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I was doing some research and saw about the narcissistic traits that OCD can create. Is this after the person knows they have OCD? Because I always knew I had it. But it was the classic one, with little quirks. Years later I developed false memory and intrusive thoughts whit my present theme. I was reading this because I was thinking about attraction. And I think I'm only attracted to two people in this life. But I remember from times by I had the feeling to please people. Without any interest and without even having the intention to do it, it was very automatic. So I was constantly focusing on how I was apparently being. I never acted like I was interested, but it was always like I was dealing with people's focuses. To tell you the truth, I've noticed that I do this even in other social interactions. I feel like I'm being watched all the time and so I have to act the way I'd like to be seen, like a sweet and delicate person. To be honest, I thought it had to do with my childhood issues because I was very careless and that got me bullied a lot when I was little kid. So I thought I was super focused on my appearance because of that. And I thought that the agaradar came as a consequence precisely because I was always seen as a grotesque girl because I took little care of myself. I even remember that the compliment that made me happiest was when someone said I was delicate. It made sense to me that it really was that. But after researching more, I realized that there are a lot of impulsive and repetitive things in my actions. And never with any intention. But in a very strange way. So much so that when I was younger I swore that I had some kind of personality disorder because it was very common to act one way one day and another way the next day. Maybe I was just an unstable teenager? Thank u for the help!

so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.

First post... I ruminate all the time, getting triggered by the smallest things that remind me of terrible events in my life or fears tied to my compulsions. It could be as small as a lawyer looking at my LinkedIn profile and me convincing myself that means I'm getting sued. Or even an article about taxes that makes me spiral into thinking I'm negligent. I could be fine one minute & wonder if I'm making it all up and then cry for two hours the next, cursing people who are neurotypical and wishing I could be like them. I tried talk therapy for two years and now I'm doing NOCD + ERP because I'm pregnant and had to reduce my dose of medication. Pregnancy almost made my OCD mental compulsions worse, and I got diagnosised with MDD, too. Not to mention the skin picking disorder I've had since childhood. It's becoming really hard to be positive despite a daily gratitude journal, walking 5k steps a day, and doing calming yoga with the occasional meditation when things get really bad. I'm trying, I really am. But having three diagnosed disorders makes me feel like I'm set up to fail despite having a wonderful husband and life, plus my coming first baby. It makes me feel like a horrible person when everything around me is seemingly fine but I can't seem to focus enough on the present to appreciate it. I feel so lost about it all and am plagued by guilt and shame. Does anyone else relate?

I have a bunch of real event/false memory and there is one that I remember I got in the middle of a horrible episode and I believed it was false but now I can’t remember why I thought it was false and now believe it could be real and it’s just bothering me so much because I want to remember the details to why I believed it was false in the first place and I’m just in a horrible spot and feel disgusting and am getting intrusive thoughts on my themes when I try to check if they are intrusive or not and I can’t function like i don’t wanna be around anyone because all I want to do is confess but I can’t because then I’ll obsess on confessing and they won’t understand.

Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty

>> Borderline Personality Disorder >> OCD (Suspected) - Pure, Perfectionism, Relationship, P, False Memory, Symmetry, Real Events, and Harm. >> Conversion Disorder >> Panic Disorder >> Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent >> PTSD >> Arthritis/Autoimmune Condition It is so exhausting.....

