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working to conquer OCD
Hey yallll happy Saturday night! Here's a pic of a random tree carving I saw on my road trip today š¤£ I hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Keep in mind that you're doing the best you can in this present moment. You do not need to compare your progress to anyone else's. Be happy for others, your time will come and you deserve it! šš
I was doing some research for a project and some experts have said that it's near impossible to have ADHD and OCD, is that true or is this just another case of the medical community being sexist?
Guys I canāt tell if Iām having a breakup urge or if this is genuine. About an hour ago I was like this is ocd and I love him. But now it feels like a genuine want to break up. I keep thinking that other people are fine when they do it. And it almost felt like relief. Is that ocd
If you get triggered very easily like me. I would NOT recommend reading!!! I wrote a whole ass essay lmao. Iām just venting about my obsession they are really crazy and feel very real. I feel like if any of you were to read this you would think I do deserve to go to a mental hospital or something. I feel that way too but I donāt want to end up there I want to get better. My whole entire life Iāve been obsessive. So many obsessive thoughts and fear. It has never been to this extent it would only last a couple of hours and it would go away. I was and am an over thinker. So when it first started I thought once I get my answers it would go away but it didnāt it wasnāt enough. I had been obsessed for like 2 months. My obsession turned into intrusive thoughts. I began to google dug myself Iām a hole. Decided I need help and I need to get out of this as soon as possible. I wanted it to leave as soon as it came. Ever since I started medication sometimes I feel like it took away the obsessiveness but some how I ended up still thinking the way I was before medication if that makes any sense. I just kinda remember looking back at photos of me and missing and wanting to be that girl again. Be her, be the person I new before my mind turned into this. Iām the beginning it would feel like a never ending nightmare always worried about my thoughts and obsessions. I would say these new thoughts are temporary when I wake up tomorrow Iāll begin to worry about my original obsession and that was true. Some times I would tell myself like wake up beat your mind. You need to get out of this mental state and be engaged get back to the person you were. I began to have fears of doing stuff in my sleep. Or I had fears of doing stuff that I donāt remember doing. I had fears of what if all these intrusive thoughts started because all along I had a personality hidden inside of me like the movie split and I got thoughts like that but the go away. Than I started to worry about my memory as if I couldnāt remember stuff. Like I was scared of not being able to recall my childhood, memories with friends, family. So I would test my memory. Than I would worry about the way Iām currently living and wondering if Iām the future Iām going to look back at this time in my life and remember it. Iām scared of forgetting this period in my life. I also began to think what if Iām the future I get intrusive thoughts about events thatās that happened and they are twisted and cause me to spiral. Than a coworker told me about a movie called āthe beautiful mindā which has to do with a man living in his memories but actually is in a mental hospital because he is schizophrenic. I started to get thoughts what if everyday thatās what happening to me or would think if I keep thinking this way Iām going to end up going in that route. Than I began to worry about forgetting who the people in my life are. Yesterday I started to tell myself who I was and the people important to me because nothing felt real and it was dream. Than at work I started to feel as though no one around me was real. I guess like a simulation. And I would look at my coworkers like you guys are your own people with your own thoughts. It also felt like yesterday if I donāt see you physically you donāt exist to me which doesnāt make sense because I know you exist but for some reason my mind is taking it that way. I see my mom or people I love and I kinda panic because it like you are related to me you know me I know you and you live your own separate life. Than it starts again with the this isnāt real. Iāll look at pictures of the past of myself, my family members, and boyfriend, than I start to get thoughts like I donāt know who they are or donāt remember them. Iām terrified of my OCD making my actual brain forget everyone and everything thatās important to me. So when Iām not getting intrusive thought and itās just me i try not to think about it because I feel like my brain will start to forget everyone. I try to go on social media to distract but than I start to get thoughts about how they arenāt real or how they live their own lives and stuff. Itās just hard to explain. Sometimes I feel the need to take pictures or write down everyday what I do so I can look back in case I feel like Iāll forget what happened that day. I also feel as tho maybe my dosage in medication is too high and I worry i have an excessive amount of serotonin and maybe thatās why Iām starting to question reality and those around me. Question if life is real or not. Also at work I had spilled a house hold cleaner and I picked it up. I washed my hands after but I have a bad habit of biting my nails and I bit my nail and tasted the cleaner and freaked out. Iām scared the cleaner that I had tasted is in mud system and itās affecting my medication and my thinking process. Just so many possibilities and I just donāt know what makes sense. Im scared of doing erp for this because it accepting the uncertainty. So it freaks me out because I feel like I have to accept all those things. I have to accept every day I may or may not be living in a dream, simulation, my memories, and everything else I listed. And I feel like itāll drive me mad. Iām scared that I wonāt recover and I wonāt get to live a normal life like I use too. I have so much anxiety writing this but this all how I feel and it must sound crazy and if you read this thank you and I hope you donāt get triggered but this how I feel and I donāt see it getting better. If you read all the way through and have advice please comment! Also thank you for taking the time to read this I hope you have a great day!!
