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How do you guys stop the rumination or get past the feeling of wanting to keep obsessing or thinking about the obsession? I feel like this is what is keeping my in the loop rn.

Hi I have SO-OCD aka HOCD and just want to know about what to do for ERP and also any success stories because I am scared that if I do ERP I will end up accepting the thoughts and sensations with the idea that I am gay I have been straight all my life and I have had these worries pop up before but it never bothered me much however the more the sensations of excitement in my heart or the calm sensations when I think about these ideas of being with the opposite gender increase I get more worried that I am when I don't want to be but even saying that feels like a lie to myself along with the idea that this is hocd and this is why I am scared of doing erp

Quick question. So I thought erp involves getting less afraid of thoughts and so basically you try to get yourself to think about them. I've seen where to write scripts you are to write out the whole scenario if this happens then what basically making it super detailed. So when I meditated last night I did this in my mind and it kind of made it feel like the thought released? But then today Im like how is that different than a fantasy? And then my husband brought up the same question. Like I'm getting comfortable with the thought and scenario so is it becoming more of a fantasy? It has my mind really confused. I hope this makes sense?

I’ve been doing really well the past few months. I’ve been consistent with ERP therapy and other exercises to help manage my OCD. However, something triggered my OCD to come back in full force last week and while I know that the journey to recovery isn’t linear, and I know that this is something I will always have to work on, it’s been very disheartening and it feels like all the progress I’ve made has been for nothing. It’s exhausting and I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts that I will never get better again. Anyone else relate?

Hi! I’m really new here but I’ve struggled with HOCD for almost a decade now. It started when I was a teen. As a child I had exposure to sexual media (due to my own curiosity, I actually wasn’t supposed to) and my female friends and I would sometimes role play things (though mostly just two of us since we had play dates most often anyway). We did this very often and I often had to play the role of the guy (I’m actually female by sex and gender) and I was sorta pressured by the friend to be true to the role and “feel” the role while I played. I eventually got used to it and started getting used to picturing women naked and sexualizing them- but I didn’t actually want to be with them. Now, to be fair, my child brain didn’t know that was possible back then. But even then, I wouldn’t wish to be in a relationship with a person. I would get a kick out of imagining things but I didn’t actually want it in real life. Then when I first discovered different sexual orientations, I PANICKED. I was worried that if anyone heard any of this, they would think I’m bisexual! Now ofc that’s perfectly fine to be bisexual and I’m certainly an ally for that community because maybe i wouldn’t be as scared if they didn’t experience some discrimination! but I personally don’t have a desire to be with women. That fear though really freaked me out and as a child with OCD tendencies (I had germ OCD years before that), this was really hard. And unfortunately, when I have free time, this HOCD comes back to haunt me. I felt like I’m forced to be something I don’t want to be, and I have no way out. Later on, I started testing my feelings with images and videos to see how I feel. It was fine at first but I always checked further “just in case” and eventually ended up feeling attracted (though in a shallow way, not like a crush). I suspect they are false attraction but I’ve questioned things so much and become aroused at some many things I’m left clueless. The thing is I don’t want to call myself anything other than straight because I don’t want to be with women in a romantic nor sexual relationship. Yet a part of me isn’t sure and keeps asking whether it’s the case. It’s further complicated when I see folks that are female by sex but dress in a boyish way and I get momentarily attracted. I don’t want to be with them but I will find them attractive as long as I think of them as a boy of sorts. But my anxiety spikes SO much with this afterwards and I HATE going out to feel this way! My brain wonders whether I’m just secretly bi and in denial the whole time- and every time I try to shut it out, it tells me I’m “running away from the truth”… oh and online forums are the worst! Everyone says that if you any gay fantasies then you must be straight. Though, to be honest, I’m not sure if I even have “fantasies” or intrusive thoughts or both. It’s so hard to discern between them. I don’t know who to listen to.. Interestingly though, when I have a crush on a guy, I somehow crush HOCD like a grape and it vanishes (I’d NEVER use this as a strategy by the way)! I don’t know if any of this story resonates with anyone but if anyone has tips, I’d appreciate it!

