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Still upset over me almost acting on impulse or felt like an impulse because i would be a c m then I feel like I’m the only one who goes through this

Over the past couple of weeks, I focused heavily on myself, my reactions and my behaviors. Because I am always willing to grow and develop skills to be a better person... always. I have accepted that I am not perfect a very long time ago. I also know that even in my best efforts I can this make mistakes even as a person without OCD. I learned that my trigger is SAFETY. If something threatens my independent, my way of sustainability and my ability to provide this for myself it triggers a flight or fight. And I usually fight, younger it mostly chose flight. But I grew and developed a sense of You Must Stand Up For Yoyrself or Who Will. Loosing both parents early in age grew me into this. Every decision I made after that was to secure and protect and support me. Because loosing your parents early in age made me feel like there was not floor, no ground beneath my feet. And that was a very scary feeling going through life. Teaching myself mindfulness, hearing my parents voice telling me to do things that right. People I trusted and knew had my best interest in mind. Without them, I lost trust and have been trying so hard to learn how to trust people. Everytime I have tried many have disappointed. Not that all my expectations are extremely high or unreasonable but because I am a simple person with simple needs and wants. I find that when I loosen those simple ropes, boundaries and expectations of myself I faulted. I very well understand I cannot control what others do, say or think. But having a standard for myself is in my control. Some don't understand hiw I can continue to walk with my head high or praise my small wins. To others it's nothing to be grateful or thankful for. To me it is everything. I have also learned that unmasking is never safe, even in the realm of MH and asking for help we you need it. This not saying NOTHING WORKS inside this realm nor ALL are untrustworthy. But I realize that even if a disease or condition is studied and understood that many are not able to understand the struggle. They just cannot see the disturbance of it or how it complicates all that you do and your entire way through life. I'm sorry, a pill is not everything. Not the answer for me even though I take what is prescribed. Learning how to win for one minute, one hour or a day is the greatest accomplishment. That cannot be understood be any person who has not experienced it. They only see the behavior not you. They see the issue but not the person. And that is so sad to me. People with question you, record you and test you and never see the person, never. They are conditioned to the job or their role to perform. They are conditioned to a check list, a diagnosis and a label. They see that but not the person I have not seen hardly any that do. I had only 1 Professional, a doctor in my 20's who did. And she helped me understand my own struggle. Helped to thrive and be successful with it. Her advice and plan worked for all these years. Now that I have new doctors, new therapist, new medicines I have been falling through the cracks. No flooring or ground under my feet. And I feel like it's because me, THE PERSON, is not being seen ONLY the problem. The problem to them and not to me. Have a good day all and keep learning.

Last night my boyfriend and I were intimate, like most times that I’ve ever been intimate I couldn’t stay in the moment, thoughts racing through my mind causing me to be in my head rather than in the moment. EVENTUALLY, I was able to really be present and enjoy our time together, but it was once again fleeting. Afterwards I broke down and was crying, I had realized that OCD has ruined my intimate life from the very start. Of course my boyfriend was concerned so I opened up about what I was feeling. Well he started to explain that everyone gets distracted during sex and that it’s normal, so then I started thinking. What if I don’t even have OCD? What if I’m completely normal and just think I have OCD, I don’t have “episodes” 24/7, but I have them quite often. But maybe that’s just how the mind works?? My boyfriend said “you can’t control your thoughts, no one can” So does that mean I don’t have OCD? I’m spiraling and trying to understand it all. While we were intimate I had a realization that sex isn’t about what you’re thinking it’s about what you’re feeling, but I can’t stop thinking to actually be able to feel. Once I’m “distracted” I can’t get back into the moment, the thoughts pile and evolve and cycle and it’s never ending. I just don’t know, I know OCD can make you question if you even have OCD but what if I don’t have OCD and am just trying to convince myself I have OCD? HELP

Hey, so I don't have ROCD, but my boyfriend does. And I'm kinda worried. Is it going to last forever? I don't want him to live with that disorder for the rest of his life. He is going to start doing ERP. I've read a tons of books about the process of ROCD recovery. I looked for articles, posts on Instagram, I googled, I asked ChatGPT and yet I'm still worried it won't get better. Everytimes he tells me about his thoughts, about how maybe I'm not the one, about how he potentially doesn't love me, it hurts. I know he must be suffering more than I am, but its still an horrible feeling. I keep telling myself that this is not him, that it is his ROCD talking and stuff, but I don't know.. Its just, a lot to handle. Can someone help me? If you recovered from ROCD please tell me. Tell me how it is. Tell me how you live with it. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want to spend your life with this person? Are the thoughts still there but you manage to live with it? And as his girlfriend, what should I do if he keeps telling me those thoughts? I have so many questions

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

Do anyone do behavioural supressions like avoiding fantasies,daydreams,scenario that creaate spiral? Chatgpt todl me its a supression I dotn do it cause of anxiety whaat if i like it (Wait now i feel like i like it) help how do i calm down)

I've always had trouble completing tasks without procrastinating or just feeling stuck and unable to do anything. My psychiatrist suspects ADHD, but I haven't been diagnosed. Still, I need to figure out how to manage this issue of mine better. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? I don't know if this is an OCD issue or what... Part of it may be, since I create unnecessary requirements for myself in order to do things. For example, before I do any work, I need to eat. I watch something while I eat, and then I need to let the food settle before I start anything, and the list keeps going. It's been like this for YEARS, but it's become more of an issue as I've gotten older. I've always had high grades, but it's just sitting down, getting started, and staying seated that I struggle with. I'm guilty of checking my phone a lot and getting distracted with things that have NOTHING to do with the tasks at hand. I just have no idea what to do... I feel guilty about this. In the past, I've tried following schedules, but I can never keep on one 🥲 I'm going to continue to try things, but I thought I'd ask here to see if anyone had advice?

Im making this post not because Im currently anxious (even though i am currently triggered) but because i want to make this message for those who currently struggle as much as i do... What I will tell you is that you are loved... you don't have to agree with it... you even can label it as something you disagree with or hate... but you are loved regardless. And you are cared for... and you have people who will show you endless compassion... this is not something I will expect you to get yet, mostly because just like me, you are stuck in the spiral too... I know how you feel because I hate myself too... I hate myself so much that anyone who tells me that they love me, I refuse to believe and brush off because the thought of loving myself has become inconceivable to me. I have POCD and real events OCD for christs sake... I have done genuine horrible things as a 13-14 year old... things I will probably never forgive myself for as long as I live... but this does not have to be you... You might think "ive done horrible things, therefore I cannot be forgiven for the things ive done" and I know because Im just like you... the main difference between us is that I have actually done genuinely horrible things as a 13-14 year old that would make people despise, vilify, and even hate me. Thats not you. You are someone who either A. was a kid when it happened, so you cannot blame yourself for a childs mind and actions, or B. Realize that you are someone here because you understand that what you are going through is something that other people have gone through... you arent alone... no one ever is... but I might disagree because I'm probably the most alone out of everyone. Recognize that this community will fight tooth and nail to help and defend you and recognize that you are in a community full of the 1 percent of people on this planet, that give a shit about you... these people (whether they've blocked me or not) can recognize that your suffering is not the fault of your own, but through the fault of a chemical imbalance in their heads that torments them endlessly with intrusive thoughts, feelings, and even your own past... you arent alone... you never really are in this place... Im the exception however... One last sentence before I go. As the 11th doctor once said... "You are forgiven... always and completely forgiven..." P.S. please don't ask me what my real events were... they were genuinely extremely horrible and I refuse to discuss it with anyone unless its my mom (who knows what happened) or a therapist in the distant future... this isnt about me... this is about all of you.

18+ When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl (who was in our school) explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 19, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to later... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... my friend, (the one who sent our friend group explicit vids and pics of his ex) told me that there was a one month period between him and her when they were in a relationship where he was 18 and she was 17 )... they were together for 1-2 years... and they were explicit throughout their whole relationship ... including the one month period... so i was getting extremely anxious and triggered about him sending me potentially illegal stuff... I asked him several times over the course of three days after he casually admitted he had a 1 month age period with her, (he was 18 and she was 17 during that one month) if she was over 18 when he made those videos, and he kept giving me answers like "Yes" And "It was a month after she turned 18..." He even got frustrated on the second day of me asking and said "Dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was." On the third day I asked him, he said "yeah" when i said his previous comments of "a month after she turned 18, right?" back to him, and he even added that "we started getting more explicitly active around this time." He also told me "Even if she was under the age of 18, you wouldn't be in trouble because you were sent it." So now I keep getting anxious because I dont know if he's lying or not and its triggering me really bad, not to mention feeling guilty about the harm I had caused... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... People say you make mistakes when you were a teen... these were some of my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope people dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've all been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here... (edited)

Upset because a girl I met probably thinks I’m a p because she told me about this job and it involves with kids and I told her that “I can’t work with kids because I get triggered” and she said “ohh 😥” I said “OCD” she said “it’s OK I understand” and now I feel like she thinks that I’m a terrible person or she thinks I’m a p because I cannot fake it even if I need a job I don’t think it’s worth my mental health me going every day at home thinking if I did something to a kid, I would literally lose my mind.

With all the unintentional and intentional harm ive done, I keep thinking about the girl I like... she told me recently she felt scared for me because of my mental health decline, and I cant even tell her anything about my real events or my intrusive thoughts, because she would likely call me a disgusting freak, a perverted weirdo, or both... I genuinely hate living right now... I can't stand myself... When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl at our school's explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 18, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to when I was 19... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I unintentionally hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... You said you made mistakes when you were a teen... these were my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope all you dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here...

