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I suffer from Instant false memories I think something and think it’s real like right away Sometimes I record myself so that I can know I’m not doing anything bad? Is that a compulsion?

I made a post earlier about how I was feeling so much better yesterday after receiving so much support on here but I woke up this morning and my ocd threw old intrusive thoughts and false memories at me that were my most painful. I just can’t escape my ocd. So now i’m back in the loop. My ocd always comes for my kids. They mean the most to me in this world so it’s the most painful theme of ocd i’ve had to face. My ocd will take any situation and twist it into something horrible. Examples are: one morning when my son was a toddler(he would sneak into bed with me at night sometimes) he woke up and he had the blanket wrapped around him and he was naked with his underwear on the floor. I had no idea why or how that happened thinking maybe he used the bathroom during the night and was half asleep so he took his underwear off before going into the bathroom instead of when he got into the bathroom and forgot to put them back on and he just got back in bed but my ocd said I must have done something inappropriate to him in my sleep and that has to be the only explanation. There was also a night my daughter fell asleep in my bed watching tv and I was in a deep sleep so I don’t remember much other than her saying “mommy” and I said “sorry mama” and moved over. I’m guessing I just rolled over on her or something but of course my ocd as always said I did something to her in my sleep. Why is my brain like this? I am always questioning myself knowing I would never hurt them or do anything inappropriate to them but my ocd makes me believe I did or every time I have a drink my ocd tells me I hurt them in some way. This is torture and a nightmare. I don’t want to live most days because of this. 😩 Does this happen to anyone else?? How do you get through it??

So I’ve recently discovered my ocd, my brother had been diagnosed when he was younger and struggles to a lot more noticeable degree. My parents have tried to their knowledge to help him with his obsessions before he had started therapy. I’ve always been there for my brother when he’s really dwelling on a trigger. Over time I had learned more and more about ocd and started to discover things about myself I never understood. I have struggled with mental health since I can remember and always brushed it off as chronic paranoia. But I started notice a lot of similarities between mine and my brothers triggers and after researching, realized I too suffer ocd obsessions and compulsions. My huge concern right now is even though my triggers and obsessions are different than his, I feel doubt about whether it not I am valid to speak on it. I feel guilty because I have watched him suffer false memory ocd and I don’t experience that so to me it seems ultimately worse. I had opened up to him recently about things I’ve been struggling with since I was little and he confirmed all of it as ocd thoughts and obsessions. I feel like suddenly all these unanswered questions about what’s wrong with me suddenly makes sense, but I’m so behind in discovering this that I’m afraid of being honest about it, and it being perceived by others as me trying to combat with my brothers experiences. I can talk to a therapist and it’ll feel like I’m being seen, but in my personal life, even with my boyfriend I have the chronic fear that people think I’m lying

While I was praying I had some nasty blasphemous thought about Satan & my heart and I thought I said it out loud! I started freaking out and crying! It’s just sometimes the thoughts are SO loud they sound like I say them! I would NEVER say! Honestly part of me really doesn’t believe I said that because I feel like I’d know but it’s so scary to think “oh my gosh did I say that Satan & my heart intrusive thought out loud?!” Im just trying so hard not to be scared I prayed for forgiveness IF I did! Ughh I just hate these fricking thoughts and thinking I said them only makes me even more afraid and shameful because I’d NEVER say that on purpose! I love God & Jesus so much! Do you think I’ll be okay? Does they still love me?! Will they forgive me? Like I said part of me doesn’t think I said it but the other part makes me doubt myself and thinks I said that blasphemous intrusive thought out loud!!

For some reasons i felt a swelling in my groin area, and then i thought that it would be terrible to have an intrusive image happen or worse, having that traumatic memory repeat in my head, and as i thought that i already knew that it was going to happen, i knew that my brain had already made up its mind that it was going to replay it, i tried to stop it but it happened immediately, i didn't want it to happen so it happened. Like a self-sabotaging machine. I didn't want to go there and it happened more easily. If I just let it go and didn't think about not wanting to happen it probably wouldn't have. It's because I engaged with the fear of not wanting something like that happen that it precisely happened. But what are the scientific reasons or the overall explaination for why the more we try to fight something FROM happening, it ultimately happens, and in additions easily? It feels like I'm digging my own grave everytime, there is a point while I'm trying to fight back with all my might where I simply give up and let the intrusive image/memory happen. It's like I ultimately sabotage myself. Maybe it's because the "battle" has to end in some way and the winner is always ocd, the intrusive thought, otherwise I'd go fighting endlessly. Maybe it's because I get tired of fighting Why is that? I'm trying to shift the attention from the immense distress that this episode caused me to the explanation behind the mechanism to understand and transform this traumatic experience from a triggering experience to a learning one. For my sake. Because I can't keep living like this. Everyday. I've had a traumatic memory repeat more than once. It's hard to live like this.

