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is there anyone who can talk I really just need someone who can maybe leave some insight about the specific issue im having I'm so scared and everything is too vague and it's important

My gf and I broke up (I initiated), and decided to go no contact for a little bit until my ROCD is settled down and u tik I make a decision as to whether or not we should get back together. But I’m not sure if I broke up with her because if genuine issues in our relationship or if my rocd was getting to be too much so I figured breaking up with her was the easiest route to stop the rocd thoughts. How do I know if my thoughts about my gf and I breaking up are real versus rocd thoughts? I feel good right now (being broken up) but I’m thinking that’s because it is my rocd thoughts have gone away bc I’m not in a relationship anymore. I would always question if we were meant to be together and would get worried when I recognized that I found someone else attractive. Please help, I don’t know what to do.

Im having such a hard time trying to figure out if l'm bi or lesbian while IN a relationship with my boyfriend l'm so confused someone please give me some perspective I'm desperate to just feel okay in my relationship again without feeling guilty or confused about if I'm truly attracted to my partner or men in general. l'm questioning everything.

Please someone leave any advice or similar stories. I had identified as bi and then had fears about my sexuality a few years ago, and decided on the term unlabeled to describe my sexuality to anyone who asked and it made me the most comfortable because i was confused about my romantic atraction and sexual attraction towards women vs men. Recently, seemingly triggered by pride month and people discussing comp het, while in a relationship with my boyfriend I have been dealing with fears of wondering if I'm really attracted to men at all or what attraction really feels like and being sexually aroused by explicit images of women I had seen by accident. I am worried that I am experiencing comp het or I'm in the wrong relationship or I'm going to hurt my boyfriend. I have also voiced all of this to him and he is there for me, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have other anxieties about my relationship and worry if those are ocd related or not as well(such as worrying about limerence) but I'm just so terrified. I feel that just because I have ocd that doesn't mean I can have these experiences that other queer people actually have and it makes me worried that I coukd go years without ever knowing just for one day to know and my whole world to be flipped upside down. I'd rather die than for that to be my reality. Someone please leave advice or tips it's all so appreciated.

TW SUICIDE i’m kinda just throwing this out in the void, i don’t really plan on taking myself off anon because of past experiences i know i’ve had ocd or at least intrusive thoughts for a while, at least 16/17 (i’m 21 now). i had people tell me that had them too that it didn’t mean i was a bad person, and that i didn’t want to act on them. i was doing ok with them for a while until i told the wrong people online essentially people tried to write callouts for me on social media/try to doxx me/send suicide baits. it got so bad that i did actually attempt, although it was pretty half assed (handful of pills washed down with vodka). i put myself into a php a few days later with the sole intention of working on my thoughts, only for them to immediately try to hospitalize me the second i said anything. obviously i shut down and didn’t work with them at all, i was in the troubled teen industry and quite literally got left inside of a psych ward alone locked into the day room for 40 minutes for about a year? maybe more people constantly tried to prove i was a pedophile. any “weird” interaction i had with anyone younger than me, having interest in fandom/shipping/sexual interest in minor characters (i was 17 so honestly a non issue regardless), even posting anime figures at one point people told me was “proof”. i would try to tell them i had this form of OCD, and that would make them tell me to kill myself even harder, like it was proof i jerked off to children or something. i constantly tried to remake my social media and people chased me everywhere i went, it took me deleting everything for a year and completely cutting off almost everyone i knew to get rid of it. it damaged me so much, i relapsed (self harm) multiple times because of it, and the other violent intrusive thoughts got worse during it. i believe people started to attempt to doxx me as well but weren’t very good at it thank god i don’t struggle with the POCD as much anymore, but my harm OCD is really bad. i also have dissociative identity disorder, and i have an alter who has latched on specifically to the POCD so badly i refuse to let him front because i’m terrified he’s going to hurt someone. he’s threatened to do it, and boasted about liking it/hurting me as “punishment” for existing i guess. constantly i get flashbacks that my brain tries to fix, and i get stuck in this loop of these flashbacks, violent thoughts, and trying to “fix” them. i’ve tried to accept them but then my alters just tell me i’m a horrible person and it reflects onto me, or the other alters consistently have to remind me it’s not my fault and i can’t control them/it’s just a disorder. i hate falling asleep because it’s all i ever think about then it feels like. cant really go on trains, i had therapists almost encouraging the behavior by telling me just not to go to doctors when i’d have rumination about not being listened to/blown off/medical malpractice for my disabilities. i’m at least a little better now with my health and sticking up for myself, but it feels like the violent thoughts are never gonna end and it’s just some kind of cruel joke for me existing wrong, like i have all this trauma, literally multiple disorders mental and physical because of it, and my brain will never let me be happy. it has to remind me of my suffering constantly and that 12-15 year old me somehow couldn’t prevent my medical/other traumas and it’s AlL mY fAuLt. not to mention the constant fear that if i talk about this i’ll be locked away forever, like i literally was as a child, and how it quite literally was validated the second i tried to at first. i want help, but help feels like risking my sanity, freedom, and identity as a human being and i fucking hate that. thanks for reading if you do, and i’m really interested to know if anyone else on here is a troubled teen / residential “survivor” i guess. this is only to corrupt, abusive facilities, not ones that actually help people as ik there are some good ones out there. i just didn’t get to go to those. 🫠🫠