Okay so I was getting food after playing a game with some friends and I know that fighting or arguing against the intrusive thoughts makes it worse or can strengthen the frequency and intensity of the thoughts. I sort of fell into that loop and I keep getting the intrusive thoughts and it made me sort of panic because I started getting thoughts that made it seem like I did want to let's say do the deed but you know what it is. It started making me question whether or not it's something I wanted started filling me with doubt more and at no point did I ever see the idea as attractive but I started getting this sinking feeling in my gut sort of an existential sort of dread feeling and it made me almost like clasp my chest in fear. I might think that this is starting to get a bit out of hand cuz it's starting to affect me at a bigger level. Like I want to go hang out with my friends right now that are currently in the chat room and I want to go play this game with them but this keeps gnawing at my head like it's something I want to do but I keep fighting against it. Even that this sort of bigger level would you still say it's anxiety? Cuz it's starting to feel pretty real. Basically I know I don't want to do anything I haven't planned anything and I haven't set out to do anything at all if anything I've showed that I don't want to do anything and do the exact opposite but it seems to be just hitting harder and it almost seems like it's trying to convince me that it's a good idea But my true intentions fight back against it saying no I don't want to do that. One thing that really did affect me or one that hit me really hard in the gut was a thought that said you don't care about any of the things that you're doing or fulfilling responsibilities in life like your bank account or your job you don't care about any of that stuff just do it. And I'm like no I do care about my job and I do care about like the responsibilities that I've come to do in life knowing that they're important I don't want to do anything and it made it hard for me to even speak the words cuz I'm having trouble saying anything cuz I'm getting so anxious. I don't really think I'm in any danger of doing anything because I don't think I'm in that sort of mindset or anything but my thoughts are trying to make me think I am and they are getting pretty distressing.

I just wanted to post this and kind of get this out and see if anyone has ever experienced something similar and rant. This will be long. Also: although I’m not officially diagnosed I have had these experiences in the past. Last time it was surrounding religious fears; losing control and harming myself, animals, husband and family when I didn’t want to. It took me a very long time to recover. This time it’s all surrounding my marriage. And it’s been so hard. I have not yet been diagnosed with OCD but I do have ADHD which is not currently being treated and CPTSD. I’m strongly suspicious of having OCD and I have an upcoming doctors appointment go discuss it. A few weeks ago I was cooking and watching a TV show called “Iyanla Fix My Life” basically this woman is a self proclaimed life coach and gives out life advice she has no business giving out. Anyways. She made a comment in an episode where she said that unhealthy people are completely incapable of choosing healthy partners and basically just use their partners for their own selfish gain and comfort. Coming from the background I did my brain latched to this. And it hit me like a train. “What if I did this” “what if I’ve never really loved my husband and I’ve just been using him” and created this whole story like in seconds where I lied to my husband without knowing it, and I’ve been using him our entire relationship just to make myself feel good. I was distraught. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was pacing my house for hours on end when it felt like minutes. Googling endlessly, trying to sign us up for marriage counseling.. all sorts of things. A few weeks have gone by and I’m able to function again. I’m going to work. I’m eating and sleeping but it seems like every time I get rid of one story line my brain comes up with another. And it’s all surrounding my husband. I’ve never once doubted or questioned whether he was right for me. And it’s so hard. We’ve been together for almost 7 years now and are coming up on our 6 year wedding anniversary. My brain is trying to convince me I’m no longer supposed to be with him. In my core I know this isn’t true but it feels true. There are a lot of times right now where I look at my husband and he feels like a stranger. This one is sticky. When I try to relax I get this thought in my head or a voice speaking up and telling me I’ve outgrown him and it’s time to move on. That this is God telling me it’s time to move on. And by not listening I’m stuck suffering. And I think my rational brain realizes that may be just my thoughts devolving into another theme but it feels So real. I’m not sure how to get out of this one other than to just keep living my normal life until I feel normal again.

