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I can’t take it anymore. It’s so confusing and I hate it. I am a lesbian. Why can’t my ocd just leave me alone?

Hi guys I’m having these disgusting thoughts going round my head about saying disgusting things to my son or other horrible things to people . I will obsess about and the only way I feel I can get some relief is to say it yet I don’t want to because I know people will hate me for it . The anxiety is real bad like what if I did do that . It feels like the compulsion is the urge to say it as that gives me some relief. Has anyone else had this and please could someone give me some advice on what to do as I’m not very good atm and need some help ty

I was feeling pretty confident lately had no worries about my intrusive thoughts and body signals, but all of a sudden I had an urge/craving for groinal response which is weird for me but I acted on it, (just imagined it and scan my body) recognised that it doesn't necessarily comes from intrusive thoughts but about 50% they come from intrusive thoughts. I acted on it let it sit and wonder if I'm really enjoying this got concerned and it went downhill from there I'd say. Later another day I had a feeling that I would like (sexually) my intrusive thought so I imagined it and felt thrown off immediately didn't enjoy it at all and was disgusted for few days. (I know that I shouldn't check but it worked for me for the longest time) Also had some moments when I felt like I miss adrenaline or intense feelings in my life which I had with OCD and it again felt like I wanted the thoughts only to be disgusted, anxious and stressed. Weirdly when I had the same feelings about other themes, I could brush it way more calm (harm OCD, sexual orientation OCD) but with pOCD it just wrecks me. I needed to vent out past few days has been blocked out for me and I have trouble focusing for even a moment constantly thinking I'm psychopath. :( Can someone with a similar story could share their experiences? That would mean a lot, thanks

Ever since yesterday I’ve been scared I might have sexually assaulted my badminton teacher while he was holding my hand. Like I was scared I might have put one of my fingers away or moved my hand a bit. My hand still would’ve been on the badminton but mx brain is saying that if one finger had touched his hand it would’ve been SA. And the worse thing is that suddenly I got the intrusive thought „had I ever touched him inappropriately while he was closer to me?“ and the thing is that I don’t remember doing that at all. I usually am a bit uncomfortable around him and I always watch my hands when around other people bc of my fear of doing so. Usually he also stands at the side where he’s holding my hand so my other hand couldn’t even have touched him. And since I’m constantly keeping the badminton thing in my hand it’s just barely possible for me to have ever touched him inappropriately. But now I feel terrible? Should I ask him next Time? I mean he barely knows me yet bc I’ve only been there like 5 times already and he’s over 60 so what if he might have forgotten that?

So back then when I was 18 I went to Mexico the month after my birthday and I met this dude there who was 14 but turned 15 that same month and we had a thing for a eachother and he did look older and was much taller than me and seemed mature. But now I’m so worried why did I like him or talk to him that way back then. I am now 20 and he’s 17 and I haven’t talked to him at all because I’m in a loving healthy relationship with my bf who is 27. I have a fear of being a pedo and I’m so scared that what happened back then makes me a pedo :((

Does anyone else feel like the groinal response comes without specific thoughts? I suffer with POCD so sometimes I just see a child or hear someone talking about a pedophile and I’ll instantly feel the groinal and a lot of anxiety. You so often read that the groinal follows an intrusive thought, but for me it’s gone beyond this.

Hi I’m new, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts about being attracted to a family member such as you’re dad?

Hello all! I want to share some wonderful FREE ocd resources that have helped my healing journey immensely. Most of These were recommended to me by my NOCD therapist so no fear of the information on them as it is legit! The other half are from people that are LMHC. Kimberly Quinlan’s podcast really helped me when I was going through the beginning stages of ocd therapy and was really struggling with depression. She offers valuable insight and tips on compassion practices for ocd. Her book is also amazing! Obviously anyone can listen to her but I highly encourage my peeps with taboo related subtypes to listen to her since she offers so much compassion towards those subtypes as well! Nathan Peterson, aka my fav, he is awesome!! He offers so much advice and knowledge on his YouTube channel ocd & anxiety. Ali greymond on YouTube is also very good and knowledgeable, she even has videos that can help you during an anxiety attack because of ocd and talks you through it and it’s really helpful. Although I’ve only listened to a few videos, the ocd and anxiety podcast on Spotify is also very good and offers a lot of advice and information! Christie Hodges is my savior if I’m being honest. I watched her YouTube video on POCD before I got diagnosed with ocd and was in the midst of battling with the worst depression ever because of my intrusive thoughts I was considering ending my life and that video gave me so much hope and made me reach out to NOCD. She is a huge advocate for people with ocd ! I hope this helps you guys ! I wish u guys happy holidays and a great new year. Have faith and be kind to yourself I know the suffering is hard but you will overcome ! 💕💝🎄🎅🏼☃️❄️🩵🤍💙

