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i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person

It starts off with thinking you’ve done something wrong but it’s hazy it doesn’t say what but it fits with what you’re afraid of. It then starts adding pictures and scenarios and they start to become more and more detailed until you don’t know what’s real or not anymore. I’ve struggled with this for almost 15 years of the same false memories occasionally adding more details. Has anyone else had this experience of false memories becoming so detailed it’s hard to argue against?

Just now I was thinking of all the times I was at my sisters kindergarten and after proving that I haven’t done anything inappropriate there I suddenly remembered when in November there also was some event there and I had to walk somewhere different to go to the toilet. And now my brain keeps bothering me with the thought „what if you graped sb on the way there and forgot?“ and like, this is abt last November. And I know for 100000% sure I hadn’t. I remember my entire way there, I even remember details abt people being around some water fountain and lighting candles. Like I remember everything. And there were people all around me too. I remember using my phone after using the toilet too. And I remember I was also going for a walk and my brain keeps being like „but what if I graped somebody on the way there?“ and like, I remember almost the entire walk I went on. I also remember seeing two people and an old couple talking and listening to music. It doesn’t make any sense and ik I’d def remember if I had actually graped somebody but my brain won’t leave me alone I just can’t keep false memory ocd up I hate it all so much. Whenever I’m like „I gotta stop thinking abt it, I KNOW I didn’t do anything.“ my brain goes like „but what if I’m risking the change of it being true in the end? And am ignoring it?“ but I KNOWWW it’s not true 😭 But the thought keeps bothering

I'm having intrusive traumatic memories of when someone sent a p***phile gif in a telegram group out of nowhere. I was traumatised, I saw something that shouldn't ever exist, I remember condemning him and then leaving the group. It was many years ago. I'm starting to even remember the details, it's traumatic. I wish I could erase this memory. I was a child too and I even forgot this shit happened, a lot of years passed by and I developed pocd and I've been healing from it but I'm just remembering this unsettling and disgusting event just now and I keep having flashbacks of it. I feel guilt. I understand it wasn't my fault but I wish that never happened in my only life; I got marked by this event forever, nothing changes that. How am I supposed to go on with my daily life aware of what happened? It's ingrained in my memory. How can I ever be intimate again? How am I supposed to practice erp with this fucked up stuff? I'm lost. It's too much. Others triggering memories are returning. I wish the victims are doing okay and I hope that those who are responsible, and that person who sent that stuff are burning in hell. Trust your parents when they tell not to chat with strangers at a young age. I learned the hard way and now I'm dealing with the permanent and irreversible consequences.

Im on the verge of panicked spell and i don’t want to do that while in still at school- this is really long im sorry i just need help Since yesterday I was randomly reminded of a random horrible memory. I was a family bbq and i was supposed to have fun but then my brain made me remember two horrible things that since then i cannot stop obsessing over it. I keep trying to calm myself down but i simply can’t, i try to rationalize but my brain keeps thinking over wise. Basically my brain decided to remember something a really old toxic friend of mine told me when i was younger.(about 13 maybe) i asked them to accompany me to a family members wedding party and we were standing in front of my older family members table by the dance floor. All of sudden, unprovoked-this leans in my ear and tells me one of my beloved family members that i love so fucking much is “staring at my a**”. Obviously i was in shock and quickly said no they were not-i paused for a long time because i was scared of the possibility and turned around to face them. They were staring at this “friend” i had with me very clearly. I look back to them and say “they were staring at you-they don’t know who you’re-“ then they go on and say “why did it take you so long to answer?” and i remember wishing i told them to call their mom and go home. I wish i ended the friendship right then and there. I was and still deeply afraid of this because years later when i was like- 15 maybe-me and two beloved family members(with the one my “friend” accused that awful thing of) were standing with me for a photo and as they reached to hold my waist their hand accidentally grazed my butt, not a grab just a graze then as soon as that happened they held me between ny other family member. Then the picture ended and i remember feeling so fucking defeated-so horribly sick and ill god typing it im shaking now-i remember i told me parents crying because the first thing i thought of when that happened was what that “friend” told me and i was so scared because they were “right” my parents told me that family member would never do that to me because they love and and they wouldn’t do on purpose which of course i want to believe but i was just so scared that that “friend” wad right about everything they told me. I didnt mention it but they’re a huge part of why my s*xual ocd is so fucking bad and a big reason i had a fear of male family members hurting me or worse-it was and still is horrible even though i thought i got better until this happened. Do i think what happened was on purpose i dont think so because this family member has taken care of me since i was born and i love them and other family member so much-i dont want to believe that but all i think about what that kid told me-ill never forget it. Please help me i don’t know how to calm myself or work through ny issues i just wish i could forget everything. Please and thank you.

Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do

I was just wondering can OCD switch between two specific themes. Recently my theme had changed from false memories (reassurance) to obsessing over news(Russia and the potential draft) and now it has switched back to my original theme while the new one is still subtext in my mind. Is this common and does anyone have any advice (I’m seeking out NHS talk therapies as don’t have the money for anything else)

Finding coincidences/ clues / real details / things you believe is evidence / getting distorted memories ETC is this all part of false memory ocd?! I feel like the exception because of this. Not reassurance seeking just want to understand.

Im constantly being terrorised at night by thoughts like „what if I’m just gonna hurt somebody at night?“/ „what if I wanna act on my thoughts?“/ „what if my thoughts mean I actually want them and am capable of committing them?“ and like this has driven me to lock my room and store my key in Amy wardrobe and having to tape my wardrobe shut so that k can be sure I hadn’t opened my room. I don’t know what to do, does anybody have any good tips? Because it’s always that if I don’t lock them, the next day I’ll wake up being scared tk have hurt sb and that keeps feeding into my false memory obsession that I currently have :/

my mind keeps saying i was cheating and i just need help. a while ago me and my partner went on a break because i was unsure of my feelings. i saw this guy at lunch that was alone and i thought was cute and i thought i had feelings. me and my friends invited him over and we all became friends. i realized later i didn’t have feelings for him and i did truly have feelings for my partner. i never flirted with this guy, the only thing i ever said was i didn’t have anyone to go to hoco with meaning i wanted to go with everyone in that group- including him. that part makes me feel so gross and like i did something wrong. i can’t tell if what is true because my mind can’t remember- it mix’s up the story to think i wanted to go hang out with him at hoco with everyone. did i wanna be with him? i don’t think so because i obvi realized i didn’t have feelings but idk what’s true from the past. what if i did?? me and my partner are together again obvi and i cannot be around him without these thoughts of wanting to “confess”. i’m still friends with that dude and i no longer think he is that cute tbh and i figured out i didn’t have feelings for him. help??

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

I have extreme fear of rabies and it triggered my usually bearable ocd to the point i cant function normally. Whenever I pass by something on the ground resembling a bat my brain tells me its a bat and that I have touched it with my hand and that I have rabies now. Sometimes I take a photo of potential triggers to be sure I wont ruminate later aka ask myself what if it was this or that and i just look at the photo i took and be sure its nothing. The triggers are also becoming harder to bear everytime, for example 3 days ago it was night and I saw something small and dark on the ground and didnt see it clearly, phone was almost dead and i couldnt take a photo of it, probably wouldnt anyway because there were two people nearby so i just left myself a note in the phone that it was nothing and I didnt touch it, but you guessed it, my brain says its a bat and that i touched it, creating a false memory and now i feel like i cant know what actually happened..rn i cant think of anything but being terrified of dying of rabies because i cant trust my memory. I feel like Im going crazy

Hii! I hesitated before posting this but here I am.. Ocd are a living hell rn to me. I barely eat or sleep anymore because of it, I’m just scared of everything, ruminations are here every night leading to panic attacks, sh, psychosis,.. it’s like « what if I’m/or do something bad, what if I did something wrong and I don’t remember,.. I store my studies because of all of this..I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired of compulsions and everything I have more ocd but rn it’s the most debilitating for me, if someone have experienced the same things or just have tips I take it!

