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I hate when hocd trying to convince me that i like women and need to breake up with my partner because i can't be with him cause of "my orientation"

I went to see the people who havent spoken to me because of covid yesterday to get reassurance it wasnt because of my OCD. I feel terrible today.......the lady I spoke to was nice enough to me but I seriously think she is suffering from dementia. She helped me get over my OCD last time but when I asked her if it was because of my OCD they have fallen out with me she said...'OCD???? No.....' I must have asked her about 4 times and at one point she said she must have OCD........She was a bit confused and now I have terrible anxiety. She said her husband didnt want to see me. I asked her why they were like this and she said oh the stuff that has been going on with the injections and stuff......They are in their mid 70s. I have such anxiety today. How can I do an ERP to stop myself from going over the conversation I had with her yesterday? I felt okay afterwards yesterday but today I have been sick with the anxiety. Please help me because I am so upset. I wish I had never gone round there. And I know seeking reassurance makes it worse. I am my own worse enemy. I cant stand this anymore. Why wont my brain just leave me alone? They were so kind to me when I had OCD 2 yesrs ago and even read up on it so why does it torture me like this now? I hate people falling out with me and fear I will never get over this one. I dont want to live anymore with OCD.

Where did you go on OCD Island today? This fantastic drawing was done by @ocddoodles on Instagram. Today I spent most of my time at trigger point. I got lost and couldn’t find lake compassion so I spent some time going down the river of intrusive thoughts and spent the evening at guilt gorge. I’m likely going to spend the night in the shame shack. I hope everyone had a better adventure today! 💛

I’m going to start new meds in a few weeks and I’m hella nervous. Although the new meds are proven to work better with managing OCD, they will be much stronger than what I’m currently on. This new medicine is called Prozac. Has anyone been on it? What was/is it like. Any advice?

Brothers and sisters, dare to see your intrusive thoughts as not absolute truths but as the lies that they are. See them and compare them to your values, they will not match, therefore move along, thoughts aren't by nature truth, they're simply thoughts. God bless you

I’m feeling so bad rn :( like really a bad person like my abuser idk if this is the same

Hocd TW... This is so messed up, I used to be in a hocd support group with this guy who I became good friends with, He eventually left that group, I still spoke with him but cold turkey ignored him for 2 months bc I used to get triggered everytime I was chatting with him, we started talking again and now he says he is bisexual, Ive told him several times that he probably confused himself by ruminating too much but he says he feels real attraction to men now and its stronger than women. Its such a discouragement talking to him now bc he used to a very positive guy, he still is but says he is bisexual now. Smfh. If it happened to him, it will happen to me too.

I understand you can wire your brain into thinking things. I have had people on here and people in my actual life tell me that I need to rewrite my brain in order to get the results I want. I do know I don’t wanna leave my partner. I do hear voices saying I don’t love him or that I am not attracted to him. The feelings that come with it are strong. I still do things to show him I love him despite the difficulties that come. Like he’s very sick with a severe cold and I’ve been taking care of him by buying medicine and everything. We are moving soon and this is the first time my partner and I will be on our own without our roommates. I am worried about money and everything. I know my partner will do the right thing. He’s way better at saving than I am. That’s for sure. I am gonna look into a therapist. Bc I don’t think this will end without one now. I want to love my partner like before and I am not expecting anyone to give me answers on here or even advice. I just vent on here Bc going on Reddit has really messed up my brain badly. I have no romantic feelings whatsoever for him due to my depression. Haven’t been in the mood in months. We are both stressed out badly. Due to life throwing us curve balls. I am worried about things being taken away from me when if I can’t afford anything… worried about a lot of what ifs if something happens….

I know everyone is different with meds but if you just have anxiety and OCD can SSRIS actually help? I’ve been terrified of trying them and I’ve tried natural supplements with no help I just don’t know what else to do the anxiety is ridiculous

I'm feeling intense anxiety and some sadness. A year ago today my big bro died of covid. I wish I could spend more time with him. I would gladly take his place if I could. Anxiety is separate. It's not about him. Just this fucking OCD

Help please has anybody else been threw anything similar I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 3 years and she is the most amazing person in my life I couldn’t imagine my life without her but my ocd has latched onto this other girl that I used to have a crush on my head tells me that I like her more than my girlfriend and it feels so real me and my girlfriend went threw a rough patch at the start of the relationship where I broke up with her because things just didn’t seem right a lot of pointless arguing she was only 17 so maybe was a maturity thing but when we broke up I told my friend that I thought there was more of a spark with the other girl I had a crush on and that I thought she was more attractive well fast forward a month later and I got back with my girlfriend and it was amazing she completely changed no arguing she had matured a lot since the breakup and things were amazing I couldn’t have asked for anybody better I felt so lucky to have her and then the ocd started we were talking about trusting each other and that we would tell each other everything and that set me off I got the thought u need to tell her that you said that about that other girl and that u said you thought she was more attractive so I did not knowing it was ocd the next thought came that I had to tell her then the next then the next and now I’m stuck with the thought what if I do like that other girl more even tho I’ve been in the best relationship for 2 and a half years and haven’t seen the other girl in 3 years or even know anything about her just know that she is a pretty girl and I had a crush or liked her back then I just don’t want to think that I want to go back to when I didn’t have these thoughts and was so happily in love with my girlfriend talking about babies and getting married and living the rest of our life’s together anyway I think what I’m asking is has anybody else went threw rocd thinking they might like someone else or anything like that sorry for the long post hopefully somebody reply’s :(

