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I do believe I am but of course I haven’t gotten an actual diagnosis. I just get told pretty often how I’m not normal or the way I think isn’t normal. I used to not think about things the way I do now and I’m not sure if something can trigger OCD?? I started obsessing over things about 3 years ago, and it’s getting worse. I take anxiety meds and I feel like they kinda help except for when they don’t; and I have to take a Xanax to put me out of my panic attacks. The main things I obsess over is germs and my health. Germs. I think about anything and everything I can see them I can feel them. ALL THE TIME. It’s exhausting. My hands are cracked and bleeding from how much I wash them and it makes me wash them even more because now I have open wounds on my hands and I don’t want germs to get in there! I have many different shoes for certain places they go. I have outside slippers, I have in house but not in room slippers, and I have slippers that are only in my room. Germs do go into my supposed health OCD. I panic if I believe I’ve touched something that someone who has aids or herpes has touched. I don’t like to touch anything with my hands and yet I have to wash my hands so many times because I feel like germs got on my hands. That’s my biggest fear actually is getting a disease that cannot be cured. I think about it constantly and what I can do to prevent it and you bet I notice the SMALLEST detail when it comes to my health and body I have a new freckle omg I need to make sure it’s not cancer. I’m so appreciative my partner understands me. He has to follow the way I live for me to feel comfortable. I pay for his health insurance just so I can make sure he hasn’t caught anything or if any of his moles aren’t cancerous. It’s exhausting

So my OCD mainly involves real (terrible) events in my life that happened about 5 years ago. When I was 20, I was not a good person. I lacked empathy and did a lot of really shitty things that I would do anything to undo. One of the biggest things I’m struggling with in regards to this is emotional contamination. During this part of my life, I wasn’t afraid to show off for validation from inappropriate sources. This led to me involving so many of my interests in my bad actions. For example, my biggest hobby is dance. I’ve danced since I was a child, and I just got back into taking classes regularly last year. During the time of my event, I sent a video of me dancing inappropriately to someone I shouldn’t have while in a relationship with my girlfriend (who I am still with- she knows everything). This is just one small part of the whole event (my whole event is regarding infidelity with the same person I sent the video to), and once again I know that was a disgusting thing to do and I wish I could take it back. My girlfriend forgives me and doesn’t think think I should let this association impact my desire to dance. But I feel so guilty after I finish a class. I feel so guilty that I feel my absolute best when I’m dancing, but I’ve tainted that by using it as a way to hurt my girlfriend and seek male attention in the past. I know that my guilt surrounding my infidelity is normal, healthy, and deserved. I feel awful even talking about it in relation to my OCD, and it constantly makes me feel like I should not be posting here because my event is serious and not all that OCD related. But so much of ME is tied up in this event. So many things I loved now feel wrong. Dancing, baking, some of my favorite music/TV shows/video games, certain phrases, etc. There is usually at least a hint of feeling like I’ve committed a betrayal all over again any time I engage with anything I loved during that period of my life. I’m sorry for the rant. I could just use someone to relate to. Maybe this is how I’m supposed to feel. Maybe I should stop trying to reclaim those things. Maybe trying to do these interests anyway even though I misused them in the past is just another betrayal. Maybe I’m telling myself these associations are partially OCD, but the guilt is actually a sign that I need to let go of these things and cut ties with all of past me’s “stuff”. Even though my girlfriend says it’s ok to reclaim these things, it feels like an act of selfishness. “Oh, I’ll create terrible, hurtful associations with all of my hobbies and traits and then continue to try to enjoy them after the fact!” It just feels so fucked up. I feel like it’s only right to start over with things I haven’t ruined. But with things like dance, I don’t know how I could let go. It has been a part of me for so long, it is one of my biggest joys, and I used it to hurt the person I love. This whole post sounds very “poor me”. I promise that my biggest concern isn’t “wahhh, I can’t do my hobbies anymore!”. It’s simply how to move forward in life while inhabiting the same body and soul as my greatest enemy. I don’t want any sympathy, and I understand if this post leaves a nasty aftertaste. I’m sorry to everyone that has had to put up with someone like me, and I truly hope that if you’ve been on the other end of actions like mine, you find genuine healing and happiness.

