Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I suffer from Instant false memories I think something and think it’s real like right away Sometimes I record myself so that I can know I’m not doing anything bad? Is that a compulsion?

So I’ve recently discovered my ocd, my brother had been diagnosed when he was younger and struggles to a lot more noticeable degree. My parents have tried to their knowledge to help him with his obsessions before he had started therapy. I’ve always been there for my brother when he’s really dwelling on a trigger. Over time I had learned more and more about ocd and started to discover things about myself I never understood. I have struggled with mental health since I can remember and always brushed it off as chronic paranoia. But I started notice a lot of similarities between mine and my brothers triggers and after researching, realized I too suffer ocd obsessions and compulsions. My huge concern right now is even though my triggers and obsessions are different than his, I feel doubt about whether it not I am valid to speak on it. I feel guilty because I have watched him suffer false memory ocd and I don’t experience that so to me it seems ultimately worse. I had opened up to him recently about things I’ve been struggling with since I was little and he confirmed all of it as ocd thoughts and obsessions. I feel like suddenly all these unanswered questions about what’s wrong with me suddenly makes sense, but I’m so behind in discovering this that I’m afraid of being honest about it, and it being perceived by others as me trying to combat with my brothers experiences. I can talk to a therapist and it’ll feel like I’m being seen, but in my personal life, even with my boyfriend I have the chronic fear that people think I’m lying

Has rumination ever helped you uncover small parts of the memory your obsessed with? For me it seems like this is happening and I’m getting excited at the idea of remembering almost everything and not having to deal with doubt and false memories surrounding it.

Almost a year ago, I went to dinner with my now ex and his teenage daughter. I drank way too much (I was super embarrassed the next morning). Anyway, the day after I had a horrible thought like “what if I did something inappropriate to the teenage daughter.” Everyone assured me I didn’t. Then I found out her and I went to the bathroom together. That really amplified everything. Well today, I found out something I gave to my ex, he gave to one of his friends (outdoor heater). Now I’m freaking out thinking “what if he gave it to them because he doesn’t want to be reminded of me because I did something horrible to his daughter?” Now I am FREAKING out. This feels so real.

I am struggling a lot lately. I am burnt out, so very sad, and my OCD anxieties have run amok; mostly harm OCD, and reviewing past memories for evidence of having been an immoral, bad person. So afraid of losing control of my life, not being able to take care of my dogs. Spent, just exhausted and barely able to breathe. If anyone has felt so utterly, completely exhausted and sad, and you've learned something that helped you then, please share.

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

So before ocd and thoughts i liked to pleasure myself jus like any person would do but now after i do anything my mind convinces me that i did to smth bad or like thought of smth that I wasn’t rly thinking off and it keeps me thinking after it for a while if i did do it with this thought even tho i did it for smth I actually like enjoyed please any tips cause this is so distressing

how do you all deal with intrusive thoughts and the false memories that come along with them?

I struggle with real event/false memory ocd, I take Zoloft which isn’t helping also I did years of therapy and recently stopped due to insurance issues. I constantly obsess over my mistakes as a teenager especially one specific mistake where when I was dating my now husband I ended up hanging out with another guy having drinks but nothing happened really, I’ve already confessed this to him through out the past 11 years of being married over and over to the point where he is so exhausted of hearing it and it just opens old wounds and creates problems , he has told me to stop bringing it up and leave it in the past. But anytime I remember another tiny memory of that night I have an urge to confess or I feel so much guilt and shame like I’m keeping a huge secret, this detail is small but it still makes me feel horrible 😢 it’s been weeks and I’ve not confessed but when will this feeling go away? It’s day and night all I think about. I’m also 8 months pregnant and have two other kiddos and it’s so hard to continue to be a mom and wife and feel so much guilt and shame 😥

I'm worried if people knew my past, especially my partner, they would all leave me. My family, my friends, the love of my life. I remember what I've done, and false memories just make it worse, make it feel like I need to confess to things I can't remember details of, that I'm not worthy of forgiveness and love, and that I'm loving a lie every day I wake up. Some days I can live beside it, other days feel impossible. We want to get married, but I feel like I'd be doing her a great injustice if we did. I just don't know how I can live like this.

Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

I need help, please. I cannot stop ruminating and I'm still not getting medicated, and that's the onlu way out I can see right now. I cry everyday out of distress, I feel sick, and I force myself to get arcades so I really feel that I'm not attracted towards women. It’s torturing me, I cannot take this anymore. It makes me think that the slightest thing I notice on a woman means that I'm attracted towards her. And it also makes me obsess over certain people which I found something interesting in, and tries to make me believe that I like them, it's disgusting, sickening, draining. By the way, I have a boyfriend, and I love him, so this makes everything worse. This all goes against all my values, morals, everything. It makes me look for things that happened in the past and alters them, and makes fake scenarios and tries to make me feel as if I'm actually attracted and it makes me suffer a lot. It takes almost my whole day, and it starts over and over again every time I wake up. I'm going insane, please, I just need to get rid of this. I cannot find any reasons to slay alive other than my boyfriend, I could never break his heart, so this is really making me feel like a really bad girlfriend and a failure.

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

was hugging my cat and she got annoyed and meowed and i got sad and thought how could anyone hurt any animals then i start getting thoughts like u want to hurt one u want to really hurt one even ur own cats and it made me scared but i have little anxiety it made me sad tho. when i was little i had kicked my dog and that came up in my memories and now im scared i will hurt my pets. when i was younger i was weird and i have memories spaced out of me doing weird/bad stuff that i would never do now but it makes my ocd worse. I hate this :(

Anyone else struggling with false memory ocd and believing you have ‘evidence’? I don’t mean feelings I more mean finding real details, coincidences or clues/ making links to things. It’s all becoming very real, and it’s so hard to explain.

So sometimes I feel fake and evil, like everything I do or say is fake and that I’m gonna do something evil or apparently already done (false memories). Like I know it’s ocd cuz I got the symptoms, but i can’t get diagnosed yet, which then makes me doubt if I’m faking that as well. I’m kinda scared tbh and saying this makes feel like I’m lying and then lying about not lying and yeh

This is probably the worst part of my ocd. When I have a flashing image I have to start adding details, thinking of scenery and making a little story up. Now I find that my stories actually have some truth, there’s details that are in favour of my false memory ‘evidence’ almost. I find myself doubting all day everyday due to these details.

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

For four years, i thought my false memory was just a false memory and I thought that I can continue with life knowing that it's okay not to know and rely on uncertainty. But what if you caught yourself ruminating and you realize that your worst fear is true? Everything starts to become clear. Has this happened to anybody? I don't think i should be alive anymore.