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I’m worried that its actual p Because people with Pocd don’t intentionally think of stuff

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

I am (or was)! Yesterday, I started to get really anxious for unknown reasons, and then (just my luck) I got triggered by something online 😭 It's always so... humbling. I'm trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts at this moment, but I'm just feeling really icky and a bit down. With OCD, it's bound to happen at some point, I guess. Even without OCD, you're going to have good and bad days. It's just how life is 🥲 I'm just afraid of being slingshot back to how I felt a few months ago, which I know realistically WON'T happen, but my brain doesn't want me to think logically lol. I'm also afraid that the repetitive nature of OCD intrusive thoughts will somehow alter who I am as a person, making my fears a reality? It's weird. Classic OCD, but it still makes me anxious! I have been doing better not engaging with these thoughts, but occasionally, I'll accidentally argue back. It doesn't help because then my brain says, "You're just in denial, and you're actually a bad person!" And whenever I say anything in opposition of something against my morals, it feels performative or fake for some reason 🫠 I'm just venting at this point, I'm sorry! Anyway, if anyone reads this, I hope you're doing okay, and if not, I hope things look up soon. Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated, and rest well!

I am extremely afraid to get pregnant because of these can anyone please help me. I have OCD, and it involves thought-action fusion. Because of my OCD, I struggle to logically understand how thoughts could turn into actions.What is meant by thoughts are thoughts only. I feel like my thoughts might turn into actions just because I think them in detail ( ex if i think something bad with detaily who meet accident then it will happen to my family also )Can thoughts really turn into actions if I think about them deeply? Can anyone please help me 🙏🙏😭

Believing in God is also a matter of faith. Believing that thoughts have power is also a kind of faith. But people say we should believe in God — then why shouldn’t I believe that thoughts have power too?

So... I understand my anxiety but not OCD. I understand both but not in "my born this way world." I have done a lifetime of teaching myself I'm weird, goofy and different from the average accepted societal person. Why: because I've been teased and bullied all my life for not fitting the script. I have chose to be a survivor and not a victim because be a victim SUCKS! to me. Its a black hole that your cant alwaus climb out of, it leaves you dependant on someone happening by and someone that has a caring soul. In my world you're F'd if you wait for the latter version. So I mentally wired my brain to love me, accept those differences and pat yourself on the back for it. I learned to celebrate it and be happy with it. I nutired it and made it the beast that it is today. So if I truly have OCD, I literally, intentionally and purposely created it wishing me unknowing that it was not good. So, after all these years, the Corporate world says No. We do not have to allow this? I have never known it to harm or hurt anyone. So it's difficult to connect the problem? Anyhow, now I have learn, redefine and understand ME from a entirely new perspective. And that is my initial struggle, the other struggles, the other stuff, I have being dealing with and its nothing new to me. Buy telling self that it's a mis-fire is strange and hard for me to accept? It confuses me still. I have always seen OCD as a autistic behavior. I did not then and still do not perceive autism as a mis-fire or something wrong or unacceptable? Still this pwrplex me. When in school I studied mental health and deep dived. I enjoyed it, learning it. I guess I don't view mental health as psychotic or crazy. Maybe because I grew up in a home of an X military father who had flash backs a lot and we just played the parts until it wasn't fun anymore and my older siblings and mother got tired of dealing with it. I never felt afraid or threaten, just accept that is how he was. Every now and then he would start playing out a experience. I am a curious individual so I thought it was quite interesting to know what happened. Otherwise, he sit quiet all dad, like no one else was there and chain smoke one cigarette after the other. I remember my mom complaining that his cigarette then next his cartoon of cigarettes cost as must as the food they had to keep in the house. I thought it was an exaggeration until I good older and understood it from an adult point of view. I think when it first click, I was outside play tag. hide and seek or something. Me and a another girl run under the window he usually sits at to low smoke out of. We run through all pile of cigarette butts and she said, "dang, where did all these cigarette buds come from, it's like a gigantic ashtray. In that moment, I didn't know. But when I looked up I realized that was my dad's window. I think that was the first time I realized how much he was smoking and why my mom had said that years ago. Anueay, I do understanding the behavior of a persistent, uncontrolled behavior that does not cause a resolve but instead increases the non-productive obsession that you're reacting to which creates the necessity of a compulsion help you deal, cope, or adapt in a way you can tolerate it. This increases the stress responds, the anxieties and/or flight or flight chemicals that are being produced. We react mentally and order to feel "ok," we have developed something that make us feel safe, better, or accepting of whatever our minds are telling us that is wrong, cannot do, or adding shit that is not necessarily true. Hear, if I have intrusive thoughts most of the time they are true. I go into a response of anger, then protection. Then the replay keeps me stuck because i have been forced outside of my safw zone or my protection has being tampered with of something that makes me feel feel the andrinaline is neex becauseI about to go to battle by all means necessary. I think that is how it is happening for me. Anything else is not connecting? My broken trust bonds => morphed into F it just don't trist nobody. There is no benefit of doubt. Let them prove they can be trusted until they can not. But... ? I say what is wrong with that? It has always washed away the BS people that I don't want to be bothered by. That works for me???... Yes, of course, when I was young trust issues did interfere with things that it should not have. But I have learned to reconcile that with observation and analyzing my environment and the action of one's words versus their behavior. And now at my age today, IJDG2Fs if I can't trust you or not because I only deal with people as associates and it doesn't matter anymore. Now this pattern of thinking and believing may be all wrong but I have lived life my entire life in survival mode some say. And that adrenaline that is full in me, I have conclude, is my lifeline, my saving grace and why I have never been able to reduce the heighten response in me. I think, still learning... TBC But I'm open, I am here, and trying to rewire this "new" beast that is my bestfriend. When that Counselor helped me to understand that my intenssity of surviving has created this flight of fight heighten energy = anxiety. I had never viewed it to be the problem yet instead my personal instinctive ALARM. A protective system. This is throwing me off. Really off. Then there are some that keeps telling me anxiety is my fearing... what? No. I have literally not feared much of anything. A man once said to me, that I had a God complex. I said, No, Sir. I do not believe I am better or above anyone. I'm sorry that my confidence in my own self makes you feel uncomfortable. My cheerleader- motivation toward self has nothing to do with you persinally or any other person. Its what I do to keep pushing and NOYB. It's for me only. Please stop inserting yourself, I am not responsible for how you feel when I use my motivated confidence to get through shit. Please excuse yourself from my chapters. Anyway... Why do I say this. My protective energy... because I grew up rough, I've learned to protect self. I know I said I believe in a Higher Power, but when you are young, and about without parents. You tend to say to yourself, Well God ain't here, so what are you going to do? You can't wait for that pie to fall from the sky or you will die. Are you ready to die? And of course, I'd say to myself, "Not today." So, you then use that fight or flight as your strength to help save yourself, adapt and do shit yourself. No disrepect. Whatever it takes until that Higher Power say you're fine now. Relax. Vicious i was, I learned to hard way. And don't regret it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I guess I'm here to learn how to be delicate and soft. He'll idk. Night, Nighy. Psss ... I had something else to say but it went in another direction. OCD ... ADHD ... 🤷🏽‍♀️

