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So this is my second post of the day and before I post this I’m not looking for reassurance just feeling very fearful about this situation and need to vent. Sometimes my false memory ocd gets so bad I have to download past data of any apps on social media to make sure I didn’t do anything and even then it doesn’t help. I did that with my Snapchat data and I saw that I had someone from a very toxic and past relationship on my snap that I remembered I had deleted a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I started dating. I didn’t notice it until I recently had the compulsion to go recheck all the data I downloaded to make sure. When I saw the date I deleted them and that it was a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I got together, I felt my face get hot, I started tearing up and I started freaking out. And then of course my thoughts started rolling in “What if you deleted them because you texted them and did it to make sure your boyfriend didn’t see?” Or “What if you still had their number in your phone and texted them?” Etc. etc. I felt horrible after I noticed that he was still on my snap, I know I forgot because I was only focused on my boyfriend and I spending time together, and I don’t hardly ever use Snapchat in general so I just basically leave the app alone and such. I’m just so worried now and It’s bothering me. I also experienced a thought like “What if I knew he was still on there and I kept him on there on purpose?” I can’t deal with these thoughts anymore, they’re so exhausting, and the fact that I even have these thoughts and they always try to attack my relationship just makes me so mad and upset.

I’m 19 I hadn’t had pocd or false memory ocd during this time when I watched porn btw so I trusted my memory back then. I switched back to those themes and now my ocd is telling me I watched immoral porn. I remember being grossed out by titles that had ‘teen’ in it, even wrote down in notes how I’d only watch porn between adults and get off to that. I looked back at my Reddit history/ porn history when I was watching it during that time and it says I clicked on the titles with teen twice, the first time I remember being disgusted and switching to a different subreddit, and the second time covering the screen, now my head is trying to tell me I purposely clicked on those. But I also remember being happy around that time that I don’t associate with gross porn, and that I scrolled past it. Should I confess? I’m so confused, I heard Reddit doesn’t allow that sort of stuff, plus I remember talking to people about how gross that stuff is. Plus I would’ve felt guilty if I actually watched it because I sometimes accidentally click on things with my crappy iPad. Plus I know I’m only attracted to adults because all my crushes are older men and old women, I genuinely can’t bring myself to find anyone under 18 attractive.

We who live with OCD are really good at one thing. We can ruminate for hours. We can even make up false memories and believe them to be true. But above all, we are good at attaching meaning to our thoughts. Where the average mind naturally shifts forward to the next thing, our minds crave certainty, and that craving drives us to assign significance to nearly every thought that passes through. Whether it is trying to make peace with a thought through rumination or trying to deny it outright through suppression, these are all what we would call compulsions. But beneath that label, they are really just reactions to the meaning we have attached. It is like a smoke alarm that goes off in the kitchen every time you make toast. The alarm is not broken. It is just hypersensitive. It reacts as if there is a fire when in reality there is no danger at all. OCD is like having that alarm wired directly into your mind. Thoughts that are harmless or uncertain set off the siren, and our compulsions are the frantic rush to put out a fire that does not exist. From birth, and more intensely for those with OCD, our minds were trained to attach meaning to every thought, feeling, and sensation. OCD, at its core, is compulsive meaning attachment: the inability to stop assigning significance to thoughts that are uncertain, unknowable, or meaningless. What I have been discovering in my own journey is this: yes, it is important to stop engaging with compulsions. But there is a deeper step too, which is learning to stop attaching meaning in the first place. Letting the thought be just a thought. Letting the toast cook without grabbing the fire extinguisher. I am not here to hand you a 10-step miracle cure. If there was one, we would all take it in a heartbeat. But I am here to share what has been working for me, and how by loosening the grip on meaning itself, I have found a surprising amount of peace.

Can a false memory be based on a real event? Like the false memory is based on something that did happen (there is a time/place/people) but you’re not sure if the action in the memory is real? For example, I’ve been dealing with a false memory and it’s based on the time I went on a vacation with my family and the false memory has a time and place, it doesn’t change and it has a specific action and idk…it just feels like it did happen…especially since it’s based on something that DID happen…idk how to explain it :( I hope it is understandable. Anyways…I hope you guys are having a great day!

