Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone else get a really horrible intrusive thought then it just replays on loop in your Brain like literally the same sentence over and over and over again!!

Hello, So I am On the waiting for list for ERP. I have looked into it , as I am nervous for It however I’ve heard that it’s quite difficult and can be mentally straining. I am quite stubborn in myself , as like I don’t want to change myself . As I am scared , worried, and I have been managing for a while now. Why do I need to change. However , I know it’s for the best. Basically I am asking. Has anyone done ERP - how did you feel. Also , how many sessions is there. As I’m worried if it s a maximum I feel like I’m being rushed.

hii everyone, so, it has been about 2 or 3 years I’d say since I’ve been dealing with this. let’s just get right into it, so first, whatever I have (which might be OCD, I’m not entirely sure what it is) has taken over basically most of my childhood, and what kills me is that I’ll never get it back. one thing I know is that im not normal, i now get sleepless nights. why you may ask? because of my horrifying thoughts, “if you don’t look up you’ll be praying to the devil and you’ll go to hell!” “if you don’t say ‘God bless them’ their condition will happen to you!” “if you don’t say ‘good yetho 2x’ (idek..) ‘your mom will die 5x’ you’ll die and forget how to read. “if you don’t put your arms up, look directly up at the ceiling because if you look down you’ll pray to the devil so you need to look up, and say ‘Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you forgive me for my sins in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.’ you’ll go straight to hell!” or whenever I touch a wall, i need to touch it with my small finger because if I touch it twice with my pointer finger my body will go to hell. it’s an endless cycle, and what’s even worse is that I may never be able to get help. I’ll never get that life back that I wanna live, and it kills me. I’ve named most of the compulsions and obsessions I have and I have 18 compulsions that are physical and about 5 obsessions that I really don’t wanna name right now. anyway, i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve done a lot of research regarding around disorders, and it’s safe to say that I may have OCD. Now, do i want ocd? absolutely not. however, there’s a family member in my family who has it. so the chances of me having it are strong, i don’t think I’m able to get better until I’m 18. an adult. I’m 12 years old, my mom has noticed my compulsions and me repeating certain words. but she does nothing, absolutely nothing. instead, she just argues with me over it. if I ever tell my mom to sit down and ask her about getting a test, she would probably call me the R-Slur and tell me I’m crazy. Therefore, I’m all alone in this situation with no one to help me. another obsession I have is about me catching cancer if I don’t do a compulsion or I might get paralyzed and get sleep paralysis. It’s so horrifying, there’s more obsessions and compulsions I have but I really don’t wanna name them right now. I cry almost every day because of how exhausted I am, and how much help i truly want to get but I don’t think I ever will. I’m unsure whether or not I have ocd, people tell me to get a diagnosis. but the situation I am in right now makes it impossible. i have no way of getting tested but I have a good feeling I have ocd, if you’re reading this, please try to give me your thoughts and what I should do, and if I even have OCD. Thanks! :))

I feel like over a week ago I had about 4 really GOOD days in a row which I’ve never had before! I was able to concentrate a lot more I still had the thoughts but it was usually just the same one that popped up every now and again, no new ones and I really felt like this was the start of getting better. Well fast forward to now im on day 3 of really bad days!!! My awful intrusive thoughts are on loop again I can’t seem to concentrate, im constantly ruminating!!! I feel like I’m constantly creating new thoughts in my head that are awful!! I’ve started mindfulness again which I feel just have been what helped me have the good days because that’s the only thing I’ve stopped really. Anyone who else gone through this??????

It'll be several months before I see a psychiatrist but lately i've been having what feels like mood swings that involve a lot of intense crying and dark, racing thoughts/disconnection from myself, but I keep snapping out of it for moments and suddenly everything feels okay. I was having this problem a couple weeks ago and it stopped after about a week and now it's starting to happen again. I'm just curious as to how you bipolar + OCD folks tend to feel or react to both disorders or how they might impact each other. I promise I won't read into it that much lol. I've been suspicious about being bipolar for over a year now. I've just never had these swings this consistently. (And no, I don't think it has to do with my period just yet. Last time this happened it didn't have anything to do with that either.)