Is anyone going through something like me ? I have false memory intrusive thoughts , thinking of the possibility of having committed a crime and no remember about it And also have religious ocd thinking that God is angry at me for some reason , and that's why I'm not able to pray, like i used to... I'm so sad because he is so important to me and I would feel such big connection to the Lord when I would pray, and right now I'm afraid ...

I have been having memory obsessions a ton lately and like I once had an image of hurting somebody but I know that this would’ve been somewhere in 2023. But ever since I got over the fear to have hurt them there, I then keep getting fears related to his image and thinking „but what if I had hurt them way earlier?“. Like just now I was recalling the vacation I was on in 2022. I already had ocd there. And like suddenly I got scared „what if I had hurt the person while I was on vacation there?“ bc I was in the same room as them there. Not the exact same one, there was a door in between bc the room had a a room with a big bed too but I was sleeping on the couch. But now I keep thinking „but what if I was alone with them and then hurt them in this way and just forgot doing that?“, but no matter how much I think, I can remember almost everything from the vacation and being in that room. I also know I once was in the room with the bigger bed. But I can’t recall being alone there. I was always there with my sister. She was often around the other person, I was barely around them and especially not alone. And like the person was always with my parents so there basically are no occasions that I could’ve been the only one around them. But I keep thinking „but what if I just forgot this?“, but the image that I had a while ago doesn’t even match the hotel room. And like this has happened multiple times already. Just constantly me thinking „but what if I did this here or way longer ago?“, but there are simply no occasions this could’ve happened. And wouldn’t I at least have some memory to doing this since I seem to have a ton of other memories? And now I’m scared that the images are suddenly memories but I never remembered this and I also don’t have any actual clear picture of that just the old image that I always have.

I struggle most with harm OCD+real event+false memories. The mental rumination gets exhausting. I constantly beat myself up over past mistakes and will fill in the pieces I don’t remember with the worst case scenario. I self soothe by reminding myself I am not a bad person and my worries are disproportionate to the actual situation due to the fact I struggle with OCD. But I quickly get interrupted with an intrusive thought telling me “it is that bad and you’re pinning it as OCD to down play it and avoid accountability”. Anyone else struggle with this?

I hate to admit this but I used to watch a lot of porn. I always had crushes on boys and wanted a boyfriend all my life. And I indentified as heterosexual. I’ve had this theme twice and gotten over when another theme took over. Unfortunately I watched a lot of female porn, and woman to woman porn and now my mind is telling me I’m bisexual. I’m so sick of this cus I don’t wanna be bisexual. I get false attractions all around. Am I suppressing sexuality? I feel so ashamed. Completely stopped watched porn.

I’ve only had 2 false memories in all the years that i’ve had ocd but they are both so horrible. One was triggered by an intrusive thought and the other by a real event. Is it normal to only have a small amount of false memories? Is it normal to have much more than I have? Does that mean mine are real and not false memories?? I have many themes of ocd but only one that is most prevalent. Is that normal?

idk the false attraction feels to powerful, like i can't just let it go or,"observe without judgement" Like i physically cant do that. With false attraction it feels like real physical attraction like it feels super genuine and I hate it. Idk how to describe how I feel but now its like 90 percent of the dudes i see that are attractive dudes. its very hypersensitive thing idk. But it grasp on to that so I cant let it go it sucks. What makes it worse is that i feel no anxiety, no distress and no discomfort it doesnt feel like. Basically it feels like real attraction. and whenever i get to the stage of trying to figuring it out i tend to make my HOCD worse idk im getting weird tingling feelings now and it feels like im gay, this usually happens when im trying to look up stuff, but when this happens it feel so ridiculously real, like I've been convinced of being gay, and now it feels like the thoughts don't give me depression or anxiety or distress now. what sucks is ive been dealing with this for so long, but now it feels genuine and ive become ok with everything, the false attraction, the thoughts and not in the good way.

Having ocd makes me always think the worst and that the only explanation is that I did something horrible. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events and possibly false memories as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