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the NOCD Community

Does anyone else fear they have BPD? Or that they’ll develop it? Or have to take online quizzes to reassure themselves they don’t but do relate to some of the symptoms? I feel like it’s driving me insane.

Me realizing that the correct answer for certainty is no answer because it does not exist in OCD/anxiety. Certainty is holding you down and holding you back. Let go and accept the uncertainty.

this is not relatable anymore. my life is over. my last dream broke me completely. i dont have any hope and it is irreversible

i’ve been panicky for the last few hours but have been trying to keep it from turning into a full blown panic attack. however i just can’t distract myself from it any longer and i’m just letting it happen. i’ve been having thoughts about feeling weird about being alive. like being a separate living being if that makes sense. i don’t know how to explain it but then i start to think about having to live with this anxiety for the rest of my life and then it gets out of control. i’ve never been suicidal and i wish i didn’t have these thoughts. but when i really think about living with what feels like weights on my chest and shoulders and i start to freak out. i’m trying to remind myself that this doesn’t have to be forever but it’s not working. how do you get through this?

I’m a Christian who loves the Bible. I can feel in my core that belief. What makes it hard is the way my OCD latches on to what others say about the Bible. My faith is hard because there are SO many different opinions that are all valid. It’s a matter of choice but my brain keeps asking me if I’m making the right choice. I can recognize faith being a matter of choice and not logic. But why can’t my brain accept that? It wants 100% proof and for everyone to agree with me:( causes me to have panic attacks and extreme anxiety because it just won’t stop

Today we had a win. I’ve been struggling with false memory OCD for about 2 months now. One of my compulsions involved compulsively praying. I have a really complicated relationship with religion and god. Like, REALLY complicated. And on top of that I always worry that I’m not praying right or I’m not being thankful enough or that I’m not deserving enough to be religious or that I’m a bad person, the list goes on. So today, I had the urge to compulsively pray. But rather than give in, I asked my husband if he would do something really out of our comfort zone. An “anti-prayer” if you will. Where we just pray WRONG. He was skeptical at first. And I was too. But we told god now mad at the world we were. How we were mad that the OCD was something we have to deal with. How our loved ones have been taken away. How we are worried about the state of our country. How we hate everything that’s going on in the world right now. And how it’s really hard to see the positives when we’re so mad at god. How we don’t understand why he’s putting us through all these trials. How it’s frustrating us to not know what the future holds. How my husband hates that I’m suffering with OCD. At the end of it, we told god that our anger MAY be misdirected, but that we figured it’s best to just be honest with how we’re feeling rather than sugar coating it and being thankful when we are just plain-ole MAD. After we finished, my husband said that he never really just SAT with his anger like that before. And how he’s always so worried about who he was and who he wants to be that he’s never really focused on who he IS in the present moment. And that taught me a lot about mindfulness. I may not have it all figured out. I may make mistakes. I may want to be better. But who I am right now is someone who is growing and learning to love herself. Take it easy on yourself, be honest with how you’re feeling. And remember that it’s okay to feel mad, upset, etc.

Hey everyone. So I have ocd, as well as everyone here of course, but! I’m having a bad issue. So I deal with fear of psychosis very badly and I got a lot of anxiety from having dpdr a few years ago that have lingered . Well Ive been dreaming very badly and having terrible nightmares and in my dreams I’m screaming to wake up. I don’t understand it. But its like in my dreams im so so scared of dpdr and psychosis and scary stuff happens in them. It’s causing a lot of distress , to the point I dread sleeping. Now in real life I’m scared sometimes I’ll see or hear things and I’m scared I’ll be stuck in dpdr forever and everything. But I’ve been doing better at calming down. But my dreams are so so so bad. I mean I’m waking up sweating and then being scared to get up bc I’m having horrible nightmares with weird shit happening in them. Anyone experience anything like this. And now my heads like what if I’m getting psychosis 🤦‍♀️. It’s like no break for me. It’s horrible.

Been really struggling with existential OCD since I’ve been dealing with derealization due to high stress levels. I constantly ruminate on how weird it is that we exist. I often ponder solipsism, too. Sometimes I convince myself I am the only person that exists and so I start to try to test that theory by asking questions to my family/friends and trying to predict their answers. I find this ridiculous intellectually but it’s a compulsion I can’t seem to stop. I find existential themes particularly distressing due to the fact that these ideas are unfalsifiable for the most part. Every day I wake up in a dissociated state, constantly feeling this awful dread about existence and how strange it is and how alone I feel in it even though I am not alone technically.

