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So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

I love my son more than anything. Just writing that's making me tear up from guilt of these violent thoughts. Everyday for the last 2 weeks I cry. I don't want to move from my couch. He's 6 and he looks up to me and is always around me and I feel so guilty from these thoughts I want to avoid him but I can't. I feel guilty whenever a happy thought comes up or when I do anything I like. The ocd tells me why r u doing anything you enjoy remember what you were thinking earlier. My brain is constantly ruminating this specific scenario it's conjured up that makes me frozen. As soon as I wake up the thoughts start and never end. its a struggle to get ready for work and even go home or go to the gym all things I love. I haven't hidden knives around my house because I think I'm giving in if I do. I know coming on here is a compulsion but I can't help it today. I'm ready to just runaway but something in me keeps me from leaving the family I love so much. I'll get through this but had to write it out

Hey everyone, looking for advice! Or just to talk about this.. I have suicidal ocd and have for awhile. I go to therapy for it. I am just scared that I am depressed and actually thinking about suicide as an option. I don’t want to be thinking about that. Sometimes the thoughts feel quieter so it tricks me. Anyone else deal with this? I get thoughts like “you don’t care about life, you don’t want to be here” blah blah. It feels like it’s trying to make me think I’m depressed.

My ocd convinces me that no one else has the ocd thoughts I have. I am newly PP and had an intrusive thought about my baby that sent me into the worst panic attack imaginable. I went to OBGYN and she said “but you aren’t having thoughts about harming yourself or the baby right?” I had to lie. I obviously didn’t want the thought, it’s my biggest fear. But how can we be honest with our doctors without being locked away. I had visions of them taking my child from me or me being locked away and now I’m just spiraling. I went down the rabbit hole for sure. How do we know what intrusive thoughts we can tell our doctor/therapist??? If I can’t share what’s going on in my head, then how am I supposed to know that I am not alone 😭. I want to find a therapist on here to work with but my ocd convinces me that no one else has struggled with what I have for some reason or that my ocd is “different” and I’ll be reported. This is miserable. Can anyone else relate? It’s like it convinces you that you are the “worst case” & what If it’s not even ocd. This has kept me from getting the therapy I know I need. Hope someone can give me some insight…

Hello, I think it’s fairly obvious at the moment I am struggling with terrible harm related intrusive thoughts / harm ocd. I feel so distressed and anxious about these horrendous thoughts its to the point I’m crying out of panic or avoiding anything that may cause harm, but the thing is i have this horrible like “intrusive feeling” throughout my body that feels really strong despite my distress to the thoughts I just have this feeling of what if i snap throughout my body. I also feel whats severely effecting me is that if i did it like “What if I actually did it” “No but what if i did” “Anyone is capable of it” and then the feeling gets worse and stronger and it makes me even more anxious. I know it is Harm OCD but i feel so distressed so anxious even to the point im waking up in the middle of the night with horrid thoughts that distress me and i find it hard to sleep due to the feeling / thoughts. If anyone can relate to this I really hope you can reply, offering advice or sharing your experience because the worst part of Ocd is feeling abnormal and alone and this is what I am feeling and its hurting me so badly. I feel low , exhausted. 💕

Does anyone else get the theme of fear of going crazy or into a psychosis ? I’ve been having that fear lately and it has been the worse ever. I’ve never had these thoughts before and I don’t know what triggered them that they won’t go way. I couldn’t eat for days from how scared I was of these thoughts. I keep having intrusive thoughts like what if you’re imagining it for example I was at TJ Maxx with my mom and I was looking for her and when I saw her a thought popped into my head like “what if that’s not her and your imagining it” it was so scary that I wanted to cry. Of course apart of me knows that’s not true but the thoughts keep popping up. I’m so scared and just want to be myself again. So if anyone has gone through this theme can you please tell me what helped you. I’ve also struggled with harm ocd, suicidal ocd and a lot of health anxiety. I can’t afford therapy so if yall have any recommendations on what helped your ocd please let me know. I’m so tired and feel so helpless. I want my life back.

its been over a month and im losing hope of these thoughts ever going away. im so sick of this. every waking second im just over here thinking im a serial killer. i’ve convinced myself the only thing that would make my thoughts go away is if i act on them or end my own life. i cant keep doing this..

Having ocd can either make life difficult or painful or both depending on the theme(s). For me it’s painful. My ocd latches onto my children. I have very upsetting harm and pocd intrusive thoughts. Sometimes it’s easy to shrug them off but other times the ocd makes it seem likes it’s me thinking these things and it feels so real and it has me so depressed. I never used to see any parents posting about this but recently there have been a few. I know it’s really hard to talk about but sharing can help us all feel less alone and more supported. I’m grateful to anyone that offers support because I feel so defeated lately. 😞

How do you go about your life when ERP therapy is so stressful. I have harm ocd and by making me watch horror movies etc . is just making it worse. I'm really worried I'm being brainwashed into being what I dont want to be . Does this mean ERP is not for me? I also have no compulsions just pure O .

