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the NOCD Community

I reallllly need a new therapist. I’m in transition of getting another one and it’s taking forever. I’m worried I won’t get another one. I’m also worried about starting over with someone new and then not understanding pocd also. I just really need to talk to a professional about what I’m experiencing because I’m so scared but I also don’t want to be misunderstood 😑😭

I wanted to share this in case anyone needed to hear it. I sure do! I have been having quite a few bad days lately. 😂😬

This is a new one for me so please bear with me I went on a hen do on the weekend with work friends and got super drunk. I remember most of the night but I remember getting panicky and crying at some point and can’t remember quite why. I called my mother sobbing that I thought everyone hates me etc too, so that was weird. Anyway. I am a straight (maybe like 3% bi?) woman. I don’t desire a relationship with a woman at all, but I can appreciate attractive women when I see them, and I’m comfortable in my sexuality. I’ve had awful luck with men and recently left an extremely damaging/emotionally/verbally abusive relationship with an alcoholic older man. So anyway. when I was really drunk on Saturday, I saw a pretty woman on the dance floor. I remember thinking like “f*ck it I would try sex with a woman one day, never say never” and I sort of remember checking her out (cuz I give up entirely on men at the moment). I can’t remember even talking to her but I’m convinced I somehow sexually assaulted a woman and just….can’t remember it now? I’m worried when I went to use the toilets, I might have hurt someone and it’s simply left my mind? I remember most of the night so surely I wouldn’t forget something that disgusting and serious? I’ve been trying to not ruminate, but it’s feel so guilty and don’t know what to do. Does this seem like an OCD thought? I’m wondering if I put two and two together because in my city, the same night our hen party was, a man sexually assaulted a woman, and it’s been in the news. so now I’m perhaps connecting the thought of “she’s pretty” to “what if I sexually assaulted her and didn’t know cuz I was drunk”? HELP I can’t understand this I have never experienced this kind of thought before so don’t know how to practice ERP if it’s and OCD thought. I haven’t uploaded any photos to social media I feel sick anxious and I hate myself and I feel like an awful person and I’m waiting to hear a knock at the door and be arrested or hated by everyone 😞 ive been crying for the last few days too it’s breaking me

The only way to recover from OCD/SOOCD is to do ERP hardcore and stay OFF this app.

Hi, I’m new to NOCD. I am a mom of 3 and currently pregnant with my fourth child, due in June. I’ve had OCD has long as I can remember. I was not formally diagnosed until I was in my 20s. I’ve taken Zoloft on and off for decades. I normally quit the meds because I go a period of time feeling “normal” and “human” and feel like I’m fully recovered until it strikes again unexpectedly. Most recently, it’s hit hard with my current pregnancy. I fear “contamination” even though I know no one will be harmed. Touching dirty things, inadvertently smelling things in the air (ie. Gasoline at a station), tracking things inside on shoes (although we take our shoes off at the door), seeing pesticides being applied etc all cause me to get anxious and feel contaminated. I get trapped in my own mind and feel like I miss many times with my children for lack of being present. I have a difficult time believing this is OCD and not a rational thought. I would love to meet others who have similar stories and/or suffered during pregnancy as well. Thank you for letting me share my story. I don’t normally open up for fear of judgement.

Rant (I'm feeling frustrated and having a hard time with the ocd community, so if you don't want to read, just keep scrolling) When people talk about soocd, they always talk about straight or gay people having this obsession, but never bisexual people. So then when people explain it simply as ego dystonic when you get thoughts about being attracted to a certain sex, that simply doesn't apply for bisexual people (because obviously bisexuality is being attracted to multiple genders, therefore telling a bisexual person with soocd that they are NOT actually attracted to a certain gender is incorrect, because what a bisexual person with soocd actually fears is typically that they are only attracted to on gender, as opposed to multiple like they always thought), So the thing is, I immediately feel left out and like I am the exception. It feels like no one ever explains what it's like to have been comfortably attracted to multiple genders, only for ocd to suddenly make you doubt whether you are attracted to one of those genders at all. (Example: I was a bisexual woman when my soocd first got triggered, dating my boyfriend, and the ocd makes me obsessively doubt whether I like men at all/wonder what if I'm fully gay.) Why does nobody talk about this? It's incredibly isolating and frustrating and leaves me feeling like soocd resources do not apply to me or my situation and simply spiral me into more despair that I am the exception. I don't know if it's rooted in biphobia or simply a lack of awareness of bisexuality in the mental health community, but it's incredibly difficult feeling like I don't even belong among other soocd sufferers either. I'm sorry if this makes people uncomfortable who have soocd and obsess about being bisexual, I know it can be a trigger. However, I will not say the reasons that I knew I was bisexual when I found out, I'm tired of getting asked that compulsive question and being expected to answer, which only makes ocd worse for the person asking as well as making my ocd worse.