TW. hii, ive been dealing with horrible thoughts as of lately. its gotten to a point where as of recently, ive been starting to eat less, sleep more, and cry a whole lot. i dont know whats wrong with me, i have confusing memories. im in a relationship, and as a highschool girl who loves hard since this is my first relationship, ive been having confusing thoughts about whether or not if i found attraction to a boy last year on a cruise. the first time i met this boy, my boyfriend knew about him because i made sure to update my boyfriend on everything. me and the boy were only friends & thats how i thought my intentions were before. but i dont know why now, a whole year later… ive been having confusing, yet convincing thoughts that i found attraction to the boy and i cheated on my boyfriend. everything seems so convincing, yet makes no sense, but i want to know the answer, did i find that boy attractive, and i try to look back into my memory to remember how i felt, but nothing works, i dont know how i felt or feel anymore. i dont know if these are false memories or theyre real memories. how do i know if they are real, concrete memories & how do i genuinely get rid of these thoughts?

When I cannot trust my own written down memories, I don't want to go through an ERP or accept uncertainty! What do we live for, if we cannot just believe, what we had experienced.. ? All I want is to believe all of my good and the bad experiences actually happened!

ROCD: Hi all, I am brand new here. I have ROCD. Because of very long complex trauma and mistrust issues I have always thought that if I have a “perfect start” in my relationship I will be safe. A situation when two meet people meet and live happily ever after. I met my partner on hinge in Feb 2024- and at the time we were both attracted to eachother but things didn’t work out. He didn’t show up the way I needed him to and I was in a place in my life where I genuinely didn’t want to take any shit or settle or waste my time. He did keep reaching out but between stopping to reply to him in April and then later getting upset in June when I agreed to meet, and then he couldn’t make the time we had discussed- I was pretty frustrated for even giving him another chance and then just told him that that won’t work for me and I wasn’t really sure what to say. He stopped reaching out then. A couple months later he started reaching out again and I did ignore him but finally gave in in Nov 2024, decided to meet and then we started seeing eachother. We are both in a very very loving space and think it is a meant to be soulmate situation. We are in love. But my OCD has made me suffer to a point where my partner is also suffering. I was dating other people last year until we finally properly started dating and he didn’t date others but after the last time when I told him in June that I wasn’t sure what to say anymore and he stopped reaching out he did get with someone from his past a couple of times. I constantly get intrusive thoughts about why he stopped talking to me then, did he choose someone else over me, and everytime I think of that encounter he had with her I have a Panic attack. The truth is that he has never pursued anyone alongside or over me. He has told me that whenever I did give him a chance he always pursued me. He told me in June that when I responded the way I did he felt rejected, that I wasn’t interested, that I didn’t want him and so he stopped reaching out and tried to move on. He said that he obviously couldn’t stop thinking about me and even though he thought the door was shut he tried again later. He said the only reason he stopped reaching out was because he didn’t want to pester me when I clearly didn’t show any interest and thought he has lost his chance. I know for a fact that during that time I was in a boss girl era. In my I don’t settle for shit era and was so frustrated with his behaviour that I pretty much did want him to stop wasting me time and I was so done that there was no way I would have tried to make another time with him because I did think I deserved better. But my ROCD AND FALSE MEMORY OVD SAYS: did you actually shut the door? Did he just give up because you’re too much? Did he choose that girl over you? Why did he get with this girl ? What is your story? What is the reality and the truth? It’s consuming and messing me up. I know our story is as simple as boy meets girl- boy is going through stuff and girl doesn’t settle for what he can give at the time so doesn’t show interest and shuts the door. Boy really wants to pursue her but feels she doesn’t want him so tries to move on. They go their seperate ways, but later despite all odds the boy gains confidence to reach out again and after months of pursuit the girl finally agrees to another chance and when she does she doesn’t see the boy she initially shut the door on, she sees the man he has become and they fall deeply in love. It’s a Story of the girl who stood by her worth and value and never gave into anything less than what she deserved, and about a boy who worked very hard on himself and with perseverance and courage was able to finally show up for the woman he wanted to be with. It’s not a perfect story. And even though it’s beautiful MY ROCD gives me constant doubt and makes me feel constantly unsafe.