A "perfectionist." As a child, that's how most described me. Little did I know it might've been related to OCD. When writing notes, if I didn't write a single letter correctly or the ink smudged, I'd tear the paper out from the notebook and re-do the whole thing. It would take me HOURS. Another thing I remember that I still catch myself doing is walking a specific way on the sidewalk. I'd have to start with my right foot, then my left foot, and finish with my right foot at the end of the sidewalk square. If I messed up, I'd feel the urge to turn around and restart from the last square. Knocking on wood also became a compulsion of mine (which I still do lol). Same thing with "step on a crack, break your mother's back." I remember kids in elementary telling me that, and I jumped on a crack to prove to them that it wouldn't happen, but then immediately after doing so, I grew extremely anxious. Because, "What if it's true and I just hurt someone I love?" That day, I'm pretty sure I went home and apologized to my mom for stepping on the crack, and she laughed. Bad intrusive thoughts every night about scenarios where my family would pass away, and I'd imagine how life would be without them. I'd cry about it every single night for years. This eventually evolved into a fear that, if I didn't hug my mom or dad before they left the house, then something horrific would happen to them. Then, even later, it evolved again into intrusive thoughts of ME doing violent things to them. It was horribly distressing, but I didn't tell anyone about it because I thought they'd be afraid of me. One time, I'd been convinced myself that my entire family and I's flight would crash. I begged my mom to cancel our trip because "I just had a feeling that this time, it really would happen." The next day on the flight, I passed out multiple times, but our plane landed safely, and we all lived! Mentally reviewing past conversations over and over again and even scripting out conversations. Constantly asking for reassurance about EVERYTHING. Even if it was something small. During Covid, I grew really paranoid. If I touched anything, I felt like I immediately had to wash my hands two or three times. The air outside felt "contaminated," and I'd get intrusive thoughts just walking around our neighborhood about catching Covid by just being outside. In the first month, I did actually end up getting really sick, but I don't think it was Covid. Still, this only worsened my paranoia, and I'd constantly plug my ears to check my breathing, or I'd check my pulse. I thought I would develop pneumonia and die in my sleep😭 There's probably more, but that's just a few of the memories I've been looking back on...

back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.

i’m gonna try to make this my last post, i just keep thinking more about things (im probably making it worse) anyways to start off i’m making myself worry and worry. i’m scared that im gonna get worse , like im gonna eventually stop eating bc im gonna be scared theres something wrong with the food (ive never done this before) i think that im gonna start thinking everyone around me is full of germs. just other forms of ocd i feel like im just gonna suddenly get.. i just want to be better. how do i get better? i really really want to be different. i don’t want this to get worse. could i feel better during the summer? like could this all be this bad like a seasonal thing? like seasonal depression? is seasonal ocd a thing? like does it get worse this time of year? what do i do to try and make myself get out of this loop? even if it’s really hard what can i do to get better? i’m in a constant state of worry.. like im never gonna get better & only worse. nobody around me feels this why so why do i.

Could someone please tell me how I should deal with conflicts in the family because of my OCD? I have contamination OCD. I have requested and begged my family members to do lots of compulsions for me which they do. We will be shifting our house soon, and I'll have to face a lot of triggers. I know that my family won't be able to comply with my requests at that time. So I tend to cry alone, because I'm unable to deal with the anxiety. ( I don't fight with them for not doing the compulsions. I just go and cry alone.) Lots of fights have happened because of my requests and because of my crying. Please advise.

