Welcome to
the NOCD Community

For anyone who has suffered from this, how do you manage this type of OCD on a daily basis? It’s crippling my day to day life and sometimes i even avoid driving to places.

Because of the harm ocd.. anybody else think about that all the time? 😫😫 I’m in therapy and she doesn’t think that way but I’m obsessing about it

It's hard even to write this. I will not be descriptive of any bit of content that can be in OCD problems, however I will be talking about how bad my problems are. I think it'd be better if this is only read by people without OCD (because i fear it might trigger/trouble other OCD sufferers). You don't have to read all of it, but if you want to give advice make sure you read the last small section which is after the ■■■ marker) I feel like likely nobody, even those with some similar OCD, even here in this app, wouldn't have such case that is so extreme and extensive and prolonged, and as it gets worse, and at times of flare up even when the flare up is over, my OCD is permanently worse, and it's so convoluted and with infinitely insane and overwhelming complications (a lot of what I'm saying is what some call intrusive 'thoughts', well, it has been part of my OCD for many years, but with time, and combined and more OCD that developed, it's just incomprehensibly bad, never heard of any similarly bad case. I have read what an OCD attack is. Helped to have some explanation therefore more understanding of myself. I guess I have had these times of severe flaring up. But I realised that what defines an OCD attack I have actually been having for a very long time, not just for small periods, but for months, and yeah though at times it's lesser than others, it's still to the extent that it's defined as an OCD attack. ■■■■■■■ Have gotten diagnosis. There's a lot of types and subtypes I have. But some isn't even categorised, some I've never seen identified by the world. And it's so all over the place and complex. Therapy hasn't been helpful (ERP/CBT). Medications (SSRI/antidepressants) are off limits as they've been quite bad for me and I can't be given anymore (long story). I'm in Australia. I've had several diagnostic tests with a clinical psychologist, I'll list which ones I scored highly on: •OCD •ADHD •Trauma/Complex_PTSD • General Anxiety Disorder for some of potential progress, like how medication for ADHD might help a big part of the problem, I'd need a psychiatrist which everywhere I checked I was told are so fully booked that I'd have to wait 1-2 years for ONE appointment. And from what I know it takes multiple appointments to see how a med works for you and if you should stay on it. Another small hope, in which there really isn't any progress at the moment, is Psilocybin psychotherapy. Has been proven immensely helpful for OCD in trials in America, and though this sort of treatment is appearing in Australia, they never mention OCD, and all the trials for it here have been for everything BUT OCD (it also happens to be the 2nd worst mental disorder on earth). It's been 1-2 years since it was approved for treatment-resistant depression only (still not very accessible, barely any professional even knows about it). Anyways, looking forward to hearing from you. (Please be a bit careful with what you write I'm at a quite triggerable state :| but still don't overthink it as in the end it's outside of your control). Thanks for your attention, I appreciate.

im about to give up. im struggling and nothing helps.i dont wanna be here anymore with these thoughts and fears.

So rocd keep making me thinking my girlfriend and sick of me, tired, bored and has lost interest. I am resisting my compulsions of talking and asking her about this, facing a lot of anxiety and distress. Two days ago she apologized for being distant and that she feels bad for acting like that and thinks its hurting me. I comforted her. She also said she doesnt know How to express herself Very well and I noticed this even before we started dating. Thing is I didnt say anything to her about my rocd and I always try to look Fine and always try to make she feel better. This made my rocd calm down for a while. It was like a reassurance and now rocd is coming all over again. I fear this because when I listen to rocd I feel extremely depressed and with suicidal thoughts. Last time this happened I started hurting myself and I fear acting out of this and trying to kill myself. Tomorrow I Will talk to my therapist, but I dont know If I Will talk about this, about my girlfriend and us. Sometimes I want to ask my therapist help and sometimes I feel like I am Just deceiving myself into thinking my girlfriend likes me. I dont know what to do.