I am a woman, my partner is a man. Two nights ago I was at a house party / movie night with my friends while my partner was at work. Many of the people there are also mutual friends of my partner’s. They all know my partner and I talk about him frequently. One of the people there was a (male) mutual friend who came over to my apartment beforehand to pick me up, waited for a few minutes while I finished up some chores around the apartment, and then we went shopping to pick up food and supplies for the party. During the party, this friend got EXTREMELY drunk. He was saying some pretty outlandish/unfiltered stuff the whole night about the movie were watching, laughing uncontrollably on the floor, that kind of stuff. I don’t drink, so I was 100% fully sober the entire time. The party pretty much consisted of everyone sitting on the couch for the whole night, watching movies and eating pizza and drinking. I do remember there being a point where I was kind of sunk back on the couch, the friend was sat next to me, and we made eye contact and he said something (I can’t remember what) and I remember feeling like we was a little too close for comfort. This must have lasted for less than a minute (everyone was kind of squeezed together on the couch since there were lots of us and a pretty small couch). I remember there being another point where his leg/foot grazed my leg, so I recoiled instantly, and then it happened again and I kept moving my leg away so we weren’t touching. I’m fairly certain that this was a complete mistake, as like I said, there were lots of people squeezed together on one couch, and he was very uncoordinated. Finally it was getting too late, so I called my partner and asked him if he could come pick me up since he was on the way back from work. While on the phone, several people at the party were yelling “HI” to my partner over the phone (pretty much everyone there was also friends with him). Then this friend, who like I said was VERY VERY drunk by this point), yelled (to my partner over the phone) something like, “YOU CAN HAVE MY SLOPPY SECONDS.” I was very very very caught off guard and confused. I instantly hung up the phone because I didn’t want my partner to get the wrong idea that there was something going on. After I hung up, the friend said “Oh come on I’m sure he would have found that very funny!” I was very bothered for the rest of the night and then went home shortly after, when my partner picked me up. The entire ride home, I kept replaying those words in my head over and over again, and I kept replaying the whole night over and over in my head, wondering if something had happened between us and I’d somehow forgotten within minutes or hours?? For the entirety of the next day, and the day after that, I keep ruminating on that night and trying to replay all the events that happened, what order they happened in, what exactly I remember, etc. I have absolutely no idea why my friend said that over the phone, especially since neither of us has ever expressed any sort of romantic or sexual interest in one another. When we met, I had already been with my partner for well over a year, and I talk about my partner frequently. My partner is also friends with this friend, and the three of us have had some good times together. This friend is also absolutely NOT the type of person to be sleazy, a womanizer, a homewrecker, etc. Perhaps I’m leaning into stereotypes too much here, but I should note that pretty much everyone at the party (including this friend) has mild to moderate autistic tendencies, and the friend group was brought together because we all met in a heavily anime/DnD/politics based club at a university. I say all this to illustrate that the atmosphere at the “party” was definitely NOT the type of atmosphere where anybody was hooking up, hitting on each other, flirting, etc in any way (of course I’m not saying that people in these demographics can’t hook up, but just that it was a cozy movie night with respectful friends, not some sort of crazy party). It’s the third day after the party now, and I’m still ruminating on this. I still have no idea why he’d say that, and I’ve replayed it so many times in my head that I’m wondering if maybe I just imagined it, or misheard it, or maybe he didn’t know what that phrase meant, or maybe I misinterpreted it or something. I mean, we were showing a mature cartoon movie that night that both me and this friend absolutely love, and both of us were making jokes all night about being attracted to several of the characters in the movie. Some of the jokes this friend was making about the characters were very sexual, so maybe his comment had something to do with that? Maybe he was extrapolating some sort of “sloppy seconds” meaning from the characters to me?? I’m not sure. Either way, I’ve been sitting, replaying and ruminating for days and of course I’ve fabricated lots of false memories. I’ve run through all the possibilities. Did I kiss the friend? Did we cuddle on the couch? Did he have his arm around me? What if, in those few minutes that we were alone in my apartment before we left, what if I took him into the bedroom and did something with him while my partner was gone? I do remember having intrusive thoughts about THAT before he even came over. I’ve been dealing with on-and-off ROCD for the entire 3 years that my partner and I have been together, and it always ends up coming back to an obsession related to cheating and false memories. It’s so hard to know what’s real and what isn’t, especially since it’s so easy for me to picture these things happening in my head. I’ve been absolutely lost in unrealistic obsession-induced delusions before, to the point where there was a time where I was legitimately convinced that I had cheated on my partner with a friend 18 months prior, and even went as far as messaging this friend to ask if anything had happened between us. Of course the answer was no, and things were so awkward after that. I just don’t really know what to do. I keep imagining scenarios where me and this friend were getting handsy or touchy, and I’m starting to come up with so many false memories. It’s stressing me out and I keep compulsively replaying them. What bothers me is that when he made the sloppy seconds comment, I remember feeling some sort of guilt that almost felt like it was already there? Like preexisting guilt? Which leads me to wonder why I already had felt guilty if I hadn’t done anything? I even feel like I almost remember there being a point during that night where I thought something along the lines of “Okay, I’ll allow this.” And I am so confused and trying to figure out what I was allowing. It feels very difficult to enjoy time with my partner when I have this fear in the back of my mind that I’ve cheated. Every time I try to conjure up a memory of me cheating with this person though, I always come up with a different one and none of them make any sense. What was said between us, what was done, etc? I keep making up the details as I go. The other thing is: every single person at that party knows my partner and respects/likes him. Surely if we were doing something inappropriate, someone would have said something? Surely I would have felt worried that someone would tell my partner? Surely I’d feel anxious by now about my partner finding out? I don’t know: deep down, I think I know it’s a false memory. But the situation feels so weird and unsettling that I’m considering either talking to my partner about it or confronting this friend. My next therapy session isn’t for another 2.5 weeks.