First, I had simple OCD. It all started when I was 14. I was morbidly afraid of bacteria. I always went home after school, showered, changed clothes, and applied body lotion to every part of my body. And I always I washed my hands and I couldn't touch my things without washing them first, and when I washed my hands and I was like, "What if I didn't wash them, then I went to wash them again?" The doctor was always quick. My hands from washing my hands a lot, this didn't bother me yet, then the intrusive thoughts came, in 2017 I notice that I was always attracted to women and now I only desire and want them, I am afraid and disgusted by gay people I have no problem with them, I'm just afraid of them and the whole thing is disgusting to me and when I saw that many people were gay, this became gay, that became gay and I was afraid that they were gay too and these things kept coming. Intrusive thoughts what if they are gay and I was in fear and anxiety then it went away it came back worse but it was completely gone it disappeared for years then they came After the false memories, I struggled with them, they were also things related to homosexuality, that I did this and that, and in the process I fought with myself, and then it went away and it wasn't at all. I had symptoms after I had a girlfriend who I was with for 3 years. I loved her more than anything. I wanted to spend my whole life and future with her. And when I was with her, I didn't have any thoughts of lust at all. My false memories were perfect, I lived for years without symptoms, I had 1 or 2 intrusive thoughts very rarely, but they passed me by smoothly, I didn't care and they disappeared, then I didn't click, what if I'm gay? And like this because I knew I wasn't the one then after my girlfriend left me and a month passed I saw a gay kid on TikTok and another intrusive thought came to me, believe this is me, what happened in the meantime Not with myself and I didn't know about OCD at the time and the more I fought with myself the worse it got. 0 24 I had intrusive thoughts about being gay I imagined this I said this I said this I thought I thought what in the meantime when I was with my girlfriend I loved sex with her and I really wanted it I'm the same as before I'm still straight and I only want and want women and I'm afraid and disgusted by gay people, the only problem is that I have obsessive thoughts and so I can't live peacefully and it makes me insecure. Meanwhile, I know I'm straight because I love sex.I used to desire it with my girlfriend and I still desire it now, just like before, I even masturbate to it, I desire it so much and when I watch porn I only look at the woman and if I see a man's ass or something, I get it.Or I turn off her face, I immediately feel disgusted and turn it off. I usually watch things where only the woman is visible and I can imagine myself with the woman. If I see a man's ass or face, I'll turn it off. The translation is not perfect because I am not English, sorry, the point is that I am heterosexual and I only desire and want women and I masturbate to them too, it's just a process, my thoughts are intrusive. Which is quite disturbing and I can't live with it, while I'm still the same person I was, I only desire women and I only want them, I masturbate to them. And for my girlfriend because I really want her but at the same time I have intrusive thoughts about being gay, maybe because I'm really afraid of gay people and gay things.

I used a public bathroom at the mall and realized there was no normal soap it was like the ones that came out foamy and I don't trust those so I washed my hands with it first then went looking for another bathroom to see if they had regular soap and they didn't so I stayed at that bathroom and used the foamy soap for a while then I went around looking if stores had soap and then (thank god) in bath and body works they had the tester hand soaps and I took some and walked all the way back to the bathroom and washed my hands for 30 minutes. Also as I was walking around my hands were in fists the entire time not touching anything so I don't get bathroom germs on it. I'm not sure if this is normal or not because yes before the ocd stuff I never had a problem with the foam soap but like it can't be hygienic, right? Like why can't they just have regular soap? I've had so many moments involving washing my hands in public, it's so embarrassing but I can't get myself to stop because embarrassment is better than being infected and gross so I just tell myself that I have to do it to feel safe and keep washing. A bunch of other weird stuff led to me having to use the bathroom at the mall, ocd is really messing me up.

I need advice. I’m constantly washing my hands after going to the bathroom/touching something I find gross, but it doesn’t stop at just washing. I have to keep washing til I feel right (usually 3-4 times). It also isn’t just my hands, I go all the way up my forearms. I know in my head that once is enough. But I can’t kick this repetitive behavior. I know I should just start only washing it once but I don’t know if I can handle the panic that will come after. I need advice/tips if anyone’s gone through something similar what worked for you. Im just sick of this