Have you ever felt the need to hide knives because you’re scared someone might hurt you while you’re sleeping? Or have your thoughts ever tried to convince you that you have feelings for your family members? Maybe you feel like you need to tell your parents to “drive safe” every time they go somewhere, believing that it will prevent them from crashing, or that something bad will happen if you don’t. These are things I’ve experienced, but they didn’t last long, and because of that, I’m unsure if I actually have OCD, as these thoughts don’t happen frequently. I’m 17, so maybe it’s still developing, but I’m not sure. At one point, I even thought I might be a psychopath and would become a serial killer (i was analyzing my past and feelings but it went away quickly) When I was a kid, I was also scared I had a tumor and constantly needed reassurance from my parents that everything is okay, but it wasn’t as intense. Recently, I’ve been scared that ghosts would come or that a demon would possess me, or that if i open my eyes i will se my dead uncle (i was 16😂) which kept me from sleeping. Are these signs of OCD? Should I consider getting treatment? About three months ago, I had my first big obsession about possibly having OCD itself (i was scared of going crazy, of feeling like this forever, of not being perfect, of not having control), and now I’ve been struggling with HOCD for three months. But I’m scared that I don’t even have OCD, and that these thoughts might be true. It’s funny because just a few months ago, I was terrified of having OCD, but now I feel like I want to have it. I think a traumatic experience with weed might have made my OCD worse, but I’m not sure. What do you think? I also found out that my mom is also hiding knifes and that she was also obsession over sickness…

I hate when false memory targets memories where I was half asleep. For example, earlier this morning im guessing 2-3 am i dunno but I was half asleep, I turned my head and saw my cats butt in my face. I grabbed my cat tail and put the tail over his butt, so his butt will not be in my face and his tail will cover it. I think he ended up moving to cuddle, or I grabbed him to cuddle with me., but my cat ended up licking my hand and it gave me a groinal response. I am pretty sure that moment it did make me feel weird and uncomfortable, but I just tried to sit with it and ignore. I’m also sure that I just told my cat to leave, or just let him go. But my ocd is making me feel like i did something wrong or like WHAT IF YOU DID. Like no matter how much i try to figure it out my chest hurts so bad and i keep rethinking about it and i can’t find where I did something wrong but my brain is like what if you did this but you were half asleep so u don’t remember. Like this is super difficult. My chest hurts so bad like im trying to not think about it but wtf.

A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.

Finding this app has helped me a lot in feeling like I'm not isolated and I've definitely met so many kind and helpful people here. You guys have helped me on my darkest days. However, because of my fragile state of mind, I think scrolling on here is becoming a compulsion and I feel like I end up triggering myself more by scrolling through some posts. I think it just ends up adding more to my intrusive thoughts and more ammo for my false memories and POCD to latch on to. And I know exposures are good for treating OCD, but this level of exposure seems to be doing more harm than good. So I will try to be less active (maybe I won't, who knows lol).

What ERP or other techniques do you use to combat fear of cancelation? Especially curious about those with taboo thoughts, false memory ocd and event ocd based off of real events where the fear of cancellation may actually hold some validity. I once did my own ERP not under a therapist but just on my own I decided to create an anonymous account on Twitter and defend a friend who was receiving online criticism. I knew that this would be semi-controversial so I was expecting backlash and when I recieved troll replies it actually seemed to be a really helpful low-stakes exposure activity. Is this something that others have done? Low stakes online posts etc. that you know will recieve negative responses? I have had severe OCD as a kid as pretty much every subtype under the sun, and as an adult I pretty much have all the types under control except for this real event and false memory and taboo thought OCD. It seems like a different beast since it's somewhat realistic in the camcellation culture today, and it's confusing to address. Ive shut down almost all social accounts and it's keeping me from progressing in a career where I need to have an online presence :/

I remember as a child playing mums and dads with my childhood friend. I remember we said we need to kiss because that’s what mums and dads do. So we used to peck eachother and I remember back then liking it and I guess feeling tingly if that’s even possible as a child??? I remember back then just thinking it was fine because we were just playing mums and dads. I didn’t have a ‘crush’ on her! She was always just my family friend ! I remember my mum coming in and seeing us and saying what are you doing blah blah and then I remember feeling guilty then! I’m just so stressed because I’ve never fancied or wanted to be with a girl romantically or physically and the only ‘proof’ is stuff I did as a child. I’m literally soo sooo anxious Everytime I think of it!!! I just want to be with my bf and be happy like I was before my so ocd relapse!? Does anyone else have childhood memories like this that just haunt you!!!.