My OCD has gotten better, at least as good as it can get, but my depression has been awful lately. I take 100mg of Zoloft, and I feel as though I’m going backwards. It’s helped my anxiety a ton, but it feels as if it’s made my depression worse. I spoke with my PCP, and she recommended adding 75mg of Wellbutrin. I’m picking it up today. I’m hoping this can help me. If not, I’ll switch everything and start taking Luvox. It’s so annoying trying to find the right meds when you’re already struggling. Anyone else taking Wellbutrin in combination with another med ?

My OCD has been worse lately. I'm struggling with a lot of homopohia OCD, which is extra disheartening as an agender and transmasculine person who considers themself gay for men. It's internalized too, because my OCD will convince me I'm not really trans or I see myself as a girl and only call myself 'gay' for harmful reasons (which hurts to ruminate on my own identity). I'll get anxiety around seeing certain gay stuff and won't know why, and then my ocd will hit me with the 'you're just homophobic/transphobic'. For example, a musician I love came out as gay, and I think that's awesome! But my ocd is saying I'm transphobic and it was hard to listen to them for a couple days (but I got over it and still love this artist). I just dont want to be homophobic or transphobic to others or myself. I love queer culture and gender non-conformidy and am a huge advocate for embracing sexual/gender identities. But my ocd will either say I'm that or that I'm fetishizing being gay. All my obsessions have just been bringing me to tears lately, I'm worrying about a lot of different things and it's making my depression worse. I've been off meds for a week because my psychiatrist dropped me suddenly and it's been rough since.

Around 4 years ago, I did something actually really bad regarding my relationship. My girlfriend and I have discussed it at length for a long time now, and the type of event I committed has an entire recovery community around it. Like there are very specific ways of healing from this kind of event. One of the most important things to do that everyone stresses is to discover all the “whys” behind the behavior. Why did I do what I did? What went wrong with me? What was I thinking? Why was I thinking it? I’ve talked about a lot of these “whys” with my girlfriend, but recently she has decided (with the help of her therapist) to set boundaries around my confessing. She doesn’t want to hear anymore about these past thoughts or what was going on in my mind. Hard stop. She feels she knows enough, and she forgives me and wants to move forward. I’m terrified. Another “why” has recently popped into my head that I haven’t confessed. It feels especially egregious and serious to confess. I feel like she would be very hurt if she knew, and I’m afraid it would change her mind about deciding to be with me. I shared all this with her without confessing the actual thought/event/intention, and even knowing all that, she still doesn’t want me to confess. She says it wouldn’t change how she feels. But obviously she can’t know that for sure, because she doesn’t know what it is I’m feeling the need to confess. How do I not feel like I’m hiding something important? I feel like she doesn’t know how awful I truly am. I feel like this “why” would hurt her deeply, and I don’t want to hurt her, but she deserves to know what kind of person I am/was. I had a therapy session today and talked briefly about it, but it just brought up more anxiety. I have a packed day ahead including dinner and karaoke with her and our friends, but I just don’t feel good. I can’t stop thinking about this. How do I stay present with all this fear, guilt, shame, and doubt?