I’m 20 years old and Christian.I’ve started having thoughts that one day I will be a drug addict and that I look like a drug addict.never in my life have I touched drugs or did them.i grew up in a household with people that did those things.my aunt passed away from it in 2015.my mom is set free because of making up her mind and jesus setting her free.I’ve dealt with other type of OCD thoughts.I’ve tried looking up fear of drugs and I found some people who struggled but not a whole lot like if I were to search up other OCD thoughts.every time I see someone that is struggling with drugs or is drunk it just scares me.I live in a small town so I can tell (I’m not in any way trying to assume someone else’s life but you can tell from certain people and I don’t judge them I really do feel bad for them).I’ve seen posts about people who’s face completely changed from drugs and it just terrifies me to the point where I’m going to panic.just like with harm OCD,I would see murder cases and immediately get scared that one day that would be me doing harm to someone.please tell me I’m not alone.I’m afraid of ever falling in love with someone who does do drugs,smokes or drinks because I know that who we hang around and get attached to,we will do what they do if we are not careful.hopefully this makes sense.again I’m not judging people who do them at all.I feel very bad for them because they are trying to fill a void with something that just isn’t worth it.at the same time it’s like I’m okay fearing it because it will keep from ever doing them because I know how much harm it does.I have thoughts and images of people drugging me.thoughts telling me “you look like a drug addict”.this is scaring me.some days I just want to move away where no one knows me.

I'm 17 and I was just wondering if it's OCD to think all of a sudden ' promise ok your pets life to go from one room to another within 30 seconds.' I used to be really scared and in Hinduism materialistic things (anything from sound sight touch taste smell etc) are ignoranve distracting you from god so I thought that by giving up things like not having chocolate for a day, not listening to music, etc I would be making 'sacrificws' to keep my rabbits alive. But then I started thinking things like 'promise on your rabbits life to eat this sweet for example' even if initially I was avoiding it because pleasures from taste are igorance. But now I keep getting it many times a day 'promise on your rabbits life to do this, do that, etc.' it's really interfering with studying and I have an offer for med school 🙏 but I'm not sure I'll be able to go

So since yesterday my harm ocd came back full force. Earlier I was picking up from the floor some pieces of a glass that broke yesterday. Before doing so, I checked that my cats were not in the room so that they wouldn't get hurt, and once I checked, I closed the door and started cleaning. Because I had intrusive thoughts while I was picking uo the shards, I started to feel anxious and decided to grab one of the pieces and examine to make sure it wasn't that sharp or dangerous so I could be calmer (worst mistake). When I grabbed it I started running one of my fingers on the edge of the glass and obviously cut myself but it was a very small cut, I panicked because I felt like I was trying to hurt myself on purpose, I don't even understand why I did that if I knew I was going to cut myself, but the worst thing was when one of my cats came out from under the bed (she always does that!)and I immediately felt so terrified that I was holding the piece of glass in my hand trying to test whether it would be harmful or not, without knowing that my cat was under the bed. As soon as I saw her come out, I immediately panicked a d dropped the piece of glass but the problem is that it could've falle on my cat because the moment I dropped it on the floor she was passing by me, it was a big piece and when it fell it was a centimeter away from falling on her head. That made me terrfied because I felt like I was about to hurt my cat, I opened the bedroom door immediately for her to get out and now I can't stop crying. I feel like she could've been hurt, she's totally fine, but that damng thing was about to fall on her and I don't know what would have happened if I hurt her. I let it fall because of the panic I felt, I didn't think clearly, now i'm spirling thinking I did it on purpose. I don't even know why I grabbed that thing in the first place knowing it could harm myself or someone else. I am feeling worse than ever right now!! Someone pls help

Just obsessing because I’m worried I damaged my retinas because I didn’t realize the sun could cause damage throughout a span of a couple of hours and I thought it was just during the peak of the eclipse. I should have been more prepared. I was walking out to my car to head home probably like 15 mins before the peak of the eclipse and the sun reflected off my car into my eye for a second. And then I was in my car worried and I have a sun roof and i glanced up and saw it for a split second again. So I just feel like I should have better prepared and wish I could go back and not been careless. I keep trying to look things up but idk.