I first sought help for SO-OCD in 2017 after a sudden onset of the thought, "what if I'm gay?" I had been reading an online college fiction story that included a sex scene with two women, and that idea sent me into a spiral of sleepless weeks (literally), constantly checking my level of attraction to women, comparing it to my attraction to men, reevaluating past events, checking to see if my physical behaviors were "straight." It was awful. Fortunately I found help online when I realized that I wasn't alone and that countless others found themselves obsessing over a "sudden change" in their orientation. I was able to get therapy, though out of network and very expensive, and worked through CBT/ERP to overcome my most significant challenges. After about a year, through therapy and eventually on my own (costs, again smh) I felt I'd successfully managed my SO-OCD and experienced no distress on the rare occasion a thought did come to pass. Now, 5 years later, I've found myself back in familiar territory. I can't figure out what the trigger was here, and I've been experiencing immense distress as my brain constantly throws doubtful thoughts my way, and I unfortunately do my mental checks of reviewing memories, seeking online reassurance, and trying to "prove" to myself what is true by constantly thinking about proof one way or the other. Has anyone else experienced a spike after a long time of having managed their SO-OCD? And if so, was it difficult to get back on the recovery track? Is it normal to backslide like this?

I'm flipping out!!! So much anxiety today. I honestly have it almost every waking hour. I'm not exaggerating. Many of you can relate. Isn't this so hard. Even with ERP and this app I still have some horrible days. Like today. I guess it would help to not focus so much on how difficult it can be. I wish I could get this to logically go away, but no logic will help. Even when I tell myself that normal people can let go of intrusive thoughts and not wallow in them. OCD hates logic. Sorry. I'm just venting. This gets so fucking old!!!!!!

I keep having the thoughts to kill myself and I'm scared I actually will or if I actually want too! My mind keeps telling me certain ways too and also hearing the word "suicide" makes me feel weird and scared like I feel it in my chest! I don't know why! And last period teacher said her nice son died to suicide and I wanted to cry and got scared

So I was telling my boyfriend that a yoga teacher hugged me and kissed my cheeks and it was almost on half of my mouth - so I was like you want to beat him up ? And he’s like no they are like that ... I’m spiraling about him cheating

I'm seeing some people struggling, so I just want to offer my support if anyone needs it:) you don't have to take everything on by yourself. Its okay to ask for help. Its BRAVE to ask for help! 😊 Just remember that if you're having a tough moment, it does not mean that your entire life means nothing or that you will never feel better. You might not be able to control your thoughts, but you are able to control how you react to them and how you perceive them :). Buy a journal and some cute pens and write down your thoughts. Or if you can't get to the store, download Youper! Its my favorite mental health app There's some #mondaymotivation for ya ahaha 😊💛

Question: when you guys got diagnosed, did they also tell you the subtypes you had or did you guys come to that on your own? Just wondering 🤷‍♀️

I miss the old me 😔 I miss enjoying my boyfriend without questioning if I'm even attracted to men at all. Just feeling low....

Does anyone have OCD and bipolar disorder?

Does anyone else take the smallest things personally? I feel like my brain tricks me into thinking the littlest things mean something big and terrible. Last night my SO and I called to say goodnight (like we always do) and then I went to bed. He usually stays up a little after me and I wake up before him. This morning when I woke up, I saw he opened a Snapchat from me and left it on opened. I immediately spiraled. I know it was only because he opened it after we said goodnight so in his mind he knows I’m asleep and sees no need to respond cuz I’m not awake to answer. But my brain always convinces me it’s because he doesn’t actually like me or I get scared that I did something wrong or something to offend or upset him. It’s just so exhausting. I’m tired of fighting my brain. I’m tired of the self sabotage and trying to trick myself that he actually doesn’t like me (especially over something as dumb as a Snapchat). I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong or that I’m broken. I’m tired of fighting those thoughts and having to assure myself we’re okay. I know he’s tired of it, too. It’s not fair to him. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do?

Let’s be happy & confident in being straight for 25 years and then one night while watching a movie think “Oh she’s really pretty” (like you have many times before) but this time your mind goes “Gasp! Maybe that means your bi!.” That makes absolutely no sense and I am so exhausted from my intrusive thoughts. I just want to go back to before I watched that movie. 😮‍💨🥺😣

Happy monday y'all😊😊 yesterday's road trip to the rock and roll hall of fame was the COOLEST place ever Totally recommend it if you want somewhere awesome to go :) hope everyone is doing good! 💗💗💗

Hi all, I am sharing this information to meet others who have had the same thoughts and discuss about how to treat them. I have just moved in a new apartment and I am living alone for the first time. I have always been scared of horror movies. I have episodes of existential OCD every now and then. But moving in alone has made it worse on so many levels. My existential OCD is triggered by this. All the events feel like they are not real. Feeling disconnected from reality. And to top it off, my OCD is giving me thoughts that I have schizophrenia. It is making me believe that I will hallucinate and hear voices. Therefore I have become sensitive to the random noises around me. I also keep feeling that someone is watching me or someone is behind me. I keep imagining that I will eventually hallucinate a scary person or like a ghost or something in the house and it’ll chase me. I am scared of dark corners and opening doors. My OCD giving me scares that I have another mental disease is nothing new. But I don’t want to actually hallucinate because of these thoughts. If you have experienced something like this, I could really use some help talking about it.

Good Morning everyone! It’s Monday, the most dreadful day of the week, but day after day we keep moving and so do our emotions and our experiences so I hope this Monday lifts you up and helps propel you throughout the week. My little update about yesterday and the one beautiful thing I did, made homemade salsa and I don’t think I have ever did anything as hard as canning before. Kudos to y’all who can things regularly because that was tough! I’m gonna spend my Monday today watching the third Harry Potter movie and maybe do some gardening. I hope y’all have a great day today, I wouldn’t mind if y’all wanted to share some fun things about your day today. Sometimes it’s nice to share your experiences, even if it’s to complete strangers!

Is anyone awake right now? Just need support 😟😔