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I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

Hoping to find others that suffer with similar issues.

I had another OCD dream related to the death of a loved one and I’ve been in bed for 6 hours ruminating or trying to neutralize my thoughts and anxieties. I want to get out of bed but I feel so. Stuck. I know I can do it but it feels like I can’t! My brain thinks it can solve the puzzle but now I know that’s a lie. But it still feels so hard!!!

So this recent situation I’ve been having and it’s really scary and almost doesn’t feel real that I would be able to think this. So I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years now and recently I kinda got into some trouble that been super stressful and the last week on Saturday or Friday night i had a terrible dream or “thought” that I stabbed my partner and since that day it’s been an on going thing and at the slight thought of it my heart shoots up and I just get into a intense panic and I’ll have to convince myself it’s just a thought and I wouldn’t ever do it and we recently got engaged and she’s my world and has been my saving grace for every situation I got myself in (I have hobby’s of racing cars and motorcycles and a year ago I got into a motorcycle accident that put me in almost a month long coma and got a severe tbi due to it) and she’s been there through every step of the way with that and I just couldn’t fathom as to why I would even have that thought and why all of a sudden I’m a nervous wreck when I have never been the super panic type or anything. Had history of depression and anxiety but nothing to this degree. Also I’ve never had recurring thoughts that just slammed out of nowhere and got stuck for days. Unless it was with a car or motorcycle or something impulsive where it would give me gratification and this is none of those areas I feel deep remorse and guilt for even having those thoughts. She’s soon to be my wife I just engaged to her and I cannot believe this is even a thing to happen to me.. just in a panic and not sure what’s going on.

I guess this post is just a rummage of thoughts. I have been wondering lately as to why some people respond well to medication and others do not. Im also very curious as to the real reason SSRI's work. Could there possibly be a hormone it works on that hasn't been found yet. Im not buying the seratonin theory. First, Psychiatrist are not doing bloodwork to see peoples seratonin levels before prescribing drugs. 2.) If it just low seratonin why does SSRI's not cure OCD? A lot of people who take SSRI'S only see a mild decrease in symptoms. Even at high dosages.Im interested in the data coming out on GABA. If they can see that the brain behaves abnormal during screenings what is causing so much misfiring. Why do some people develop it as children, while others have an onset later in life? Besides Pandas. More importantly for children who contract it during strep, why does it normalize. Its weird that one bout of strep could permanently damage your brain, especially one that is still forming. I would have thought it would autocorrect. Why are more women diagnosed than men? Like I said just thinking.

Does anyone else struggle with always searching for something to be wrong, especially in good times? When things are good or I get good news I am looking for the next terrible possibility.

Hello does anyone struggle to go to sleep at night? feels like my mind is awake all night and wake up exhausted.

About 11 months ago, I entered a turbulent period in my life. I'd just moved to a new city, there was some visible instability in my company, inflation was tightening my budget, I had a high volume of social and professional obligations that left me drained, a truck that wouldn't start, and two young children (whom I love dearly) that like to really test boundaries. There's more I could go on about, but I think you're getting the picture. One day, an anxious thought popped into my head, and I couldn't shake it. I started trying to reason with it, and then one thought became many. I started avoiding certain things because of these thoughts, I started engaging in mental "loops" to reassure myself that these thoughts and fears were not true and could not become true. That lasted for a few weeks, and then some new challenges in my career and personal life sent me into a state of always-on anxiety. I'm talking no sleep, no eating, no socializing, and absolute dread for any required activity or responsibility. And I was consumed by the power of these thoughts, non stop, always on, always needing reassurance. I became, very quickly, a responsibility to my wife rather than her partner, and I saw the toll this took on her. I noticed her healthy habits change and her outlook begin to decline. I felt, honestly, like a burden. One night, I was googling intrusive thoughts and OCD, (as one does!) and I came up on NOCD. I read about how in ERP practice you can learn to become dismissive of these thoughts and that SCARED me. I read threads on this app, and they frightened me too. How could I ignore these terrible thoughts and concerns? My life would fall apart if any of these fears materialized! I can't let my guard down! I certainly can't vocalize any of these fears to another person, either, they would think way less of me. I was SCARED to call. I called anyway. #GoodMove The person who picked up was just like me. Someone who'd been through OCD, and they explained the process. They said it would be hard at times, and that I wouldn't like it, but I would likely succeed if I stuck with it. Anything to give me my life back, I thought, and I agreed to the intake process. A few weeks later, I met my therapist, Kellie, and after my first call with her, I felt like I was seen and understood. I remember a lot of our first conversation, but the big takeaways were: these fears are pretty normal. The fears prey on the areas of your life that mean the most to you (in my case: family, career, and reputation), but most importantly - these fears are not real. Then we got to work, and after about 7 months now, I've learned how to be comfortably uncomfortable. That is, how to tolerate all the discomfort that the modern world will throw your way. In today's session, we discussed updates on my life, and I was pleased to share that I am virtually 100% free from OCD symptoms and disruption in my life. I wanted to take a moment to share this with you, too, anonymous reader. I know I may have symptoms again, (I had a few today), but they don't sting like they used to any longer. The symptoms no longer have an impact on my life. Now, when I notice an unpleasant thought or fear, I take 30 seconds to check in with myself on the stress level I have and what I can do to alleviate that stress. My anxiety is actually working as intended, now. I want you to know, that if you're going through the kind of mental anguish I was dealing with every day, that you can overcome this and you will be all the better for having done it. Never give up on yourself. Keep pushing. All my best to you for reading this far. -Michael 🌴☀️