Is anyone else's parent being willfully ignorant? My psychiatrist literally told my mum I have ocd and anxiety and depression yet my mum gets so mad at me when I'm anxious and depressed?? She yells at me that im lazy and need to think of my future when I'm just trying and failing to keep myself alive I honestly believe she wants me gone. She makes horrible comments about how if I keep going this way I'll get locked up and do I like the way I am and that I'm getting worse instead of better and it's like how is any of that supposed to help. Today I stayed home from school and she said I'm not even supposed to be here so I should just shut up. Two weeks ago she grabbed me and literally pushed/threw me onto the floor which in theory a few years ago would have only gotten me a little upset but now with my ocd?? When she knows I'm TERRIFIED of germs? When I've avoiding even touching her and now I came into contact with her nasty carpet and bed. She said I was talking too loudly and obviously after that I was super freaked out and started yelling because now I had to shower and my whole body is crawling and why the hell would she do something so horrible knowing that I've been avoiding any sort of contact with her and any dirty thing for months? I don't care if she was mad because who the fuck does that? It was a whole argument and I threw my meds away and my neighbor heard me freaking out and came in the middle of the night and my mum said I was just "stressed" like yeah you THREW ME ON THE FLOOR. A day later she was trying to gaslight me about the situation I'm just so sick of this.

My major theme with ocd is contamination and that's mainly what I focus on with my psychiatrist but now I'm starting to wonder if the stuff I dealt with in the past that I dismissed where actually just ocd so someone pls tell me. - I used to have a thing with days having certain colours or 'vibes' and having to eat specific foods on certain days in 2021. An example is monday is red green warm colours and I can eat rice on Mondays but not Tuesdays. This wasn't a huge problem because I'm privileged enough to be able to choose what I eat so like I mostly just followed everything I thought because it felt write. I have a few things with food that are hard to explain. - everyday after school for months I would do a mental play by play of everything that happened that day and everything I said, every little bad joke or slightly loud laugh or almost rude comment I made and I would play it over and over in my head until I could make myself okay with it or parts of it and I would worry about it all night if I couldn't make it okay. This was every day and just mental stuff like I didn't do any actions except maybe sometimes I would text my friends and remind them and then ask them if what I said or how I acted was weird. But I wasn't doing anything like objectively bad I was just anxious. This was in 2023 (did not tell my psychiatrist this) -at the very beginning of 2024/christmas of 2023 I started having a problem with books and audio books which was very distressing because I've loved reading novels since I was 10 and it became like an actual thing that made me anxious. Like is started thinking I wasn't comprehending the words right or I would think I read something wrong even tho most times I didn't and it would usually be a small mix up.like if I thought it said blue instead of red and I would freak out and reread paragraphs over and over again and became super scared that i couldn't read which like fueled me being more anxious about it when.i tried to so I stopped reading books for months because it stopped being fun. Same with audio books like I would go back 15 seconds if I thought I misheard just one word and it didn't matter that 90% of the time I heard it right, that 10% is enough to make me feel like shit. (I mentioned the books stuff to my psychiatrist but not in much detail but she did agree that it is part of ocd) -more recently with social media and unimportant and feels silly but I have to do things in order like like the video then like the comments then save the video to favourites and if I did it wrong I will undo everything and do it again and sometimes I'm scared I didn't save the video right even when I stared at my finger do it so I go back and do it. I am pretty sure this is ovd but I never resist the compulsions because it's so easy and such a quick thing that solves the immediate anxiety I get about it also I will not be me mentioning this to the doc becuase I don't want her to think I'm silly. -minor minor possible harm ocd?? I sometimes get strong urges to hurt myself in like unrealistic ways that I can't imagine telling anyone like I used to self harm but this is like things that I can't do like smashing my head or stabbing myself and I know it's intrusive because I don't want that but it makes me super uncomfortable and like I need to do it. It only happens once in a while so not as frequent and only when I'm bored or overwhelmed.