Idk how to caption it other than that. My whole life I’ve had an issue with memory hoarding and the upside has been that I have a really vivid memories of my childhood and I get to remember my best days, the main downside has always been I have a lot of childhood trauma too and I remember every detail meticulously like I can relive and reanalyze them which has caused issues in my healing. However as much pain as it is to remember bad things so well it’s always been a bit of a comfort bc at least I know for sure even if other people don’t know or don’t believe. But as of lately I I’ve been forgetting things, whether it’s what time I’m supposed to work (and I have compulsions when checking my work schedule bc I’m always scared of reading it wrong so I usually open it up read it close it and open it up again 2-3 times so I usually KNOW) or what day it is, or just small things that I don’t remember saying or doing that other people swear on. I just have always felt like I know at the very least I know and lately I don’t and I’m so scared of going crazy and losing myself like literally my biggest fear. So I hate this. Today is Friday I was convinced yesterday was Friday and I woke up today for my Saturday shift completely convinced today was Saturday. I hate being wrong and making those small mistakes because it’s terrifying to think about what else I’m remembering wrong, or what else do I not “know” that isn’t actually the truth? I’m just so scared of losing myself mind. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

So I don’t know if this is real event ocd or false memory ocd or maybe it can be both but when I was in one of my worst ocd episodes I had to record every conversation i interacted with because I would think I’m saying my thoughts out loud. So after work me and my mom went to a family’s birthday party and on the way there I was already scared that when they would open the door that i would say something inappropriate so I put my phone in my purse to make sure I didn’t. I ended up doing that getting past them but I can’t remember if I turned off my phone I feel and know that I did but not remembering every specific detail makes me think that evedybody there knows I’m recording people and that ima weirdo. I hate that I even had the ocd theme, I hate that I needed to record conversations to make myself feel better because now I look like a weirdo that’s taking videos without consent.