Does anyone ever fear that they’re going to be the one that actually acts on their harm OCD urges? I know people with OCD are some of the most compassionate and non violent people but I fear I’m going to just mess up and give in, despite the therapy or the encouraging words. It makes me terrified to feel like I could be beyond help some days

I'm stuck. My compulsions always centered around expelling all anxiety from myself, but now I've found something external that can't be neutralised - completely ego-dystonic centered around the most horrific thing I've encountered in my life and the thought that someone could know I had watched it and thought I was genuinely into it sexually. I always clung to this idea that I could expel enough anxiety that it wasn't bothering me. Wouldn't be perfect, but I could at least get rid of it enough to function well. But this has knocked me down completely: This is a thought that will always cause me anxiety anytime I think it, every social situation, every day at work is a ticking time bomb where I feel I have to avoid it. There's positives. I've learned a lot about my compulsions around perfectionism socially. After the anxiety passes I'm still confident, I'm still funny, it doesn't affect my personality. I know it isn't me. But I can't laugh off the subject matter like I would normally do, and no matter what I do I will always be able to think something that causes me anxiety on this. And when it does, my anxiety slaughters me. It throws me cognitively, if I've eaten anything, I get to taste it twice; that happened yesterday - Thankfully I have a great relationship with my manager and team leader so could convince them to keep it between us and keep working but the moment you feel your stomach go and the saliva starts to come, it's coming up whether you want it or not. The anxiety spike hits me when I wake up in the night, stopping me sleeping. When I'm enjoying myself 'too much, it brings it up to put me in my place. When I go to the gym or out with friends, the fear of the anxiety hits me. It's actually not even the situation anymore, it's the anxiety about the anxiety. But I've watched myself slide backwards from all the incredible progress I've made. I've made mistake after mistake feeding compulsions I never should've done, all the time working towards a different compulsion that I thought would magically fix all this. That's the most insidious thing about OCD. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. I've never had this before. Never something external that can't be resolved. I can't sleep much. Can't eat a lot. Watching my muscle mass deteriorate. What if it happens on a date? What if it happens in an interview? Why this? Why did my OCD latch on to something this disgusting (That one probably answers itself actually haha). Either this helps me finally realise that not all thoughts are meant to be resolved, reveals more about the OCD and helps me improve. Or it doesn't. Anyone had anything like this? A period of sustained downhill with the OCD that you pulled out of? Something external that you couldn't ever get confirmation of, but helped you in the end? Maybe didn't, but you still soldiered on anyway. Just looking for a little optimism tbh.

tw for mention of SA I've been really thinking back on something that happened to me as a child, and if it was the direct cause of my OCD. I'm not sure if OCD has any direct causes, but I think I know what triggered mine. As a child, at around 5, I was SA and I feel like it's what started it. I started getting my first intrusive thoughts soon after this happened and they mainly related to fears of it happening again or me doing it to other people. It kept progressing until where I am now. I feel really guilty because I don't know if I'd still have OCD today if it never happened. I know I was a child but I wish I could have fought back more and I wish I stopped it before it could happen I just feel so bad about everything and I feel like all my problems right now could have been prevented

Does anyone ever worry that they’re inherently a bad person just waiting to do something horrific?

Experiencing a theme switch and it completely blindsided me. I feel very alone. This was the one theme I didn’t want. It’s not super awful my harm ocd was much more difficult but this one is way more isolating. I can’t share my thoughts 😭😭 any encouragement would help. Thank you..

I've been doing so much better these past 2 weeks, I actually thought I was beginning o recover... However a few minutes ago I had a horrific thought about one of my cats, she was lying next o me on the bed with her belly up and I was stroking her, I was actually comfortable being by her and was petting her and kissing her and she looked so cute when suddenly my eyes drifted to the lower part of her belly and these horrific thought popped up saying: "I wamt to r*p3 my cat " I also got a horrible intrusive image, and I was absolutely disgusted but felt little to no anxiety to the thought which is really scary. I had to get away from her out of fear of hurting her and now I feel like i'm spiraling and falling back down into the deep dark hole I was at. I was feeling good today (i haven't felt like this in almost a year) and now I can be with my cats normally, comparing when my harm OCD was at it's peak I couln't even be near them. So why is this happening again, and why did I look at my cat's pr*vate parts and felt I did it purpose w bad intentions????!! I don't want to hurt my kitty 😭