*Trigger Warning: Work, Mistake, Harm, Real Event* Afraid to post this… One of the worst theme I've ever had is the fact that I made a mistake at work many years ago and will not be able to find out if anyone was harmed. My brain takes the worst-case scenario as reality (which is so painful), and researching has only led to more panic. I have been thinking about this incident for about a year now and am filled with fear and guilt. Is there anyone here with similar experiences or tips that could help? I would be grateful for any response...

I have had ocd in my relationship for a while now. When I originally met him it was like this insane spiritual soulmate feeling and we just clicked instantly and he never judged me. I’m scared cause when I picture breaking up with my boyfriend I see myself being ok and being sad but moving on which I never was able to see before doesn’t this mean that this is what would happen or I don’t know till it happens? I still can’t imagine what life would be like without him but I just feel like I have lost feelings that I never wanted to lose. plus that’s also when I just picture knowing how people move on and how I’d just have to move on without letting myself picture processing the losses of all. I’m just really scared cause I used to think of wanting other things in someone else and what it would be like but I just thought how nice it would be to have it and not actually meaning it bc every time I thought about it I got upset and now it feels diff. He knows I have ocd but I never explained the ROCD because I thought it would have offended him so every time I went through a flare up I never told and acted like I was fine and it kept happening and OCD kept getting worse and worse. Maybe that’s part of the issue cause I haven’t been feeling like myself. But this is a feeling I never wanted to feel ever with him. I have gone through the feeling of numb but not like this. And he has a lot of positives but I can only see him overall as negatives and I’ve been told that’s ocd but it’s affecting how I feel. And yes there are legit actual things in the relationship that upset me but ocd has been affecting the way I look at him also. I keep being told my judgment is being impaired but this time it rly feels like not. And I’m Scared why don’t memories and things affect me like it used to doesn’t that mean I want this. Has anyone experienced this or is this the end 😭

How can i 100 percent ocd is lie? How does ocd always lie?

How do you focus on one thing when your mind is always multitasking? I sometimes work better with the TV on and the volume, music playing and working with two computers going (work & creative thoughts). I know how to prioritize and make sure I complete most important first. But when I do not work like above or forced to do it someone's way because my way bothers them to watch, because it looks dysfunc to them or they think it is unorganized it gives me anxiety and extreme stress? I am trying to teach myself now without the pressure, at home alone and I still get the same anxious unproductive result? What does this mean? When I do it my way looking like I have too much in front of me, I am focused. It is my organized way that helps me focus better and get the job done, why is this a problem? It's when I have family over when I am studying for an exam or midterm, I have pictures, my colorful draws, specific notes and sticjy's all over the walls in the dinning area. Several subjects and books spread out on the table... "don't touch nothing! I know it looks messy to you but it's organized for me and the way I study and retain the Information. If it bothers you go into a different room and sit down somewhere.?."

Unfortunately, I have been a Care/Case Manager. Although I struggle in school and was directed to become a Social Worker I selected something else. I did that because I did not have faith in SWs. Why, because everyone I had shadowed or worked with did not genuinely care about their work or actually the quality of their help, referrals or resources they were providing. I have care about all my past roles and work. Because my work ethics are purposeful. So I don't understand those who do things for ONLY A CHECK or to say I DID IT with no motivation to quality or outcome? That use to bother me. So I never wanted SW. I remember when my BFF wanted to go to college for nursing. She was so upset because she thought the work were going to be a step-by-step hand held guide. I said no. She said, you are pretty much reading and studying all this massive information and then tested in it! How do you know you are studying the correct details or information need for the test!? I said, you don't, you just have to makes sure you know and understand and can explain the list from your syllabus. " She said I'm paying to teach myself!? Yes, pretty much. Why do you think I had to have Tudors and I was always on campus still at midnight... She is a LSW now and grumbles like the rest of them. She feels it's all Mental Health and Addiction and does not get any purposeful fullment out of her work. That was what bothered me most about SWs. They loose the inspirational, motivated light in their eyes, their spirit to want to help, to encourage, to be involved to solve and resolve. Of course you don't always have all the answer, everyone can not always be help at each encounter and "the struggle must be a real to you as it is to those who really need your help." My point to ALL OF THIS. I have completed fallen through the cracks. And once again, dependant ONLY on me and my ability. I said to several CMs, SWs and Organization "need help," "211," "United Way," and "findhelp.com or org:" I suppose I have to literally be deaf, intellectually 75+% disable, mentally incapable of making decisions for myself. A certifiable suicide attempts, with active ideation, a master plan to do harm to self and others strategically planned. Also, histories of drug and alcohol abuse with a criminal historical background. In addition to absolute homeless, actively in critical mental and behavioral crisis to pass requirements to get help? You know what is most ironic about it ALL; ever program mission or vision has TO REDUCE HOMELESSNES, SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND MENTAL HEALTH??? Huh? I pretty much have to be all of thee above and actively shooting up, selling myself with abusive marks and malnutritional signs and symptoms to get help. Neurodivergent behavioral does not qualify. I literally overheard a volunteer say to her peers that her son has been diagnosed with ADHD they prescribed him Adderall and all is well now. She walked passed me as if my struggle is not real. Wow. I'm tired. Who was to go through this just to be needy and put out on the street. I don't like asking for help nor holding my hand out. I don't even like expressing "how does that make you feel..." It's obsolete and irrelevant to them genuinely. I can talk to myself ALL DAY LONG, I can ask myself while looking in a mirror and say, "Hey, how does that make you feel." Your feelings do not pay the bills, don't find you the appropriate network or connections for skills and work, and don't prevent homeless. Yes, I do believe in therapy and science, but I do not believe in the genuineness of all HC providers. Especially when you cannot help yourself in that moment and you actually need them. You should hear the statement that comes out of others mouth behind it all. Life is not funny... even when you must have a reason to laugh. While in college, a Preceptor said to us, "OH! Suicide patients burns me. I think they all show get on one island and off each other since they never complain the task." The blew my head off? Then later in life, my experience with it. Helped my understand in another prospective. But I'd never feel that way. Even though I now understand that statement I don't carry that harsh passion behind it. Some people are completed but it does not mean throw them away. It only means YOU can deal or function with it. So it's not them, it's you. Mental health and behavioral HC providers, this take a special individual, with a special kind and caring understanding heart and soul. Because you must not just genuinely care for others but also know how to balance caring for self as well as them. This is a critical balance. That is hard for most. Only the strong will survive some say, most will not sacrifice self. But pretend to GAF. I don't expect that you must sacrifice self, even in a selfless, sometimes unrewarding role. Sometimes, no thank yous, no great job, no recognition of your hard devoted effort. Sometimes not even they appreciation from that person you assisted in helping to land safely in thier crisis. Sometimes, the only reward is, today I did manage to save a life, help a desperate person, find a safe place for someone or got them the help that they needed that comes from only you. Sometimes, if I can just reach out and hold a person hand and genuinely say I'll do what I can ... and mean it. Follow up is very, very important. After, informing everyone I have received my notice to vacate, with no boxes, no movers, no help. It's been very quiet for 8 days now. Last four months, they all wanted life stories, events, all sorts of documentation. Once received, now what? I don't trust anyone but me... I must tell this story because it is significant here. I was a a telehealth group like NOCD during Covid. A guy was telling his story and saying to us that he was unable to trust himself. Those words impacted me so emotionally, I was sad, scared, empathetic toward him and I cried. Didn't expect myself to feel that way. I realized that I would absolutely be lost if I did not trust me. Have the most wonderful rest of you day. And give yourself some grace and smile.

