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I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop ruminating. I can’t get over the false attraction. It is all so painful. I just want to feel like myself again. Are there any other lesbians on here who have ocd???

Ever since yesterday I’ve been scared I might have sexually assaulted my badminton teacher while he was holding my hand. Like I was scared I might have put one of my fingers away or moved my hand a bit. My hand still would’ve been on the badminton but mx brain is saying that if one finger had touched his hand it would’ve been SA. And the worse thing is that suddenly I got the intrusive thought „had I ever touched him inappropriately while he was closer to me?“ and the thing is that I don’t remember doing that at all. I usually am a bit uncomfortable around him and I always watch my hands when around other people bc of my fear of doing so. Usually he also stands at the side where he’s holding my hand so my other hand couldn’t even have touched him. And since I’m constantly keeping the badminton thing in my hand it’s just barely possible for me to have ever touched him inappropriately. But now I feel terrible? Should I ask him next Time? I mean he barely knows me yet bc I’ve only been there like 5 times already and he’s over 60 so what if he might have forgotten that?

Can anyone give me tips on how when I have an intrusive thought that doesn’t mean I did it. Like I’ll have a thought of something then my head will tell me that I did this .. anybody else deal with this

I have been battling with something I had a week ago. Long story short, I have ROCD. My obsessions tend to be around guys (intention, etc). I’ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years now. What made me develop OCD was that I was being unfaithful to my partner by texting another person I wasn’t supposed to be. That really brought our relationship to thin ice and since I’ve been experiencing constant questioning how I act toward guys. Last week, I encountered guy at customer service who seemed very friendly. I was being nice and chill and careless if I was being nice but I also remember keeping my seriousness. That has triggered me bc I’m usually very serious with guys but I know I did not have a bad intention. In the midst of the guy saying something and I know I was smiling at something the guy said, I had a thought that said “who cares be friendly, your boyfriend is not around” and I don’t know if I smiled a bit more or what. And obviously my boyfriend I confessed and explained that I can’t remember and he said that he doesn’t tolerate if I acted on something that has to do with doing it behind his back. I know false memories are treated with uncertainty but I need to know. Help please any advice!

i've done a few posts today and not got any help, i really need some help i'm in desperate need i'm struggling the what if thoughts with the fear they're true and have already happened from a past event i think i've thought it through so much i've convinced myself it's true i really need some help just to be pointed in the right direction 😣😢

It’s been a week since I’ve been experiencing one of the worst OCD episodes I’ve had since I was 15. I did ERP therapy two years ago. I engaged in so many mental compulsions and rituals this last week. I feel calm and normal and it worries me, what if this time it’s different? How do you navigate back door spikes and give your body permission to rest? It worries me if I get out of this I will become a lesbian or bisexual. It worries that when I come back to my senses. That when I get better I will want to explore? I’m trying to be okay with the possibility, but I don’t want to. I can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore.

Why do I want to feel like I’m telling the truth to my parents by telling them I’m a rapist please help me

To start off, yes I have a therapist, yes I have a psychiatrist and so far I am only diagnosed with ptsd, ocd, gad, hypochondriasis, and panic disorder. So for the past 5 months I’ve been dealing with a terrible ocd/hypochondria theme where I have COMPLETELY convinced myself I am in the beginning stages of schizophrenia or some other related horrific psychotic disorder. Ive read way too much on common delusions, symptoms, hallucinations, personal stories, Reddit stories etc. Anyway, for some reason my ocd has really latched on to the common symptom schizophrenics have which are religious delusions, at least I hope it’s just my ocd and not actually schizophrenia. Everyday I get these terrible existential/demonic “delusional thoughts”. Like “what if my wife is a demon” “what if my cat is a demon” “this song has demonic energy” “the face that person made was demonic” “this house has negative demonic energy” “what if you are possessed” “what if these ugly brown mushrooms growing in your yard are a sign of demonic energy”, shit like that. Literally everything I look at now has some sort of “negative energy” or feels eerie or “demonic”, everything I look at always has to have some sort of malicious intent or negative undertone, I can’t watch anything on YouTube anymore, I can’t listen to my favorite bands anymore like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden etc, these thoughts have made me become so avoidant of dark things and even normal light hearted things! Now first off, I am a literal atheist, I am a complete skeptic, I have never ever been superstitious. I was a huge Marilyn Manson fan in my teens, I’m a horror movie junkie( or at least I used to be before this theme took over), i literally have shirts with pentagrams and upside down crosses etc. why has my ocd suddenly branched off into this religious ocd/delusional thinking? Is this maybe a dp/dr thing too? It literally feels like I am in a horror movie, when I’m really REALLY spiraling and ruminating hard, it feels like I’m in another world filled with pure DREAD and horror.I know for sure that every single one of these thoughts and feelings are untrue and very unlikely. I do not believe any of these thoughts at all, yet the fear they create and the vibes that accompany them make it feel almost real. When I’m in full blown panic and start to spiral really bad sometimes I feel like I almost believe these thoughts, and feel paranoid almost, when the anxiety and fear passes though I can have a brief moment of clarity where I can laugh these thoughts off and almost be myself again, but it’s very short lived before these thoughts start creeping back up. The content of the thoughts is scaring me but the fact that I’m even having these types of thoughts and fears in the first place is scaring me even more because it is reinforcing my fears that I am becoming schizophrenic/psychotic. Why have I suddenly become like this? I can’t enjoy anything anymore without getting these awful awful thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

