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Can someone explain rumination to me with some specific examples? I can’t find any good answers for it to know if I’m doing it or not!

Could this be a real event OCD? I apologise in advance if some part of this post are not comprehensible, english is not my first language. I'm also sorry for dragging too much on the argument, feel free to skip this Almost a month passed and I'm still stressed and anxious about what happened, it definitely has got better but until a week ago I woke up every morning feeling guilty about something I didn't do, it felt like if something was eating me from the inside. I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy, I can't fully enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore without feeling unpure or scared of the fact that one day they will turn their back on me believing the horrible rumors that live in my head, treating me like if I were some kind of a monster and saying things like "I always thought he was weird". I think worst fear has to be people misunderstanding me, believing in rumors and pointing their finger to me when something bad happens (something that happened a lot in the past) I used to chat in a telegram group with strangers, who were very edgy and joked about anything, even the most fucked up things, I was in the group because at that time I was alone and I didn't have many friends, it was a sort of escapism. As time passed I stopped chatting as often as I used to, almost to the point that I'd open the app only once every month. I deleted my account a lot of times, but I'd always come back out of boredom. Now I'm 15 and I've found a group of good friends that I don't want to lose, so I started hanging out more with them and basically stopped chatting on telegram. I'd check the messages once in a while to see what they were up to, because some of them were genuinely good people. During the summer people in the group chat talked about the new EU Policy called "Chat Control" (you can check it on google, only saying the word triggers my pocd) and some of them started joking about them having **** material, I was grossed out but initially I didn't think too much, I was sure they were joking (the average age of the group was 16, but I know that doesn't mean anything), but it was too much for me. I was afraid that one day someone would leak the chats online and that I'd get cancelled or accused of being something I'm not, and that my friends would leave my side and jump on the rumors because it's always easier that way. (It's the way cancel culture works, guilty until innocent) So I told them that I was quitting telegram because I didn't want to be associated with them anymore and so I did. I also asked some close friends to delete messages containing my real name for the same reason. I also wasn't that type of person anymore, I wanted to surround myself with a healthy enviroment and start being a better and kinder person. I thought that this was also an opportunity to finally close this bad chapter of my life and move on with life. Watching Dr K. on twitch (he's a psychiatrist who streams) also helped me a lot to grow as a person, at that time I suffered a lot from low self esteem, insicurities and bad communication skills, so he helped me prioritize mental health. My dream job is becoming a psychiatrist. Everything was going quite well until that night where I made the mistake to create a new telegram account, out of curiosity and boredom. When I came back a dude in the group chat that misunderstood the reason I had left was convinced that it was was because I had child ****, it triggered me and my pocd kicked in and I started panicking. My worst fear was happening right in that moment. I tried to say that it wasn't true but I don't think I did a very good job explaing myself, as I said before I suck at communicating. After lingering on what to do I made up an excuse to leave and deleted my account. But I think that made things worse, it definitely looked more suspicious. That day the whole world fell on top of me, it felt like everything was over for me. The anxiety and fear of being accused of being a **** was too much for me, until that day I was dealing pretty well with pocd, trying not to think about it. I had thoughts like "what if they start believing what he said? What if they report me to the police? What if my friends find out?" I cried myself to sleep. I didn't eat and speak much for two days, I constantly replayed the conversation that took place that day in my head over and over again, trying to fix my answer, wanting to clear the misunderstanding. I couldn't live with someone thinking that I was a ****. Then I finally vented to my mother, who was surprisingly understandive and willing to listen without judging me. She made me understand thar it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't feel guilty. That helped me very much, but that still was reassurance right? In fact OCD found other ways to fuck me over, making doubt about other things. Every morning I woke up feeling like a mongers, I went to school feeling like a monster and went to sleep feeling like a monster. There were days where I was "okay" but then OCD would suddenly appear to ruin my day so I'd just go straight inside the bed sheets feeling like shit until it was somehow bereable. It's not that frequent tho, this past week there were more days where I felt "normal" (it was more bereable, but the guilt was always there) than days where I felt like a monster, thanks to the support of my mum and the community on NOCD. But I still don't know when OCD is going to strike me down, stronger than before. The only positive thing that came out of this situation is my stronger relationship with my mother. I should always be thankful to her, but I don't show it enough. I have to hang on til 21 October, that will be my first appointment with a neuropsychiatrist, I want to get help. I think I swayed a lot from my initial question, but do you think that this a Real Event OCD mixed with POCD?