I’m a 13 year old girl and I think I have ocd. But im not sure. At around maybe 8 or 9, I remember giving signs, like touching things 5 times or 10 times, and other things similar to that. I’m now 13, and I feel like lately it’s gotten worse over the last year or so maybe. Here’s a list of my compulsions. I stay up until 8:00 AM or 9:00 AM counting to 5 because if I don’t God will send me to hell and I need to ask for Gods forgiveness. I love God In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen At night before going to bed, I need to g and fix my bed at 7:50 AM and only :50 because if I went to bed at 56 it’s the devils number and I love God In The Name Of Jesus Christ Amen When scrolling, I need to scroll 5 or 10 times Before going to bed, I need to shake my sheets 5 times, shake my pillows 5 times and shake my blanket 5 times. And there’s way more regarding around do this or you’ll go to hell, it’s really exhausting. My parents noticed the way I act but they just get mad at me for it, I just really want to get help.

Officially trying to get help for my OCD. Contamination OCD is mainly what I’m struggling with right now. It feels like my brain is going to explode from the thoughts on repeat. Just wanted to vent that in a safe space. Stay strong everyone.

Is it actually possible to get to the point of no longer having a certain intrusive thought or subtype of OCD? Or is it ONLY possible to learn how to deal with it? Thanks

Does anyone else make a list of things that they have been told during arguments, or offhandedly, that upset them or just pops up during rumination? The lists also usually include, for me anyway, things like "don't do x, don't do y, make sure not to say z, you always (something someone said)" and I look at them any time I have confrontation with the person or experience a stressor that includes the person. Sometimes just when I am obsessing about a conversation that I had, or might have. I just can't help it, I want to make sure I don't mess up. I want to do everything I can to not be what my brain decides is Bad.

What are your experiences with meds? Would you recommend them? Are some of the OCD meds meds that are usually prescribed for depressed patients too? If so, do they have any side effects or negative effects overall? Like make you tired or make you stop feeling things like I've heard some people say Would you say meds need to be taken only if the situation is very bad and super out of control?

Hi all, I’ve just very recently gotten diagnosed. A month ago, I barely even knew what ocd was, and I’d thought my whole life that I was just strange. It’s now starting to feel like the more I learn about this disorder the more it seems like every single aspect of me is ocd; I’ve even been doing mental compulsions as early as 7 years old and I don’t know or remember what it’s like to be “normal”. Does anyone else struggle with this? Not being able to identify a “self” outside of the disorder?

Me and my online boyfriend have been broken up for a week because our mental health wasn't going great and we need to focus on our health first. After countless of stress and overthinking of many doubts and waiting for him, I am having many many many unwanted thoughts of a past ex and I have many worries all at once. self harming (hitting my head) is usually what I do to punish or correct my mind for even thinking such thing like ex from 9th grade. But I feel like after hitting my head so much, it made it more worse? TikTok and other social stuff is not helping me rn after seeing "soul ties" of ex's, relationships or mercury retrograde and it worsens. It makes me anxiety more worse. I don't know what to do and I'm more terrified than ever. All I wanted to do is wait for my online bf and believe in the good possibilities and hopes between us especially hope that we would reconcile when we are ready. As you know I really love this online boy and would never cheat or hurt him. Idc if we are apart I will wait for him and still be there for him yk. But my thoughts are so messed up and it's bringing like a feeling or werid emotion :( like a rushy feeling of unwanted excitement I suppose. I'm literally stuck. I'm stuck with these thoughts and I don't know what to do.