Peanut butter has been one of my go to snacks since I was a kid, I eat it by the spoonful right out of the jar, or I use to. It was around two years ago that the brand I always got had a recall for a possible salmonella outbreak and ever since then I haven't been able to eat peanut butter and it makes me so sad. I can eat things with peanut butter in it, like candy but not just peanut butter. I keep getting jars of peanut butter, determined to get over this fear but I always fail. This time it's extra frustrating. Last week I got another jar and I even look at the old recall notice again and the numbers on my jar aren't listed and not only that but there was never an outbreak, all tests came back negative it said the recall was just a precaution basically but even then I can't bring myself to eat it. It's extra frustrating now because OCD wise I've been doing a lot better in a lot of ways and I thought I was finally getting a grip on things but this all reminded me how crazy and unwell I still am. I keep trying to psych myself up to just eat it and I'll see it's fine and I'm fine but the more I try the worse my anxiety gets it. I think I had salmonella before, or some type of food poisoning and it was so traumatic and scary that a decade later I almost never have a day where I don't think about it. Any advice on how I can overcome this?

I’m too far gone I don’t think I can ever recover that part of me that didn’t constantly worry my brain is now bringing up things that I did when I was a kid I didn’t know any better I really am sorry but I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong I was curious and I shouldn’t have done it

hey all:) hoping i get some responses in this. i’ve been doing a lot better, but something i’m noticing is a. obsessing over obsessing and b. my brain going back and forth about my relationship. when im calm i feel so light and happy and open with my partner, but i find that my brain loves to switch back and forth and “rationalize” the thoughts i “used” to have. i’ll think: wow i don’t know where this is going but i feel happy and good! and other times that thought will make me anxious and ill be like “well what if i’m just settling, i’ve been ocd and anxious a lot in this relationship, what if it’s just not the right person? i don’t feel like i did in my last relationship (note this was an emotionally draining and abusive one), i can love someone and not be in love maybe that’s it, but are you REALLY sure and POSITIVE you like her, want this, blah blah these are all things that i can definitely accept and allow to be thoughts. i’ve been doing much better on this. but they are also things that my ocd has latched on to make me feel like it’s not an intrusive thought atp. i know i want to be with my partner and i know that this is something im working on and that it’s ocd. the thought of leaving her pains me. she checks all my boxes and loves me so much, and wouldn’t want to find anyone else! so i guess im asking, how do you feel secure and confident in continuing in relationships with uncertainty, how to you securely and confidently hold your ground with ocd and change your perspectives! i hope this makes sense

Does anyone have any good book recommendations with characters who have OCD? I know Turtles All The Way Down is a very popular choice, and I do love the book as well as John Green himself, but I would love more options. I am also open to nonfiction book recommendations about varying topics around OCD (such as how to better handle OCD, the authors experience with OCD firsthand, understanding the inner workings of OCD, and more).

Is it wrong to be here if I don't have an OCD diagnosis? I know for a fact I have really horrible intrusive thoughts I can't deal with and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with a regular therapist because they may not be equipped to deal with it and I already feel like a bad person. So I thought using an app where the diagnosis directly works with that would be a lot more comfortable for me.

I think I have suffered from some forms of pure ‘o’ OCD for a while now, but I am not sure as they come and go and change with time. At the moment I cannot stop obsessing over the thought that I must be a pedophile, despite having no desire to harm children and no attraction to children. Now even the thought of the word ‘children’ or the sight of them makes me feel anxious and on edge that I will for some reason harm them or everyone will know that I am a molester even though I am not and would never want to be. I also cannot stop trying to look into the past to see if I ever behaved inappropriately around children and testing/bargaining with myself when there are children around to prove to myself that I am in fact normal. It is very hard to focus on anything, so sometimes performing weird rituals like counting to 8 and not stepping on the cracks helps to soothe me, but I have resorted to harming myself at worse moments. Also, when I was growing up, I thought I had sexuality based OCD or anxiety because I was terrified of being a lesbian. I would try and bargain and explain myself out of the idea that I could be gay, and try to find evidence that would prove to myself that I was straight. However, I have since accepted that part of myself and dismissed it as denial, but now I am experiencing similar anxiety levels with this suspected POCD. Now I am afraid that this means I am not truly queer, or even worse, that it is not POCD and I am in danger of becoming a pedophile in the future. However, when I was anxious over my sexuality I think I did on some level know that I was attracted to women, whereas I don’t have a clue where these thoughts that I would harm children have come from. However it was a while ago and I can’t stop obsessing that they are the same thing; these thoughts are extremely distressing so I don’t know what to do.