Hello! I am really looking for some advice. I have been struggling with OCD for a few years now and it drastically affects my daily life. I am going to give a quick run through of my OCD, and then the current situation I am in now. So for almost 2 years now my most prominent themes of OCD have been getting sick with the stomach bug (emetaphobia) and watching someone die/ having to see large amount of blood or do CPR on someone (I just graduated nursing school). Last year I stopped eating out, wouldn’t touch any of my food with my hands, would wash my hands until they bleed every day, bleached everything I touched when I was in public etc… I would have these major panic attacks all the time and the thought of getting sick hasn’t left my head 24/7 for 2 years. I was unable to complete my nursing school clinicals due to panic attacks each time I was at the hospital afraid someone would die and get these terrible images in my head. I didn’t sleep ever, barely graduated. I did ERP after school and was able to make up the clinical days I missed. Got to a point where I was eating again, felt like I was able to get my hands clean just by washing them. I have been doing exposures every day, and have accepted that getting sick will probably happen at one point and I am okay with it as long as I am at home when it happens. So locking myself in my apartment for 48hr every time after I could have been exposed to the stomach bug is major progress for me and I have been overall doing much better. Fast forward to now: It’s time for me to start my new job on a med/surg floor in a hospital. This week I have made it through a few days of orientation with panic attacks day and night but I am doing it even though I am petrified. I don’t feel ready for this big of a step, being exposed to both of my biggest fears constantly. Today at orientation the girl sitting next to me told me she had been vomiting all day, and continued to run out of the room a vomit the rest of the day. I now am 90% sure I am going to get sick and feel as if I would rather die than continue this amount of stress and anxiety I have felt from just a few days of being on the job. This is my BIGGEST fear and it’s coming true and I don’t know if it’s worth putting myself through this every day at work to just be having constant panic attacks and be miserable. I know with OCD you have to face your fears but I have been pushing myself and trying so hard and I don’t feel like it’s worth it to work this job. I would also feel incredibly guilty for quitting on the first week, but there are a million other nursing jobs that are not in a hospital. I think this is too big of a step for me right now but I wanted to see what others think. Any advice at all is so appreciated!

I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.

I’m literally freaking out.I had made a post about this before but I met this man months ago and after I got home from seeing each other,this video on TikTok popped up saying “God says don’t be with this man,he’s going to give you HIV” etc. I’ve been having this fear since that day I first experienced things but no vag intercourse.and then last night I had a dream of the video and the man is wanting to see me tonight and we haven’t seen each other in monthss so I still think about him here and there and miss him. What does this mean? Should I gout with him or no? I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. STDs scare me.just hearing about stds just terrify me.please help!!

I am so happy there is an app where I can talk to others that have OCD!! I’ve struggled with it since I was about 7 (I am now 19) but it has not been as bad as it has the last 6 months. I don’t exactly know what happened, but I did have some medication changes and with that came A LOT of health anxiety. My question is, has anyone been prescribed anti-depressants, and have they worked? I am considering them. I am anxious every second of the day and I am getting sick of it.

I don't know what to do, my hands have become so numb and bruised because of constant washing hands, i have started hating each and every furniture around me, beacuse i feel they are not clean although they are being cleaned regularly but i cannot stop these thoughts. I clean my phone, bluetooth, charger with wet wipes each day, i don't touch any object around me, i am not being able to focus on my studies or anything else because of my ocd ihave stopped going out, everyone around me is so fed up of me. I have consulted so many therapists and been taking ayurvedic supplements too but nothing works. It is getting worse and worse, please if anybody can suggest me how to overcome these thoughts!

I have depression, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and ocd. I struggle with an irrational, severe fear of vomiting and feeling nauseas. This has been present since I was little, but over the years my anxiety has gotten worse- and with that my ocd gets worse, as they go hand in hand for me. If I even hear that someone who is around me/ has been around me has thrown up recently or if they say they don’t feel good Instantly go into a state of panic. Sometimes it causes an anxiety or even panic attack. Some ways that emetophobia shows up for me: I will not eat something until I have checked the expiration date, I wash / sanitize my hands until they are red and sore, I think about vomiting all day every day, I am hyper aware of my body sensations, I clean a lot especially if I think something is “contaminated” or a sick person touched it, I won’t eat food if it doesn’t look/smell exactly right, if I wake up at night I assume I’m going to vomit for some reason which causes anxiety, I don’t like car rides cus I feel carsick, I am scared of trying new food and medications, and many more. I have ocd that presents in other ways as well, but emetophobia is the worst for me, and it feels like it’s genuinely ruining my quality of life. I want to know if anyone has tips for me. I’m already doing CBT.