Just curious I’ve been doing so good with my ERP and I’m like 80% better but POCD seems to have a huge grip on me still. And while I’m not so afraid anymore my mind still loves to obsess about it and give me feelings (my ocd is very very feelings based) and wants me to think about the obsession.it’s mostly just annoying and tiring. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to just have a convo about meds that could help with depression and OCD. Has anyone gone through this? And what does the medication for you? (I know everyone is different) does it stop your brain from obsessing so much? 🖤

Has anyone on here recovered from POCD and willing to share any helpful tips. I’m sick and tired of worrying about this I just want it to stop. And my therapist says I just need to accept the presence of the thoughts but before I had POCD I don’t remember ever having thoughts/urges/feelings like this. I’m terrified of myself and I don’t trust myself or anything that my brain says. And when people say oh you need to just carry on with your values ? What if my values aren’t even my values ?? I’m not even sure what my values are anymore and who I am as a person. It’s so scary. I feel like I’m actually just a terrible person capable of horrible things. All I wanted since I was young was to be a stay at home mum and have my own family but that’s never going to happen now coz I honestly don’t know what happened to me. I miss my old self so much I grieve her everyday. Idek who I am anymore

I’m constantly having groinal response to thoughts and people I don’t want to have them to. Does anybody else hold them in if that makes sense? I find that makes it worse and cause an arousal feeling and I absolutely hate it, don’t know what to do.

It’s been a week since I’ve been experiencing one of the worst OCD episodes I’ve had since I was 15. I did ERP therapy two years ago. I engaged in so many mental compulsions and rituals this last week. I feel calm and normal and it worries me, what if this time it’s different? How do you navigate back door spikes and give your body permission to rest? It worries me if I get out of this I will become a lesbian or bisexual. It worries that when I come back to my senses. That when I get better I will want to explore? I’m trying to be okay with the possibility, but I don’t want to. I can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore.

Why do I want to feel like I’m telling the truth to my parents by telling them I’m a rapist please help me

Those who have experience/d sexual ocd whilst in a relationship, how do you or have you handled that? It gets so much for me when it throws sexual thoughts about ANYTHING, it could be children, animals, family, complete strangers, friends, people I’ve had a sexual history with, etc… it’s SO draining. I want to live my life and have gotten better in some ways as in like coping wise, I’m about to start new meds + seeing therapist (not ocd therapist) in January, I have read and am reading books on topic but I find I’m always on discussion forums like reddit etc trying to find answers, I know that doesn’t help long term… but I am just genuinely curious as to how you handle those types of thoughts whilst in a relationship, I genuinely think mine and my partners porn experiences in the past in our relationship has affected me a lot and caused some of this obsession, porn is something we know isn’t good for our relationship and it’s not a desire to do now… it was actually more damaging, even tho at the time I had a different perspective on it sort of… I wish we never did that , but without doing that I suppose I might’ve not come to the realisation of how damaging it actually was/is, if that makes sense. Anyway. Please any advice is welcome. I’m struggling. It hurts.

I’m really feeling awful this morning. I thought I was getting better but now I just feel worse. I keep telling myself it’s not OCD and that I want these things and that something is seriously wrong with me. And I can’t shake that feeling. I feel so stuck and alone because my thoughts are so awful. I am so scared. I have my fourth session today and while it’s been nice to have someone but I feel like yesterdays session made me feel worse even though it didn’t have to. I think my OCD latched onto something my therapist said and now I am running with it. Sometimes I will make every situation about something sexually inappropriate, do you guys do that? and I mean listening to songs or watching shows or just having a random thought? I also feel like a bad person and when people sympathize with me for OCD i feel like I don’t deserve it bc i don’t have OCD and want to do those things and i’m gross and awful and why should my family feel bad for me? Truly am having the toughest time telling the difference. Everytime I say it’s just thoughts I find myself saying no it isn’t. you have the urge to do things. Idk what to do.

Early morning havnt slept and ocd hasn't stopped for days I just want to be able to breath it's so debilitating in every way and I just feel the ocd thoughts start to pop ideas in my head and the things it comes up with like the worries are not just thoughts they are fully formed situations and very specific when I haven't even thought about it before it's like it forms this whole thing in my head subconsciously and then before I know it I'm chillin and then I'm just 50 ft under water drowning because it just throws a whole spacific situation at me that I never even thought of this effects me in every way possible and I just lay here misrible all day having seizer after seizer from stress being suicidal and just suffocating and so much more I just dread every moment I'm awake because the moment I am counsious it starts ugh it's every moment of my day just suffering so yeah really not looking forward to waking up 10 years of this and I'm exhausted the only relief I get is switching to another theme like i just wamma get pregnant so i csn obsess over that instead of what i am rn ot effects everyone around me and im just so miserable