I have this classmate, we are going to call him L. L From the moment one was strange, starting to say that he liked gore and things like that, guess what, that activated my H-OCD again, it made me very bad. I talked to him, I told him not to talk about things like thst whit me. He didn't listen and now I'm trying to get away from him. People, if you are around people of this style, stay away, you are not exaggerating, if it hurts you it hurts you and that's it, you deserve to feel good This guy is really disgusting and strange, he scares me and makes me extremely obsessive

I have made so much progress but recently had a set back since the thoughts started coming in not as what ifs but more like urges with commands like “do it” “you’ll be so much happier if you did” “he’ll be better off that way” etc etc.. I’ve done exposures with knives and other things that helped lessen the severity but how can I “accept” the thoughts when I feel like they are the worse thing ever. I had one the other day that was like oh you should take out life insurance on him.. like how can I just sit with that? I don’t get as much anxiety with them and the doubt makes me now think what if I actually have intent to do it now… any moms out here who are going through this… how did you learn to just accept the thoughts as just that.. thoughts?

Even when I fall asleep feeling really good I will wake up in guilt and scared I have harm ocd and it’s like I’m scared I did something in my sleep so I feel better when everyone in my family is asleep I also lock my door at night and it’s always still locked when I wake up which helps a little but I’m not sure what to do all this stems from an article I seen about a guy who dreamt of fighting flamingos and ended up killing his family and this scared me sooo much

