Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have POCD. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts that my intentions are sexual when I’m interacting with my nephew. I try to push those thoughts away. My therapist said that those aren’t my true intentions and that I don’t need to worry. It makes me worried that those intrusive thoughts change my intentions in that moment. Please help me understand.

A while back my dog sat on my lap and her leg/paw was at my crotch and it felt like I was TRYING to feel smth down there but idk why I think like for a specific reason like to check something or I’m not sure how to explain I just know it felt like a form of checking but now looking back it felt gross and I feel so like bad about it like it was gross or something and I feel guilty but like now I’m scared I might be explaining it wrong but now I’m scared if I’m a zoophile, again it felt like I was trying to feel it in a checking way but I felt gross and I’m guilty about it now I’m rlly scared I can’t stop thinking about it this is a repost bc it keeps coming back to me and it’s making me worry a lot

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

My compulsion is reassurance seeking and I seek it from my girlfriend. My intrusive thoughts are usually sexual and I can admit my ocd has latched on to her and came up with some pretty terrible things. It’s gotten to the point where she’s started to call me names when I’ve tried to seek reassurance. She gets angry that I’m even asking about certain things and calls me a “nasty person”. I don’t think she understands ocd but how could she if she’s never had to deal with it and my ocd is of the taboo nature? I just don’t know what to do. It’s ruining our relationship.

I’m so tired of constantly being in my own head. It’s so hard to explain to the people I love/ love me. I have pocd it started 2 years ago randomly when I was a live-in nanny. I literally got up and left one day. The person I worked for thought I was selfish for leaving but I couldn’t tell her I thought I was protecting her children. From then on I’ve had this parasite (aka ocd). I have hope that things will get better one day but it affects my everyday life and my relationships. I’m scared it’s going to be why me and my boyfriend break up. Which is terrifying because I love him. He knows about the pocd and still supports me. It’s hard to have intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. It gives me immense anxiety and depression. And now after 2 years of torture it’s starting to affect my relationship with my significant other. After 6 months of being with my boyfriend the thought “what if he reminds me of a young person and that’s why I like him?” popped up two days ago. Now I’ve been stressing ever since. I want to be free of this worry in my mind. I just want to feel free in general. I feel so awful everyday. Can anyone relate?

hey its been a while since ive last been on this app. tbh my health ocd has gotten a lot better since the last few posts (yay to that!!) but ive been struggling soo much with pocd. i used to struggle w/ intrusive, obsessive thoughts like these before but they werent common and they were bearable. not anymore apparently. im so scared and disgusted at even the idea of having these thoughts, i know i would never actually do something to anyone but i keep on ruminating and its been taking me into mental crisis. anyone that could help? ive been off therapy for 2 months so im thinking that maybe that caused the obsessions to get worse but idrk im 17, about to turn 18 this year. i feel gross

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (14, 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 or looked young by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

Does anyone think there POCD is real and your just in denial, I’ve had it for so long (5yrs) that it does not feel the same way when I first got it and kinda makes me feel like it’s real and I never had POCD.

Moms who have pocd and groinals. Can anyone relate? Intimacy is a very hard thing for me because I'm always worried of intrusive and groinals. I actually was sort of contemplating with my husband later and I wanted to. Then we ate dinner and then my son sat on my lap and it's like I was waiting to feel any feeling in my body. And I kept feeling like I was feeling something. So now I feel like it will have to be another night since I don't want to do it just in case I had some sort of groinal response. I guess my question is has any other mom dealt with this exact thing and how did you escape from this? Ugh it's been years I've been tormented by this. But I can't just go do it anyways because I'm afraid the groinal could have been real and then I'm acting on it somehow. Ughhh

Having ocd makes me always think the worst. I have had 2 incidents over the years that have made my life miserable. I guess they are real events. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I went about my morning tasks. When I went back upstairs to my room he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 so he could talk but not fully yet and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪The other was years later when my daughter was younger she used to crawl into bed with me at night alot. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy” and I was really tired so I just remember saying “sorry” and moving over and going back to sleep. I know it was probably nothing more than I just rolled over on her or something like that but my ocd keeps telling me I must have done something horrible. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd tells me maybe I was drinking and just don’t remember doing something horrible . People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do or say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes the worst possible scenario out of everything and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