I sometimes wonder if I even have OCD. My primary subtype is Real Event. Even my other subtypes (POCD, ROCD) usually revolve around specific real events. I have over 10-15, and they are all actually really bad. Confirmed really bad. Some of the most immoral things a person can do without going to jail. I just wasn’t a good person at all between the ages of like 16-22. I had an incredibly poor moral compass and I did so many hurtful, harmful things without second thought or consideration for others. I don’t even feel like I have OCD. My first therapist thought so, and my current therapist is starting ERP with me next week per her suggestion (I did ERP with my first therapist). But since all of my worries, fears, regret, and shame are actually real and valid, treating the constant memories and shame like OCD feels like a cop out. I actually was a very immoral person. I know that having OCD isn’t really about the events themselves, but how I respond to them (ruminating, mental review, confessing, researching, etc.). It just feels so wrong trying to be happy when I’ve done so many genuinely fucked up things. I don’t deserve to move forward. I just want support, I want to know what’s wrong with me. But I don’t feel like I belong here. Everyone on here seems so genuinely good. Especially regarding feared real events. I see posts here of people fearing that they did things 1/100th as bad as things I’m actually certain I’ve done. People are so afraid that they are what I am actually proven to be. I’m not trying to discount anyone’s experience, but I’ve never read a confession on here as bad as even my least concerning event. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel sick when I think of the things I’ve done, but I feel even more sick when I’m not thinking about it. These memories are too severe to let go. I’m growing so tired, and my hope fades more and more by the day. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve changed, what’s done is done. Who am I to try and be happy after what I’ve done?

Lately I've been having a bit of paranoia due to one of my events. I do art commissions for money. Late last year I took a kind of big commission. It was something I hadn't tried before and wasn't super comfortable doing but I took it anyway because I wanted the money. While working on it I got less and less confident and ended up getting too anxious to work on it and kept putting it off. Because of my avoidance I didn't realize the commissioner was trying to contact me about an update until I finally worked up the courage to check my socials until early this year. I apologized genuienly and refunded them immediately. I then took a break from taking them because I had a habit of taking more than I could chew. There was another commission I forgot to do, nothing big, and I refunded that one too and apologized as well. I started taking them again, this time making sure to limit myself to a manageable amount and not take payments until I've actively started working on it. It's been great, I haven't had any trouble finishing them and any I thought I couldn't I didn't take. But now I've been having an OCD theme lately where I'm worried people are calling me a scammer behind my back or spreading that I am one. I haven't been able to find proof of this but I also wouldn't be able to if someone just posted it to their followers and not publicly. This has been really making me want to quit doing art for money even though it's nice to have the extra income and I genuienly dont want to scam people, I just have bad avoidance problems I'm trying to work on. I dont know what to do, I can't stop thinking about it and it's making me anxious to advertise. I want to compulsively delete my accounts and change my name so I'm unrecognizable. But I don't want to not take accountability, I want to be honest and open and prove I'm different like I've been able to so far. I still get commissions, but i feel like its not as many as i used to. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. I don't know what to do, I know it's my own fault but I dont want this to follow me forever.

I am having such a hard time right now. So I’m a person who suspects they have OCD. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my family, Also those of being a pedophile for years now. But the one that is currently in my mind is that I’m Asexual. I’ve always felt I was gay. I wanted to kiss boys I’d be aroused by the sight of them, and just wanted to be close to them. I always suspected why I never had a boyfriend was because of my apprehension and the small dating pool, and being in high school almost non existent one. So I vowed to just save it for the right person. But earlier in the week I got the thought that I subconsciously never wanted that, and that I was just lying about being gay and actually never felt attraction. Now I’m racking my brain of all the times I’ve ever liked someone, trying to find out if it was real. And it’s terrifying me. I know there’s nothing wrong with it but it just doesn’t feel right for me.