Let out some tears tonight, man. I was over at my parents and my niece came home. She was sitting across from me and my ocd kept drilling into my head that you need to look to see if you see anything. It's always been that way but as if recent I've done a great job at resisting. But this time it's like the ocd said "stop putting up so much of an effort to not look. It'd be less stressful if you gave into the compulsion!" Obviously that's a lie because we all know when we give into compulsions, they make us feel worse. It's hard to not feel "why me? Why do I have to deal with this? Why do I feel compelled to look?". It's defeating because I've done well with resisting compulsions like that and it's like out of all types of compulsions in ocd why does it have to be this? What's crazy is after the compulsion, I was still at my parents and talked to my niece about coming over next week while she's on break and watching Christmas movies with her and my brother, then she came up to me as I was leaving and we gave each other a hug. I mean that should be great news right?? But the OCD is shutting that down and I'm allowing it because it's like the ocd is shaming me and I'm just taking it because I feel ashamed. It's hard not to fall into that mindset of "you haven't been triggered by this in a while, so you should be good". One thing I have to work on is having Self compassion with being triggered and feeling bothered. It's just difficult. Because with POCD, it can be easy to feel so ashamed and not worthy of self compassion. I know God will repair me. I have faith that he will continue to uphold me with his righteous right hand. I pray that he helps me to remain hopeful. OCD can knock me down as many times as it wants but what I want is to never stay down. To never change my course in fear of the OCD. I will not let this ruin the plans I made to watch Christmas movies with my niece and brother next weeks. Because I've wanted to watch Christmas movies with someone as I haven't watched any this year since I didn't have anyone to watch them with. The holidays can be a rough time for those who deal with all sorts of mental health issues. But let's try our hardest to enjoy them. To smile. ❤️💚

Yesterday was one of the most challenging days since I was 15. I fell into a rabbit hole and did all the mental compulsions and sought reassurance in various forms. I completely broke down and cried and showered two times and felt alone. I talked to my sister yesterday and shared all my thoughts and what if’s. I needed comfort to know I’m not alone. At the end I asked her one of the greatest ways she can support me is to not reassure me. I was crying when I asked her, afraid that I wouldn’t be a reassured from a loved one anymore. I have dealt with SO-OCD since 15, it was through ERP and medication it became tolerable. Since then I’ve dealt with different themes from POCD, Health, Harm, Death and others. But SO-OCD is always the strongest. The days feel long and the nighttime feels like a battle. But last night I chose to practice mindfulness and to breathe. To not be afraid of my thoughts and what if’s and let them pass by. SO-OCD can feel so isolating, it feels like I’m denying or lying to myself even though I don’t see myself growing old with a woman. My mind twists that I have internalized homophobia or biphobia. And it’s just so tricky. Two weeks ago I was obsessing over a guy crush. And it feels like all my experiences with guys are false and has distorted normal interactions with women as signs. Not seeking reassurance in this section. I even went a long period without using NOCD. I know I’m not alone in this, we will get through this. We need to take it one day at a time. We will get through this. Sending strength and courage to all of you.

So I've been struggling deeply with uncomfortable intrusive sexual thoughts and it makes me feel so awful and like I'm a bad person even though I never ever want to do these things. I was doing really well recently but then at my school some stranger walked up to me and started being really creepy and making sexual comments and trying to touch me inappropriately and he was just being like really agreesive towards me. It really freaked me out and I've been feeling so dirty and gross. Apparently I found out it happened to another girl as well and now I'm worried about seeing him again or something. I guess I just feel terrible because my OCD is saying that im going to be like him or that I deserved what happened to me and it's been really difficult... I reported it and everything I just need advice on how to deal with this

I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts and groinals for over a year and a half now, and the problem has only grown worse and worse. It began with just passing thoughts, and then I started developing groinals a few months in. It is genuinely with everything I love- mostly my family, but also my dogs, the toddler I babysit- and I am suffering so so so much. Eventually, it got to the point where the thoughts didn’t just pass- they would turn into a MINDSET for me and cloud my judgement for seconds to minutes. I feel like I’m in the backseat of my mind, and whatever disgusting irrational monster exists in their is taking the wheel. This still sometimes happens to me, and after it passes I look back on it and genuinely don’t want to live because of how horrible and disgusting I feel. I’m writing this because I just had a really bad moment having to do with my sibling (although things like that happen almost every day to me). No normal human is built for this, and I genuinely can’t do this anymore. I’m not expecting anyone to do anything, as I’m already getting help, but I just needed to get this out. Also, I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I’ll have the WORST and most awful intrusive moments, and then after a bit of time passes I can barely remember how I felt in that moment. It is so hard to feel okay with myself. If anyone even sees this, know that I am wishing for all your happiness and recovery.