Hello guys, I’m having a hard weekend. Of all the what ifs. I hate how ruminating causes me a lot of depression. Sometimes I feel so trapped in my own body idk if anyone else can relate. I’m so tired of telling others about how I feel because I know that: 1) Is getting annoying 2) Is not helpful So I’m stuck feeling this dread. And guilt that I keep ruminating. Any tips or advice about this?? I feel like I’m disappointing God sometimes by paying too much attention to what the thoughts and feelings I’m getting but they’re so hard to ignore. Feed back would be greatly appreciated.):

I have a question. I feel like im convinced now that i do not need any treatment or visit a psychologist/therapist. I do have thoughts like : 1.) i just manipulated people around me into believing that i have HOCD and in reality I do not have it??? 2.) I even manipulated myself and made myself believe that i do have OCD, but in reality i do not. 3.) That i do not need any treatment, because RIGHT NOW i feel okay. That im not OCD enough. Not sick enough. Not anxious enough. Not feeling bad enough. Thoughts that therapist would be unnecessary for me. Or that therapist wouldnt even believe me that i have an issue. And sometimes it even makes me laugh when i think about it. Like why the fuck do I laugh? Ive been trough a hard times, so why this response?? My question is : Is this another OCD trick to not get any better? Or am I creating another reality for myself that this whole time this was just a whole big lie and i do not have OCD? Even though my diary is full of my repetitive thoughts. Again and again the same ones. So I HAVE LITERALLY AN EVIDENCE THAT THIS IS OCD CYCLE. Whats going on with me? Am I crazy?

My intrusive thoughts about ending my life have been so active today just constantly going and going and going. It's been exhausting. My brain just constantly makes me doubt it's OCD with thoughts like "are you sure you love your life" "what if you actually wanna die" and I just been so sad all day because I've had a really good week and now this happens again out of nowhere.... I'm feeling so discouraged and so scared. Then when I'm actually enjoying life laughing ect I get the thought "don't be happy because people are always happy before they do it" and that sends me spiraling... Please send me some encouragement or any tips to help I would greatly appreciate it 🥺 thank you in advance. 🤍 sending hugs...

Before I even knew I had ocd around last year I used to smoke a lot of weed like dabs joints carts everyday like a lot of weed and I used to be completely fine until I did shrooms I took 5 pieces of a shroom bar and had a really bad trip where I thought I died and after that I started to get a lot more of ocd symptoms more than ever before I never even knew I had it before this (but I still had all of the symptoms just not as intense but ever since that trip id experienced really bad ocd the past year) it started when I smoked after my trip and thought I was having a heart attack because my chest and left arm hurt and I googled everything nonstop and had to check my pulse every couple of minutes and having a panic attack because of it and then after that I was like I’m going crazy it has to be psychosis and I just started googling and just convincing myself I had all types of different sicknesses this feeling stayed when I was sober but was intensified whenever I smoked especially the existential ocd when I was high I felt like my thoughts were spiraling just about everything my existence and time especially time time freaked me out so much just the concept of it and how nothing lasts forever and even when I was sober time just scared me it made me sad that was out of my control and nothing lasts forever and everything I do will be a memory and just so many thoughts about it that I just can’t even explain into words I recently heard people using micro doses of shrooms to help their ocd I was wondering if anyone had an experience like mine?

i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.

Where I live this girl was just shot and killed at a mall yesterday she was innocent but there was a fight between some other people and someone pulled out a gun and she got hit I didn’t know her at all but she’s around my age and I had seen tiktoks about it and I went to her page and just seeing her instagram and tiktok posts just days before her death really got to me her and her family had no idea what was gonna happen to her just a few days later and it’s just so scary to me because it just makes me feel so out of control or everything and something bad like that can happen to me or someone else no warning last Sunday my uncle died of a heart attack it was pretty random and he’s 51 no one saw it coming and just all of this together makes me really scared for my own life and it just scares me that my time could be coming and id have no idea it’s really scary to me because my biggest fear is death I don’t know how to make these feelings stop but i just feel really anxious if anyone has felt this way I would really really love to hear some advice or just anything I hate feeling this way

I posted a couple days ago about a video of that went along the lines of ‘at the end of the month everything I want will come to me an manifestation and the karma coming back’ if I sent the video back to the page which I did then later finding out that the page does black magic spells, I sent this video back during a time when I was sad and low and when I sent it, it said that this page doesn’t receive message requests so I don’t even know if it’s been seen and I blocked the page but it’s made me so anxious that black magic has been done on me and then me and my partner who was having a hard time at the time have now rekindled and I can’t get out my head it’s because of this page😣. It’s causing me so much anxiety and making me feel like I’m going to go insane if I keep thinking like this and feel sick & I can’t get out of this loop I’ve tried saying maybe it is maybe it isn’t but the thought of it scares me so much, I tried to tell myself my message hasn’t been seen and it’s okay and the page had 17k+ followers I wasn’t a follower and what’s the chance i get picked out of all them followers, I tried to tell myself it’s not guna work like that I’d need to pay something for the page to do any spells but nothing seems to be helping. can anyone give me any advice on this please? Has anyone had the same obsession? Normally magic and manifestations, karma etc doesn’t scare me i somewhat believe in it but it was something about the ‘black magic’ that doesn’t sit right with me and scares me. I just wanna go back to living my life again happy with my partner but this is getting in the way 😭

