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I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Any pregnant mamas on here ?

Somethings just never change smfh. Another day where I don’t go to the gym smfh. It’s the same thing every day. I get like 3-5 hrs of sleep and I’ll get up knowing I’ve only gotten that much of sleep and I’ll drink some coffee to try to wake up and eat and watch a little bit of tv and then I’ll start to feel tired again and find myself just turning the tv off and trying to fall back to sleep and by the time I wake up it’s to late to go cuz it’s when everyone goes to the gym and I won’t be able to do anything I want to do so I stay at home watch some more tv probably meditate a couple times to clear my mind and that’s how my day is. I honestly don’t even know where to go for therapy smfh. I was told by a previous therapist that by June Medicaid was going to be approved to cover residential treatment facilities but idk. My previous therapist was making facial gestures to keep me away when I said to her that’s probably what I’ll do probably cuz she’s still in the mindset I’m gay and just in denial which is why she stopped seeing me. She saw that I was no longer accepting that it’s true and stopped therapy with me. Why else would a therapist all of a sudden stop treatment smfh. I’m not in denial I’m just hard to figure out. It’s not like I try to be. Maybe if they just did there jobs right and payed more attention to me and took a more detailed approach with me I wouldn’t be in this mess. My previous therapist didn’t even take notes which at first I thought it was odd and I started to think she can just remember stuff pretty good. But then when she messed up telling me back something one time made me realize she doesn’t take notes cuz it’s like what for what? It’s in the past why does it matter now? She just nods her head and agrees when I bring up something from the past and goes like yeah I remember smfh. Can’t believe it actually took me that long to figure out her method smfh. My first psychiatrist definitely thinks I’m gay smfh and I’m like 21 to 0 bitch and it’s not because I need to prove anything. I just have sex with escorts cuz I need sex and want to have sex and I got tired of waiting for my ocd to clear up to have mutual sex with a girl. It just sucks I have to pay all cuz of my fuckin ocd. If it wasn’t for my ocd I wouldn’t have done it and would’ve had sex probably a long time ago but it is what it is. I’m doing everything I can to get better it just doesn’t work for me smfh. But yeah I’m kind of at a lost on what therapy to pursue now a days. It’s not like anyone I go to actually gets it and tells me what to do or tells me what I should do smfh.

Why would some girl say that I have a gay face when I'm not gay. I'm so confused 😔

How does ocd impact appetite and sleep? Does it make you gain weight or lose it? Does make you wanna sleep all day and avoid thoughts or does it give you insomnia?

I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep but I tried smfh. I even took a melatonin which I’ve been avoiding cuz I figure what’s the point of trying to do what I want to do when I can’t anymore smfh. My ocd runs my life pretty much. I’m easily triggered and shit smfh but I can’t really do anything about it. It’s not like I can avoid what I’m feeling when I go to sleep there’s just no end to feeling an arousal feeling when someone is looking at me. It is what it is.

I did something really disgusting and perverted earlier today, not to mention illegal. I cannot stop feeling disgusted with myself and panicking about how I will probably be caught and arrested, and I can feel it starting to become an obsession. Should I confess to my mom to relieve the guilt and make myself feel a little better? Should I turn myself in?

18+ Okay now I’m really worried that I may be a p bc I’m 18 and one of my friends that I’ve know awhile he asked I wanted to hook up and I was like really hesitant and bc he’s my friend but then he like convinced me so I said okay..yeah I guess..? But I was still very unsure and I didn’t want to like make him feel bad and bc I felt pressured that I should be like having sex and I honestly like wasnt thinking that one year was bad, until I told my mom about it and she asked how old he was I and said 17 and then she was telling me that he’s still a minor n stuff and then I thought one year wasn’t bad and I wasn’t like thinking any bad things and I was still unsure in fact like I think it should’ve waited and bc I still believe in marriage before sex n stuff but, my mom was telling me that if he ever wanted to like report or something and since I’m 18 and he’s 17 i could get in trouble n stuff and now that has made me worried 🥲 but I’m glad I told her and I didn’t have an urge to like do anything to him bc I was still very hesitant and unsure and now I’m worried that what if like I wanted to do it even tho I didn’t know at all or what if that means I do it but with a different person even though I know it’s wrong now and like I understand and literally wouldn’t want to because it’s weird :( I don’t know anymore ...

