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does anyone else has adrenaline rushes when triggered?

It hurts I hurt a lot of people and the guilt is killing me like actually eating me alive and I can’t even get help my parents are kinda abusive and don’t want me going to therapy cause their afraid they or I will go to jail but I idk if I can go on When I started highschool at 14(currently 15 rn) I had a weird mentality that everything was sexual and that I could date anyone by just telling them I liked them and being honestly creepy. Idk what’s wrong with me I feel so weird like I don’t have crushes it’s just me wanting to have sx with people I find attractive and it’s so horrible. But before I realized how bad this was I hurt people I had 4 friends they all don’t talk to me anymore because I was so sexual with everything I made sexual jokes made everything sexual and just sexualized myself at every turn even when they told me to stop I wouldn’t listen. It’s sick. When I realized this was wrong it was too late. One of them stopped talking to me and doesn’t even want to look at me or wants me saying his name.and one of them says they don’t care but idk I think they do.and I was honestly in a horrible mental state and tried a few times and my other friend had enough of it and just stopped talking to me. I have a best friend who I met online she was so nice to me we used to date but we broke up. And we get close but I betrayed her trust when I sent her explicit butt pics to this 17yr old I wanted pics from and he said he wouldn’t mind me sending them (my best friend was 15) and I was begging this 17yr old for pictures when he declined a lot then the 17 yr old said he was manipulating me and how he was keeping me in a loop of mystery. My best friend found out about the picture thing and she was sick but forgave me cause she didn’t want me self harming IMFEEL sick because of that she put my feelings above hers when I was in the wrong and she said she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but idk she said she forgives me cauee she knows I’m broken ig but that makes me feel worse. And I also begged this 16 yr old for pics when I was either 13/14 and I feel sick I begged for pics when he declined but my best friend says not to feel bad cause he was grooming her kinda but idk I wanan apologize to him. Lately I’ve been thinking of how I think I s@d someone from my school someone I one or my baby cousins or my little brother and it feels real like it happened and I feel like a pedo and a s*x offender and Ik no one can forgive me idk if I want to go on it feels like death is the only way to atone for what I did . When I told my 4th friend about why my other friends don’t talk to me anymore he didn’t respond I think that cemented how bad I really am how sick I am I’m no different than a child pred or sx offender. My parents don’t even like me they always remind me how I treat them bad or how I’m a bad person. I feel horrible. Maybe I should just be locked up

hello all! i am relatively new to nocd and kinda interested in finding a support person on this app. i am 22 years old, struggling with many forms of ocd, anxiety and depression. i have friends, but at the end of the day they truly don’t understand what’s going on in my brain. with this post, i am hoping to find someone similar to my age range and what not so we can have eachother to lean on for support. thanks for reading!

For the first time in my life, I feel calm. I have never known what it felt like to be relaxed and not anxious. Exposure and response therapy combined with the right anxiety medication for me has changed my whole life. I am doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. I am able to relax finally and when the anxiety comes, I work through it. I never knew life could be like this, but I am so grateful. The obsessions still come, and they likely always will, but being able to work through them in the moment instead of falling into a seemingly endless cycle of compulsions feels like such an achievement.

Hey y'all, I've been noticing a lot of people on here are religious. It's been years since I've been religious myself, and I'm just curious as to whether it helps and how it helps with OCD.

I feel like im loosing my mind. I feel like i experience derealization or what. I feel confused like very very confused. I cant even think normally. Im just tired. I feel like im loosing myself. Im scared that everyone tells me that i have OCD, but what if this is all true? I dont think and im scared that other so-ocd sufferers dont feel this way as i do. I feel literally, LITERALLY so convinced that this must be true. It feels like i already accepted that this is true. Im done. My brain is broken. I even started to have thoughts like what if i have schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder. Help me please. Do i have psychosis or what?