I’ve been debating medication for 3 years. I was wondering about other peoples experiences bc I don’t know many people with OCD. Or what types of medications have helped or if they even have? Can someone please give me some insight. The thoughts are extremely annoying and feel very REAL and uncomfortable. It makes me think everyday something I think can become true or I want it to be true. Any insight please?

I kind of concluded that this event that happened when I was 6 was rape but now my ocd has latched onto whether it was rape or not or whether I was responsible for it. My mom left me with this baby sitter who's kid was 11-14 and he was a sociopath i swear. I remember he'd constantly ask me to kiss him and I'd say no whenever I could and he'd like badger me and I would do it because I was scared and he knew this. He tried to make me give him a bj and I'd keep saying no and he was like "otherwise I won't be your friend" or other things. Either way I was really scared of him and I think it was fairly clear I was scared. This other time he made me have anal sex with him saying other wise ghosts will come and hurt me and I was like 6 and believed it. He also said he'd kill NY parents or hurt my parents if I said anything so I didn't. The whole thing felt super coercive and he'd generally bully me or scare me in ways. My ocd is like well you shouldn't blame him it wasn't rape and it wasn't sexual coercion but I think at 12-14 you know not to force six years Olds to do things and the fact that he threatened me means he knew it was wrong but my ocd is latching onto this.

It’s so hard to not seek reassurance and to not engage in mental compulsions and rituals. You will feel safe and reassured, and then the vicious OCD cycle returns coming back with “evidence” and putting memories on loop. The reassurance you did feels useless and it feels like you’re against a monster that keeps asking what if’s, how about’s, and you will’s. I miss who I was a week ago, being able to go to clubs, on vacation, hang out with friends, go on walks, watch movies and listen to music. I was a college radio DJ and would listen to hours of music and now it’s triggering. I was looking at my screen activity and noticed I started using NOCD again on Wednesday, I miss who I was on Monday and Tuesday. But it’s been comforting to know I’m not the only one experiencing this. I know ERP is scary, OCD will have you thinking you’re a special case or that this flare is different, it’s a mental hell. It’s comforting knowing I’m not alone, my family is supporting me and they’re going to help me get enrolled to get insurance and start ERP with NOCD and start sertraline again. It just feels scary, what if this time is real, what if this time it’s not OCD. Of course it’s OCD, but OCD has no logic and will latch on. Sending everyone strength and courage. Don’t give up! We got this!

How can you accept uncertainty when it is maybe, maybe not a false memory and it would ruin everything when it is true? How can someone accept this? I do not remember the act of cheating, I just remember drunken thoughts like "I wanna die, how could I have forgot about my bf earlier this evening etc." I can not do this anymore, I feel like I am living a lie. I love my bf so so much and doing stugf with hin hurts me so badly. I use this as exposure but it is just getting worse.

Hello, Ive struggled with OCD throughout my life. The themes have changed as I gotten older but it ranges from being certain I was HIV positive to that I would have comitted terrible crimes. But I finally thought I kicked it when I went on medication and had a really great year with little to no Intrusive thoughts. But now the thoughts are back in full force because I’ve met the most wonderful woman and I’ve never felt like this for another person in my life. I’ve started to think I’ve cheated on her early in our relationship. When we first started to see each other I still talked to other people because we met on a dating site and i’m very afraid of rejection so I dated multiple people until our 5th date when I realized she is the one I want to persue. We didn’t become a couple until 3 months later because she wanted to take it slow. I’ve told her all of this that I still talked to another girl until our 5th date but after that I fell in love. I confessed to this multiple times and felt awful for weeks. Now I’ve let it go and started to Imagine that I talked to the other girl longer and that i’ve forgotten. I ruminate constantly, read old messages that confirm my story but I still can’t stop obsessing that what if I talked to another girl later. If that would be the case I could never forgive myself. I’ve beaten myself up for it for months now and it’s starting to ruin my health and relationship. I really need some advice. Please help, I don’t know what to do😓