I just read that OCD cannot be treated and that it will always be there. I feel so hopeless, i don't see if my life will have any meaning if i will always live like this. I want a normal life like any other person around me. I don't want to take medicine every day of my life from now on, or to spend most of my time with therapists, i want to be free. Why other people have the right to be happy and i don't? It feels like no one from my country knows about this, i don't even find enough information in my language on google. I went to a therapist that was just awful, and probably everyone is like this.. I just feel horrible

I dont even know what i am typing all i needed to hear is that i am not alone and will be okay. I have had hocd for about 2 years for the last few months its been bad and the one thing that stresses me the most is that i keep questioning my entire existence of ocd and trying to convince myself i am in denial and then freak out and have a panic attack about the same its like a foggy mess in my brain which does not help me think straight and i just try giving any reasons as to how its not hocd and denial and then again freak out and i am like all that is happening is am i doing it on purpose to rule out denial and then i think am i thinking even this on purpose and then its just this continuing vicious cycle that i cant get my mind out of. I question myself if i like these thoughts every second of the day and then when i say no my hocd questions that too with all kinds of reasoning and freak me out.When a thought pops up i am like oh why did i think this and then i am like but i did i think this on purpose or just like it happens in hocd it popped then my head convinces me that i thought this willingly and i am trying to run away from the acceptance and the rut begins again and thats the same with my dreams if i get such a dream i get anxious and then my brain tells me are you doing this on purpose or just acting anxious so that you can name this hocd and it says if you have dreamt if something it has to has meaning so your fear is true if at all i can convince my self its actually fear any thought is questioned as is it real or what is it making sense and like if you thought of it just like that that means you want something and I don’t want to puke at the thought now its just this constant question answer and then panic and anxiety at least thats what i think and hope it is, then my brain is like oh that happened so its real and then its like do you like it and i am forced to think like that i don’t know whats true or false anymore i just want this constant battle in my head to stop but it doesn’t and tries to convince me otherwise all the time when i say I don’t like it I don’t but then these thoughts and questions are so forced that i am thinking constantly what if i do. For the past few months my brain thinks were you faking this all this while and never had hocd or what is it. I cry and shiver but then my body goes like oh see that could be on purpose and same rut, also there’s this thing that some people come out later in life and then my brain is like what if you do what are you gonna do about it. Even while typing this freak me out i am like do I actually freak out or its just another denial thing. I genuinely don’t know what to do and I don’t understand i am tired of my foggy brain I don’t like these thoughts but then my mind is like what if you do and don’t wanna accept. Never tried anything physical its my brain saying what if you do and you like it and then i try so hard not to let my brain win but then again my mind is so confused that its just stopped working with reasoning only gives me these kinds of thoughts and then even while typing this i am like okay so what if you’re doing this to escape denial and not actually wanting to write this oh god what do i do this is just getting worse and even reassurance seeking now barely works for 2 seconds and the thoughts are back. Please help!!!!!

⚠ Trigger Warning ⚠ Near fatal car accident 70 something days ago.  Medical Coma. 8 bags donated blood. In ICU for 30 days. I was given painkillers in ICU after severe car accident and felt sexually turned on.  For me, there was sort of a BDSM thing to the submission I was in.  That the Doctors medication was able to Dominate me, and I submitted to it.  After a week the effect wore off, and being I once 20 years ago was (mis)diagnosed Bipolar/OCD, and have been self medicating with legal over counter herbal supplements that never really work, thought it would be a good idea to see a psychiatrist. Am not addicted to the pain medication, am voluntarily weaning myself off of it. With 3 refills left I just don't want pain killers.  Not in pain, don't need them.  I do however, find myself wanting to be prescribed, by an MD or Psychiatrist, psychiatric medication. Sometimes before going to bed, I fantasize having a lobotomy, from a hot female Psychiatrist.  But losing awareness sort of, kills the idea because I'd forget the experience.  Shock Therapy is kind of sexy. As a breadwinner, want to have something serious but not so over the top where I couldn't go to work.  Still, the submission that goes along with taking psychiatric medication is a real turn on. If it was slowly killing brain cells, all the better. Am going to the neurologist next month for short term memory-loss check up because the accident only happened about 2 and a half months ago. This time last month, I was in a Rehabilitation Facility, learning to stand again and use a walker.   Have multiple compound fractures that are healing. Nearly blind in right eye from shattered glass. I have metal rods and bolts aka hardware, in both arms and entire right leg. Lost a lot of blood from head wound, the brain may be damaged. The neurologist I am going to see, is black.  I have even thought of, making a remark about her skin color just so to punish me, she'd give me some strong medication.  But that's not fair to her. Here's WHY IM TELLING YOU THIS..  It's a question really.  Is anyone else turned on by the thought of submitting to psychiatric medications and if so, does this kink have a name? Appreciated

Can OCD make you feel content / happy / everything is fine? This feeling doesn’t seem real because deep down I am sad. I also have depersonalization / derealization so I know it’s shutting down some of my emotions, but part of this feels like it might be OCD.

