makes me uncomfortable that they're usually underage. I know it's just cartoons but it doesn't sit right with me. So I try to avoid the more sexual animes and stick with romcom and more action/adventure ones because I really enjoy anime as a animation style and how they tell stories, it's just uncomfortable when they make their characters so sexual but they're like 14-16. And it just confuses my brain because I don't want to be with someone underage but I find the character sexually attractive and it makes me feel bad for feeling that way. It's funny before I started getting all these intrusive thoughts I really didn't think much about what their possible age could be, I just watched whatever had attractive characters and now that I'm obsessed over stuff like this I care SOOO much. I'll research the show and see if the character is underage and if so, are they the whole show or do they become adults? It's really draining sometimes.

For people with sexual intrusive thoughts (soocd or pocd) do you get triggered thinking about how there are people who might not want to be that sexuality at first or be in denial about it and eventually accept who they are?

Can someone help?? My OCD was trying to freak me out over soemthing recently and I'm spiraling again. So basically this guy started messaging me who I had no interest in. He was just being nice saying we could talk or whatever but I didn't and don't want to. But my OCD hadhas obsessed over that saying that I am lying, asking why constantly I don't want to, making sure I don't like him, etc. Then i got anxious about it again today and looked up on google "should you go out with someone you have no interest in" A lot of things were saying yes and I am really anxious now. I don't like this guy but now my mind is saying I have to date him.

I am having a really hard time tonight. :/ I keep ruminating... does anyone have any tips on how to stop thinking when you want to sleep? Or any videos or shows or just things to do before bed to get your mind off stuff?

Hi! Im wondering how does OCD affect your school work.. Since my ocd started school got much harder and i just cant focus. Im in law school and i cant handle the stress and feeling like all of my peers are better and smarter because they know how to deal with stress and dont go crazy... It sucks because its ruining my self esteem and i feel like a loser. I used to be a good student but now i just fail class after class. Is it going to get better? Can u study with ocd and get good grades? If you can please tell me how!

To anyone that has gone through SSRI withdrawal, did you get sensitivity to light? Particularly to your phone?

I feel like my sexual orientation has changed, it truly feels like I’ll never be straight again and I’m heartbroken. I go out in public and I check if I’m attracted to the pretty girls, I start to make new female friends and I worry I like them, I look at them in ways I never did before just to “make sure”. I worry that I’ll enjoy sex and feelings with girls more and that it’ll be greater than what I have with my partner. I worry that my struggle with intimacy with my boyfriend is because I don’t like men as opposed to my insecurities and inexperience and shyness. It feels like I can’t find appeal in men anymore and even though I find no appeal in women either, my mind tells me my lack of attraction means I Need to be attracted to women. I don’t want to. I’ve had two lesbian dreams this week and it felt like I wanted it. I try to imagine myself in same sex scenarios and I get confused , it feels like I want it when at the beginning of this it just didn’t click. It feels like all my close girl friends from my past are secret crushes. It feels like my attraction to men was never real. I’m so scared and so afraid and so lost, I feel like a prisoner. It feels like my sexuality has changed, I Must be attracted to women. Although I know I love my boyfriend deeply, I now worry a women will come and take his place. I hate this. It makes me feel like my bond with my boyfriend isn’t as special , when my bond with him is what I treasure most. Almost All the best days of my life were with him and now I feel like I’ll have to give it up to be with a woman. I feel like I’m living a lie, I feel like I’m going to have to come out and be with women, my grandma will treat me differently. It feels too real, way way too real.

My HOCD is crippling me today. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I remember being so happy. I’ve never ever been interested in a male before. I was so deeply in love with my girlfriend. We’re hitting 2 years this next month. I love her so much. Our romantic side is gone. I want things to be normal again. It breaks my heart because she’s sticking this through with me and I know how confusing it is for her. please god help me I feel like i’m living in hell every day I wake up. this came out of no where. i’m so confused.

Good morning, I hope everyone has a great day! You are strong and you are worthy! Remember, the more you do, the more you are able to do. 🙂❤

BIG TRIGGER WARNING! sometimes i feel so lost and hopeless after i have intrusive thoughts that my mind goes straight to suicide. it’s so scary, i feel this overwhelming guilt and shame because my normal brain says “why would my brain come up with such horrible thoughts???!” like i know OCD is built to trigger and IT DOES, but after when i have a moment of settlement, i feel so much hatred towards myself that my suicide OCD is triggered and it says “you’re horrible, you need to die” and all these horrible thoughts...it makes me feel sick inside, i’d never SWEAR on my soul ever hurt a child or want to think these intrusive thoughts, i don’t know where they come from, they just pop up and it feels like fire ants in my brain like i want them to stop but they don’t. i am crying when writing this because it sounds so insane, the last thing i want is a child to be hurt or anything, but my OCD says such horrible things and i feel so alone because i feel like no one else’s OCD is this bad and i am so isolated and alone. i don’t want to die, but when you have such gross evil intrusive thoughts, you feel like it’s your only way out....sorry if this was way too much to take in, i just wanted to let this out because it’s such a horrible overwhelming weight on my chest and i have no one to talk to about this. I HATE this disorder so much and what it has done to me.

Does someone in here has harm ocd and would like to talk ? I need someone that can i relate to. I have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts and need someone to help me please !

Nothing left. Feels like I never had OCD. Nothing left except the thoughts. Afraid ERP made me worse. Afraid that I lost females forever. Squandered my therapy. I suffered for a long time and I was finally feeling like I had hope. But I lost that too. It just feels like denial at this point. Fml...

My OCD is generally around my health. It is hard for me to differentiate between what is real and what is OCD. I have a skin condition (HPV) and it’s truly not bad at all although my OCD theme is very focused on it. I’m in constant fear that it will get worse, spread or ruin my life some how. Does anybody else have health anxiety OCD? Or OCD about contamination? I feel like it’s really difficult to combat my OCD at times because there is a level of rationality behind it. I do have the skin condition already that I’m worried about so my OCD has “evidence” to make me more worried about it. Does anybody else have an OCD theme that is hard to differentiate between what’s real and what’s OCD? Sorry for the long post but I’m very interested to hear more about your experiences!