Lately my OCD has been latching onto the fear of sleepwalking. As far as I know, I've never slept walk in my life. But it's been popping up a lot as a new fear...it's particularly distressing if I happen to have a weird or disturbing dream. I know how to handle it, accept uncertainty and all that. I'm just venting here. I hate OCD so much lol. I feel guilt today with this episode following a dream. Even though I was awoken by the dream in my bed and firmly under the covers. It seems evident it was a dream since I woke up immediately...but my brain goes "what if you actually woke up long after the dream but it just seems like you woke up immediately" I hate this disorder lol.

hey so im currently suffering with what i think is pocd and false memory but i just feel like i haven’t heard of anyone else going through exactly what i have which makes me think is it actually false memories or have i done this awful thing before and my brains just trying to block it out ? i’ve recently had to leave my job because of this i was working in a school but was coming home on a night time and going back on my every footstep each day convincing myself i had done some awful things and i really couldn’t take it anymore, im so scared to be by myself incase i convince myself i have done something and when my brain tells me i have i cant help but believe it and the more i go over and over the situation the blurrier it gets which convinces me more something bad has happened and i must just be blocking it out even though deep down i know i have not i think it doesn’t help either that i dont have an ocd diagnosis so i constantly say to myself what if its not ocd and ur just trying to convince urself it is it all feels like a never ending cycle to me and i really cant see a way out right now, how am i ever going to know for definite i didnt do these horrible things ? i also think this all stems from my fear of being away from my family and prison and the fear of prison and being away from my family overtakes the fear of being a horrible person which is the main thing im struggling with today because i am constantly saying to myself what if you dont feel guilty about the thing you think you have done your just more worried about prison does this make sense to anyone has anyone been through something like this 😞

Whenever my mom thinks I’m trying to argue on purpose, that makes me think “what if I am?” “What if I’m just a baby who can’t take what she said”. I feel scared. I just disagreed with her when she told me not to wash my clothes with my work clothes because they’ll smell bad and I disagreed because she’s never said a word about this for years but two years before she told me not to wash them separately because that’s wasting electricity. So, her shutting me down by saying “don’t argue with me” makes no sense to me but at the same I feel like “does this make sense though? What if I’m just an asshole to her?” Then before she got irritated with me when I was about to throw away expired lemonade but she was the one who yelled at me by saying “if you’re not having it just throw it away!” Like I honestly don’t know what she wants me to do anymore!!!!! Sometimes when changes their mind or something, I keep feeling like “what if I’m schizophrenic and I just thought that had happened” or “what if I’m crazy” or “why am I upset by this? What if they didn’t change their mind and I’m just thinking something else” My parents getting irritated with me makes me feel like I’ve done so much wrong and I end up losing my motivation but that makes me feel even more gross because I’m not bothering to wash the dishes now..

How can I help as a parent of adult daughter experiencing OCD. Intrusive thoughts, rumination, false memory ocd. Psychiatrist upped antidepressants and antipsychotic. She did some NOCD treatments but hasn’t in a while. She said she was doing better and that’s why she does NOCD once a month if that. Now she’s in a bad spot and won’t listen to reason. Delayed response to questions. Lost in her thoughts. Irritability, insomnia, absentminded…. How can we help her? We have offered to pay, go with to appointments, everything. What do we do? We are stressed out, tired, exhausted, hostages. We love her so much but just can’t seem to be able to help her. Any have any advice?

Long story short it feels like I might have cheated on a class final project and my ocd is causing intense rumination and mental checking that I did nothing wrong or had no bad intentions. Also feel the urge to get validation from others if what I did was cheating or not and even confess to make the thought cycle stop. My question is how do I discern what I should truly feel guilt for vs what’s ocd just making my life harder by telling me I’m a bad person and done something terrible. How do I just let it go and move on without knowing for sure I did something wrong or confessing?