I’m an OCD newbie & I’m having a lot of difficulty being able to distinguish what are OCD symptoms that may be atypical or if it’s due to another diagnosis/not something to be worried about. For context, I also have PTSD & suspected Autism- so excuse any excessively literal interpretations. All of my knowledge of OCD is watching Monk when I was child, so give me some grace. 1. “Harm OCD”- I have for as long as I can remember summed up my life purpose as “least amount of harm, most amount of good”. I am constantly thinking about how my actions & inaction may be impacting others. My career is in psych & public health because of that. I noticed I personalized things bc I assumed people thought about this just as much as me- only to find out they don’t. But I only hear examples of harm OCD as being thoughts of like personal persecution or images of hurting others. This is more of a mental analysis of the potential impacts. 2. “Contamination OCD”- Does this need to be literal with germs? I have what I call “emotional contamination”, where if something bad/negative happens, I worry that it’s “ruined”. Like if my partner & I have an argument in bed, I feel like I need to replace the sheets because our argument is “on” the sheets. I’m aware that that is illogical, but I’ll still do it. Every time I’ve had a major trauma, I’ve redecorated my home because I felt like all the negative is “stuck” on my old stuff & it needs to be replaced or I won’t feel better. I’ve ended relationships bc “there’s no getting this off”. 3. “Magical thinking OCD” I like to say that I think a lot of things I don’t believe. I have lots of random thoughts about needing to do something or something bad will happen. The things I need to do are usually really silly- like moving a large rock that’s by itself to a spot with another large rock so it isn’t alone & doesn’t feel lonely. I don’t have the thought that something specifically bad will happen or think I have magical powers. I know it’s nonsense, but I usually do it to stop thinking about it unless it’ll cause harm. Sometimes I also will come up with “tests”, like telling myself if I say XYZ to my partner & they respond in ABC way, then that means they love me. But the thing I’m asking them about could be literally anything. I am frequently *afraid* to ask because they might respond wrong and “ruin” it. 4. “Order & Symmetry OCD” & “Perfection OCD” & “Just Right OCD”- these terms seem to be used kind of interchangeably? I am VERY specific about my stuff. My home is color-coded by room & I won’t buy things that don’t match. I am intensely uncomfortable & can’t stop thinking about it if something doesn’t match. I am STILL thinking about the pink version of my laptop that I didn’t buy 7 years ago & it bothers me that I bought the silver one. I hate when people buy me stuff bc my style is very specific & hard to understand the nuance. There’s a “correct” image in my head & it’s really upsetting when it’s wrong. I flipped out a lot as a child when my stuff was moved and when my parents made design choices for me. I group things in weird ways- there’s an order, but it might be ordered based on how much I like them, how much they remind me of someone, or even more abstract like “if these objects were to run for president, this is the order I think they would be in from liberal to conservative on their view of defunding the police”. I have weird things with numbers, and will buy things based on how “cute” the price is. I would rather pay $440 for something than $399 because it’s a “better” number. I couldn’t tell you anything beyond “vibe”. I’m not sure if these are actually symptoms or just tangentially related & I’m conflating. I may have mis-grouped something. It’s hard to know where to start when nothing seems to have the direct examples of what I experience. Thanks in advance!

So I developed OCD back in April. I had several themes including HOCD, EOCD, POCD etc and even ROCD about do I love my partner and similar things. But I have been on medications and slowly overcoming it one by one. I read about ERP and asked help to people on reddit and other social media and sometimes the solutions worked. Everything was going well until 2 days back when all of a sudden I am reminded of my partner having a past 24/7. I knew she had a past when we started and I had retroactive jealousy which I believe I overcame after initial few months. Now I know it's ROCD acting up but the thoughts are giving me a lot of anxiety and stress and now my brain has formed a weird connection that Everytime I look myself in the mirror or facial hair I am reminded of one of her Exes. This gives me a ton of anxiety and stress. I'm not even sure if the thought about her past gives me anxiety or the fact that it is associated with me or my gf and me getting reminded 24/7. I just started Therapy and my therapist is giving me REBT. But I wanted to see what would be an effective ERP solution for this as it helped my EOCD and other themes. I am simply confused how to do ERP against something that feels like it's constantly there and if my triggers will go away. To give specifics, I'm only reminded of their names and faces and not much, one of the exes was, according to her, toxic and she feels like she broke her moral code with him and other one, I feel like she hasn't resolved it completely although she made it clear and only he was occasionally trying to contact her but that's in the past. Some background info: I am completely fine with her having a past although my family is a bit bothered by it and I come from a strict societal background so my beliefs were shaped that way but I literally changed before developing this hellish disorder. Now I still don't want to be reminded all the time. Thanks in advance for any suggestions