First - I want to say Thank you to this amazing community. Second - OCD is a sneaky little shit! I have come so far since diagnosis and treatment, and in the last week each time I am having a really good day with tackling challenges that I haven’t in the last 6 months without doing compulsions, I suddenly find my self having an intense OCD episode with a completely new sub type. Normally I deal with Just Right and no intrusive thoughts, instead i get intense urges to change, fix, or clean something, which was sending me into 10-12 hours of daily compulsive loops prior to treatment in March. It has been almost 3 weeks since the last one and it was only 45 minutes. So this whole experience with intrusive thoughts is new to me. (Except life long with existential that I just found out is OCD last week) Each time the new themes have come, it’s super intense, scary, upsetting and I have freaked out for about 30 minutes. And then realized it was OCD and responded using the tools I have learned from PHP program, NOCD therapist, and thru the OCD community. I want to thank everyone that shares there struggles, there wins, there tools. What pulled me out of the panic each time has been remembering something said by someone during a community group that made realize what I was experiencing was OCD. I am so thankful for this community and for everyone that shows up to help themselves work on managing OCD.

Hey guys, before I hit the hay, I wanted to share that I got married today. My obsession is feeling as though I have “cheated” in the past by different things I have said, done, implied, etc and feeling the urge to confess them. It’s scary, and I’ll never know for sure what my husband would think about every single thing I have said, done, etc, but it feels so good to be loved anyway. And it feels so good to have not let my OCD scare me out of getting married, because he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, so damn it that’s what I’m going to do, whether I feel I deserve it or not.

Hey can any Christians talk to me about the difference between God's voice and your own/intrusive thoughts? I have a really hard time being able to tell what God is saying to me. Today I felt like God was leading me to go to this thing at a coffee shop (a hw study) and i have been asking God to lead me towards the guy Iike if its his will. So i went and the guy wasn't there. But then I had time so i went to my college to do some hw and he was there!! And we talked for a while! I don't know if it was God leading me to him, the devil, or a coincidence but it was kind of crazy. I don't know how to tell though

This is going to be a post that talks about sexual OCD, real events, and POCD. People 18 AND OLDER please. I actually have something that bothers me from time to time about OCD. The topic of that is avoidance. Masturbation is a problem for me. Everybody knows what it is, most of us have done it, yet we don't talk about it. Is it avoidance if I choose not to masturbate because of the guilt I feel after? Should I not do it because of the sexual intrusive thoughts that come up? Should I avoid it completely because I don't want to be addicted to it or be deemed a pervert? When I do it, pornography is not only not used, not needed, but not preferred. I don't know if avoiding it will help me or make me feel better about myself. On one hand I want to control my urges but on the other I feel like I'm restricting myself from what's being used as a harmless sexual release. This confuses me a lot. I find myself only doing it so the feelings of arousal, groinals, and urges go away completely but they come back. Is there a way for it to go away long term or should I get used to it?

I've been binging on Katie d'Ath videos and she's been very helpful. She's been uploading more videos about OCD recently and her advice really helps me think about things differently. The analogies she uses when speaking about intrusive thoughts and scenarios are nice.

Hey fellow obsessive compulsives:) happy monday!:) I did some fun nails yesterday, what's everyone up to? 😊 Ocd will try to tell ya that you are not interested in the things that bring you joy. DONT listen to that voice. Give ocd the middle finger and do what you love 🤗💛

Tw hocd I think Ive figured it out, I have ocd but Im also unfortunately in denial, I really just need to accept this and move on in real life. Ive had these realizations far too many times but due to having ocd I started doubting these epiphanies too. But I just know now that Im most likely into same sex aswell. I had this thought few times this morning " I wish I didnt feel this" which is the biggest symptom of denial. I just wish I didnt struggle with anxiety and all these painful feelings for a year straight. Man wtf now my whole life will change,my values and everything. Im gonna have to readjust completely, this is a fkin bummer. Im not going to live in the closet, fk that. My only question is do I still see an ocd therapist? bc thoughts are very obsessive and Im feeling anxiety and depression

I have an honest question here! I am seeing TONS of people posting about POCD with these age gaps of a couple years. They say they are 17y and found a 14y attractive. Isn’t that normal? I mean I would say POCD if you were obsessing over if you found a 10 year old or someone who is pre/pubescent attractive?