I had a friend last year who shared his OCD experiences with me and we bonded a lot over how we ruminated on stuff and how debilitating it was to exist as Queer people with OCD. We had a lot in common and a lot not in common. Unfortunately, because my harm and relationship OCD is so bad, I would constantly worry about harming him, especially since I am white and he is a person of color and happens to be less financially privileged than me. He has some form of relationship and harm OCD as well, but he was also extremely insecure and would get triggered by so many things. Understandably so. We’d have endless conversations about race and class and gender and sexuality, and they were enjoyable to an extent, but I always felt like most of the things I said or thought was wrong and harmful and that I needed to make up for it by doing everything I could to make him happy and comfortable, but it ended up I would agree to things I didn’t really want to do with him. We got into several huge arguments because he felt betrayed and hurt when I backed out of things I initially agreed to, I do this a lot, and I would feel overwhelming amounts of guilt and shame for harming him. I felt like I was caught in a loop of trying and never being good enough, and he would rage at me and I would cry and then he would try to comfort me, but I felt powerless and like I could never express my true feelings with him without being critiqued or criticized. He and his whole family would poke fun at me for being a “privileged white boy,” which I tried to be okay with because it’s true. But it really did poke a sore spot. I would get it in my head that I’m just a racist, terrible person and wonder why he even bothered being my friend if I was so obnoxious to him. But I also just felt like our relationship was causing me too much stress and rumination so I told him I didn’t want to be friends anymore. But I really miss hanging out with him and the good times. I miss the conversations we had and the ways we used to relate and try and help each other with our mental health. I don’t miss him talking about wanting to have sex with me a lot and getting defensive when I told him to stop. I don’t miss when he would rage at me and make a confrontation turn into multiple hour-long critiques of society. I don’t miss him dismissing me asking him to give me space to focus on a task at hand as “being dismissive of real problems” because “white people never want to talk about racism,” which just wasn’t true because I spend a lot of time talking about race and racism and learning, I just can’t multi-task while I’m driving or trying to play a game and I have a really hard time with commitments and focusing. I do have ADHD as well, which isn’t always an excuse, yet I don’t think he understood how debilitating my lack of ability to focus really is, so he would constantly get angry at me for forgetting things or not being able to multi-task and I just felt like a fuck-up. But I do miss playing video games and talking about cartoons and hanging out. I don’t know what to do. I keep wanting to talk to him but it never, ever goes well. Am I just too fragile? Am I just too afraid to take accountability for my racism? I know relationships are a two-way street. And I try not to demonize him or myself in my head. I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad for us to talk with each other.

tw dark intrusive thoughts. if you saw my last post, (ok if you didn't) i talked about my contamination ocd tied to ptsd trauma of dogs. I don't know if what im about to talk about is a compulsion, but its related. And my mom tells me, that she thinks I have compulsions related to needing to talk to people about things. so i really can't stand dogs. looking at them makes me sick, triggers memories. saying the word "dog" makes me start thinking about them in a loop that i really struggle to break/can't purposely break myself. i have a lot of pain and anger revolving around dogs 😢 it feels like people have always tried to force me to like dogs. me saying "i don't like dogs." was never enough, no one would respect it, always trying to fix me and make me like dogs. (which i know it stems from trauma and so yes could/should be resolved, but i want to do it on my terms. i want me saying "i dont like dogs." to be enough and to be respected for my opinion.) again, im angry. it used to just be a fear, but now it is dark hatred. i think of my trauma; i think of people trying to force me to like and interact with dogs; i think of asking my family to please get rid of the dog for my mental and physical sake, that it was me or the dog, and they chose the dog; of when i cried my heart out to random strangers about that last thing, and they said i was selfish and they'd chose a dog over me too. im angry and hurt and don't feel like i can be healed or fixed. and ky ocd and intrusive thoughts make it worse. i used to have nightmares about dogs eating and murdering me, as i grew up i learned how to take control of the dreams and I'd kill the dogs before they could get to me. that bled into the real world mixed woth my hatred, and i cant tell if its really intrudtive thoughts or not for sure, but i think a lot about how much i want to murder dogs. whenever i see one, my first thought is "i want to kill it." a dog passed me and in a daydream im pulling out a knife and stabbing it before it gets me. when i meet up with my family all i can think about is that dog, and how much i want to push it into the road snd watch it bleed. i cannot escape dogs, they are everywhere. i became a recluse so i would limit my time seeing them in the world, only going out on rare occasions. but dogs are still everywhere on the internet. blocking tags and words doesn't work. All it takes is one TikTok ad, Amazon not loaded, and it shows me a picture of a dog and i get filled with so much pain and thoughts about how i wish i could kill every dog on this earth. and again again, im angry that people wont just accept me. i say "i dont like dogs" or "im afraid of dogs." and they tell me im a werido. and it makes me so mad and fills me with a want to tell them my real thoughts. how i constantly dream of killing dogs. they think im weird, well wait till they hear the rest. prople talking about their dogs, sharing pictures. it fills me with a want to just confess. i so deeply feel the want to tell people how much i want to kill dogs. i can't tell if i really want to kil them or not anymore. i wouldn't, but i think i do want it maybe. not to kill them, but for them to all die. i feel like i have a compulsion about telling people about my hatred of dogs. I can't stand to see them happily tallking about dogs, acting like "oh everyone loves dogs, there isn't a soul that would hate them or fear them." i want to feel seen. even if it leaves people thinking im a monster or a weirdo. i just hate people assuming automatically, that everyone and anyone loves dogs. what i really want is just a place where im free from the dogs. that i can have a happy life without all this fear, hatred, snd distress. people like me, who understand not liking dogs. so yeah this mostly turned into just a vent, i dont really remember what advice i was looking for. maybe if you think my need to tell people i hate and want to murder dogs is a compulsion, and or is you have any ideas of what i can do when i feel like this. thanks