Literally no one would believe me when I tell them I didnāt exactly know how bad it was when I made the mistake I did.. not even me some of the time. I keep telling myself I should have thought so much harder before doing that. Even if I had just done one thing different it would have been fine. I want to turn back time so badly but i would feel guilty if I did because with feel I deserve this pain which I do butš¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£lmao
How do I stop believing my obsessive thoughts around my health?
someone please reply i need help
Iāve been dealing with ROCD for over a year nowā¦ obsessing non stop but now it feels calmer but yet I am still the sameā¦ I have had loving moments with my partner. I am still 2nd guessing everything worried if I am with him for the wrong reasonsā¦. ā¹ļø everytime I think about having sex with him I think about how I felt last time and it makes me wanna avoid it. I am at a loss honestlyā¦
Iāve got a point where I feel like Iām leading my girlfriend on with my HOCD. If we ever have an argument (which is rare anyway) it adds to my OCD evidence. Every time I read a coming out story I find a little nugget in it I relate to but it still just doesnāt make any sense to me. I feel like OCD has stripped me apart and changed me into something I donāt want to be, but I have no choice but to go along with it. I keep going back over my past and finding evidence that I was in denial I all along and itās just getting too much because the evidence doesnāt make me feel better, or feel relieved it just makes me feel awful. As if I have no choice in the matter and I just have to do what my brain tells me it wants. This all started when my ROCD was really bad and I literally just heard someone mention the word āgayā on the TV and that became my latest obsession and now Iām starting to think maybe this isnāt OCD at all maybe Iām just gay and in denial but I donāt want to be, but it feels like I have no choice. I was so in love before all of this and itās taken it all anyway.
I spend a ton of time picking at my face every time I see a mirror. Sometimes I can sit there for almost an hour, and by the time I'm done I can look like a burn victim bc my face is so irritated. I just now, at 3:30am, got done doing this for 30 minutes, and now I have anxiety. Does this have to do with my OCD, and does anyone else experience this???
TW POCD Iām really freaking out because I just had a random thought that I think was an intrusive thought Iām not entirely sure but it was soooooo disturbing! I had a thought about a family member that OCD likes to attack a lot. It was about my niece whoās staying with my family next week and I donāt think Iām going to be able to handle the intrusive thoughts. I really donāt. Iām already having them and sheās not even here. The intrusive thought was about going to a store that she likes to go to and in their Halloween section they have this green wig and I thought at first it would be hilarious and silly ya know but then I had a horrible thought that it would be āsexyā or āhotā if she wore it and now Iām very disgusted and freaked out. Iām just venting but Iām really upset now and I donāt know what to do. Iāve also struggled with when I have intrusive thoughts like that, that I actually feel like itās real and I do actually think that but I know deep down it canāt be true because thatās just not who I am. I really care about my niece and would literally do anything to protect her and make sure sheās safe and try to be a good role model to her. OCD just really sucks man šš
Holy Moly! As if unlocking a new theme, real event ocd, wasnāt hard enough, my body decided that today is the day to have a side effect from changing medicationā¦anxiety šš„². I am currently in my room trying to keep myself calm but good lord it isnāt working very well. As a few people on here have probably heard from me recently, I am struggling with some bad choices I made in the past (some in the recent past). For the life of me I canāt stop asking myself why I did that repeatedly. It wasnāt a mistake I made once and moved on. I donāt think I thought it was a big deal at the time ( which also concerns me because why would it not be a big deal back then). Plus some people mentioned the topic in question in their posts the last few days which has just sent even more alarms off in my head. Gosh I would do anything to go back and stop myself. More than anything I wish there was something I could do to make up for it. I am so scared it means something bad about me. I feel like such a horrible, sick person. Medication changes and new obsessions are such a horrible combination.
Has medication helped any of you ? Iām looking into it because I feel like I just canāt cope anymore everyday is a struggle for me to do anything with my kids or around the house cause I feel so trapped by my thoughts I really feel I could benefit from it.
Ok so I seriously need some help here: I havenāt received the help that I need but I have done a ton of research and have a great understanding of intrusive thoughts and what they do and do not say about us as a person. My themes have varied from POCD, HOCD and ROCD. I have been terrified of losing control, prison and anything in between. Lately, I have been hyper-focused on the story of Gabby Petito. Like I do somehow do that very thing to my significant other. Even though I have no āurgeā to hurt them, or desire to, I somehow believe it is my intention and my capabilities. Itās tearing me apart. Due to all of this? I have contemplated suicide, I have had thoughts about not being around anymore. And yes, all my thoughts center around, āwell How do I know for sure they donāt mean anything about my true self or my true intentions?ā Any help would be appreciated, even if itās reassurance at this point.
My therapist gives me exposure work to be done at home but I don't do them So when I told him,he gave me the option of pausing our sessions for now until I have the will and courage to get better and tbh I don't have the strength to face my fears I don't know what to do,should I continue the sessions even though they may not be beneficial as I'm not cooperating with him or should I gain strength and have the will to get better firat then resume the sessions? Would really appreciate your advice
One of the hardest things for me to accept is that maybe my brain is doing all of this to me and that none of it is real.