How do you get back to cuddling, hugging on, and loving your babies? Please only positive things here. I used to be able to hold, love on, cuddle, hug my babies and loved it!! Now it’s so hard. I’m praying and believe God will get me through this. My babies need affection and love right now. I have seen a NOCD counselor and will possibly start again soon. What worked for you? This not only hurts us. It’s hurts our little ones, I believe!

Make you feel like you actually do? I’ve always checked my feelings to try and find my “real” ones and now…when I check, my brain runs away with the thought and makes me feel like I’d actually enjoy hurting my dog. Please help.

Hello everyone. My name is Cathy and I have severe intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of no where. However only one thought at a time. I fixate on that scary thought for days and days and my anxiety builds up and up. I try to then attack the suggested catastrophic thought such I may have this disease or going to die from that disease or rot in hell etc. scary thoughts always. I try and do a ton of research on line to counter attack the thought trying to prove it wrong and this helps me but if I can’t find something that proves I won’t get the disease or have it already or prove other things too depending on what the thought is, it doesn’t help at all and can make it worse. Is anyone out there experiencing what I have. I don’t have ocd cleaning or washing or checking but have intrusive scary thoughts.

So I have this new thought that is “I have to do what my ocd is saying to do (which involves my kids)for these thoughts to go away”. Is this remotely normal for harm ocd? I feel so disgusting for even having this cross my mind. I feel like such a horrible mother. 😭

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

The other day I was with my mom and I had these intense urge to do this horrible thought, and a knife was in the table and I grabbed it but I grabbed it knowing that I know I was not capable of doing it and I put in the sink, I had to grab it in order for me to stop the “urge” that I was having. I love this women with all my life she’s been my inspiration to keep going forward, but ocd is telling me that I grabbed the knife because I actually wanted to do it. I don’t know if what I did was ok or not, or if I’m actually dangerous.

I have severe various forms of ocd. Now it’s harm related. I love my family and daughter but today all of the sudden when I’m driving I had a horrible thought of: omg i will kill my own child one day because I’m crazy. And this thought is so horrifying because I have no intentions of harming anyone but these thoughts come up and I’m freaking out…anyone else have extreme intrusive thoughts?

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

So i don't have access to an OCD psychologist and I really wanted to try ERP so I tried it on my own, but to be honest it made me feel sometimes worse. The only exercise I was doing was the look into a mirror and say "You might be gay, you might be bi, you might be straight it does not mather" I did it like 3 times per day. After some time I started having stronger compulsions and had a small amount of time where i was at my worse (even doing self harm) thinking I was just gay and should just acept it and that by saying it i was just acepting it. Do you think i did something wrong?

Having a recurring intrusive thought that im evil bc when i was 14 i was dog sitting and I was told by the owner to tug on the dogs leash when he would stop walking to keep him moving. Well I did that and he was very stubborn so I remember tugging harder than I should have out of impatience which makes me hate myself so much. The problem is I can’t remember the specifics of the memory like how hard it was or if he was hurt. I do remember him coughing which is terrifying. Like half a year later he passed away and I’m always scared that I hurt him. He was old and I hate myself for being so impatient. I just wish I could remember correctly. How do I live with myself?

Recently I’ve been struggling with obsessing about becoming depressed and not being able to control myself. It started when I was trying to be empathetic for my friends who are going through depression and suicidal thoughts. After hearing about all of that I started to obsess about those feelings. I bought books about how to not be depressed and listen to music that is anti depression. I’m so scared of becoming depressed and having any negative self harming thoughts. I was so scared of rope that was brought home, that I told my parental figure to remove the rope from the house out of the fear of harming myself. Hi my name is Anais, I am 15 years old and I go to a prep school. Currently I am on summer break.All of these feelings have all suddenly spiked during the summer. At school I had none of this. I am reaching out because I don’t know how to cope with these stressful feelings. I am scared of being depressed and self harming. Every day these what if thoughts about self harm are on my mind. Like example “what if I’m depressed” “ what if I’m like suicidal” and I become super afraid of myself. Do you have ways to cope. I think because of these obsessions I am slowly gonna actually be depressed and that scares me more. Like my mind is trying to put me in the shoes of someone else even though I know I’m not depressed. This literally spiked over summer. I have had obsessions before like constantly being scared that my throat was closing so I avoided foods that I didn’t regularly eat. I don’t know how I got over it. I constantly read books about depression, listen to podcast, and make sure I can do whatever I can to not be depressed. I also talk about my feelings to loved ones and friends all the time. I’m scared of being depressed. Does anyone have advice to overcome fear of harming themselves or advice for overcoming feelings that aren’t mine. My mind is trying to trick me into feeling sad so it can prevent me from feeling depressed ever.