I feel like I wanna throw up I feel shivers It feels like you’re going to be sick I can’t sleep at all I stayed up all night because of this (not the first time) I physically feel sick

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

My symptoms have been getting worse the last few days and it flat out feels now like I’ve become this person and want to cause harm to my loved ones. Like I’m just resisting it. My brain is giving me sensations like I like that and makes me sad at the same time. I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or what or if this is what I want. When this started I knew I never wanted to hurt anyone and these thoughts were intrusive. Now they feel like they’ve become me. Please help.

I have a crippling fear of anything relating to vomit. When I’m relaxing or just hanging out, or even trying to fall asleep at night, sudden vivid thoughts of people vomiting comes into my mind and they play over and over and it’s literally the most intrusive thought pattern that I have. I also am terribly afraid of people vomiting in public, I try to avoid sports events, bars, parties, riding the subway, amusement parts. I love these events but I cannot shake the fear that I will be vomited on (or near by). I do want to also note that I am not afraid of myself vomiting. I’m sorry if this sounds awful, I was just hoping to know if anyone else may experience something similar or have any suggestions how to cease this awful imagery??

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

All day today I keep getting this image popping into my head of myself slicing my dog with a knife and it keeps giving me this weird feeling that I want to/have to do it. Like it keeps popping into my head when I try to relax and ACTUALLY making me think I’ll act on it. Is this still ocd?? It feels like it would be satisfied if I did it. I hate this. I’m so scared. I had to do ERP with a knife today and it actually felt like I was holding myself back from just doing it. This is not possibly normal.

hi everyone I’ve been dealing with the loss of my sweet cat Oz and it’s really been weighing me down for the past two months since it happened. It was a very sudden death and it’s really made my whole world spin upside down and put me into a really bad place. Does anyone have similar experiences they’d like to share? I feel very alone right now and I know that this is apart of life so if you have anything you want to add I’d appreciate it. ♥️

I have always had a form of OCD since being a baby. However my POCD kicked up from around 17 years old. First it was like a huge wave of fear which died down to occasional fears for 5 years. During this time I numbed feelings with drugs and alcohol, sex and relationships and drama. Now I am 23 and stopped drugs, drinking less and in a stable happy relationship (getting married next year) want a family and just started this amazing job with more money NOW is when my intrusive thoughts increase to a MILLION times? Am I self sabotaging or is my body now so relaxed my brain cannot compute?

I (15m)am a monster. I have done horrible things mistakes or not I don’t think people would ever forgive me. When I got into highschool when I was 14 I had a messed up mindset that being sexual was the way to go with everything and I was way to open to people who I just met. This led to me revealing personal things about myself that made others uncomfy and flirting with my friends all the time and making sexual jokes comments and just sexual flirting even when they said no (this was over text) Me thinking back on this makes me realize how uncomfy I made these people it’s sick I considered them my friends and ended up traumtizing them. One of them stopped talking to me because of my behavior they were scarred and they can’t even bring themselves to look at me and don’t even want me saying their name. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live

A couple of months ago, I was unofficially diagnosed with OCD. It's been one of the hardest silent struggles of my life. Prior to that "diagnosis", I had been struggling with severe intrusive thoughts and religious anxiety that interfered with practically everything I tried to do. I don't even remember what brought it on, it's like a switch was flipped one day. It rapidly got worse and I did nothing about it. I was raised by a hyper-religious mother which definitely contributed/still contributes to the fears that I hold, but it was so bad to the point where I wouldn't even allow myself to be happy and partake in my hobbies anymore (simple things like writing, drawing, listening to music, watching anime) out of fear that I'd be cast into Hell. And because of how ridiculous it sounded out loud, I confined my worries strictly to internet searches, and for a very long time I never let anybody know what was going on in my head. I've struggled with picking at my own skin for as long as I can remember. Even when I was in middle school, I remember sitting in class and picking at my fingers until they were raw and started to bleed. It was something I became incredibly insecure about, and other kids would obviously take the opportunity to tease me about it. For a while, I'll be doing alright, and my hands will start to look okay, but then I'll go back to picking them without even realizing I'm doing it. On top of that, I can't touch anything without feeling incredibly grossed out afterwards. Even my own belongings make me want to rinse my hands off, not even just once but multiple times afterwards, and I've had dry hands for years because of it. My showers are around 30 minutes to an hour, which has led to some conflict in my house as of late due to a spike in the water bill. It's also because I have the habit of washing clothes excessively. I don't know how to explain the feeling of constantly being filthy, and I know it doesn't excuse the amount of water being wasted. My intrusive thoughts led me to doing ridiculous things that had absolutely no correlation to the fear, and I got rid of a lot of valuable things I held dear to me simply because I felt like I had no other choice. When I finally worked up the courage to confide in some of my friends, they encouraged me to bring it up with a professional. I expressed concerns about not just OCD but also autism due to my own concerns about the social interactions I'd have with others. I decided that I'd talk to a therapist about OCD, but before that, I brought it up to my guardian who used to work with other kids who suffered from mental health issues. Both the autism and the OCD was immediately shut down, and I was told that if I really had OCD, "The house wouldn't look the way it does." So I never brought it up to him again, and I still haven't, even though I've technically been "diagnosed" by the therapist I'm seeing. I went to my mother and she outright denied that I had it, told me to just pray it away as if I haven't already tried. I genuinely don't know what else could be wrong with me. I just feel crazy, and I'm not sure if this "diagnosis" I got is even valid. Not to imply that I don't trust my therapist, but I'm still just conflicted about this whole thing. I almost want it to be OCD badly, just for the sake of having some sort of explanation and knowing what steps to take next. But if it's not OCD, then I'll feel as lost and confused as I was before I caught onto the symptoms. I just want somebody in my life to take me seriously when I tell them these things are going on.

I’m just looking for some advice regarding sexual orientation OCD… I have always been straight but in high school I would sometimes question if I was bisexual. I would always say that if I was, I wouldn’t ever date a woman just cuz I can’t see myself with one romantically, but in a sexual sense, maybe. (TMI: When I was way younger, I discovered lesbian 🌽 and I would usually watch that, I don’t anymore but I would prefer watching that mainly cuz of the moans, sorry this is tmi) but all in all, I was open to the thought of me being bisexual, if I ever turned out to be. After high school (for context: I’m a college junior), I never really thought about my sexuality that much until I got a boyfriend. I’ve been with him for almost two years, and sometimes I’ll get intrusive thoughts that I could like women. (Like for example: Chappell roan is a trigger for me just because I love her as an artist, and she’s pretty. I understand that it’s normal to think other women are attractive and if they have a nice body, and it doesn’t necessarily mean I like women, but sometimes I get scared.) I am not diagnosed with OCD, but I suspect I have it, especially ROCD, so I already get intrusive thoughts about my relationship, and now it’s targeting my sexuality, which worries me. It doesn’t worry me that my family wouldn’t support me and it doesn’t worry me that my boyfriend wouldn’t support me, it’s mainly the fact that if I were to be bisexual, I would feel so incredibly guilty. I know that bisexuality is liking both men and women, but a part of me would just feel guilt towards my boyfriend. Just guilt about how I also like women. And it’s not even like I’d break up with him to pursue women if I was bisexual, I just feel a sense of guilt. I guess I feel this way partially cuz I think he wouldn’t understand. He’s not homophobic, but I just don’t think he’d understand how I’d just suddenly be part gay. I know he’d support me, but in a way I feel like I’m cheating on him if I liked women. Idk how to describe it, but I just need advice because this intrusive thoughts really freak me out.

Hi everyone. I already went to the psych ward last month for the first time for four days for reasons unrelated to OCD. Now, I’m having my first ever major OCD episode/flareup/? and if you recognize me you already know my issue. I’m having weird sexual thoughts about my parents. Not really any way to sugarcoat it. Also with some harm OCD sprinkled in. I’m currently in a 6 day per week outpatient program and I’m considering telling them I’m really losing my mind. They might drug me up, throw me in inpatient again (have no idea how helpful that would be lol) and I just don’t see a positive future for me. Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or could possibly connect with me? This might be dramatic, but on top of my anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, this might be too much for me. Genuinely.