Currently really struggling. I was triggered by a video that talked about how any kind of abuse in a relationship means the relationship should be terminated, no ifs, ands, or butts. I’ve been with my gf since I was 16 and she was 18. I grew up with some really poor role models and examples of how you’re supposed to treat a partner (parents were verbally abusive to each other, passive aggressive, etc.). I’m not saying this is the reason I’m so messed up (and a terrible girlfriend), but I think it’s a contributing factor. I’ve acted in a lot of stupid, unacceptable ways during our almost 9 year relationship. I get better every year, but there are still things from only a couple years ago that I’ve done that haunt me. She always forgives me and I always use these regrets as a learning experience and do everything I can to not repeat them, but I fear the actions are too bad to be worked through. I fear she only forgives me because I’ve given her Stockholm syndrome or something. I won’t go into every event here because there are too many, but I will say the one that is closest to the front of my mind right now. My girlfriend is trans, and it’s been a few years since she first told me she was questioning this. I was initially super supportive and she started therapy to dive into these feelings. One evening, she was doing teletherapy and in an impulsive, intoxicated state, I did one of the worst things imaginable. I listened to part of her session through the door. And not for one second, but several minutes. I don’t even know exactly how long. I heard her tell her therapist that she was sure that she was trans, and I basically freaked out. When she came out of her session, I had the gall to ask her about how sure she was she was trans and she confirmed to me she was certain. Cue huge wave of anxiety. Very shortly after, I confessed to her what I’d done and what I heard. She was upset, but not nearly as upset as she ought to be. I was immediately full of remorse, shame, and self hatred over what I did. I ended up self harming. It was out of self hatred, but I accidentally took it further than I intended to and ended up confessing this to her as well because I was freaking out. All in all, one of the worst evenings of my life. My girlfriend has forgiven me, but I’m terrified that she shouldn’t, that forgiving me isn’t good for her. It doesn’t bother her anymore, and she wants me to move on. And this is just one of the million actual seriously horrible real events that I have committed. I know it isn’t really OCD related, but I struggle not to bring this up, obsess, and compulsively apologize to her every time this resurfaces. I think I’m an abuser and it makes me sick. I love this girl, she has been my everything for almost 9 years. But I have done so many sickening things that make me unworthy of her. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much I change, I will never deserve her. She still shows me an incredible amount of love and empathy despite everything I’ve done, and I’m so worried for her. I just do the wrong thing at every possible turn, and I’m so sick of myself. I want to be with her more than anything in the world, but according to Reddit, the best thing I could do for her would be to rid her of me. I was an abusive, betraying, narcissistic, manipulative POS. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fix it, and I am so scared because she still wants to spend her life with me. I just want to be worthy of that, but I’ve fucked up too many times. Rant over. Sorry if this doesn’t have much to do with OCD. Im sorry if I upset anyone here. I’m trying my best not to google scenarios like this and read every comment. Again.