Hi all, I have false memory ocd, harm ocd and pure ocd, I also suffer really badly from intrusive thoughts every single day. I was minding my nephew last weekend and I got an intrusive thought that I’m ashamed off, I’m now worried that I acted on that intrusive thought and just can’t remember, there’s also a false memory image in my head of me acting on the thought which I’m scared is actually a memory even though deep down I know I didn’t act on it. I’m worried though that the fact I even had this thought in the first place means I’m inherently a bad person who would act on these thoughts. My stomach is sick with the worry I may have acted on it and can’t Remember, anyone else ever have something like this? I start meds and therapy next week so hoping that helps

At work I was talking abt my nieces and how much I love them. I forgot what I said exactly (which is making me so upset rn) but I love my nieces a lot and I shared that w my coworkers. One of them was like a 18 year old boy and he said “weirdo” or something. My other coworker was a 24 year old girl and she said “what? how is that weird” and now I feel like a criminal like what if I’m a weirdo or something idk I talk about my nieces sometimes, I’m a really proud Auntie fr. But yeah I feel like throwing up

Feel like I’ve been stuck in a spiral for a while. My OCD has come in waves over the years but this time it has been so debilitating. I’m in therapy, but I really struggle with sitting with uncertainty. My therapist will tell me to say, “Maybe, maybe not”. But so many of my fears and so much of my uncertainty feels too risky to just, “not figure out”. And if it’s not just thoughts, it’s actions or events. Whether it’s an event from years ago or 5 minutes ago, I feel like I’m ruminating and trying to perform memory recall. I analyze every action, thought, decision. I’m full of guilt and dread all the time. And then I realize how much it’s affecting my family and ability to be a fun and present parent. Most days I’m hardly functional outside of meeting my kid’s basic needs. I feel like I’m wasting so much time, but I just can’t get myself out of this constant loop. Every day brings a new event or theme or thought. I know I need to sit with the uncertainty but it’s so hard.

Ill edit the post in... What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... im so triggered...

I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!

im posting a lot about it, i was online dating with one peson whocwas 13(14 in a week) and i was 15, they knew that, we talked about lots of stuff and for some reason after we broke up i was scared i was grooming there without any intention. so when we got contact again because i contacted them again my ocd like kinda forced me i need to tell them that i am 14 too, just to like fix it or be safe or whatever, and after i told them that i also asked if i groomed them or if they felt groomed also as a compulsion and i added like i think "i know it's one year but" like im already expecting an aswer which was 'no'. and im scared this wws some sort of manipulation and i know i shouldn't ask for reassurance but i feel like i need it i just need to know if it was some sort of sexual assault. i didn't lied about my age to use them I didn't even want to lie but i felt i need to or else they'll tell somebody i abused them even tho i know that either way no matter if i lied or noy they'd say I didn't and they also don't even remember me anymore but im so terrified i did all because of ocd I didn't want to lie or manipulate i know it wqs wrong but just tell me was that abusive

I have false memory ocd and harm ocd and I’ve really lost it this time, I read an article about a girl going missing in my city and I convinced myself I had something to do with it and don’t remember cause I had 1 drink a month ago in the pub with my gf. The girl herself commented saying she wasn’t missing and I became obsessed with checking her page to make sure she was ok, I then blocked her to stop myself getting in the spiral of checking but in a moment of panic I unblocked her and I saw that she liked a video about being blocked so now I think that was in response to me. My gf told keeps telling me I did nothing wrong that night and it’s just my ocd again and I’d remember if anyhting bad happened cause I only had one drink and that girl doesn’t know me so it’s just a coincidence that she liked a video about blocking but I worry about it all day everyday, I just can’t stop checking or trying to find a way to ‘prove’ nothing happened, the more I check the worse it gets, I’ll going to lose my gf if this keeps up, I know she’s getting tired of my ocd, pls help

What if the reason I had that inappropriate dream with a man is because my 9 year old brother did something to me in real life while I was asleep and I just don’t remember?

UPDATE: ive TRIED to reduce my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... I assumed that the women who werent verified on there were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on were adults because of the fact it was an 18+ explicit server, so i assumed everyone was an adult on there... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Ive also been to literotica, a website dedicated to adult explicit literature... they also have a chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... This is why I dont want to be famous or widely recognized... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation... (edited)

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...