Ok so like already mentioned I’m extremely scared I might have sexually abused my dog in the past and now I feel terrible. I know back then my sister or even more family members were around and have already thought of asking my sister if she remembers sth. But just now my parents had called me for dinner and I just simply started to have tears running down my face because I feel so terrible and so of course my parents noticed and asked me if sth was wrong. My father doesn’t know I have ocd so I of course couldn’t blast out that I was scared I might have abused our dog and our dog was right next to me and that made me feel even worse. My mother kept asking if everything was alright bc the tears just didn’t stop flowing. At first I had excused it saying „oh that was just randomly in my eye I don’t know“ but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and started forming in my other eye too so my parents knew sth was up. My mother asked me if I am being bullied at school or anything. If only she knew it’s even worse what I’m hiding. She said she would go upstairs after dinner and have a talk with me. Rn I’m sitting in my room and can’t stop crying anymore. But maybe she remembers this event or can ask my sister and maybe they can help me. I don’t know anymore I can’t deal with the uncertainty of this event. I don’t want to sexually abuse sb and I would never forgive myself for such a horrible crime. I keep hearing things from similar situations and people saying even worse things and then people responding by saying „you’re a different person now, everybody deserves a second chance“ but I’m not feeling this. If it had indeed happened the way I fear it, then I don’t want a second chance.

Ive already posted abt this but basically for the past two days I’ve been extremely afraid I might have sexually abused my dog a few years ago. To imagine what and how I mean it: So basically back then I would see her like she was my child or sth. And so, just like many parents do, I wanted her to lay on top of me and then I wanted to cuddle her. Now is the thing that abt a month ago I had also remembered this again and suddenly was like „Did I see that as sth sexual?“ and like back then I also still remembered the situation in a way that everything was fine and I simply had her lay on top of me. But the day before yesterday I then had the intrusive thought „what if I had rubbed my genital against hers??“ and ever since then this has been haunting me. It’s not sth I would do. And the chance is also really low bc due to a few points it’s barely possible (and yes I’ve been thinking for so long I even made myself a contra-pro list): •fully clothed of course •floor is really hard so moving wouldn’t be possible anyway without having the most insane back pain afterwards •my dog stood up after maybe 2 seconds • I don’t know if she had ever even laid down on top of me bc she’s a quite huge dog and usually I remember she wouldn’t do this so if she had ended up doing so, she would’ve stood up right after definitely •somebody was around when it had happened. I think it was my sister. I’m too scared to ask her but she definitely would’ve started screaming at me if sth bad had happened •I never had the intentions to do this • up until the day before yesterday I was 100% sure of the situation and never had any doubts if anything sexual was up besides way before the doubt if I may have seen that as sth sexual •it’s just simply not possible bc why would my dog lay herself on top of me in a way of touching my genital with hers? It’s not possible without a human forcing an animal to do so. • it’s gross and I’ve always been aware of not doing inappropriate things with actual human beings (back then I was 11-13, I can’t remember when exactly it had happened). •keep having intrusive thoughts showing me doing things in order to get her to lay on top of me like this but the only thing I actually remember doing is that I tried to get her to 1) even lay down bc like I said she doesn’t really understand it and if she had actually ended up laying on top of me, it would’ve taken a long time to get her to do so and she would’ve stood up right again immediately 2) lay with her head close to mine so I could actually cuddle her. But I still keep having those weird images. Up until yesterday I didn’t have them and I had never remembered the situation this way. •keep having intrusive thoughts abt my genital touching hers, but I’ve always found that gross and don’t touch her genital even when not for any other reasons besides normal ones bc it’s disgusting and I also can’t ever remember feeling that. Like how on earth would that work? It’s just disgusting. But like the thing is, I just can’t let it be. I can’t accept this uncertainty because it’s eating me up. I can’t go outside with the chance of me being a sexual abuser. Yesterday I even yet again had the thought of ending my life bc I felt I can’t live with this guilt. And I keep on analysing my dogs behaviour to see if she might have any trauma regarding this. For example a few minutes ago I came up to her and started to see if see did this kind of shock move when I touch her at her back close to where her genitals are (yk the back with the fur of course, I didn’t touch her genitals bc obviously that would make all my guilt even worse, I don’t want her to suffer bc of me). She didn’t move one bit and was happy to have me around. But today I also remembered that she doesn’t enjoy getting bathed and I don’t know if I remember this right, but I think she also doesn’t enjoy being bathed and cleaned at her groin area and now I’m scared she has a trauma. I think she has been hating this for way longer than this is ago but I think I’d need to ask my mother and sister to see if the timeline matches. And now I just feel horrible. I mean there are many things that she doesn’t enjoy and she also doesn’t like being bathed in general. And the bathing around groin area is mostly when she for example has a lot of dirt there so maybe she’s referring to that but I still feel bad. I know I’m asking for reassurance but I feel I need this one. Do you think this has happened or is my brain making it up?