Hey guys, Mike here from NY. I’m not going to post anything tonight, it’s late and I’m going to try and sleep soon, but I just wanted everyone to know that I’m here to help as much as I’m here for help. I’m basically an OCD encyclopedia. I’m 36 and was born with it. My severe episodes started as far back as I can remember at 7 years old. Back when it was super scary and I didn’t know what it was. No one did. I thought I was going crazy. My parents helped solidify that belief. As the years went on, it got worse or stayed just as severe, but information about OCD and therapy/medications began To pop up with the arrival of the Internet and with much more information being accessible, it was easier for more people to start to research it and understand what it was and that it was an actual condition. I’ve been on just about every medication you can name and it took over 15 years to get the right combination that works best for me. It’s still far from perfect and OCD is still a large part of my existence and consumes most of my life but over the years I have done so much research on it and have been through so much therapy that I’ve learned so much and that does help. I’ve learned techniques and things like that to help but the main thing that helps is knowing that you’re not the only one. It’s a condition that is actually common and many people out there are going through the same thing even though it feels like that’s not possible. A lot of information is available on it now And just in that you should find comfort. Science and technology has come a long way. So if there’s anything you want to ask me any questions or concerns about OCD and any advice you may be seeking and how to deal with certain situations feel free to ask. I’ll be checking in!

I am dealing with religion and existential OCD. Anyone else dealing with this right now? I'm analyzing everything about the bible and the first people to walk the earth. No I am not stoned LOL Although that can exacerbate this kinda thing lol

Hello everyone! I have suffered from retroactive jealousy for about two years and it was only recently that I made a pretty big discovery. So his ex has always been kind of a figure in the background a lot in our relationship. He says he cut things cold turkey with her but it seems like if it had something to do with his past, it had something to do with her. This girl has always been seen in a very negative light in my eyes. So much so that I used to wonder what he even saw in her. She cheated on him for the last two years of their relationship. Called him mean names and boosts about on social media acts like she’s better off without him even though she went to his house and begged to get back with him, I mean this girl always seemed to me as a mess. My boyfriend got depressed and was medicated for a little, he plays it off with a laugh but it always bothered me how he never stood up for himself. Never admitted to himself the way that he did to me that he just wasn’t happy in that relationship and he was over it before it was ever officially over. I’m sure that he had some self esteem issues on his own and it always sounded like he was desperate to be with her and it sounded like as much as she wants to play this character she has pretty bad issues on her own. When I met him I could sense this heavy weight, now I’m not sure if he still loved her when I was introduced into his life but I could get a hint that he missed her, or at least he missed the relationship and was mourning. The truth is, I was caught in-between these two hurt people. I wanted to love him but the day that she approached me made me terrified that she really did “make the man I loved” and could easily take him away. And so this harsh light continued to shed on her and whenever I look at her social media I’m left with this heavy feeling in my chest. I’ve realized to simply accept that I don’t like her. I’ve realized through feeling bad about even thinking about her that she was indeed very disrespectful towards me and my boyfriend and had no right to have ever strike up a conversation about her entitlement towards him with me. It’s okay, she’ll be just fine if I don’t find her nice or even worth my time. She’ll continue to live life to her fullest, doing the things that she’s doing if I admit to myself that I don’t like her. And now knowing this, it shifted how I see my retroactive jealousy. Because I was so in denial about not liking her, I used to compare myself to her and think she was better than me and even thought that he couldn’t love me the way he did her- it made me want to be better than her one day then the next be all sad I wasn’t her. Now that I’ve said to myself, “listen, you don’t like her, how she treated you, how she spoke about him, or how she continues to think that you should be afraid of her”— it makes me realize that I want nothing to do with her or her social media. I cyberstalk her because I’m afraid that my boyfriend still wants something to do with her, but if I don’t like her now and keep feeding into it to more of a negative point of view— I’LL NEVER GET BETTER AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS FEED INTO A BAD HABBT EVEN IF THINGS DO/DONT WORK OUT. I think I needed to just accept that there are so people you can’t force yourself to like. I’ll never wish this girl anything bad but admitting that I’ll never be in a situation where I’m okay with her due to the fact that sometimes it’s just life and things happen and people are petty- made me realize that there’s no point in continuing to pretend like one day I’ll see a tweet that changed my mind. I don’t need to accept his past into my life nor into my own web of problems and I did that so early on just because I wanted to prove my worth to him and make him realize that I was the right decision but it led me to meeting a really rude person and continued to follow that rabbit hole just because I thought she had an advantage of me. In letting things go and saying, “I’m not sure what may happen between us but I refuse to sabotage myself into continuing this act of worthiness by putting myself in an uncomfortable position against someone who brings out negative feelings.” I can’t change the situation but it’s in my best interest to stop traumatizing myself again and again and feel bad that nothing has changed when I know the best thing to do is just let this pettiness and jealousy go. I’m not letting my guard down to her, I’m not claiming defeat. I’m asking for my peace and I’m telling myself the truth: stop chasing the same rabbits that got you lost.