i tend to struggle with work stress and my OCD symptoms really surround work. it’s also hard to relax and look forward to fun things while knowing i have work throughout the week. i thought this might be a good way to learn more about what others look forward to in a week while also being stressed or experiencing symptoms🙏🏼✨

Hi guys i hope someone will help me with this one. I have fears around suicide/mental health/ depression. From the moment i wake up to a moment iam going to sleep i have these crazy thoughts in my head: what if i will be so sad that i will commit? what if my life has no meaning so i will commit? Also i have this mixed with existential/depressed thoughts like: life has no meaning, why iam doing this it has no meaning. So i cant enjoy litterally anything anymore. I have great day and my mind always trying ti convice me that iam suicidal and nothing is going to be the same. My mind has own patterns and i feel like i cant break it down and i know iam not like this. Also words like: mental health, suicide, mentall illness, sadness trigger me so much. Can someone help me? also i have googling compulsion, i spend 24/7 on this app, watching youtube content.

I have faith in every single one of you. I have had some of the toughest subtype you could ever go through, and I thought my life would be over. I know and understand how hard it is to handle. I still deal with it now, but I can manage it alot better. When they say the only way is through, it's true. You must believe in yourself. OCD only wants control. They should have called it "The Controlling Disorder". Life is unpredictable, unexpected, and especially uncontrollable. Each subtype that we deal with, we feel that we have to have the most control over. When we learn to let go of that control and accept the possibility, not the probability, it does get easier. Stay strong and keep moving forward!

Not looking forward to this fishing trip! I have two buddies from work that are coming to my town to go fishing. It was all cool and dandy until last minute he said he was gonna invite his oldest and I was like oh cool. Wait? It’s a 10 year old girl. When I heard that I was like “SIGH” inside voice though. Right then and there me looking forward to it was gone. I REALLY don’t wanna be in a group with a little girl. I hate it. Doesn’t matter if we’re in a group, I HATE IT!! I’m bummed out but also wanna have fun but I can’t. Reason why is this all went downhill when I saw his fb profile and had all three of his girls in the pic. And at that time I was getting hit hard with pocd so when I saw that my brain was everywhere with intrusive thoughts, false attraction. All that!! And I hated it. Fast forward, my brain when it realized who it was, basically felt like a “I don’t want to have the same reactions as before, I don’t wanna feel this false attraction” nope nope nope! .it was something I had to go through and now I have to go through it again except this time in physical form. I don’t want to go but how do I embrace it guys?? I’m going blank. My brain goes into a spiral of intrusive thoughts like what if I end up harming her or something crazy! No no no no!!! I hate it!! I hate it!!! I’m not that type of sicko! Honestly, I don’t want to go and I’m not looking forward to it! I just lines “let’s just get this over with this Saturday asap” 😪

Hello!! I haven't been on here much because I have begun therapy with someone in network with my insurance thankfully, and its been really nice. Of course its still difficult, but having this support is life changing. I wanted to share a project I worked on after a session this week! The goal is to identify the Feared Possible Self (the core fear that most of your ocd fears stem from), and then remind myself of my core values, beliefs, what I care about most, my hobbies/interests, and more. AKA My Real Self. I'm really proud of this and wanted to share to encourage others to do the same! It can be so helpful to reconnect with yourself and remember that your ocd is not what defines you. 🫂 Everything was created in Canva using the premium free trial for anyone who wants to do the same :) (swipe through to see all images)

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things… I’ve desired them so much and I’ve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that it’s all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. I’m so tired of being alive. I’m so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. I’m so tired. Cause y’all probably didn’t even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of y’all would’ve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someone’s worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.