how do i deal with extreme guilt over arousal feelings towards something i had as a kid? i feel like i still have those feelings now but i’m realizing now that the topic i had arousal feelings towards was very strange and abnormal. i even used to look up videos of it. it’s not an inappropriate thing to watch but having feelings of arousal to it without realizing that it’s weird is giving me immense guilt. i know people who have done worse things than what i’m so worried about and they’re living their lives happily, so why is it so hard for me to? i feel like these arousal feelings taint my character and make me a bad person. i was googling and reading that feelings of arousal towards something doesn’t necessarily go away and that’s also sending me into a spiral. i kept googling the same topic as mine or taboo/worse topics people have had feelings of arousal over and it just made me feel worse as a lot of people were shamed for it. also i’m sorry i was very vague on the actual topic, but i feel too embarrassed and uncomfortable to say it.

Not good. My mom and I used to have like a mental link but now she can’t really figure out what’s on my mind after my blow up. I had a choice, to regulate and do my best to figure things out it may have been difficult but it was technically the easier way since nothing bad would happen to anybody. But I chose to just let it all loose and tell my entire family everything on my mind. All thoughts anything really. Not true thoughts thou not really me I think I just let anything that disturbed me come into the light which was most likely not even true not me just a thought or stuff I already knew the answer to and so my thoughts were also untrue. I put myself in a space where I could just be comforted to let loose and I did. I didn’t take it or life seriously and now I am living the consequences with really tattered relationship with my sister and odd dynamics of mom and dad. Why did I do that? Because I kept on feeding the beast of my negative thoughts I didn’t pull through I didn’t take it seriously even though I was scared. I think my mom can’t read my mind because all I am really thinking about is how I could have done things differently in the past and how even after I kept on making mistakes and now my sister is pulling even more away not just boundaries but pulling away. I don’t feel real but that’s not fair to others in theory I get it but I just feel dead on the inside like my beautiful soul died and won’t come back. I don’t know what I want from this post. What I really want is someone to tell me I can go to the past and change all this. This is literally the worst most horrific thing I have ever experienced or done. Pls someone idk anybody help. Idk if I want reassurance or not because I’ve heard so many people say it I just want something that speaks to me hopefully something that sparks something in me to keep on living and doing my best to mend all of this. Pick up the pieces I broke and not feel so broken 😞which I am not but something like shattered

I am in the uk and voting just happened. My friend of 4 years voted for the party that has the opposite values of what my partner voted. Most people who vote the party my partner voted ARE bad people, but I am an open minded person and willing to know why instead of just assuming someone is bad straight away. My friend saw what my bf voted and was mortified and called him all sorts like racist and sexist etc. yet they haven’t ever had a proper conversation with my boyfriend or really known him. I know that my boyfriend didn’t vote for the reason my friend thought. He explained that he didn’t want the party he voted to win and dislikes them like me. The whole reason he voted is because he knew they WOULDNT win, not because he agreed with them and wanted them to win, he just wanted to lend his vote away and not vote for the same 2 main parties like most people, he didn’t want to vote for the 2 main parties as both of them have failed the country and with the uk you vote for your local politician and in his local area the 2 main parties were close and neither were more likely to win than the other, and he didn’t want to vote for either so he voted for a party that was predicted to be 3rd place and they wouldn’t win which they didn’t, and by voting for the party who were predicted to be 3rd it would show the 2 main local politicians that their seat was not safe and wasn’t a guarantee in the next general election so the vote was a tactical vote for the future as every seat matters to political parties so they would put more effort into making a positive change to secure their seat in the next general election.(sorry for long explanation) I got him to message my friend to have a civil discussion and try and get them to understand that they misunderstood my partner, but they just were not having it and didn’t want to listen and called us all sorts of stuff that we are not and I’ve had to drop them as a friend :( I feel like such a shit person I want to make everyone happy but I can’t and I feel like an awful person because I couldn’t talk to 2 people who disagreed on political party choices. They believe my boyfriend voted the party he did because he is racist etc when actually he tactically voted and DOES NOT support the party he voted, just wanted to take away from the main 2. He has stated that he would be UNHAPPY if the party he voted won, he only voted because he knew there was no chance of them winning. I know that my boyfriend actually has similar views to me and my friend. But he just wanted to try something different and ended up seeming like the main bad people who vote that particular party when he isn’t. Am I worrying about this too much and am I right for dropping my friend who wasn’t willing to have a discussion and has a sort of radicalised view and was rude to us and not willing to listen to my partner explain that they misunderstood?

I’ve spiraled to the lowest of rock bottom. I now have all subtypes and I do not deserve to live. I hate my mind so much. This has all happened in 3 months and all because of reassurance.

I’m so scared I’m not going to make it to heaven what if I’ve made too many mistakes in my life .. I’m afraid of the unknown what if the rapture happens soon