My OCD has been running a little rampant for months. Most of my intrusive thoughts recently have been easier to decide as an intrusive thought but I’m starting to realize more and more how they’re deeply rooted in my trauma. I recently became incredibly uncomfortable in the presence of my brother because I was afraid he was attracted to me. TW: SA, intrusive thoughts related to incest/SA/RPE Recently I’ve been sharing a room with my 15yo brother. He is a football player, around 200lbs and 5’8. I’m 19, 98lbs and 5’1. Around 2 years ago he took a picture of my cleavage without asking. Needless to say, a lot of trust in him was lost. I’ve had very foul experiences with men in my life. My boyfriend (who suspected also has OCD) pointed out signs and said he felt uneasy around his presence. The other day he asked me if I was wearing pants under the blanket and offered his pants. I said no, I’m wearing pants. And that sent my mind spiraling. Thinking he was a creep or wanted to do something to harm me. I’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts about him harming me and they’ve even manifested in my dreams since I moved into the room beside him. I confronted my parents about it today (they’re not the most understanding) and they told him I basically called him a creep. We made up, but yeah. Bothers me. Kinda made me feel like I was falsely accusing him but like I really thought for a moment that he might hurt me. I often have intrusive thoughts or paranoia when going out anywhere of getting kidnapped, r/ped or beaten and it’s just a constant fear, I feel like I can’t trust any man I’m standing beside without my boyfriend there. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts that he’d even do things to me in my sleep/without consent, even though he’s never and been the most supportive person in my life. Another thing, I have constant intrusive thoughts that he’s cheating on me or is truly to hurt/manipulate my feelings, plotting things against me, stuff like that… I can decode them much easier now that our relationship is in a better place, but yeah. I hope that makes sense.. it’s been really hard. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because I’m so scared of being called crazy. I really want therapy but can’t keep a job.. it’s been debilitating.

So I turned 32 not too late ng ago and I feel like it is more of a shock to me than I think I would care and having anxiety I started thinking some dumb thoughts. I haven't dated in about 9 years and coupled with taking stock of my age and the fact I have had pocd themes I had a dumb thought saying "what if I meet women my age and aren't into them and my intrusive thoughts are proof that I'm not?" This thought bothered me since why would I worry about that. So I tried to envision myself with a woman around my age or at least a couple years younger and us having a date and then me reacting negatively to it I also thinking that when I was with her I would think I can't believe I'm with someone that's old or someone that not too long ago I would perceive to be much older than myself. Then that made me even more scared cuz then I thought do I actually have a grass that I'm as old as I am or do I have like the mentality of someone who's younger and can't grow up correctly or something. like I try to think back to when I was in college and I had friends who were in their early thirties and I always looked at them like sort of an older more experienced person who I sort of looked up to now I'm in that age group and I guess the fear literally does come from based on everything that I thought and the things that I've gone through will I treat dating like I've always treated it or would I look at someone to be like Man I'm looking at someone that 9 years ago I would have thought looked like a mother or something and now I'm that age. That worries me because I think a regular person wouldn't have to even think of something like that.

I gotta share this because I think we can all get through this OCD! But you gotta put the work in! The homework therapist gives is to help us, and for me, i think i had a breakthrough. So I am a month into my ERP therapy through here and let me tell you… it sucks most days. What i like about my therapist I got on here is she told me she’s been working in hospital and prison wards, so she’s probably heard and seen some stuff and what I got probably ain’t that bad. I started with CBT but my OCD was getting rough after about a year so now I’m giving ERP a try. I was asked to write a letter to someone that I believed was triggering my OCD and so I did. I went through a whole spiral with my POCD, honestly I feel like a monster. But! I’m also recalling some stuff I have kept suppressed and never wanted to mention in therapy, and I think it’s probably time I process that stuff, no matter how ashamed or guilty I feel. Ultimately, it’s probably what is causing the doubt disorder to overtake me. So for those of you struggling, keep going! And be completely open! I promise you your therapist has heard some stuff and you are probably far from what they have heard.

I feel horrible. Someone Please help. I can’t stop crying. I’m just so tired of this. I’ll watch videos of kids sometimes on tik tok or reels and every once in a while i’ll get a weird unexplainable feeling. It’s like a dark feeling but for some reason it feels sexual. It makes me feel sick trying to figure out what it means. I know I don’t want to touch kids but then my brain is like well explain this feeling.