Hey guys, I'm posting this be I haven't seen much about it online and I hope I can either find helpful perspectives or someone who relates to my story. As per my last two boyfriends I've had debilitating rocd that certain actions I do are cheating. It can be anything. ANYTHING. It's like l'll be in the middle of doing something and my mind will tell me l'm moving my body in a sexual way or if I say this word it's flirting (even if the word isn't sexual at all like "almost"). Or I can be talking to someone and my mind will intrusively say something sexual about them and l'Il have an involuntary groinal response and if I stay in the conversation (whilst trying my BEST to ignore it) I'Il feel anxious afterwards like I cheated. Or my mind will say I can't watch this video on yt because I find the creator attractive and if I watch it I'm giving them another "view" therefore I cheated or did something wrong. It's like my mind over analyzes EVERYTHING. It's gotten so bad to where my ocd controlled my breathing; I'll be breathing and my mind will intrusively think of "sending" that breath of air to some imaginary person in a adulterous way and therefore I cheated or did something bad. Long story short, this is COMPLETELY debilitating. I want to have a healthy relationship without having panic attacks everyday, over analyzing my past actions, scared that I just cheated on my partner. I hate it. I am aware of how severe and irrational my rocd is which is why I joined NOCD. Please, anyone with any advice, relatability, anything help. Thank you.

So recently things have started to take a turn for me. In January I started having awful harm intrusive thoughts. It was awful and I couldn’t get out of the house for weeks. I was scared to be around anyone and even my boyfriend thinking I would lose control. Recently I have got ahold of these thoughts. I still get them but I am able to shake them off much easier. This happened when I noticed I may have some form of OCD (I have not been clinically diagnosed). As these intrusive thoughts have been easier to manage all of the sudden I have a near fear that circles my head often… the fear of a psychosis or schizophrenia… I am constantly on edge recently. It is almost like the moment I noticed my intrusive thoughts were just thoughts… my brain found something else to worry about. I have not hallucinated or heard things that were not there. But I am TERRIFIED that I will. For example… I’ll look down a hallway and be convinced if I look hard enough for long enough I will hallucinate. Or I will have an image in my head of an object while I’m driving that is in my house and I’m scared that I will hallucinate the object moving when I get home. I’ve become very afraid I will lose touch with reality. I have told myself they are just thoughts. Which I know they are. But this has become very distressing for me. Also, I am a performer and I’ve had the fear that I will get on stage and I will see a hallucination in the audience. Which I know won’t happen. I just can’t stop circling in my head about this. If anyone has any suggestions on things that have helped them or have the same story feel free to chime in. I’m really sad, I’m tired and I’m sick of living in constant fear that I have a psychosis and I’m tired of living with intrusive thoughts (I know I’m not the only one). This is very new to me and I would love help and encouraging words. Thanks so much everyone.

Everyday I feel extremely down and I don’t know how to snap out of it. Intrusive thoughts are always playing in my head and won’t stop. I’ve been feeling down for the longest time to the point where it doesn’t feel right to be happy or do anything positive for myself. It’s as if I want to be miserable and don’t want anything good to happen to me. I don’t deserve it and I don’t think I can truly overcome this. I get eaten up everyday and lil by lil, a piece of myself slips away to the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore or care for myself. I don’t want to feel like this anymore😔I feel so detached from reality.

I’m so fearful that I’m having a heart attack and was given meds for acid reflux. I’ve had 2 ECG that were normal and a chest x ray. I’ve been dealing with these symptoms since November. Not sure if I’m just hyper aware to the point that my mind is imagining all of the symptoms of heart attack. When I don’t think I’m having a heart attack, I notice improvements. It’s so hard. It’s an achy feeling at my left breast bone that switched to the center of my chest where the sternum is located. I’ve also felt it on the right side with these sensations running through my arms. When I get worked up, I gasp for breath, get dizzy, and experience heart palpitations. I guess coming to the current moment has been my savior when I think about it. It’s the future thought of what if I have a heart attack that is scary and that lies in the future.

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I have had OCD since I was 15, but was not diagnosed until I was 26 by a psychiatrist. I have experienced Relationship OCD, Religious OCD, POCD, SO-OCD, Transgender OCD and Harm OCD. I do also identify with Pure O OCD. With the different themes over the years, I always experience the same feelings: a heavy chest, unsettled stomach and of course guilt and doubt. I have been managing quite well for the last 2 years with the help of 4 steps that I have obtained through the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. So, I am writing this because I have been experiencing a bit of a lapse. Now, it’s not quite a theme. I recently got back from a vacation from Disneyworld with my mother and daughter. We really enjoyed ourselves and decided to go back again next year. So, I have been excited planning and thinking about Disney a lot. About 4 days ago I had a thought that my thinking about Disney was my OCD. So, of course it scared me and I got the usual feelings and now I don’t even want to think about Disney, watch Disney+ or see anything Disney. It scares me and I have guilt. I also feel upset about it because we had such a good time, and had good memories. Now my OCD is ruining it! I know it’s not a bad thing to be excited about planning a vacation and thinking about Disney! But, my OCD is telling me different. It’s so random and I am kinda struggling with how to cope with this! Thank you, Rebecca

Ocd tends to creep up on me when I’m having a good time or when I’m at a party, ocd turns everything negative around me. What are some tips that can support me from feeling negatively while I’m having a good time.

What’s the best way to explain accepting uncertainty? Does anyone have a simple explanation

*My vent here, and my question below* I’m having a very hard day. I’ve relapsed and have spent the past month STRUGGLING. I’ve recently been diagnosed. However, I realise now the signs were always there through my whole life - Conscious blinking and swallowing, air writing, hair pulling, rewriting things until they felt just right. I developed health anxiety in 2019. Things got better. But now, it’s outrageous. I’m ocd about my infant son. I see any type of mark, splotch of darkened pigmentation, bruise, freckle, anyyyything and I freak out. It’s started when the baby was 4mo and I when a read about a tumour causing condition of which a symptom is specific birthmarks. I’ve seen a dermatologist who says he’s fine. Thing is this condition can come to light even up to 6yo. Therefore, anything even very light coloured or small, I freak out that it might develop into these birthmarks. It extended to include checking his eyes and even his hair (I saw one strand on white/light caramel hair amongst his blackish coloured hair and freaked out thinking his hair was turning white, another symptom). I realise I simply can or will not accept uncertainty or in other words, the possibility my son could have this condition or anything serious like that really. I look at him and feel sadness and worry - He doesn’t deserve it. I know that until I can or will accept this uncertainty, I won’t be able to recover. I 100% feel that my checking him, I’m remaining vigilant. My greatest fear is being blindsided. *My question about ERP* My obsession is that my son is healthy and ok - that he doesn’t have the above condition. My compulsions involve checking his skin, comparing any marks I’ve seen by looking at photos or checking my own skin or that of others, and tonnes of ruminating. Therefore I feel that my triggers involve the thought he could have this condition and seeing his skin/a mark on him. I am exposed 24/7 with things like changing his nappy or clothes, showering/bath time, swim time, etc. I get anticipatory anxiety and my distress escalates if anything catches my eye during these scenarios, which it does 9/10 times. So then how would I go about doing ERP when I’m flooded with my triggers day in day out? I feel that if I go out of my way to expose his skin to trigger myself, particularly during a time that doesn’t call for it such as playing or sleeping, then I’m giving in to a compulsion. I know I can practice using my own thoughts to trigger me, and this is best done when he’s asleep at night so I can actually focus. I don’t know, it’s all too hard. I’m pretty much going at it alone because I can’t afford a nocd therapist (I’m in Australia) and because my counselor just diagnosed me, we haven’t done any ERP together yet. I’m waiting to see if I can get into an ocd group program in March next year.

everything’s been really terrifying and loud lately and i found myself not leaving the house if i could avoid it, missing classes and appointments etc. i don’t WANT to give into the illnesses; i don’t WANT it to take my freedom. so i started going to class again. i haven’t been doing much else - i don’t eat out very much anymore, i send other people to the grocery store, and i’ve moved important meetings and appointments online. anyways, i’m sitting in class right now and battling the urge to leave. i made an agreement with myself that i could leave at the break if i still needed to. but i recognize that that is ALSO giving into the illnesses, and i don’t wanna concede more than i already have. i just feel so afraid all the time, and home is so much less overwhelming than anywhere else. i’m looking for people who have also experienced this. do y’all have any tips on how to manage? i feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