Has rumination ever helped you uncover small parts of the memory your obsessed with? For me it seems like this is happening and I’m getting excited at the idea of remembering almost everything and not having to deal with doubt and false memories surrounding it.

Almost a year ago, I went to dinner with my now ex and his teenage daughter. I drank way too much (I was super embarrassed the next morning). Anyway, the day after I had a horrible thought like “what if I did something inappropriate to the teenage daughter.” Everyone assured me I didn’t. Then I found out her and I went to the bathroom together. That really amplified everything. Well today, I found out something I gave to my ex, he gave to one of his friends (outdoor heater). Now I’m freaking out thinking “what if he gave it to them because he doesn’t want to be reminded of me because I did something horrible to his daughter?” Now I am FREAKING out. This feels so real.

I am struggling a lot lately. I am burnt out, so very sad, and my OCD anxieties have run amok; mostly harm OCD, and reviewing past memories for evidence of having been an immoral, bad person. So afraid of losing control of my life, not being able to take care of my dogs. Spent, just exhausted and barely able to breathe. If anyone has felt so utterly, completely exhausted and sad, and you've learned something that helped you then, please share.

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

Stay strong your videos helped me. I was diagnosed with ocd. Pocd false memory real event themes. I had p*rn addiction in the past and i would specifically search adult porn or particular celebrity names to ensure i didnt come across any p*do stuff by accident. There were times websites still had images of what looked like underage or normal family ads and i would get angry and anxious because i dont want to see that. There was one time i looked for a celebrity video and it had compilatiom of her s*x scenes from her movies. It was all good until one scene it was her trying to arouse her husband in the movie and he was holdimg their child in his arms (nothing bad) but since all the videos prior were adult s*x i fast forwarded passed the scene with the kid. I couldmt find the scene i was looking for of the lady so i had to go back and found it. Finished the deed and moved on. Told my wife how i came across that kid scene and how angry snd mad it made me. I wasnt trying to do anything bad i was intentionally looking for a female celebrity. I went on and now years later ocd doubts if i intentionally looked for the child or when i went back to find the scene i passed thst scene snd i recall being anxious having to pass it but i was looking for a scene and now my ocd worries was i looking st the child scene again. If i wouldve done something that bad i wouldve confessed and turned myself in. P*do is the worst thing to me. I am not one and dont have a history. The false memory real event ocd therapt says just accept uncertainty and move on but i cant accept if thatbwere true. I use logic and reasoning to try solve the ocd. Im not a p*do and it gives me anger and anxoety. Not pleasure. Plus my intentions was to look at a particular adult celebrity i found attractive. In my religion doubt is falsehood and in liberal arts doubt is conquered by logic and reasoning. I used my cbt tools and have more evidence against the ocd doubt but i still feel guilt or anxiety about what if i did that unimaginable thing when i came across the scene of the child when i was looking for margott robbies s*x scene.

So before ocd and thoughts i liked to pleasure myself jus like any person would do but now after i do anything my mind convinces me that i did to smth bad or like thought of smth that I wasn’t rly thinking off and it keeps me thinking after it for a while if i did do it with this thought even tho i did it for smth I actually like enjoyed please any tips cause this is so distressing

Hii, I’ve been on this app for a feew months, and im not diagnosed. I started going to a center of psychological attention at my school used for training their future therapists (I’m studying psychology too) but I haven’t told my family that I need help because I’m a bit scary of what they’re gonna thing about me (the support psychologists just I’m scared of the content of my obsessions or whatever they’re, again I repeat I’m undiagnosed). The problem is that, I thought that talking to my psychologist about my doubts about maybe having ocd would make her interested and maybe like to indague more about it, but she always tells me that my intrusive thoughts are illogical and that I shouldn’t worry about them too much, and that my, what I think are, false memories aren’t real and I shouldn’t believe them because if something happened I would remember, but, I haven’t told her about the most horrible thoughts and images and the content of my obsessions because I’m really scared that she’ll think I’m crazy. She told me to seek a psychiatrist and while it maybe good, to go I need my mum taking me, and I don’t wanna go to the psychiatrist either, I’ll rather start with a therapist specialized in ocd for them to evaluate me and answer my questions. My psychologist is nice, but Im now regretting seeing her first because now I don’t wanna tell her that I wanna see a licensed therapist specifically specialized in ocd and leave her. She is nice but I don’t think we’re getting anywhere and I just struggle to ask my mum for help (even though knowing that she’ll get it for me) So, does anyone have like tips for telling your parents that you think you may have ocd and for telling your therapist that you wanna leave her because you feel you are not going anywhere and you wanna seek for a possible diagnoses? 😿