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

strange signs of ocd that i initially didn’t realise were ocd related: - ensuring all synonyms for a word had to be included and spoken/considered. also weighing out which synonym would be ‘just right’ to integrate in the context. - being hyper aware of everyone’s emotions, the atmosphere and my surroundings. - randomly ruminating about an event that happened years ago and convincing yourself you said/did something bad and potentially apologising for it years later. - never saying swear words or cancellable things out loud or on camera when younger. i feared these videos would resurface and i would lose my job or if i became famous id be canceled. - being extremely superstitious (e.g. thought i would attract the bad energy that stemmed from seeing certain ‘evil’ numbers & words, watching manifestation videos that promote bad luck, going near cemeteries, not touching wood or stepping on the cracks etc.) - checking power outlets several times to ensure you have turned them off to ensure the house doesn’t burn down. - checking emails several times before sending to ensure you haven’t attached some ‘inappropriate content’ before sending it off. - checking alarms that you have turned alarms on several times and ensuring there loud enough to guarantee you will not sleep through them. - feeling heightened urges to confess every little thing otherwise i’ll attract bad karma. if i don’t confess or do something i deem as ‘bad’ i perceive any tiny inconvenience in my day as bad karma as a result of my actions. - taking tiny things in my day or that i see on social media as admonitions and signs from the universe that i need to make immediate changes/decisions in my life. - avoiding situations/people/things that trigger your OCD. - paranoia 24/7 (e.g. walking in the middle of the street so no one can pop up from behind a car and kidnap you or stressing about someone secretly living under your bed/or in air vent). - being hyper aware of your bodily sensations (e.g. what if i can’t breathe, trying to breathe in the ‘right’ way). - worried about thinking or saying things incase you ‘manifest’ them. - trying to think the ‘right’ thoughts. shaking them out of my head if you personally categorise them as ‘bad’. - constantly seeking reassurance that your not a ‘bad person’ from others. - having to rewrite a sentence 1000x to make sure it sounds ‘just right’. - latching on to safe/lucky numbers. - and many more…. (share yours down below!!) i’m just trying to help others feel less alone. i hope this brings peace to some of your minds.

Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.

I can't take it anymore, my OCD is stronger than ever, I have false memories almost every day, sexual ones, if it's not a false memory then intrusive thoughts that I'm gay, etc. When I was with my girlfriend, I had some false memories and intrusive thoughts, but you could almost say they weren't there then. And I really don't want these false memories and intrusive thoughts. I've had intrusive thoughts about my Buddy, my dad, and random people. Please help me It's like something evil is trying to control my thinking.

I just wanted to see if anyone else experienced anything like this, or maybe could help explain what’s going on? It feels like the intrusive thoughts completely take on a life of their own. For example, earlier today i was sitting with a pretty big theme, accepting the uncertainty, telling myself, “Maybe this happened, maybe it didn’t. I don’t know.” Then, 15 minutes where i was alone with my thoughts, and it was like my brain just took off running. Ruminating, and when I tried to pull back and not ruminate, it would just go right back to ruminating. Other thoughts were coming up. What-ifs, false memories, rumination, new thoughts. It almost felt like it was faster than I could even react. The theme i was dealing with is gone now, having been “figured out” as a false memory - which i kind of knew, but was still trying to sit with the uncertainty - and another huge theme related to it and directly as a result of whatever this was has taken it’s place, and it’s left me absolutely exhausted and just feeling so depressed and hopeless, and hating myself and hating being me. And this is how it’s been - I deal with one theme, a new one appears within the hour, and if i step away from my phone or laptop for even just five minutes, the thoughts are relentless. I’m not sure if it’s because i have so much free time, being unemployed and having graduated college? Or if it has anything to do with the ADHD i strongly suspect i have? Is this just extreme OCD? Has anyone else ever experienced this? What did you do to handle it?

But now I feel like I'm just spiraling. Intrusive thoughts and false memories escalating to the worst possible outcomes. I could barely eat for the rest of the day. Ugh I can't help but feel like I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in bed forever. This is the worst feeling in the world.

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp