Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Trying to remember a night out that I was intoxicated but remembering it backwards and visualising it all, it’s driving me crazy and don’t know my brain feels blocked and about to bust

hi ya'll so yesterday I decided to read my bible in the morning before work, "which i never do"! I opened up to Matthew 12: 22. it talk about blasphemy against the holy spirit! man all of a sudden in my head I heard f-god! and were off to the races!! I went down a shame rabbit hole that is still bothering me! thoughts that I'm going to hell that god is angry with me! so I jumped on you tube to get some relief! I found all kinds of videos on this and did help but I'm hard headed and still feel some anxiety around this! can anyone relate? i know god love me and that this is ocd/the devil but still hurts a bit...

Does anyone else think of their ocd as like, a separate entity? I do, and I think it’s helped me a lot. I feel like it kind of is a parasite sometimes, especially with intrusive thoughts. What do you guys think?

I’m due to give birth to my first child this month, and I’ve been able to control my thoughts up to this point. But lately I’ve been having this intrusive thought where my baby is not actually my husband’s, even though I’ve never been unfaithful. I keep thinking, “What if I cheated and am blocking out the memory?” Or, “What if my daughter is a different race than ours because I slept with someone else?” I’ve been trying to work through this thought but have been failing miserably. I just want to enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy… thoughts or opinions?

I always come on here to read but never write. Sometimes tho, I think life reminds you to be grateful for how far you come. So I thought I’d share some things that have helped me with my journey of understanding ocd if anyone needs that glimmer of hope. - Supplemention not for everyone ofc but when I was dying on the floor last year. A supplement called Sam-e which had studies showing it can help with ocd has changed my life. It helped me separate my thoughts from myself more and made me feel sane and very stable. Highly recommend also gaba and Nac have done wonders. -Overstimulation This big them for me lately but when I’m scrolling on tiktok or constantly on electronic. I feel like it makes me very wired and super overstimulated which makes me get more worked up when thoughts and feelings arise. Anxiety is caused of overstimulation of body when too much energy is present it starts producing thought. So when I limit it and try to keep present in what in my day, I find myself stable. -Sleep This goes hand with overstimulation, your body and mind work best when it’s calm not when it’s over energized trust me. -meditation I find this very overlooked. Buddhist thought meditation has helped me in those moments where I feel myself spiraling. 10 to 15 mins can make it all go away. -present This one changed so much of my perspective. I never really understood when people would say look at what’s real around you, I even doubted that. But one day I was going thru tough theme and I remember saying I’m in a car right now with my legs crossed starting out the window driving thru my town listening to Fred again having thought about ***** and it’s making me feel ****. Something about naming as many things as you can and really grounding yourself can sometimes snap you back into reality. A good book called untethered soul really dives into understanding of presence and thought being observed but not absorbed. -Let it be I never really understood the when ppl said tell the thought if it happens it be ok. That one never worked for me. But letting it be did. I could have a really scary thought, to me it’s more like a mind wired thought it feels like. That’s where the need to fix or solve is and I just let my mind repeat the thought and do absolutely nothing. I’ll be very conscious of doing nothing back and really feeling those body feelings get anxious and worried and they learn to let themselves go. Nothing always the best. Well I don’t wanna make this post too long so I’ll stop there atm. But remember that everyone journey different, be patient and walk in strength and pride. You are loved even if you can’t see, feel or hear it. Just know.

