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Question (and venting) about ERP I’m going to want to do ERP, but I’m really scared. I don’t know how I will be able to deal with the exposure, especially for hocd. I’m Catholic, and when I’m not experiencing a bad episode, I stand firm in my values and don’t doubt them. I don’t want to watch pornography. I don’t want to do anything unchaste. I truly believe that it’s a sin, and watching any kind of porn would be awful to me. I also used to have a mild addiction to masturbation, so I really am just scared. I’m scared that an exposure I will have to do will involve watching same-sex porn. It’s not even the fact that it’s same-sex. It’s the fact that it’s porn. I’m scared that I’ll fall back into masturbation. I did this summer, and it was awful. I don’t have these values and beliefs because I’m blindly following what I’m told. I have truly felt the effects of watching pornography and consistently masturbating. It made me feel awful before I was even Catholic. It made me feel dirty and wrong. Not just because someone told me it is. But because it feels wrong. It’s not natural. I started doing it at a very young age to try to understand what my abuser had done to me. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to put aside my values to heal. I don’t want to have to go to confession and say “I watched porn to treat my OCD.” I don’t want to have to go into treatment constantly trying to defend my faith. I’m scared that I’ll get a therapist who tells me my religion is hurting me. Catholic people can suck. But I didn’t grow up with them. I chose to be Catholic. I chose to be religious. I chose this for God. I don’t want to have to turn my face from Him. My OCD is telling me that everyone who reads this will think I’m in denial and I’m ignorant and I’m stupid. Please don’t. That’s all I can say. Please don’t assume what all of my beliefs are. I don’t hold all the same beliefs as some people who are Catholic claim to. I truly believe in Love. I just want to be healed. TL;DR: Will I have to watch same-sex porn if it goes against my religion, values, and beliefs? Is that a requirement in order to heal from hocd?

Has anyone else noticed that your ocd will make a conclusion and then you feel awful? I used to watch a lot of true crime (don’t anymore because it’s triggering) and my brain wouldn’t even have enough time to process what was happening in the video before my ocd told me “you don’t feel bad for that person, you’re a terrible person.” But you hadn’t even had time to comprehend what had happened? I’m not sure if this is all over the place. But if you understand and have experienced it let me know.

Hi I’m worried I cheated on my bf and don’t remember and have been obsessing about it . I confuse things I’ve done prior to our relationship to during our relationship . I messaged a lot of boys and girls to get help from anxiety and scared I said anything wrong to the boys during that kind . I want to die, this is so stressful I’m terrible.

Vent I’m having a really hard time coming in here as a compulsion. I feel like I’m making that up. But I think it’s true. I just have no one to talk to OCD about. I could talk to my best friend, but I feel so ashamed about my thoughts. This is the only place that I have felt safe in 20 years (maybe an exaggeration, but it feels true). For the first time in my life, I /know/ that other people feel the way that I do. And I just want to feel safe so badly. So I’m stuck here. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been coming here because I don’t have therapy until next Thursday. My counselor is trained in EMDR, and we thought that’s what I needed to treat my childhood trauma. She has no idea that I think I have OCD because I found out like a week ago (after I already went to therapy). I don’t think she knows anything about ERP. I’m scared to lose her. She already knows about some of my fears, just not the fact that I think they’re OCD. I hate this. It feels like it has to be a secret. When I thought I just had anxiety, I didn’t mind telling people. Now the thought of telling people I have OCD feels awful. I already told my bestie, and she sympathized and told me that she thought the same thing after a previous conversation about my childhood struggles (we’re both psyc majors)..she just didn’t think it was right to tell me. When does this end? When do I stop obsessing over every thought in my brain??? I’m so tired. I slept almost all day. This is truly exhausting. I think I’m getting worse now that I’m aware of what’s wrong with me. I thought it was helping me, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Has anyone with hocd ever felt nothing (almost like an out of body experience) when kissing someone they thought they liked? I had never felt this way about a guy before and then when he kissed me today i just felt nothing. Like it wasnt me there. And i didnt have a panicked feeling either or anxiety really, all i was thinking was “you dont feel anything” all the time. It feels like i must be in denial. I dont know what to do, things were going so well and I genuinely thought i liked the guy so much but how could i if i felt nothing?