Tomorrow is my birthday. My best friend and I are going to be front row for my 2nd favorite band of all time. I've been planning and hyping this up since October. I'm very excited, as I never do anything for my birthday besides having off of work. I've never gone out for my birthday before in adulthood because of covid and also lack of friends. This will be the first time. My best friend (who has their own best friend) and I have been extremely close for 6 years now, and have gone to a lot of concerts together. They started a new anxiety med last week and it is making them have an extremely bad episode of depression and anxiety right now, and they told me they don't know if they should go to the show tomorrow. They said they feel they can't drive in their current condition. I said I am willing to pick them up (even though I would rather not because they live an hour away), but I'm gonna be honest... I don't want them to come along. I don't want to go alone, either. I don't have anyone else at all who I can go with, and I can't tell my friend that I'd rather them not come if they're going to radiate horrible energy the entire night. I've been so excited for this for five months, and I've been doing fairly well lately overall- working a lot on art, feeling like me, and trying to recognize my bad thoughts better-- but now I'm just super worried. I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm being extremely selfish and hypocritical. I'm worried I'll make them feel worse. When I have an episode, I wouldn't want anyone to turn me away simply because of that fact. I always want as much support and comfort as humanly possible and am terrified of people being upset with me. When I'm feeling happy and fine, however, I don't want other people coming to me with their struggles. I don't know how to handle my own, let alone someone else's. This tends to come off as me being mean and insensitive. I deal with enough, and though I always try and help others, most of the time I just really don't want to. I'd rather not be reminded of what I struggle with myself. I'm afraid it'll rub off on me somehow because I don't like being reminded of my worst. I'm such a f^cking hypocrite and I don't know how to not be this way. My thoughts keep racing, telling me tomorrow's going to suck now, telling me how lonely I am because I only have one friend, telling me that this situation is going to trigger an episode of my own as well, that it's now suddenly so uncertain. I did give this friend an 'out'- telling them that if they are too afraid to tell me no, that I am giving them permission to bail with no hard feelings out of their best interest. This made me feel both so selfish and so selfless at the same time, because on one hand, I don't want to be around that bad potentially triggering energy, and on the other hand, I was giving up the only person I wanted or COULD to go to this concert with. I said that their decision won't ruin my birthday regardless, and that I can't be the one to tell them what to do. They said they ARE afraid of ruining my birthday but still want to go. We're talking right now and I admitted that I'm afraid of making them feel worse. I've never seen this person like this either, and it makes me scared of seeing them like this, and scared of how I'm going to handle this. I took a sedative as a precaution, because I felt this feeling would fester into something worse, and it cleared my mind up just the right amount for me to realize "hey, it's not my responsibility to make them feel better. It's my responsibility to enjoy my birthday!" Regardless, I AM going to this show and I AM going to have a good time. I just feel like I'm being a horrible, insensitive, selfish friend. This is the closest friend I've ever had and though others are telling me I have every right to be upset, I still feel like a piece of sh^t. I just hope I can get hyped up without going over the edge tomorrow. When I get too excited, I have a panic attack.

Does being on my period or having upcoming menstrual symptoms worsen my OCD symptoms? Is it because of the added pain, or the added chemicals in my body? Anyone else experience this?

I have a big fear of dying and death. Is there anyone out there that isn’t afraid of this? If so, can you please give me your perspective on it?

Does anyone else feel like they are getting worse? I started here a couple months ago doing ERP, but I feel like my OCD is getting way worse and am hardly able to function properly most days without panic or anxiety attacks …. I try response therapy, but it hasn’t worked for me. I’m not sure what to do going forward. Any suggestions?

I’m not 100% sure that I have OCD, but I do have PTSD and some new intrusive thoughts were triggered a couple weeks ago. It feels like they have changed my whole perception of my life since then. Every experience that should be fun or relaxing is tainted with the horrible dread I feel when these thoughts creep in. I was really enjoying my life for a while before these new thoughts started and it feels like I have lost contact with that version of myself and my life. I’m afraid of these thoughts tainting things that I want to stay good and pure. I’m just feeling really lost about how to soothe myself and dig out of this

Had a new type of OCD though today which startled me and out of nowhere. “You can’t handle it.” You will eventually lose control no matter what you try and do.” Anyone else have this? And tips on how to fight back so it isn’t as strong next time?

I’m in the process of being evaluated by a psychiatrist for ADHD, but I feel like my distress has gotten worse. I don’t feel like my memory recall has kept up with work and school, friends, and family and in the beginning I thought it was due to being an inattentive adhd person. But more recently It been having thoughts of hurting myself and others as well as suicide. Even though I don’t want to die, I just want this to change. I feel helpless and so so tired. I’m constantly worried about being wrong in some fundamental way and I’m worried my friends and family will reject me even though we have good relationships to each other.

Hello. Did any medications help with sensorimotor OCD? I started Zoloft a week ago. Thanks!