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Anyone up tonight to chat? POCD related

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Ive dealt with pocd for a very long time now and it gets more real as time goes on. I was watching a movie and I’ve read the books so I knew there was a kiss scene coming up.The actors and their characters are children but I was basically looking forward to the scene. Then as they were kissing, it looked kind of weird and mechanical because again the actor was technically still a child. And I let myself indulge and enjoy it, of how someone young was doing something sexual and adult like. Idk I feel like a fuckikg creep but I don’t WANT this. There was nothing intrusive about this, it’s just something creepy that I’ve done. I keep ruminating about it but still. I don’t identify myself by this mistake but it still sucks. My mind then went to children that I know, one girl and one boy, and them separately doing sexual things for the first time and navigating that and it feels like I like it but I don’t. It’s not as real as the movie scene because the fact I enjoyed the scene WAS real but it’s still stressing me out.

Is this pocd? OCD?? Please no judgement!! This has been on going for years and I want the thoughts to stop and enjoy anime again :( not the other way around I used to love pride from an anime fmab (full metal alchemist brotherhood) when I was 14-15. And I feel so guilty because he took the form of a kid cause he’s a villain who can disguise himself and possess. I never liked the kid but more personality. I don’t think I NEVER EVER had romantic attraction to the body. I feel so gross talking about this as I’m older now and know what this is. The thing is Pride the homunculus character is ancient years old but his disguise is 10 years old and they have the same height but Pride is literally just a shadow with eyes and mouths in in the general lore of the anime. I do not like him now. As I got older I stopped liking him. Not in a sxual way even at all but just in general but my brain is making me think I like him or I used to in just a sxual way or ftish type of way but I DO NOT!! Idc I just feel disgusting. And I don’t want to have him as a favorite character anymore. How can I explain this to a therapist?! Any advice? No judgement please.

Hey, so I have POCD. I’m a teenager and can’t get a job. I want to make money by babysitting, but I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt any children and I want to be safe.

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.

Hi, im 19 and ive been fandom spaces since i was 10 years old (long story short dont let little kids should not be on the internet 😭) anyways, im here to ask if anyone else whose in fandom are scared that what they ship might be a “proship” if your familiar with the term. I recently got back into a game and im worrying a ship i used to ship when i was younger is considered one. Its not based off game events but some people online have such scary reaction to it that it made me worry. Since im older i dont really ship them romantically anymore more platonically but i still worry about it because what if anything i ship is a pro ship. Advice is appreciated but also i just made to this post to find people who are always worried about this since i dont wanna be alone. Its scary for me because it misses with my POCD. Thanks for reading

Dose anyone know uk law quite well or anything like that. Basically I would search up thing on TikTok and whattpad multiple times that now I know was disgusting and I really shouldn’t have but I was like 14, 15 and I didn’t understand at that time . I really didn’t know and I’m scared what I did was illegal without knowing it.i really scared

does it also happen to you that during exposure to erp you can imagine that act and scene in detail, and feel some confused excitement that leaves you stressed because it is hard to believe that it is part of OCD, it seems so real! When i can imagine it in detail and feel it like i can actually get arousel about it.

Struggling. My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?

How is this OCD? Who with Pocd thinks about a naked child ???? I was over here thinking if I’m actually attracted to kids because I find some of them good looking you know and my little cousin I have thoughts about her too and I was thinking about her naked but I wasn’t aroused or nothing so that’s where I’m confused It was intentional so does that make me a p*do?

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

I see a lot of posts about mas**rba**on, or during the s€x that they appear. Before, I felt like an urge to do it, (masterba.) and I tested my thoughts like that, but then it seemed to me that I could actually have an orgasm on that and it scared me a lot... Has anyone had such an experience and do you know how it is possible?! Thank you

I was giving my child a bath. I picked her up out the tub because shes small. But the momentum of picking her up she swang a little toward my body and ocd said did i hip thrust kr do anything wrong. I did a compulsion saying NO repeatedly. And i put her back down and beforehand i didnt have any ill intent just to help her get out because shes a toddler. I had other intrusive thoughts but tbats not my intent i was just trying to be a good dad

i’m terrified to get a diagnosis. What if it’s not actually OCD??? I made a list of reasons why i think so and then i think what if im lying and i actually don’t do this stuff and am just dramatic and i just want to have OCD so then my thoughts are justified?? I have struggled in the past year with Pocd & Rocd and then also some bits of thinking im constantly in danger or being watched? I’m scared.

That's what OCD feels like. Especially the constant questioning and doubt and the more you do it, the more you doubt yourself and it ends up leaving you open for other 'attacks'. I left the house today with my mom to run errands and things were fine, like my intrusive thoughts weren't bothering me that much in the beginning though they're constant in the background. Then when we stopped to get a drink from this store before leaving, I got more anxious because there were lots of kids around (it's afternoon here and i guess school was coming out). Kids were walking around in school uniform and I just told myself to keep looking away because i knew that my intrusive thoughts were going to flare up. Obviously that just made it worse and I just wanted to run away and crawl into a hole or something. Then a few minutes passed and then my brain said what if you were leering at the kids or looking at them inappropriately. And then my brain kept telling me that I wanted to or must have filmed one of them even though it's not something I want to do and know deep down that I didn't do it and don't want to. Ever. I just felt so disgusted with myself, I had to stop myself from crying on the way home. I hate this disease and I hate that its made its home in my head.

Hey friends. I hope you all are doing good today. Just struggling mentally myself. Feel like a terrible mother, but I want another baby. My OCD has gotten better despite the terrible episode I had that I seem to not get over. I hope someone comments that could just give me some support with POCD

Anyone know a whole lot about POCD? I need some support.

Im only 20 and Ive been crying. I am not diagnosed with OCD yet but it lines up. I'm so scared its not, these physical sensations and urges are so horrible and I just wanna hide myself from this earth. It feels so real. I'd rather not feel any arousal than experience it, no matter if its something I like or not. I want to be free from this hell.

When I smoke weed when I think of non ocd things or themes, my head starts to make sense of things I feel more open and I think clearer. So that’s where my big concern is!!! Because when I’m high and think of ocd things like being a killer, or someone who’s a sociopath or someone that can be a pedo it feels real like my mind is clearer that I am these things Any one who has experienced weed with ocd help me I need insight on this im very confused and it’s causing me to ruminate all day