Ok so Christian OCD ers my OCD has been through the roof about all sorts. I was sat in my front garden listening to Christian music and sobbing. Basically Its a fear surrounding the unforgivable sin. Are there any Christians out there who can help?

I need help !. It just feels like I can't accept I'm gay or whatever. I'm so lost l. I try and say I'm gay to myself and that doesn't feel right either. And I'm trying to date girls but I think how can I with this going on 😔

This morning I kind of dissected my journey with Real Event OCD and it’s kind of funny, however depressing and not how I want things to be. So 7 years ago I struggled with Real Event OCD with a theme that would torment me for 3 years, at the time I had no idea it was Real Event OCD (having no clue about OCD in general at the time) but in retrospect it was a classic case. Anyhow, through the 3 year torment I basically went off the rails and lost control of my life thinking I was a bad person and I deserved nothing but the worst in life, I was suicidal, nihilistic, drinking, having risky sex, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, getting silly tattoos - anything to punish myself. Everyone saw me as the funny non-conformist who rarely had a bad word to say about anyone - perhaps I was too preoccupied with having bad words with myself, plus the anxiety of not having people like me - oh the horror! I left that scene after the 3 years and started to make positive changes to my life, stopped drinking, stopped having risky sex, stopped doing drugs, stopped smoking cigarettes, started getting some tattoos removed. And I felt good, I still thought about the original theme but it just ceased to have power over me. Life was going real good. Then, you guessed it, I started to obsess over my past regrets and the 3 lost years of my life which as you can imagine I have a pretty sketchy memory of, but of-course I remember the “horrible” things I did during that 3 year period - in-fact there’s only one that I really obsess over (but many others things I feel like I knew better to do). And it’s excruciatingly painful. What I did wasn’t great, there’s a minute chance that it has had the effect that OCD tells me that it has… but if it did, I want to make it right, and apart from posting online my transgression in hopes that this person finds it so I can find the reassurance myself - there’s not much I can do. Through past compulsions I’ve found it’s rare, but what I’m worried about has happened before to people and bitten them in the arse. This, I’ve been obsessing over for nearly 2 years now and there have been some ups, but the downs are horrific. But there’s no end, and it drives me deep into wanting to find out this one little bit of information that will free me forever to live my life. I couldn’t even explain in words the relief I would feel. And that’s the pull, it’s the sheer overwhelming emotion of freedom it would provide. Sometimes I think “I wish it would just happen right now, because if my OCD is wrong, I will probably never know”. Don’t get me wrong, I would feel terrible about my actions, hell - I do now. My OCD tells me it would ruin me, and hey - maybe, maybe not eh? But I tell you one thing, it would severely change my life. I try my best to not do compulsions and do my best to do self-help. It reduces the anxiety, the guilt and shame remain but take a seat further back in the row - but the unworthiness of being helped can hinder all of these. I think I’ll try ERP one day, I’m currently seeing a therapist and he’s helping somewhat. I’m currently into spirituality and it’s hard to know whether I’m just into it to “purify the wrongs”, or whether I actually want to gain insight into spirituality, but I know deep down it won’t solve the “issue” I have. I struggle with perfectionism, and I used to act as “if there’s a scratch on the boat then the whole ship’s getting sunk”. But no more, I want to do right by myself and others, but Lord is it a painful thing this OCD. I guess what I’m getting at is, if only I’d have known about Real Event OCD 7 years ago and this may well have been avoided. And that made me chuckle for a moment.

Does ERP help?

Has anyone had a breakup or a major life change that triggered an OCD episode? How did you cope?

Does anyone mind sharing their experience with Zoloft? I’m interested to try it, but unsure about side effects. Thanks!