I was driving through a intersection and a guy on bike came into my lane when I had the right of way. I got a bit frustrated at him not follwoing the rules so I tried to break check him (without wishing him any harm, nor did I intended for him to get into an accident because of me). Beacuse he had made a u-turn and was now on my right side while break chehcking I turned a bit to the right too (not intending any harm to him, just wanted to tease him cause of the situation) he slightly touched my car. I felt bad so I checked all my mirrors. I remember at that time he moved to the left. How I know that? The guy was wearing a black helmet with another guy sitting behind him. So my mind tracked these 2 factors at that time assuring me that the black helmet bike guy was not harmed due to my due diligence. Becuase I felt bad about the sitiation I instead of speeding away kept my speed slow at first hoping if he was angry he'd pull up besides me. But the black helmet guy was also not too fast. He seemed he had shrugged it off, niether any other passengers on car or bike called me out or followed me (if any harm/accident had happened). So after this conclusion that he was not harmed (checking the mirrors/keeping a slow speed) I gradually increased my speed and got home. The ride back home I made prayers for forgiveness and and vowed not to do break checking and stuff like that again beacuse I was lucky nothing bad had happened this time around. Till this point (driving back home till I Slept) I had no OCD or false memory.I got home did my work but this incident kept coming back with guilt and it was all good (meaning no False memory till now). Then when I was about to go to sleep my brain started making worse scenerios that what if he had gotten hurt or worse.I have played the memory a thousand times and no one fell. Even my brother who was in the passenger seat, said I guess he just touched our car and did not fell. Even I didn't find any major scratch on the car confirming it was not a big deal cause we weren't that fast either casue its a major intersection. But still the false memroy keeps haunting me that what if I had harmed him/ hurt him. I wish for this to go away as evey other second this false thought of me causing the bike guy harm keeps haunting me.The fact that I initiated it as a simple break check to just get back at him (not intending any harm) makes it even worse for me. Cause now OCD is making me acountable for a false memory in my head (well I do say I was wrong and I could have brushed it off by not break checking. But all happened in a split second).

Throughout my teenage years, i did some horrible things that I absolutely regret now... either involuntarily or voluntarily, I hurt people... and I will regret my actions till the end of time. While I aspire to be a naval medical officer, and currently a nationally licensed EMT, this does not atone for my mistakes, nor does it remove accountability for what ive done... for anyone that I have hurt... no matter how big or small... im sorry... for everything... and I will be better as an adult in the future, and raise my future family to be better than I could ever be ... (edited)

“TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SCRIPTURES EARLY AND THEY WILL BE ABLE TO ACCESS ARMOR THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD.” For me, I am always blessed and HIGHLY FAVORED. You don't have to be a strong religious Bible thumper to understand. You don't have to believe in someone's GOD. Just believe in something greater then you. So, what does this mean for you. There is not perfectly right or wrong answer. Grounded

there is this guy in my university. i think he looks good. but since im so afraid of liking someone else, everytime i see him i have wild intrusive thoughts about him. everytime he looks at me i imagine the tension. i hate it so much i hate him so much. yesterday, i saw him look at me multiple times but i avoided the thought. after a while, the picture of him wanting me desperately came to mind again and i thought “what if he liked me and what if he came and told me that i want a relationship with you” and i imagined that. i instantly got pulled and felt like id wanna be with him. like really really wanna be with him. and simultaneously i was terrified of thinking that so in the back of my mind i was screaming NO NO DONT THINK THIS and it felt like i was falling off from a building. but i thought it again and i had the same feeling. I love my boyfriend to death, i feel like im betraying him. Am i? I realized after days of rumination, that I had no reason for my attraction. Its not like I had any kind of physical bodily attraction. I thought the face was nice. But I didn’t even know the person. Why would I feel such a strong urge to be with someone I don’t even know? I thought it was invalid, but I strongly think it is because I have projected a personality on him that I would want to be with. He held a meeting today. Hes my colleague in a club. I was in the meeting. For the first half hour, I was stressed because I hadn’t written down a thought I had previously had. I was doing my work simultaneously. I was talking to people simultaneously. When I paid attention to the guy, I thought “yeah see he’s just a normal person, plus he has an ugly voice” the minute I thought this, I turned into a fan girl of his fully and I loved the voice I felt like I had a crush. And then I panicked. I moved past it. After a while, while he was talking, a little girl screamed in the background. I immediately pictured his younger sister. Like I pictured him having a sister and she looked kindof yk like him. Basically my first instinct was oh she might be so cute. See I think he looks nice, so I kinda pictured him having a sister who was pretty and all cute like how he looked. And then I flipped out while at the same time getting a one second black out, after which I had flashes and images of him being a father and me being attracted to that. I just got random flashes of images and I felt attracted to that I think. Im not too sure. I don’t remember any feeling/ thought/ order at all. It kept on replaying in my head and while contemplating about it I thought it is probably cuz I don’t know anything about their personal lives so it feels enticing to know that they have a personal life beyond work(since they’re professional connections.). After this, I had a billion other thoughts of this sort. “why am I still thinking of him” “does this mean I like him” “who thinks that” *replaying the thought over and over* “maybe he likes me” all these situational thoughts. I can’t even ground myself by thinking about love for my bf. “I love him I want him so bad” “no you don’t” “he’s the best” “you don’t really think that” “how will u handle ur life other guys ur relationship ur hectic schedulel” “fuck up” “these thoughts r supposed to be normal” “its just attraction” “attraction for so long? Everytime u see him?” “youre gonna try to downplay the thoughts like u always do” “this is not normal” I just froze there crying till I couldn’t breathe for 45 minutes. Next morning, I woke up thinking its just something that is not important, I love my boyfriend so much I should put my energy here. I was then called in for a meeting. I pictured the guy just being in university and I felt like normal softness towards him, I got pulled. And then after a while I saw his fair through the online meeting I was worried ill think something wrong. Then I heard him talk to a girl and I was worried ill think im jealous and get jealous. Then after avoiding the thought for a while I got the thought, I felt like I was jealous. But at the same time I was so anxious because I didn’t wanna think like this. And after that I saw him again and I pictured me being with him there next to him in a flash and then I got anxiety and I’m here now.