Any advice on how to get hand washing ocd under control? I struggle with washing my hands one time and then fearing it’s not clean enough. What if I have rabies from touching something outside and now it’s still on my hands. What if by me walking into the kitchen and seeing a mouse or a bat,now I need to go wash my hands. This ocd has been getting the worse of me. My hands are dry and irritated. Please someone help

*****TW***** I keep remembering an interaction I had with a person who reached out to give advice on OCD. *****TW***** They ended up dumping the fact that they searched for illegal content to the point where they got arrested months later. This person claimed OCD but I really think there was more to it. I felt horrified when I learned what they did. I really doubt they simply typed into google. They most likely made a lot of effort to find this illegal stuff. I can rationalize that much, but I still feel so scared that this is possibility for me. Sure, I’m impulsive and my compulsions are super hard to resist but I think I have strong morals. I don’t ever want to become that person. Ever. I’m so scared. I’m panicking and maybe it’s the new medicine I’m on but I would really appreciate some support. I think it’s my OCD convincing me I’ll become that person eventually and I’m so petrified. I feel contaminated from ever interacting with such a person. I feel so scared.

Good Morning everyone ☀️. I’ve been in ERP therapy with NOCD for 2+ years, and I’m sharing my journey for anyone that may feel alone or is considering therapy. I’m in my 30s, and I was diagnosed in 2022, after a talk therapist I was seeing suggested I talk to a psychiatrist to be screened for OCD. Truthfully, I suspected I had OCD for a long time, but I was “managing” it so I didn’t seek help. Then the pandemic hit, and my mental health hit rock bottom. I worked with one talk therapist (who wasn’t helpful), switched to a new one, then ultimately was diagnosed and referred to NOCD. My biggest theme that I struggled with for years was emotional contamination. I could not handle being around a family member, because I was scared their personality or energy would contaminate me, and I would turn in to that person. I avoided allowing them in my apartment, if I thought about them when I was in the bathroom or washing dishes, I felt dirty and had to do compulsions to be “safe.” Spoiler alert, your OCD doesn’t actually keep you safe, even though it feels like it. I also struggled with driving, perfectionism, just right OCD, and intrusive sexual thoughts about a different family member. So, I started weekly therapy sessions, and I struggled a lot during the first year. ERP is hard. You’re essentially re-wiring your brain to change your thought patterns. Confronting years of fears, while also navigating an abusive relationship, took all of the mental energy I had. Then time went on, and I made it through my first year of therapy. I felt a little better. Then, I started going to NOCD support groups. I started to practice self-compassion, I shared my story and heard others share their struggles and wins. I finally started to see, feel, and acknowledge my progress. By year 2, I finally felt stronger. Now, my sessions are down to once a month. I have my conqueror status. My exposures are a lot easier to work through because I did the hard work early on. It feels over simplified, to summarize my journey this way. I could probably talk for hours about ERP. But I want to emphasize how ERP saved my life. As I said, I was having a hard time in the beginning. But now, life is so much better. Taking the first step to reach out to NOCD led me to where I am now, and I am so grateful I chose myself by starting ERP. I can drive long distances on the freeway without panicking. I can drive at night, in the rain. My whole world has opened up because I’m not limited on where I can go. My relationship with the family member I avoided improved greatly. I am sad to say she passed away unexpectedly this summer. But I reclaimed all the time I had with her from my OCD. I can tolerate not being perfect, or doing things that aren’t “just right.” When I have a setback, I bounce back a lot quicker than I have before. I’ll have the most bizarre thoughts, but I can let them go a lot easier than before. I still have struggles. I still cry when I feel overwhelmed or stuck. But overall, my life is mine again. OCD doesn’t go away. But going from giving in to compulsions over and over again, and avoiding living out of fear—to having my life be mine again, is the best gift I gave myself. Do I wish the work was easier? Yes. Would I wish this disorder on anyone? No. But if you are considering therapy, I urge you to take that as a sign that you want to get better. And I promise that whatever your OCD stops you from doing now, you can take it back with a vengeance. If you have questions, I’m happy to share more if it will help you. If you want support, I’m here too.