I just want to obsess and attach a whole story. What if I’m stuck this way. What if I go crazy and can’t remember what I’ve done. What if I stop loving God and turn to new age and I become evil and start hurting people. I just can’t. I have never thought I was evil. My entire life until I had my daughter and my mind told me she was of the devil. I was so mad at myself. How could I think about my precious gift this way? And now I’m so clueless as to why I even exist and how could this happen. It’s like nothing is real an tangible anymore. I feel like everything is such a blur in this life. I want God to be real. He has always been my whole life. It even makes 100% sense to me at the same it doesn’t 😭 I didn’t waver on my beliefs at all before this kid and it’s like me thinking about her like that has caused me so many problems along with horrible side effects from meds that made me see things in slow motion. I’m in therapy but it’s take so long to heal and for me to love my life and me again. I feel like I look at my self and think. You can’t trust you anymore. This world too has turned upside down to me. I am just so heartbroken. I want to be a good person an it seems like I’m going to turn evil any second and I’ve never been purposely evil or mean to anyone. I got bullied as a kid. 😢. I feel like I’m losing my identity an understand who I am.

I have no official diagnosis for OCD but I have recently expected I have it. My whole life I’ve had people tell me I have OCD but I thought they were joking or making fun of me and I’m not a person to self diagnose but then I realized how obsessive I am over my thoughts and started researching. I do constantly ask myself pretty much everyday why I am the way I am, I constantly think I’m hurting someone emotionally then I have to check for reassurance, I beat myself down consistently. I’m always worried I’m going to hurt myself therefore hurting the people who love me. I obsess over the way my body looks and managed to get to the point I only eat once a day. I have never admitted this but I have violent sexual thoughts but they’re directed towards me not other people, these thoughts are completely against what I believe are my morals. I do have a need for organization and functionality within that organization, if someone touches the way I’ve organized those things it gives me high anxiety and I either have to fix it right then or I end up avoiding it altogether until I can find time to fix it cause I know I’ll take hours. If I write notes and I make one mistake, I have to rewrite the whole thing.. this caused a lot of overdue homework in high school and would take up hours of my time. Ive been married for a year but started dating 7 years ago but for some reason I still have thoughts if we’re the right match or not, etc. I relive conversations in my head daily, about 4 months ago I was in a car accident cause I ran a stop sign and t-boned somebody, I was dazed out because I was reliving an argument with my mother in my head and once I realized I crashed I instantly thought I killed the other person, my husband had to reassure me multiple times that the other driver was okay. I’ve read up on rumination and that seems to be a big check mark for me… I could go on but based off the examples I provided do you guys believe I possibly have OCD and should seek treatment for it? I don’t want to offend anyone because I understand this is a very hard disorder to live with and there’s obviously different severity levels but I’ve wondered since I was child “what’s wrong with me” and I want to know if I’m finally figuring it out?

How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person

Ok, so I’m looking into past events…. So, I worked at a preschool and a little boy held onto my leg but I got a bad thought but still let my legs go apart to let him hug my leg. I feel awful cause I was thinking how his hands could’ve possibly hit my upper genital area…. I remember worrying about it back then and I’m still worrying about it to this day. Also, I remember thinking how this little girl may end up hitting my area if I don’t move. I didn’t move and felt awful cause I knew it would happen… it has bothered me ever since! I don’t know if that makes me an awful person. Was I taking away innocence of children by not moving?

hi all, i hope you’re all having a good day today, hopefully. i just wanted to come and ask if you guys think it’s possible for someone to have kids if they possibly have POCD thoughts? honestly, i’ve always really wanted kids, start my own family, etc, but out of the blue i started, not thinking sexually about kids, but started feeling weird-ish around them, and my thoughts flared up with weird things, and it distresses me so so much because i’ve never felt this way ever, i’ve always been fond of kids and have always wanted some of my own until these thoughts came up. i’m not sure how to overcome this because there are various times where i’m totally okay around them but then my mind wants to force itself to think these weird things about them & it confuses me all over again :/

I struggle worse when we leaves for work in office. I’ve been struggling with this for so long and I’ve made no progress. I keep pushing back therapy again (I tried ERP twice) and I got a little better but not much. I’m scared, hopeless and unsure. I do not care if I am bisexual, but I just really want to be with my husband and have kids. I do think women are so beautiful and get turned on by them in porn. Although, I just can’t actually picture myself being sexual with them or in a relationship. My brain gives me this deep feeling I’m just in denial. But when I get out of my head, I realize I love him, his humor, his intellect, his values, and kissing and cuddling him. So why do I have this strong nag I’m gay if I love all those things? I just want to live peacefully😔 we are trying for kids soon and I am getting freaked out. I really want a family with him. He will be the best dad. I had a not so great dad so that’s all I want for my kids. He’s also the BEST to me too. This makes me suicidal when I think of not being with him. On the outside to everyone I look fine, but truly I am not (usually) 😔 again I even accepted I’m bisexual but even that feels so odd at times. Please help or give ideas/insigt.