Hello guys I just got recently diagnosed with OCD last year along with anxiety I've had since the day I can remember. And with MDD which I've figured for awhile I had but never got diagnosed for it till last year in November. Just to summarize with what I have I guess. Anyways I've struggled with Harm Ocd mainly, it's only really been that along with contamination and just little other themes but never been main ones. More so the first one I said. But recently I've had a new main theme I guess I could say and it's POCD I think, if that's what I have or if I'm potentially am one, I'm just not sure. So about a month ish ago I started just thinking about ages and stuff and like idk I guess I was just thinking, and then I remember thinking about how I thought my younger brothers friend was cute but not in a sexual way just like a oh he's cute. And I have a boyfriend and I told him all of this already just a fyi. But it's because I noticed he had really nice eyes and the first thing I notice in people are eyes. So one day I did ask him if they were contacts because it did seem a bit like sus haha, but anyways my brother said they were and I was like I knew it. But now been thinking like I can't be finding someone younger than me cute or attractive. I'm 22 and he's 4 years younger than me. But I guess to get straight to the point I've just been overthinking a lot and now when I see people underage or teens and so on I did get nervous looking at them especially at work or just in public places. Or if I saw a younger person than me, for example had nice hair I would think oh wow he has nice hair but then I'll start like looking at them more and I guess almost testing myself to see if I'm attracted and so on. And I'd covience myself I am. At least that's what I think. But I did tell my boyfriend all of this and he told me he thinks it's me just noticing attractive features but not in a sexual way. Like if someone underage had really nice eyes or like cute freckles or something that's a "normal" thing but he thinks I'm taking it to the extreme. I can't really quite explain it well by what he means but hopefully it makes sense. And I've always been attracted to people my age or older like celebs and stuff. I remember a few years ago when I was 18 there was a new movie that came out and I thought the guy was cute, and I watched it over and over cause I did like the movie too. But I remember I was looking up the cast after watching it like 5 times that week, and I saw he was 17 or 16 turned 17, and I was like nope he's too young for me. And it sounds stupid but I was never really into people 1 year younger than me before. And ironically my bf is like 10 months younger than me but he looks older and people always think he's 26. So I guess I'm just kinda confused, like now there's a family friend we have, not that close but fb friends type of thing with my mom. And her kid has cancer now, and he's like maybe 8 or 9, but I looked at the pic and was like that sucks you know. Just found out last night too. And then I went to see if she posted any updates about him, but it was the same pic and I was like looking at him and I was like oh he's cute, like a cute kid and then I was like dang, he looks like his dad A LOT. Because he grew a bit compare to the last time I saw him. Ugh even typing this is making me sound like a creep. But like I was saying I was just like dang he looks like his dad a lot and I use to think my family friends dad was cute haha but like I said not in a desire way, like even my mom thought he was cute and my best friend too haha. But I did went through her fb to look at her pics and I would see him in every pic and I just would keep checking if I'm attracted to him or not and so on and it just confuses me because I'm like I use to think his dad was a handsome looking dude and now his kid really looks like him. So now I'm thinking like maybe I am, and like idk just disturbing thoughts pop up. And I will say before those thoughts came up, I was telling my mom we should make a superhero basket for him with toys and fun stuff to cheer up the family and him. And all those thoughts came after that. So honestly I'm just at a lost. I just can't tell if I am or not or if I'm a danger to underage teens and kids. I just feel very disentitize to all of this now too, like I said a month ago I was pretty like stressed out and worried and just overthink and cry here and there because I was like nope it can't be. But now I just feel numb and like I just feel like I don't care anymore, sometimes it'll come up and I'm like I just don't care about this anymore and move on. Or if I'm like oh he was cute or attractive or had a nice smile it just doesn't give me anxiety anymore it just like oh well. Like I don't know and my Depression comes in episodes every other few weeks so I do get emotionally numb sometimes. I guess what I wanna say is sometimes I think I'll be a predator or a groomer and I just get worried it will happen but right now I don't feel much. But like before I'd worry about it and stuff. And I just don't know what to do, and if I am, like I don't know I just feel lost and confused. And I'm asexual too, so that probably explains why I never see anyone and think sexual things with them, even with Adults. And here's the main thing too. I've been through SA trauma when I was younger for a bit. And growing up I always hated those types of people and stuff, like I always told myself I'd protect kids etc. And even considered being a CPS too throughout my life. Like I don't know I've always wanted to help out those in need. But I remember reading something about how a "P" people were victims of that so that's why they are the way they are. And I know a lot of them don't do that. But it just makes me think since I went though it maybe I'll be one too. And be a hypocrite to everything I've told myself growing up. So sometimes I think I'm just messed up in the head now, I really think having the Harm ocd type was so much easier because I'd just avoid certain objects and stuff. But this is just different and I will say about a week ago I did feel digusted because I was like if this is what I am, like why? Like sometimes I just think maybe I want to and so on etc. The Harm ocd theme I had was completely different than this, like I was afraid to do anything or even use scissors to cut a tag off my shirt and intrusive thoughts would kick in. I even stopped seeing my Bf for awhile because i thought I was gonna hurt him and so on .So this one has been tricky and such. I'm just confused. And I know you're not supposed to reassure on here because of OCD, I just needed to vent. And I wanted to ask for suggestions on where to get help or how to go about this? I've been wanting to talk to my mom about this because she has been there for me when all this ocd stuff happened last year but I'm just afraid to. It's been a Rollercoaster for the past 2 Years since I've been dealing with medical issues that causes me to use mobility aids and stuff. So I've just been in a deep tunnel and I'd just like to talk to someone or get advice on where to get help for this. Or who to talk to. I've been afraid to post on here because this subject is tricky. But I just needed to express what's been going on in my mind. Obviously there's a lot more to it but this is what's been on my mind today. I'm sorry it's a long message, but thank you to anyone who responds.

Hey y’all! I just joined this community. I am really excited to grow in overcoming OCD in my brain. I’ve had anxiety and phobias my entire life and have had OCD for about 1.5 years now. I have POCD, harm OCD, and general compulsive thoughts about doing things out of character. I have these mostly in social situations or even when I am alone thinking I might post something in a group chat. I don’t like traveling alone because I am afraid of what I might do. I am tired of feeling alone and I’ve been misdiagnosed several times which has made me feel helpless. But I know there is hope. I know there is a way forward and this has a name. 💪🏼🌞