I’m really struggling today, my thoughts are so aggressive, they won’t stop. They keep telling me you don’t wanna be with him, and so much more and they are the exact opposite of how I feel. It’s been like this for days and gotten increasingly worse, I just feel so tired of fighting, I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed by my own thoughts and so out of control of my own mind. My birthdays coming up and my partner called to ask me what my ring size was, the minute I got off the phone I burst into tears. I had a very short therapy session this morning as part of a trial run free therapy thing being offered within the UK. The therapist was very kind, although it was only 20 minutes she said it sounds like you are really are struggling with anxiety, depression & intrusive thoughts, for a moment I felt relief. I felt believed, I didn’t feel so alone or like I was going insane. She encouraged me to challenge the thoughts, to hold onto the good things & to not let my negative subconscious thoughts destroy this relationship they on a conscious level I know I very very much want. I know that OCD attacks everything and over the last 7 weeks the spectrum of doubts, questions & thoughts I’ve had have been so broad and intense. But I honestly think this has to be the worst, feeling like your fighting your own mind to be in a relationship you want is a new type of torture. I just feel so defeated today.

Hi everyone, hoping to get some advice. I am looking to change my Zoloft for new medicine. It has been my medicine for 18 years and I am currently taking a 250mg dose! I just found out that the side effects are what have caused issues (such as sweating and dry mouth) for years! I am so scared. I’m terrified to change and have a medicine not work. I’m scared it will not work or make me basically “lose it.” Having a disorder such as ours is debilitating and mine is very managed, but I’m so scared to go back to when I was a child and got diagnosed, it was a very dark time for me. Anyone else go through similar situation? How has the transition been? Did you feel secure/safe throughout?

My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.

This isn’t even about ocd but I need to vent. You don’t have to read or respond if you dont want to. I’m such a failure and I don’t even know why I’m alive. All I do is sit in my bed and go on my phone 24/7 a day. I never do homework and I’m doing so bad in school because it’s so hard. And I’m literally the weakest person ever and I give up at everything. I try to work on a project for one second and give up. I have no hobbies or any goals for the future. I’m just so lazy and a burden to everyone in my family. I’m ignoring my friends. I just feel like such a negative lazy person and quitter. I don’t know how I’m gonna get anywhere in life.

Does anyone else feel like a trigger is hearing other peoples opinions about your life? Like hearing someone say “oh youre just in denial” or like someone thinking they know you better than you know yourself. Like my identity loss due to OCD gets so bad sometimes that i just numb myself out because hearing peoples words in my head repeat like “you probably like this since you avoid it so heavily and youre in denial”. Like especially from people who label themselves spiritually “woke”. I guess im just ranting/venting. But ive grown up hearing things like that a lot and it makes me so uncomfortable when people think they can figure you out easily

Hi all. I felt better yesterday afternoon. I promised myself I wouldnt look up about OCD. It was hard but I did it. I felt much better last night but then I wake up this morning feeling like I am back to square one as have huge anxiety again. I have done my ERP this morning for over 20 minutes but anxiety has only gone down from 7 to 5. Feeling better one day and then not the next.....is this how the erp is starting to work? I have only been doing it for a week and a half. Just need some support at the moment. Thank you xx

Anyone else have ocd around pleasing ppl? I’m a huge ppl pleaser and will overanalyze conversations like crazy if I thought I hurt someone’s feelings or said something off

Hey yallll happy Saturday night! Here's a pic of a random tree carving I saw on my road trip today 🤣 I hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Keep in mind that you're doing the best you can in this present moment. You do not need to compare your progress to anyone else's. Be happy for others, your time will come and you deserve it! 😊💗

I was doing some research for a project and some experts have said that it's near impossible to have ADHD and OCD, is that true or is this just another case of the medical community being sexist?

Guys I can’t tell if I’m having a breakup urge or if this is genuine. About an hour ago I was like this is ocd and I love him. But now it feels like a genuine want to break up. I keep thinking that other people are fine when they do it. And it almost felt like relief. Is that ocd