How do I differentiate between giving into a compulsion versus doing erp? My trigger is thinking about and seeing my son’s exposed skin, particularly any marks that appear on him (eg bruise, scar, freckle, dry patch, birthmarks, pigmentation variations). I also feel compelled to look at other children’s skin (for comparison to see what’s common or normal). It all began after reading about a condition called NF1 leading me to fear that my son might have it. A symptom of this includes specific looking birthmarks all over the body. I stare and stare at him and eventually, I start to see shapes on his body that resemble the birthmarks in question. Tricky thing is I’m exposed to my triggers all day every day - changing nappies, bathtime, changing his clothes, seeing him in shorts. I feel like I’m cheating and avoiding my triggers if I don’t look at his skin (instead, I do things like dimming the lights or hyperfocusing on the nappy or article of clothing). I also can’t help but think that I should be checking each time to make sure everything is ok, and that not checking is unsafe in case he does have the condition and a mark is forming. Sometimes, when the distress is not too high, I will do my calming strategies while doing the above activities (my strategy involves me thinking out loud to identify my thoughts and feelings, affirm that I will not get entangled, ground myself by doing deep breathing, and then focus on finishing the task at hand, as well as engaging with my son to fulfil his desires/needs.. in other words distracting myself.. ). I don’t even know if the above strategy is actually erp. When I’m alone at night, I try to do erp by purposely thinking about his skin or a mark on his skin.. using the nocd app as a tool to facilitate that. My question is how do I do the erp?? In everyday settings as I’m carrying out my responsibilities and tasks as a parent, I feel I’m actually giving in to my compulsions rather than doing an exercise for my recovery. Another question is, I’m in Australia - is it possible for me to access a therapist on this app? I hope the above makes sense. Appreciate the advice!

Hi, i don’t know if this is rOCD or not but here is my story…. we’ve been together for almost year and 6 months and i was never more in love with somebody as I’m with him. he is everything i ever wanted. during our “honeymoon phase” of relationship i felt all those butterflies, love, fulfilment but all of the sudden, just in one night, everything changed. that night the thought that crossed my mind was: “ what if i don’t love him and i want to break up.” then panic attackt came. from that day, i’m having intrusive and unwanted, intense obsessive thoughts about rightness and certainty of my relationship. i’m constantly doubting my feelings towards my boyfriend. “Do i love him enough?” , “is he a right person for me?” , “what if i lose feelings for him?” , “what if i loss feelings?” , “what if i want to break up but i don’t know how to?” , “what if i’m not attracted to him anymore, do i see him ugly?, “what if i cheat?” and so on. after all those questions i NEED an instant answer. is it right, is he the one, will we be together forever?, will we have kids together?,…i was seeking for reassurance with constant googling thinks like “do i love my partner” , “ is my partner enough” or “is it time for break up”. solving these quizzes i was praying that results will say “don’t break up, you love each other, he is the one”. after that i would be in temporary relief. after some time another thought or trigger would come and the cycle would go again; obsessive thinking, panic attacks, anxiety,…. every day, all day i’m just thinking about that and i have feelings of deep shame and guilt, i would feel numb and like something is wrong with me. also i would just start to cry and i would be very sad, than after i found reassurance that my relationship is fine, i would be relived and happy. of course, after million google researches i found the term rOCD which stands for relationship obsessive compulsive disorder and relationship anxiety. more precisely, i found a website “awaken into love” whose founder is Kyiomi. a woman who experienced all my thoughts and feelings. i felt so happy knowing i’m not the only one because i was sure that something was wrong with me. i told to my mom and sister what thoughts i’m having, and all what my mom told me was “than you should break up”. i was so miserable. i didn’t want to hear anything about breaking up, i just wanted someone to tell me “lucija you don’t want to do ja that!” . i was scared. no one understood me, and seeing a lot’s of other people having exact same problem as i do, made me feel much more better. i was researching, i watched yt videos and everything about rOCD and it helped me but not for too long. thoughts came back, numb feelings and anxiety came back and now i’m feeling like there is no escape. constantly thinking about rightness of my relationship even when i know that i wouldn’t act this way. moreover, if i want a break up i wouldn’t be needy, emotional or even relived when i see him in person. probably i wouldn’t want to see him at all. he is my safe place. my home. and now saying that, i’m feeling like i’m lying to myself and to him, but deep down i know I’m not. i just can’t wait to see him again. a lot of the time i find myself obsessively looking at his photos on my phone to make sure i’m attracted to him and if in some photos he is less attractive, i find myself being overwhelmed and anxious. but, on the other and hand, if i find him attractive in some photos i would be happy but instant trigger would come “you’re lying to your self”. because of my thoughts and feelings i feel a lot of distance between my boyfriend and me, even if we love each other and we are having same values and aspects of view at our common future. i’m having a fear of abandonment, a fear of losing my partner, a fear of loss, i have a deep fear of losing someone i care most about. can please someone just tell me if this is what i truly hope it is, i don’t want to lose the most important person in my life:(