It feels like I’m just walking around “knowing” I don’t love him. Like that’s what it feels like at this point. Like I’ve accepted it. It makes me feel this way but I just can’t go through with the break up. But it keeps feeling like I want to. I don’t feel anxious or sad I just feel whatever this feeling is.

So something happened to me when I was a kid. There was some sexual “exploration” when I was 7/8 with kids of similar age, whom I am related to. I oscillate between “oh that’s normal for any kids” and “holy fuck that’s messed up.” Admittedly, there were one or two moments where it was distinctly uncomfortable for myself, and those moments may in fact be labeled as “traumatizing/abusive” On the whole, I feel apathetic to the events. It is what it is. And then there’s the intrusive thoughts. Constant. Anytime I try to connect sexually with anyone. The better I know the individual the harder it is to keep the intrusive thoughts out. I’m pouring a glass of milk and balm, all engrossing “flashbacks”. So I’ve been slowly limiting these triggering activities. This has led to a complete shutdown of my sex drive. I’ve lost relationships over my low drive. I stopped checking out attractive people. I can’t fantasize without an intrusive thought. The list goes on and on, it’s so pervasive. It’s waxed and waned over the years, but 5 years of psychodynamic therapy has only told me this was “abuse” and “traumatic.” Now, in the lens of OCD and anxiety, I have to consider, what if it was just normal exploration (maybe with some questionable moments/trauma) and all the real trauma is the years spent obsessing over it, losing relationships, and cutting off my access to my pleasure? I once had this wild urge and visualization for weeks to cut off my dick with a rusty spoon, bc I was struggling to connect sexually with my then partner, struggling to climax, struggling to get it up, struggling with all these intrusive thoughts (this ushered in a decade long era of what i now acknowledge as SOOCD) And now I’m trying to explain all of this to my therapist of 5 years (psychodynamic, doesn’t believe in diagnosis, and disagrees with my NOCD therapists diagnosis of OCD) and she’s convinced that it’s just abuse and trauma from those sexualized moments when I was a child. The context I’ve built over the last 5 years around this topic is too fortified for my therapist to see through I think. Thoughts?

OCD is so bizarre. One minute I feel so sure that I know who I am. And I’m pleased that I know who I am with such conviction. And then, sometimes within a matter of seconds, that feeling of conviction just falls to pieces. I’m circling and circling around in my head, searching for pieces of certainty to get back to that place of a conviction. The same scenario plays in my head, where I’m stood still in freezing anxiety after having come to the realisation that I’m someone different to who I thought I was, all the intense crushes, relationships, daydreams I had about men were just illusory. I was never straight. I was always a latent lesbian. Reading that back to myself, I see how irrational it is. And I’ll admit, it’s relieving. But. What I described is based in reality for some people. The reason I have such a specific scenario play in my head is because I’ve heard it numerous times. Despite it being rare for someone to be gay and not know past puberty, the shred of possibility makes it so, so real to me. God.

This is the first time I’ve even “had time” to cry in the past couple weeks. I don’t even know that I’m getting OCD stuck because I either don’t have time to think, or when I do, I just feel like a numb mushroom. Though I can still recognize feelings of doubt, guilt, and confusion even if I don’t have time to fully deal with things on a cognitive level. My stomach has been in knots and my chest has been tight for weeks. I want this teaching job to work. The company who hired me wants it to work. I love teaching for them. It should fit into place even if supplies are delayed or even teaching schedules are last minute. But at some point the fact that this is a job, not one of my volunteer activities, has to matter too. Sure, I choose to volunteer more of my time than I’m paid for; teachers are notoriously doing that, just as many other professionals. How much should I just accept? When do I push back? I want it to work out still, so where’re all the lines? And on top of it, I will live up to my name of Karen and push for others, but struggle so much to stand up for myself. After a lifetime of practicing that (I hated when my mom would make me do it, but I now love that I can at least a little) I now have a whole other reason to question speaking up for myself. Actually I don’t have time to cry or write this. I’m already late for the next thing. I’m so tired of feeling fragile and on the edge of just breaking. Thank you for letting me vent. My partner is also dealing with so much stress that he only has so much energy left for me to share with him. Thank goodness we have an empathetic dog.

i hope someone can relate to this. i feel like i just did something bad and i feared i would do it in the moment. now some minutes later, i can remember me doing it or i don’t know that i’m creating a false memory from thinking so much.