Guys idk. This doesnāt feel like ocd at all anymore. Itās not really thoughts today itās feelings. And it feels like I want to. I canāt even get myself to argue. It feels natural. Itās like my ocd is gone and this is it.
Hey, I'm brand new here. I've been in therapy before for OCD and anxiety however my therapist seemed to get upset with me and my roadblocks. He did not seem to understand "just right" subtype and kept asking me questions to which I had no answers for because it simply did not apply. It was also extremely difficult to do exposure therapy because my OCD is embedded in daily routine and tasks. Having someone dump dirt on my floor was not going to elicit a flare because the interaction had been planned that day. I was blamed for not wanting to get better. I need someone that understands that "my rules" for how I live my life are in place simply because I do not know how to live without them - without I feel out of control and chaos and my brain just gets stuck for reasons I dont even understand but it's extremely discomforting and debilitating. Theres very little fear-base (ie: Im afraid I dont have my 3 cups of coffee, I will fall asleep spontaneously or If I dont check the curtains 3 times, the sun will burn a hole in my floor and set my house on fire) and more so rooted in a "just right" feeling which has ties to moralistic, perfectionistic, and affects relationships. It's more I check the curtains because it just doesnt feel right - or how do I know they are positioned "just right" if I dont? I religiously use my turn signal even when turning in and out of my own driveway because that's RIGHT. Sometimes it's a law that dictates it or moral code and other times for more Neutral things I've set my own "laws" in order to navigate the "gray" areas that I do realize are not normal or needed. However if I do not follow them or am unable to (ie: it's time to vaccum and my vaccum breaks), I shut down/meltdown and intensely feel anxiety and discomfort that's nearly unexplainable. I know logically if my vaccum is broken I can clean my refrigerator out instead or move onto another task but OCD illicits such strong anxiety and discomfort that it send my brain into crash mode. I know it's ridiculous but I cannot move on until the vaccum is fixed and I can continue the ORDER of routine. If it takes along time for the vaccum to be repaired, I might feel as if I have to "start all over again" instead of picking up where I left off...which is again, time consuming loop that causes very little accomplishments and things that do not have to be re-cleaned again to be re-cleaned in the specific order of my routine. I do hang onto items longer than needed and have a fear - based lack of spending I've been trying to work through. I have plans to purge my closets soon of clothing I've hung onto for over 10 years, but it sometimes is to the point where it affects my self care (Ie: I refuse to buy myself underwear because I am afraid to spend money even though my underwear is holey and barely held together. I cannot "afford" to buy food because what if I need the money for a bill?") - this has been easier to identify and work through but I'm still recovering. I also obsess over the past concerning familial childhood relationships have an abandonment root for me. I repeat myself verbally and written word when upset or when communicating with people and they often get annoyed - I believe it's because I never felt understood, valued or heard and I want to make certain they understand me clearly. When everything else falls apart I dive into answers online, medical, self help, history and stories....I look up facts, cases, ect ect and because theres always facts to learn it helps quench the extreme need for "just so" answers. But I tend to get lost and lose track of time. BUT "just so" root type has been extremely difficult to treat and function with. I end up feeling like I'm failing, I hold guilt for not being able to take care of my family and things "normal" people can handle or accomplish. I'm frustrated with myself but I also know my family is frustrated with me. I get irritable and shut down and can accomplish anything when I get roadblocked...its like my brain cannot compute how to navigate without the exact order and routine. My inners feel like a 3 year old is temper tantruming uncontrollably inside of me and its extremely distressing. I want help. I just need to know I'm not alone and I'm in the right place with people who understand the subtypes and MY specific OCD. I cannot go through getting blamed again for not trying hard enough by a therapist when I am fighting with everything I am every day and I am exhausted. I'm here now because my quality of life has been greatly diminished amidst transitions in life right now and change in familial dynamic that's prevented my normal routine and sent me into chaos. It's going on 4 months and I thought I could navigate it with time, but it's not gotten any better and I need help to get my life back on track on way or another. Thank you for getting this far if you have. Advice, comments, thoughts welcome.
Misdiagnosis is a huge problem and barrier to receiving the right treatment. Who else out there has been misdiagnosed?
Having a bad day today. Started ERP Monday. My anxiety has gone down whilst doing them but today I woke up with the compulsions going at full force. Going over conversations ober and over...listening to ERP and a voice saying no people dont think bad of you because it has been 2 years since you told them your thoughts..... I HATE this episode. I just wish I could realise that the two older people who I told my intrusive thoughts to about their grandaughter 2 years ago KNOW for sure it was OCD thoughts and nothing else. My mind is telling me all sorts.....I have never worried about what they thought for 2 years but now I do because they have fallen out with me over covid. I am listening to a loop tape which says 'do they think my OCD thoughts were real' and then another one that they think I am a 'p'. I feel like giving up. Please if anyone else has had this type of OCD thought of what people think of you PLEASE could you tell me how you got over it? I am just sooooo anxious today. Is this because I have been doing ERP all week? I cant do this anymore. I wanted a peer support but still havent got one...... i dont know how much more of this i can take, honestly xx
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