I’m crying as I’m typing this and drinking because my ocd has convinced me I raped my friend 5 times. She doesn’t believe me. It’s because she was asleep for 4 out of the 5 times and it’s killing me. It’s strangling me that I might’ve done these heinous acts. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m scared I’m so scared because I DONT WANT TO RAPE ANYONE. And my brain is telling me I did it and I believe my brain I believe it I believe it happened and I’m scared I’m so scared please please please help me I’m so scared

One more question for y’all! I’m sure this is many of us, but I literally cannot sleep. If I do fall asleep, I maybe drift off for an hour or two. Then, I’m startled awake….intrusive thoughts running wild, heart racing….and then I lie awake the rest of the night. Just stuck in panic mode until the sun comes up. Then I have to start the day…already being in the rabbit hole for hours. I’ve tried every natural “remedy” nothing works. I’ve tried the pharmaceutical route…that also doesn’t work! Sleep has now become the enemy and I’d rather just stay awake all night. Does anyone have anything that helps them?? I’m desperate. The body/mind can’t heal without proper sleep. Also…and maybe folks can speak to this too. I’m back on my SSRI (3.5 weeks in) after being off for a few months (mistake). It’s torture waiting for the effects to kick in.

I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.

I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with OCD that revolves around food? For instance I’ve had an eating disorder from OCD for about 2 years now. I’m scared to eat food I’ve always eaten due to the fear of an allergic reaction. I also have a fear of my food being poisoned or laced with drugs. It makes it very hard for me to eat at times because I’ll have the symptoms of anxiety where my throat feels tight as if I can’t swallow or I’ll feel really panicked after I eat a fear food. Logically I know I’m not allergic to many of the foods I’ve ditched. It’s like my OCD clings to the fact others have allergies to things like peanuts & other foods. I used to be able to eat foods just fine and I love food! I just have so much fear of not having control once I’ve consumed something and that what if thought pops in. I believe all this stemmed from me trying an edible and it being one of the worst experiences ever. Felt like I was spiraling and not in control of anything. I even deal with extreme derealization/depersonalization and it feels so similar to the bad high. & I just get scared someone will lace my food just for the fun of it. So now when I eat I get scared even though logically I know my food is just food and I need it!! I’m doing much better than before, I eat even when I feel anxious too. I had stopped eating and drinking water due to my ocd tricking me (didn’t know I had ocd at the time, I thought my negative impulse fear based thoughts were intuition but they weren’t) and ended up in the hospital. I still have many fear foods that are actually very healthy that I need to start eating again. I am suffering from low iron due to not eating correctly from this fear. I’m on a iron supplement though and I’m eating better than I was. I’m just wondering if anyone else has or is dealing with similar?

i hate starting with a new therapist. i obsess over my trauma and then when it’s time to go to therapy it’s almost unbearable to talk about. last therapy session was on friday and was my first ever appt with this therapist, found her through my job’s employee assistance program. i was telling her how i feel like a bad person and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. she was not warm or reassuring. she asked me how i would do the deed and i explained to her and she did not say much at all. i left the session feeling worse. i have another appt at 3 today and the roads are icy and i’m just dreading it. and if i cancel i will feel like an irresponsible piece of shit. i already told her so much so i feel like i need to keep going. but im depressed and it is so hard for me to think about leaving my house. what do i do?

Having a panic attack and can’t calm down. Please help.

I guess this post is just a rummage of thoughts. I have been wondering lately as to why some people respond well to medication and others do not. Im also very curious as to the real reason SSRI's work. Could there possibly be a hormone it works on that hasn't been found yet. Im not buying the seratonin theory. First, Psychiatrist are not doing bloodwork to see peoples seratonin levels before prescribing drugs. 2.) If it just low seratonin why does SSRI's not cure OCD? A lot of people who take SSRI'S only see a mild decrease in symptoms. Even at high dosages.Im interested in the data coming out on GABA. If they can see that the brain behaves abnormal during screenings what is causing so much misfiring. Why do some people develop it as children, while others have an onset later in life? Besides Pandas. More importantly for children who contract it during strep, why does it normalize. Its weird that one bout of strep could permanently damage your brain, especially one that is still forming. I would have thought it would autocorrect. Why are more women diagnosed than men? Like I said just thinking.

SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH Hello, i’m new to this community, i’m from Brazil, but i speak english, i’m really struggling with what i believe to be POCD, but i’m so scared an feel like i have nobody to share my feelings, it’s really affecting me and people around me, i don’t want to live like this anymore, but at the same time i feel hopeless. I’m on medication (Fluexovamine) for 15 days, it has helped me, but i still have many stuggles. If anyone is willing to talk to me or feel like i do, please contact me. i really really want help and try to live a normal life.

Hello does anyone struggle to go to sleep at night? feels like my mind is awake all night and wake up exhausted.

What medicines do you all take that help with your OCD?

I have been facing the end of my relationship and the need for a job for a year now. Every moment of every day it’s there hanging over me. But instead of spending every moment working or finding work, I spend every moment frozen about it and feeling unable to do anything! I have OCD, of course, and a rare sleep disorder (KLS) that messes with my circadian rhythm, has no treatment (“just wait it out” for up to several years), and causes me to sleep 12+ hours and often 20-36 hours at a time. I wake up still feeling like I barely slept. It really sucks. I’ve tried so hard to establish a routine around a shifting sleep pattern, to reduce or manage stress, to listen to everything my doctors have asked me to do… My partner of almost 10 years moved out two weeks ago. She paid the rent for this past month but I’m on my own now. I just ordered pet food and am out of money. She had been covering about 80% of expenses this year til she moved. I had covered all of our bills and more for a few years before that, but she had to leave for her own sake, and I understand. 😞 I’ve never been this isolated and alone before. My family is going through a lot. My car’s been broken into and disabled twice recently (thanks Kia Boys) and I haven’t been able to afford to fix it this second time. This is a lot already so I’m going to post about my work search in the comments. I’m wondering if anyone can relate and, heck, if anyone knows somewhere hiring remotely right away.

I started my period yesterday and I'm stuck on the thoughts of being poly and it feels to real like I had to confess. I always been monogamous and committed to my online boyfriend. I don't want to be with someone else. I don't want us to be with someone else. Why doesn't my head get that. It would make me think I want other boys or something poly related and it hurts me. I don't want poly or open relationship at all. I'm happy me and my boyfriend both promise to stay just the two of us. But my thoughts make me deny that makes me feel bad makes me feel like I want "poly" Please help me please please I'm sorry but please. I'm insane this is worse than before.

A few months ago I had a bad episode where I was sitting next to my mum having intrusive thoughts and I disassociated and put my finger in her vagina. Atleast I think this happened. My mum says it didn’t happen and it’s all in my head. It took me months to get over this happening and now my ocd has latched onto something new and is saying that I raped her again. I don’t know if this happened and I’m trying to practice radical acceptance but it’s hard. I just want to figure it out. I want to know if this definitely happened or didn’t. It hurts me to think I might’ve done something this awful. Please leave any tips on dealing with this in the comments below.

I’m always waiting for the next horrible event to happen, and it’s sapping the joy out of my good days. I’m just waiting for the next time the house needs a major repair, or I’m waiting for the next family member to die horribly (even though no one is sick right now). I’m waiting for the next time my relationship takes a dive due to miscommunication. I’m preventing myself from making art my career because I’m convinced I’ll just mess it up, or I’m convinced no one would pay actual money for something I’ve made. I won’t go back to school because I’m convinced I’ll fail again, or worse, I’ll be too focused on myself to take care of my family. I’m so sure that everyone I’m close with in my life secretly hates me, and I know it’s the OCD but some days I’m just waiting for them to tell me I’m right, or I’m waiting for them to all leave me. I know I’ve felt joy, love, and acceptance at one point in my life, but those warm feelings don’t reach my heart when I’m stuck waiting for the next moment life kicks the chair out from under me.

Who else is battling this Monster alone? I'm really struggling with feeling alone today. I've been divorced for 5 years and I'm scared that I won't be able to find any body to even be close with because of my OCD. I really just need a friend that understands or can relate. The holidays have been extra hard and my therapist is on vacation. My mind is going through a long list of things to latch onto so I am doing exposure. But I'm exhausted, and just feel like I need one of those hugs that makes you feel safe.