Year+ ago i was addicted to p*rn and thank God i overcame it. This one instance i was looking at celebrities. A new wbsite had a compilatiom of romantic scenes i was looking for one in particular. There was a scene a husban was holding his child and talking to the wife who was nude. I remember being sngry because i didnt want to see a child it wasnt inappropriate but i was looking for a scene on a p*rn website so i fast forwarded and was mad. I went through the video and had to go back to find the scene i was looking for of a celebrity so i got anxious if i had to pass that other scene with the kid. Im not a p*do and i found the adult scene and kept it moving but now years later my ocd has doubt and what ifs like what if i was touch*ng myself when i seen that scene of the kid or what if i went back and did the second time. I know this is false memory ocd snd i know its false guilt because im not a p*do. I dont take pleasure in that the thougjt of it causes me anxiety. Im just worrying what if then that would make me a p*do but im not and ive never done that. My intent was to see a celebrity and i was mad when i seen the kid.

how do you all deal with intrusive thoughts and the false memories that come along with them?

Alrighty here comes another one.. so I was panicking earlier about an K-pop idol who I don’t like at all only envy and I told my boyfriend about the rocd thought and then I proceeded to rmb the last time I had an thought about this K-pop idol super early on in our relationship like a scenario fantasy? I can’t even call it a fantasy because never in 1 million years I’ll ever go after this girl I simply only love my boyfriend, but basically I rmb having an scenario/thought of me being part of the group and simply having fun and making fans and just having fun and then I have this very brief memory? Idk if it’s false or not but it seem too real to be false? But we was dating and we like kiss I don’t rmb and I don’t think nothing nasty happened and I hope there wasn’t but basically me and my boyfriend was both scared and worried and he said he couldn’t deal with the fact of me having a crush on her during our relationship and I was like pause bc I don’t even remember a ounce of attraction towards her just something who I wish I was like and I told him if I’m being genuinely honest I don’t remember liking her in that type of way and this thought only happened once but then when I was explaining it to him and I was thinking how can I even think like that if I didn’t like the idol in that type of way and like I don’t think it’s entirely impossible bc my brain do go on autopilot a lot and I was spacing out and just letting it happen! But now I’m panicking what if I did but didn’t know? It just doesn’t makes sense and I just really need help bc he said if I did liked her very early on in our relationship it will be a deal breaker and I’m scared and confused

I have adhd and ocd so I have no short term memory and my ocd loves to feed on that. Sometimes I try and force myself to remember things to try and improve my adhd symptoms, but I can’t tell if these are me trying to push through adhd or doing mental compulsions for ocd. Like I’ll think to myself “what if you forgot to wash your hands free going to the bathroom before you touched your phone?” Which may be true , and then I get bored and don’t want to continue the thought , but the thought makes me anxious so I force myself to relive the memory to see if I washed my hands or not. I can’t tell if this is me just trying to improve my memory or if I’m doing mental compulsions. I wish I had a different brain. Every time this happens it hurts my head. I can’t tell if I should stop or push through to remember.

Hi guys, I was playing a video game tonight relaxing, when I forgot what I was thinking doing and then got anxiety because of not knowing my OCD? I hate anxiety it’s the worst! What should I do about forgetting and the anxiety?

I'm worried if people knew my past, especially my partner, they would all leave me. My family, my friends, the love of my life. I remember what I've done, and false memories just make it worse, make it feel like I need to confess to things I can't remember details of, that I'm not worthy of forgiveness and love, and that I'm loving a lie every day I wake up. Some days I can live beside it, other days feel impossible. We want to get married, but I feel like I'd be doing her a great injustice if we did. I just don't know how I can live like this.

Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.

I give up. The false feelings and groinal responses are just too much and too real. I can't even look at the same sex now without thinking, they look good, automatically turns it into a sexual thing and..."response". I'm focused in on all the slightest things that they do and my brain goes "like" and response. My brain tells me I like them. I'm no longer anxious. I can't seem to fight it. It's just insane now. It convinces me I like this and don't, doesn't feel like me but the urge comes in and that's it. It's took away any draw I had to the opposite sex. All because of my lack of experience with relationships and sex in general (anything I have, particularly sex I get a self esteem block, tell myself everything bad and what I won't happen etc) my head is just saying "well this is probably you then etc." Because the false feelings seem so automatic now. I'm comfortable around women because I've never seemingly them as a threat, just friends. Always felt awkward around guys for the opposite reasons, likes a few guys that I've been interested that have never been interested in me. (Also I have it in my head that you're supposed to feel responses to your preferred sex too, and I've not been) Now I just feel despondent. Now this so-ocd is the most engaged it's ever been and I can't fight anymore. My identity has changed. Only ever been drawn to guys, and now it feels it's changed completely. I don't like it. I've only ever wanted physical and romantic relationships with men, that's all I've imagined. This is alien to me. Plus, I've had responses and draws previous to kids, and inappropriate sexual things too, bad things. So I don't know whether it's just I'm responding to things that aren't me, and not responding to things that are because I don't let myself. I don't know whether this is normal with this now.