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the NOCD Community

I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???

Can anyone give me tips on how when I have an intrusive thought that doesn’t mean I did it. Like I’ll have a thought of something then my head will tell me that I did this .. anybody else deal with this

It’s been a week since I’ve been experiencing one of the worst OCD episodes I’ve had since I was 15. I did ERP therapy two years ago. I engaged in so many mental compulsions and rituals this last week. I feel calm and normal and it worries me, what if this time it’s different? How do you navigate back door spikes and give your body permission to rest? It worries me if I get out of this I will become a lesbian or bisexual. It worries that when I come back to my senses. That when I get better I will want to explore? I’m trying to be okay with the possibility, but I don’t want to. I can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore.

I recently got a medical cannabis card and have tried it a few times to see if I can get anxiety relief when my OCD is doing really poorly. The first two times it worked well enough, but I took one last night, and it made my intrusive thoughts very intense and harder to control. It also put in a lot of doubt about false memories that I haven't been able to shake. I have a hard time accepting that this was the cannabis and not my subconscious mind telling me it's not OCD, I really am just a bad person. Has anyone else tried it for OCD? Does it make it better or worse for you?

I’ve been debating medication for 3 years. I was wondering about other peoples experiences bc I don’t know many people with OCD. Or what types of medications have helped or if they even have? Can someone please give me some insight. The thoughts are extremely annoying and feel very REAL and uncomfortable. It makes me think everyday something I think can become true or I want it to be true. Any insight please?

I kind of concluded that this event that happened when I was 6 was rape but now my ocd has latched onto whether it was rape or not or whether I was responsible for it. My mom left me with this baby sitter who's kid was 11-14 and he was a sociopath i swear. I remember he'd constantly ask me to kiss him and I'd say no whenever I could and he'd like badger me and I would do it because I was scared and he knew this. He tried to make me give him a bj and I'd keep saying no and he was like "otherwise I won't be your friend" or other things. Either way I was really scared of him and I think it was fairly clear I was scared. This other time he made me have anal sex with him saying other wise ghosts will come and hurt me and I was like 6 and believed it. He also said he'd kill NY parents or hurt my parents if I said anything so I didn't. The whole thing felt super coercive and he'd generally bully me or scare me in ways. My ocd is like well you shouldn't blame him it wasn't rape and it wasn't sexual coercion but I think at 12-14 you know not to force six years Olds to do things and the fact that he threatened me means he knew it was wrong but my ocd is latching onto this.

Lately my OCD has been latching onto the fear of sleepwalking. As far as I know, I've never slept walk in my life. But it's been popping up a lot as a new fear...it's particularly distressing if I happen to have a weird or disturbing dream. I know how to handle it, accept uncertainty and all that. I'm just venting here. I hate OCD so much lol. I feel guilt today with this episode following a dream. Even though I was awoken by the dream in my bed and firmly under the covers. It seems evident it was a dream since I woke up immediately...but my brain goes "what if you actually woke up long after the dream but it just seems like you woke up immediately" I hate this disorder lol.

Whenever my mom thinks I’m trying to argue on purpose, that makes me think “what if I am?” “What if I’m just a baby who can’t take what she said”. I feel scared. I just disagreed with her when she told me not to wash my clothes with my work clothes because they’ll smell bad and I disagreed because she’s never said a word about this for years but two years before she told me not to wash them separately because that’s wasting electricity. So, her shutting me down by saying “don’t argue with me” makes no sense to me but at the same I feel like “does this make sense though? What if I’m just an asshole to her?” Then before she got irritated with me when I was about to throw away expired lemonade but she was the one who yelled at me by saying “if you’re not having it just throw it away!” Like I honestly don’t know what she wants me to do anymore!!!!! Sometimes when changes their mind or something, I keep feeling like “what if I’m schizophrenic and I just thought that had happened” or “what if I’m crazy” or “why am I upset by this? What if they didn’t change their mind and I’m just thinking something else” My parents getting irritated with me makes me feel like I’ve done so much wrong and I end up losing my motivation but that makes me feel even more gross because I’m not bothering to wash the dishes now..

Long story short it feels like I might have cheated on a class final project and my ocd is causing intense rumination and mental checking that I did nothing wrong or had no bad intentions. Also feel the urge to get validation from others if what I did was cheating or not and even confess to make the thought cycle stop. My question is how do I discern what I should truly feel guilt for vs what’s ocd just making my life harder by telling me I’m a bad person and done something terrible. How do I just let it go and move on without knowing for sure I did something wrong or confessing?

I don’t know what to do! My 13 year old son has suffered with intrusive thoughts for years. He feels guilty of things he’s done in the past when he was super young and obsesses over it to the point that he has to come clean about everything!! He fears that he may be a phedophyle at times because of intrusive thoughts. He’s on Zoloft 75 for it, it was getting better for a bit but it’s getting aggressive again! He is so kind and such a good son and person. He is in counseling but his counselor doesn’t specialize in OCD. I don’t know if I should have them change his medication, idk if there’s a medication that will help him more. I’m so scared I suffered with intrusive thoughts as a kid and teen, I never got help but I’m good now.