Question for you guys. So I’ve been dealing with a religious fear since am incident happened last year. An exposure could be to look up preachers talking about this particular issue/sin and letting me sit with the anxiety. BUT it could also be a way to reassure myself when I’ve talked to all of my spiritual mentors/pastors and they’ve all told me the same thing. What is the best way to navigate this? I’m sitting here and having this anxious urge to google what a particular pastor preaches about this issue for fear that maybe someone thinks differently about it and I’m really actually screwed lol. (Not funny but kind of funny) to me if it’s driven by anxiety it’s a compulsion. Not sure how to navigate that.

What are your coping strategies to get through ERP in a positive way?

Funny. We speak to so many people a day, and while we may drop the occasional depression joke, as most people do, depressed or not, they will never know that we are in fact actually in pain. Funny how we can go out days laughing and talking and playing games with our friends, but if they could only see inside, they’d find a person who needs help. A person who’s being torn apart from the inside out by their own mind, and someone who lives in constant fear of themselves. Who’s always staring a monster in the eye, a monster created by themselves against their will. It’s just so interesting to me how a person can experience this without it being known. Sorry if this was a bit cringe, just kinda came to mind.

Anyone else struggling with contamination OCD more than usual since covid? I have contamination OCD that has spiraled out since covid which causes my anxiety and panic disorder to spiral out too. I was checking my temperature 6 times a day, my hands are raw from washing them so much, I have only been able to go to work then I have to rush home to shower, etc. I am just starting out on my exposure therapy journey, so hopefully it will really help. I feel like everything has covid and I can't rest until I have sanitized EVERYTHING! Does anyone else feel this way? What is one thing that has really helped you?

I suspect I have HOCD "that was porn induced" making me think I'm Bisexual when I've always been straight (I'm 25 y.o with no history of OCD), and I can't afford therapy nor get in touch with NOCD therapist because they're not available in my country so I can't get a proper diagnosis but I guess ERP won't harm even if I don't really have HOCD. Do you have any tips and steps to follow in order to do self ERP to overcome my OCD and the confusion? Thanks

What kind of mental disorder is ordering books you'll never read, researching vitamins and pills and never taking them, doing research on end and never following steps?

Should you leave a good guy that you've been with longterm who treats you right, are able to be 100% comfortable with him, talk to him about anything, take care of eachother when were sad. and I tell him good and bad news right when I find out, just cause you don't have feelings? I've been with him for 6 years.

This is a weird thing but is anyone else around the 19, 20 age and never had a relationship or been kissed? My anxiety and OCD are taking that today ansand making me obsess over why. And it is making me feel like an ugly loser :(

cw// long, vent, mentions of grooming last night i had one of the worst TOCD attacks i’ve had in a while and i think i ended up AGREEING with a thought. i am so terrified. basically when i was ruminating on something i said when i was probably around 12-13 (i think i had the thought of “if i were a man, i would be gay” despite the fact that i now identify as a cis wlw) and i just spiraled from there. i couldn’t stop thinking about that one event. i’ve actually come back to this one specific thought several times over my OCD journey and the more i come back to it, the more visceral my reaction is to it. after spiraling and freaking out over thinking about it for around 5 minutes, i think i agreed with the thought. i was like, “would a cis person have this thought?” and my brain went, “no, this means you’re in denial” and suddenly the thoughts just stopped. like my paranoia stopped for a second. i think i shocked myself so much with agreeing that my brain couldn’t think for a bit. and then i just had this awful paralyzing fear make its way through me and i felt like i couldn’t breathe. it felt like i was back in 2020 when my TOCD obsessions were at their worst. it felt like there was a hole in my chest and i started crying. i had to get up out of bed and go online and take a bunch of quizzes for reassurance that i actually had ocd, and that i didnt have gender dysphoria. i KNOW i have OCD, and i KNOW i’ve never experienced real gender dysphoria, despite being uncomfortable with my gender once or twice when i was VERY young and being influenced by people who (i think) possibly groomed me. i don’t remember. and i think not remembering people who may have groomed me is really messing with me now and how i’m perceiving myself. in 2019 i was the happiest i’d ever been, BECAUSE i felt so comfortable with myself. i felt so incredible presenting as a woman and using my pronouns, better than i’d ever felt before. it felt like i really found my place in the world since i had always been insecure. i just feel like all of that has been ripped away. and i feel like even typing out that i’d been uncomfortable with my gender one time when i was like, 12, MEANS that i’m trans. i just don’t know what to do anymore. one day in 2020 i just was struck with a thought of “what if you’re trans?” and it never left my mind. i remember the exact day i had it and the first thing i did (i now realize) was compulsively make a list of reasons of why i was/was not trans, and the compulsions just spiraled from there. even after i had seen and experienced all the evidence that i have OCD, i still feel like i’m lying to myself.