It seems like the toughest thing is to continue my day and get out of bed even though I have intrusive thoughts. Starting to think my response of quiting or throwing the day away is my ritual that needs to end.

What medicines do you all take that help with your OCD?

The last couple of days i’ve been able to keep my ocd at bay and have been ocd free but now i’m having ocd in my dreams. This is so upsetting. 😪 Does this happen to anyone else?

Can OCD go into remission for a few years, and then come back years later? I feel like this is what happened to me. Around the ages of 14 to 16, I was fine, for the most part. Disassociated but fine, because although my dad's health has been declining slowly, I was still able to function/think clear/etc. The remission lasted until I was 21 and hit me like a train from then on. I have my good and bad days with OCD, but it's there again. Sometimes it reminds me of how it used to be, when it FIRST started; I was 11 or 12. Those REALLY bad days are few and far between. I basically describe myself as "simmering in anxiety" no matter what location I'm in or what I'm doing. The only thing that helps me is church or being around my church family as much as I can.

How do people recognize the difference between relationship ocd intrusive thoughts and real thoughts about your relationship? I have been in a relationship for about a year, it’s my first long-term relationship and the healthiest, I am almost 20 years old, and I believe I have rocd (I haven’t been diagnosed but it’s pretty clear to me). The main thoughts I get are “what if I’ll lose feelings for my bf?, what if I don’t love him?, what if I’m gonna break his heart?” (it’s never about if he’s cheating on me or anything like that. He is a really great boyfriend and the best person to ever walk into my life, he isn’t toxic or bad in any way towards me or the relationship). Usually these thoughts occur before my period (luteal phase/pms) but I’m on day 6 of my period and I got these thoughts, which usually isn’t the case as I’ve said before. So I went into a spiral cus I believed that since I got these thoughts at a different time in my cycle, they must be true. Deep down I know I love my boyfriend so much, it’s just so hard to navigate whether or not these thoughts are just fake rocd thoughts or what I’m really thinking. Can anyone else relate?

I have been facing the end of my relationship and the need for a job for a year now. Every moment of every day it’s there hanging over me. But instead of spending every moment working or finding work, I spend every moment frozen about it and feeling unable to do anything! I have OCD, of course, and a rare sleep disorder (KLS) that messes with my circadian rhythm, has no treatment (“just wait it out” for up to several years), and causes me to sleep 12+ hours and often 20-36 hours at a time. I wake up still feeling like I barely slept. It really sucks. I’ve tried so hard to establish a routine around a shifting sleep pattern, to reduce or manage stress, to listen to everything my doctors have asked me to do… My partner of almost 10 years moved out two weeks ago. She paid the rent for this past month but I’m on my own now. I just ordered pet food and am out of money. She had been covering about 80% of expenses this year til she moved. I had covered all of our bills and more for a few years before that, but she had to leave for her own sake, and I understand. 😞 I’ve never been this isolated and alone before. My family is going through a lot. My car’s been broken into and disabled twice recently (thanks Kia Boys) and I haven’t been able to afford to fix it this second time. This is a lot already so I’m going to post about my work search in the comments. I’m wondering if anyone can relate and, heck, if anyone knows somewhere hiring remotely right away.