I want to share some hope with all of you experiencing ROCD. I have been through absolute HELL this year with ROCD. Honestly, it was been the most difficult year of my life. But after many months of hard work, ERP, trying to reprogram my ways of thinking, failing, trying again, taking two steps forward and one step back, starting medication, I am happy to say that I am feeling like my usual self and feeling so lucky to have my partner. There have been times when I was repulsed by him and that has been extremely hard on our relationship, but he has stuck by me and I am just so grateful for him and for myself for choosing not to trust the intrusive thoughts that plagued me for so long. I don't feel absolutely infatuated with him, but I have realised that feeling infatuated is not a good indication of love or of being a good fit. My partner is amazing and supportive and loving, and having those things helps so much to build love. It's hard to let go of wanting that feeling, I completely understand, but please know that even though you may not be feeling how you want to right now, that it is possible for that to change and that you can have a happy relationship. ROCD doesn't have to define you and you can do this. I did it and so can you XXX ❤️

For those who have anxiety attacks associated with OCD, do they seem to come from nowhere? I used to be able to clearly identify my triggers, but, with this most recent onset, it’s as if they are appearing out of thin air w/out environmental stressors. Or perhaps the triggers are subtle and they fly underneath the radar…

I’d love some encouragement from anyone who is willing to send it my way. I’m having a hard time really leaning into uncertainty and my exposures. I know I need to take a leap if I’m going to get better, but I just don’t want to! I struggle to stop myself from ritualizing and I put off doing my exposure tasks too. Any support would be greatly welcomed. Thanks everyone.

OMG IM SO SCARED I DID SOMETHING ILLEGAL . I was on Instagram and went on this anime account and from what I remember I saw a picture of a girls underwear and thighs like a cartoon picture . I was weirded out and scared and shocked and while on the page I noticed a picture of a guy touching shirks chest and backed out . Then I went back to report the pictures . Now I’m not sure exactly what happened . I saw the picture again and I’m not sure if I just reported it or if I performed a checking compulsion of looking at it to determine whether it’s child porn. That would be illegal since drawn cp is illegal here . Or whether I just saw it as a shock response . Then I reported the other image . Im so scared o committed a crime . Did I commit a crime ???

Hi. I am new here ,I was just wondering would you be able to help me and shine any light on what I am suffering with. It all started when I was working at a warehouse long hours 12 hour shifts nearly every day,I was fine before all this one night the guys were joking around saying gay guys are happy because they don’t have women in their life’s and bang it was stuck. Started asking myself am I gay or not and fighting with my self running to the toilet every 5 minutes to avoid the people I was working with,I lost my job because of it,2 years later still stuck with the same thoughts in my head I have seen a therapist she said it isn’t ocd it is od obsessive disorder not sure it is a night mare every day it is so repetitive as well. I just want my life back, I have a family and it’s causing problems in my relationship because I keep asking my partner if she think am gay or have shown any signs, she says no all the time to me but only gives a little bit of relief and then it’s back again with but am I straight and then looking back at my past for some kind of evidence, I am not an expert on all this but to me it Doesn’t feel like I’m me at all. It feels like my mind has been hijacked and trying to take over am so down because of this,I also have Aspergers which might not help the fixation. So I was just wondering would you be able to give me any advise or help on how to conquer this.

Fighting compulsions is soooooo hard. I find myself constantly and aimlessly posting on Reddit to get reassurance on a situation when I already know the answer. A lot of things im realizing is literally my own imagination that I’m making into a reality when it’s not real and I HATE it. 😭

I’m in a long distance relationship and I remember I use to daydream about kissing my boyfriend once he comes back. I can even remember what it felt like. But now it’s like I can’t even do it anymore and I’m worried about how I’ll feel once he comes back.

My big challenge is that I am making small victories but I notice I’m anxious to get back to my life fully. And when I notice setbacks, it makes me feel really discouraged. Even when I feel like I understand the ins and outs of this disease, the feeling itself can be so overwhelming, especially when the trigger is really high. It’s nice to have support here, because I feel like even if I fail, I know there are people here who understand the ups and downs of this disease. And it gives me an anchor to know that I have this place to feeling connected and understood.

Can someone tell me if I'm doing what's right please. I've been trying to acknowledge my anxiety without giving it much attention. As I do this it keeps screaming at me louder and louder. Should I continue to try and not give it attention no matter how loud it screams at me to pay attention to it? I've asked my therapist from this app but she hasn't responded.