There is one Athlete who is a month younger than me and he looks extremely young. Earlier this year I used to like him and his personality a lot but ever since I developed pocd, I keep getting scared over it. Add to that I just searched up on Twitter if finding him attractive is pedophilia or not and there was a tweet which was telling about 19 year old girls lusting over him when he was 15 years ago. I looked at his 15 year old pic thoroughly as a compulsion and he looked young in that but also beautiful/cute like any other teenage boy with pretty genes. I freaked out over thinking that he was beautiful and felt afraid that 'Was it sexual?' Then for a moment I tried to see in replies if anyone says that it is normal for a 19 year old to think a fifteen year old boy is beautiful and not pedophilia. Then I realized that why I was trying to justify a wrong for myself and I'm just so disturbed bcz why was I trying to justify it?

I’ve recently started dating a guy. It’s been a little over a week and I’m already questioning my feelings for him. Our first date went pretty well, but since then I’ve been obsessing over the fact that my feelings for him aren’t strong enough and that they’re sometimes flat. This is very distressing because I dated someone last year for 3 months whom I never really developed much feelings for, and it was very traumatic for me because I felt like I was leading him on (which to be fair, I never told him my feelings were up and down until 3 months in). The amount of guilt I hold over that is tremendous. But fast forward a year later, and I’m dating this new guy who I seem to like and want to continue getting to know, yet here are those same doubts and loss of feelings. It’s so discouraging. The only difference this time is the thoughts aren’t as distressing, and I also never left the first date questioning my feelings for him. Looking back at my relationship from a year ago, I feel like I never really formed a connection, both emotionally and physically. It was very slow paced and I really wasn’t that interested in him. With the new guy, I have interest and I do like him, but these doubts and dull feelings make me not want to see him—they create so much anxiety and dread. He will text me good morning and I don’t get excited but instead bad anxiety (which to me seems abnormal especially when first dating/starting a relationship, but I could be wrong). And so I’ve been led to believe that these doubts and feelings MUST mean I’m not interested in him, and any further interactions are purely me forcing myself to like him. My question here is—and I must admit this is me trying to seek reassurance—there must be a difference between GENUINELY not being interested in someone and then OCD TRICKING you into thinking you aren’t into someone. Where and how is that distinction made? I’m seeing him later this evening for a date and have been feeling nervous. There’s excitement underneath, but it’s very hard to feel with all this anxiety. I’ll be giving him a letter I wrote explaining how OCD impacts me in relationships. He already knows I have the disorder, but doesn’t realize its extent. I know I’m ritualizing by giving him this letter, but I personally feel I owe it to him out of pure respect. And especially after that last relationship where I told the guy 3 months in that my feelings fluctuated.

Why nobody is replying to me? You think what I posted is not serious?

I know people are tired of my posts by now... but please... may someone respond to it...? i feel so alone...

I feel like I did something bad but when my brother smiles at me or wants to get near me I’m suspicious like what if he’s the one doing something to me I’m just like he feels comfortable with me so he feels safe around me but what if he’s the one doing something he looks at me and I’m just suspicious because why does he keep looking at me It’s the same when I keep looking at him it feels like I’m fixated to his face I just can’t with this it’s either me or him I feel like garbage