Hello guys i have religious Ocd almost 3 months now, could you guys give me some advice on how to deal with this? Its so distressing that i feel everytime i could possibly blaspheme Jesus. It really feels like im trying to think or recall a specific blasphemous thought intentionally.

I started my period yesterday and I'm stuck on the thoughts of being poly and it feels to real like I had to confess. I always been monogamous and committed to my online boyfriend. I don't want to be with someone else. I don't want us to be with someone else. Why doesn't my head get that. It would make me think I want other boys or something poly related and it hurts me. I don't want poly or open relationship at all. I'm happy me and my boyfriend both promise to stay just the two of us. But my thoughts make me deny that makes me feel bad makes me feel like I want "poly" Please help me please please I'm sorry but please. I'm insane this is worse than before.

I'm struggling. So a while back my son was sitting on my lap. He was sitting against my chest. But then I kept getting these groinal things. And I don't remember if I stayed there for a second and that trips me up bad. But what also makes me anxious is it got so intense that I moved him quick. Almost like I was worried I was having an "o" from the sensations of my chest and sitting on my lap. Then what makes me question the "o" thing is when I moved him away I got these weird like pulse feelings that I don't usually get with just a groinal and it happened at least 4-7 times or so. Like back to back. I hate this. I need to know it wasn't. And I also need to know I didn't keep him there for a second. Has any other mom felt like you kept them there for a second because of the feeling? And did you ever worry or question an "o" just from them sitting on your lap, etc. I'm so close to beating this monster 3/4 of the way. But this feels too real to let go of.

A few months ago I had a bad episode where I was sitting next to my mum having intrusive thoughts and I disassociated and put my finger in her vagina. Atleast I think this happened. My mum says it didn’t happen and it’s all in my head. It took me months to get over this happening and now my ocd has latched onto something new and is saying that I raped her again. I don’t know if this happened and I’m trying to practice radical acceptance but it’s hard. I just want to figure it out. I want to know if this definitely happened or didn’t. It hurts me to think I might’ve done something this awful. Please leave any tips on dealing with this in the comments below.

I’m always waiting for the next horrible event to happen, and it’s sapping the joy out of my good days. I’m just waiting for the next time the house needs a major repair, or I’m waiting for the next family member to die horribly (even though no one is sick right now). I’m waiting for the next time my relationship takes a dive due to miscommunication. I’m preventing myself from making art my career because I’m convinced I’ll just mess it up, or I’m convinced no one would pay actual money for something I’ve made. I won’t go back to school because I’m convinced I’ll fail again, or worse, I’ll be too focused on myself to take care of my family. I’m so sure that everyone I’m close with in my life secretly hates me, and I know it’s the OCD but some days I’m just waiting for them to tell me I’m right, or I’m waiting for them to all leave me. I know I’ve felt joy, love, and acceptance at one point in my life, but those warm feelings don’t reach my heart when I’m stuck waiting for the next moment life kicks the chair out from under me.

I struggle with information and memory hoarding if that’s a thing. I very excessively buy books, I save interesting bits of information I come across online, I take an excessive amount of photos and screenshots and have tons of articles and info saved in a huge Google drive. I have many journals and logs. I back up things to multiple places, I save multiple versions of files I am working on, I record long notes after meetings, Doctors appointments and phone calls. I keep photos of all sorts of keepsake and nostalgia types items. I feel like I need to constantly archive all sorts of info. It takes up so much time and I have no sense of what’s actually important to keep, so I keep most things. Has anyone experienced this as an OCD theme? I don’t see much written about this anywhere. Other than books and journals, I don’t seem to hoard any other physical objects, but I have endless collections of digital content and files of all kinds. I have a lot of anxiety around losing valuable bits of info. For example,I just got diagnosed with OCD and I have already bought around 15 books on the topic (that I really can’t afford), have watched several documentaries and took notes, saved tons of articles and made playlists of tons of videos all of that I have read or watched over and over but I never feel like I have learned enough. I am not even sure what drives this. I would love to hear any similar experiences as I feel pretty alone in dealing with this.